VodkaLover

ok....I have tried pretty damn hard to tackle this head on......don't know what to do.

We were suppose to go over to my partners mom house today to build a wooden box garden for her (don't ask). So me, worrying about the anxiety all day, thought to myself, "ok.... I won't drink.....I 'll take a Xanax.

His brother and sister and 3 kids were there......soon as I walked in, I felt it coming on. Mind you, I have know these people for at least nine years.....but the thought of being stuck in a kitchen, with all these people sitting around the table, was just too much.....but I felt I had held my own......I'll be ok. Stop the shakes and stop the thoughts.

Then......about 8 more people show up. Cousins and Aunts from Modesto. THIS I could not handle. I pretty much stayed outside (i'm sure they just thought I was rude) and just DREADED THE M0MENT, I had to walk back inside....with eveyone sitting around the table, and told them I was leaving but would be back later. I can not explain the shaking and the nervousness it caused. It took me 90min to accomplish this....and was very shaky walking out.

now, I partners mom asks if I was gonna be back for dinner......ugh. Knowing I don't have it in me, I replied, "yeah, maw.....I'll be back".....knowing DAMN WELL it was gonna be a stuggle for me.

Needless to say, I stopped at the store. I have to be prepared.......my god, I can't do this. I can't be in a room where there are so many people and no place to excape. I tried

I KNOW, I cannot be in a room with a lot of people.....rather I know them or not does not make a difference. I won't even go to MY OWN family gatherings.....can't stand it. I always feel like people are glaring at me ( even if they really are not"....just feels that way, and the whole anxity, shaking, sweating, turning read thing comes on....why?

I have to go back in a couple house....because I'm expected. Honeslty, I would rather attend a funeral.



V.L.

CarolD

Anxiety is not part of my medical history
no answers from me VL....
sorry to know of your distress..

Checking with your doctor is always wise.
Perhaps a specialist is indicated?

Apparently there are many others to build the box
and stay for dinner.

NYCDoglvr

I can relate to the way you feel because I used to have panic attacks. There's the immediate problem: how I would handle it is say I'm sick, coming down with something, have a sore throat, whatever, and go home or somewhere you feel safe. Need to call a taxi? Ok, just do it.

But you have a problem that must be dealt with and I recommend seeing a doctor right away. Lay your cards on the table and just do what he/she says. When I got sober I had to just give it up. Give up the ideas that I knew what to do, that I could control my intake. I finally realized how powerless I am over alcohol so I turned it over to other people (AA sponsor, doctor) and took suggestions.

While I was active, I wouldn't dream of leaving my apartment without a Valium, that would be insane! I haven't had a drug or a drink in almost 20 years.

I know your terrible pain and fear. You don't have to be there any longer.

Rift

I relate a little bit. I hate being around a lot of family members at the same time. I avoid family gatherings all the time. I don't like being around a lot of strangers especially if I am expected to talk/interact with them....

but I just bear down and face it and know it will all be over fairly soon...ya know. Try not to care or think what they are thinking....easier said than done I know, but just keep thinking good thoughts or just know that there is nothing wrong with you. and if they think so then that's on them.

or you may need to get on some sort of anti-anxiety medication or seek counseling. Seriously. You could have Social anxiety or something along those lines. Take care and best of luck!

Dee74

Going to the Dr is a wise move move VL - if they can't help they may be able to refer you to someone who can.

It's a whole lot better a solution that 'stopping at the store'.

D

MsCooterBrown

I know what it feels like. Last time I had an anxiety attack was at work. They don't fire people too often (this was maybe 2 weeks ago) but when they do I have to prepare the final wages and sign them out. This guy has been in deep sh!t for quite awhile. Given warning after warning. Just couldn't get out of his jammers in time to show up for work. Work interupted his party time. Anyway..they parade the employee around getting him signed out and escort them outside. I hated it. I know it was HIS issue..he screwed up..but bam. I could feel heat it starts at the tip of my head and moves down slowly to my feet..then the abnormal breathing. Then the shaking. I felt it coming on and combatted it by deep breathing and concentrating on the task at hand..They are HORRIBLE panic attacks. It really might help you to read some books that offer relaxation techniques. I know this guy well (been working at the same place for 30 yrs) but I never know where and what brings on a panic attack. Really it is stupid. I used to get what I thought was a panic attack but it was a daily event. I am sure the way I was pounding down drinks they were more alcohol withdrawal more than anything..haven't had them since about the 2nd week of being sober. So this one was real. ANYWAY...I feel like a nutcase talking about it..my point being BREATH. It really helps. You have to center yourself and think of anything other than the situation at hand that brought it on. I wish you well..they are not fun...

MsCooterBrown

I want to add..you have to face your fears and figure out how to deal with situations..otherwise..(keep in mind I really don't know what I am talking about..certainly not trained in this area) but otherwise I believe it may be what causes people agoraphobia..where they NEVER leave their house.

bubblehead

I'had the same thing you described and was diagnosed with PTSD. This was before I ever drank. I grew up in an abusive home, went straight to an abusive marriage at age 14, my ex isolated me SEVERELY. from the time I was 13 til the time I was 29, I'd shake. I was afraid of being in groups of people and the anxiety was almost overwhelming. At one point, I was meeting a group of people I knew quite awhile online. I was silent, just couldn't talk to anyone and felt awkward when anyone talked to me. I hated myself for it later for wasting the chance to meet people I had talked to and knew well online in person, but I didn't know how to change it. It took me 2 years after getting divorced to be able to get used to be in groups of people. Now, good luck shutting me up and I am not drinking nor do I believe it would have helped then. I have been through another abusive relationship and drinking problem since then, recovered from both without the social problem coming back. Try some counseling, sometimes it can help us recognize what is going on and why we react certain ways to certain situations.

MrDavid

I agree with carol on this one, maybe it's time for your higher power to step in. We alcoholics have a lot of triggers and anxiety is certainly one of mine. Seeking out professional help might be a good idea.

~God bless~