One week to sober up
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
One week to sober up
Hello SR friends,
I'm in a bit of a fix here as I urgently need to stop drinking (again) and can't seem to do so. My family are visiting next week and it would be incredibly painful for them to see me in this state. In addition I have a major event to organise for the same weekend and it's just not coming together. I really do need to get sober.
It's a shame really as I did many of the right things. Finding myself growing more and more discontent and down over time (a couple of months without a drink) I was isolating myself, procrastinating over work and becoming more and more aware of my lack of worth or direction. I realised that this was a major risk factor and I got myself to an AA meeting to ask for advice, but it was still not clear to me why. Unfortunately on a particularly low evening I found a long forgotten bottle. The thinking process was something like 'just for one evening won't hurt - maybe it'll cheer me up'. It didn't - it was foul and I immediately knew I'd made a mistake but the switch was flipped and I was firmly back in drinking mode.
This time though I was determined to investigate it. I downloaded SMART relapse worksheets and came to understand that it was the fatal combination of internal triggers (hard to avoid) and that last external trigger (could have been avoided). I wrote a 2000 word self analysis on my condition and progress over the last year or so. Frankly it was a bit negative but quite insightful. All the time though I was still drinking.
What I now realise is that my life is now divided into two distinct states of drinking and non drinking. Each phase lasts between a few weeks and a few months but the transitions between the two are becoming ever more painful. When not drinking I become discontent with life. I need to make major changes - get a career, get a house, get a life but I'm so focussed on 'not drinking' I make no progress at all. There is something of a paradox here - in order to stay sober I need to make important changes but I can't be confident in staying sober long enough to do so. In addition this seems like 'raising the stakes' should I relapse. I'm making no real progress at all.
This is not a Day 1 (I had a bad night) but I'm hoping tomorrow might be. If I can get my tasks completed I'll be in a better frame of mind to rehearse my AVRT strategies and go through the whole detox thing yet again.
Thank you for reading - I'm very grateful for SR today. Wish me luck...
I'm in a bit of a fix here as I urgently need to stop drinking (again) and can't seem to do so. My family are visiting next week and it would be incredibly painful for them to see me in this state. In addition I have a major event to organise for the same weekend and it's just not coming together. I really do need to get sober.
It's a shame really as I did many of the right things. Finding myself growing more and more discontent and down over time (a couple of months without a drink) I was isolating myself, procrastinating over work and becoming more and more aware of my lack of worth or direction. I realised that this was a major risk factor and I got myself to an AA meeting to ask for advice, but it was still not clear to me why. Unfortunately on a particularly low evening I found a long forgotten bottle. The thinking process was something like 'just for one evening won't hurt - maybe it'll cheer me up'. It didn't - it was foul and I immediately knew I'd made a mistake but the switch was flipped and I was firmly back in drinking mode.
This time though I was determined to investigate it. I downloaded SMART relapse worksheets and came to understand that it was the fatal combination of internal triggers (hard to avoid) and that last external trigger (could have been avoided). I wrote a 2000 word self analysis on my condition and progress over the last year or so. Frankly it was a bit negative but quite insightful. All the time though I was still drinking.
What I now realise is that my life is now divided into two distinct states of drinking and non drinking. Each phase lasts between a few weeks and a few months but the transitions between the two are becoming ever more painful. When not drinking I become discontent with life. I need to make major changes - get a career, get a house, get a life but I'm so focussed on 'not drinking' I make no progress at all. There is something of a paradox here - in order to stay sober I need to make important changes but I can't be confident in staying sober long enough to do so. In addition this seems like 'raising the stakes' should I relapse. I'm making no real progress at all.
This is not a Day 1 (I had a bad night) but I'm hoping tomorrow might be. If I can get my tasks completed I'll be in a better frame of mind to rehearse my AVRT strategies and go through the whole detox thing yet again.
Thank you for reading - I'm very grateful for SR today. Wish me luck...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Stop for external reasons never worked for me much Forwards, but I hope you can achieve your goal for your family's visit.
I used to tie myself up in knots thinking of what I needed to do to quit.
I think in a way I used the things I 'needed to have happen' as an excuse for nothing happening.
When I actually quit the process was quite easy.
I decided I couldn't live this way anymore, I stopped drinking and I did everything I could to stay that way.
All I focused on for months was staying sober...
Other things either fell into place, or I found that sober I was far more capable of doing what I needed to do.
Make sure you're not overcomplicating the process.
D
I used to tie myself up in knots thinking of what I needed to do to quit.
I think in a way I used the things I 'needed to have happen' as an excuse for nothing happening.
When I actually quit the process was quite easy.
I decided I couldn't live this way anymore, I stopped drinking and I did everything I could to stay that way.
All I focused on for months was staying sober...
Other things either fell into place, or I found that sober I was far more capable of doing what I needed to do.
Make sure you're not overcomplicating the process.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
Well, first off I wish you best of luck.
But with that said....A few things make me worry for ya. You don't even have day 1 and yet your talking about putting a time frame on getting sober (1 week) and mentioning if you relape and such.
Just my thoughts here....but getting sober can't have a time frame put on it. What are you doing right now to start your sobriety? (just wondering)
Steve
But with that said....A few things make me worry for ya. You don't even have day 1 and yet your talking about putting a time frame on getting sober (1 week) and mentioning if you relape and such.
Just my thoughts here....but getting sober can't have a time frame put on it. What are you doing right now to start your sobriety? (just wondering)
Steve
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Thanks guys, yes I'm mixing up two issues here:
1) How to make sure I'm sober for next week, given that I have a concrete deadline.
2) How to hang on to that sobriety in the longer term to avoid another painful fall.
Dee, you are quite correct in saying that external pressures don't really work. I achieved my first 4 months sober when I woke up and somehow knew 'I can do this'. I woke up today feeling quite the opposite.
Thanks Daywalker, I have a process for Day 1 which has worked before so I'll try it tomorrow.
I'm a bit concerned though that like the same event I organised last year I'll loose confidence at the last minute and drink beforehand. I'm giving 3 presentations to industry experts and just can't predict how it will go. With the family visiting as well there is potential for it all to go very wrong...
Would you mind if I posted my progress here as I go?
1) How to make sure I'm sober for next week, given that I have a concrete deadline.
2) How to hang on to that sobriety in the longer term to avoid another painful fall.
Dee, you are quite correct in saying that external pressures don't really work. I achieved my first 4 months sober when I woke up and somehow knew 'I can do this'. I woke up today feeling quite the opposite.
Thanks Daywalker, I have a process for Day 1 which has worked before so I'll try it tomorrow.
I'm a bit concerned though that like the same event I organised last year I'll loose confidence at the last minute and drink beforehand. I'm giving 3 presentations to industry experts and just can't predict how it will go. With the family visiting as well there is potential for it all to go very wrong...
Would you mind if I posted my progress here as I go?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
Well ya just got to ask yourself man, are you "stopping drinking" just because of the family, or do you really want to stop because your "ready" to stop?
Don't use an issue with the fam as a way to say "well I'm havin issues so I can drink because of that"...cuz I've done that and actually "tried" to use that excuse myself just recently and it's no good man, don't do that.
I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but I just have done the same things and I don't want to see ya doing what I have done is all.
Of course you can. One thing I have found is the people here at SR are very suportive. Post how your doing and we'll all help the best we can.
Steve
there is potential for it all to go very wrong...
I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but I just have done the same things and I don't want to see ya doing what I have done is all.
Would you mind if I posted my progress here as I go please? I'll could do with some support on this one.
Steve
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Thanks, yes you might well hear all sorts of BS from me. Please feel free to call me on it. I've been completely ignoring my attempts at recovery over the last few weeks and need to readjust my thinking.
There is a problem that sometimes when I most need to be sober I'll turn up drunk. I just can't afford for next week to go that way. As you say, this is no excuse.
I'll put a Day 1 plan together and just get on with it.
There is a problem that sometimes when I most need to be sober I'll turn up drunk. I just can't afford for next week to go that way. As you say, this is no excuse.
I'll put a Day 1 plan together and just get on with it.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sounds like you're an alcoholic.
Have you ever actually read the AA Big Book? AA isn't about just walking into a meeting for "advice" about how to get sober. It's a way to rearrange your life from the inside out so you no longer have to drink.
Goals and deadlines for quitting never worked for me. What worked for me was stopping drinking, making it not an option, whatever the circumstances. And being willing to look at myself as my biggest reason for drinking.
Have you ever actually read the AA Big Book? AA isn't about just walking into a meeting for "advice" about how to get sober. It's a way to rearrange your life from the inside out so you no longer have to drink.
Goals and deadlines for quitting never worked for me. What worked for me was stopping drinking, making it not an option, whatever the circumstances. And being willing to look at myself as my biggest reason for drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I think it's good to have a goal initially, but as others have said, you really need to focus on doing this for yourself because you want to get well.
Get rid of the alcohol in the house, take a good look around here at SR and don't drink today. You can do this!
Have you talked to your dr?
Get rid of the alcohol in the house, take a good look around here at SR and don't drink today. You can do this!
Have you talked to your dr?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Thank you Lexie, yes I'm an alcoholic, I've read the BB and understand the potential value of properly working the program. When I find myself drinking again (as now), short term denial is an easy trap to fall into.
Anna, yes I'll check every cupboard just in case. I've spent dozens of hours here on SR over the last year or so but need to get back in touch.
Fingers crossed, this is possible.
Anna, yes I'll check every cupboard just in case. I've spent dozens of hours here on SR over the last year or so but need to get back in touch.
Fingers crossed, this is possible.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Like you said, the external pressures don't really work so you've got to get your mind around the idea that you're stopping because you really want to. In this case I'd say be selfish and do it for yourself and nobody else.
Since you said you want total honesty here, I'm sorry but I wonder if it's possible to just sober up in a week. You've quit for periods of time before, more times than I have, so maybe in your experience it was different, but when I quit it took way longer than I expected to get things back on track. In fact it's been over 90 days for me and I'm still not where I want to be in terms of recovery, and I now realize that it's going to take a lot longer.
It sounds drastic but you may want to see if you can have your family come and visit another time. You may even want to explain why in total honesty, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with them. Consider putting off their visit if possible until you have some time sober under your belt. It'll remove one source of pressure for now and will also give you time to be at peace with your decision to get sober without having the family complications clouding the picture.
Anyway, good luck! Even if the external pressure isn't exactly the best motive to quit, maybe it will help you in the long run. Maybe this is a good opportunity, a way to spark a bigger long-term change.
Since you said you want total honesty here, I'm sorry but I wonder if it's possible to just sober up in a week. You've quit for periods of time before, more times than I have, so maybe in your experience it was different, but when I quit it took way longer than I expected to get things back on track. In fact it's been over 90 days for me and I'm still not where I want to be in terms of recovery, and I now realize that it's going to take a lot longer.
It sounds drastic but you may want to see if you can have your family come and visit another time. You may even want to explain why in total honesty, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with them. Consider putting off their visit if possible until you have some time sober under your belt. It'll remove one source of pressure for now and will also give you time to be at peace with your decision to get sober without having the family complications clouding the picture.
Anyway, good luck! Even if the external pressure isn't exactly the best motive to quit, maybe it will help you in the long run. Maybe this is a good opportunity, a way to spark a bigger long-term change.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi forwards!
Glad to have you back...you are always welcome here
Your frame of mind sounds kind of negative which I completely get. 8 months ago I was very like you with the exception that 5 days was the longest I had managed. When I got sober I expected everything to change RIGHT NOW! It didn't...I had made such a mess of my life the idea of fixing it was insurmountable. Ratherthan using that as an excuse to crawl back into the bottle I got a life coach and started to repair my life. That required patience and tackling things one at a time. I started out small...throwing our bottles, brushing my hair. Each little thing I accomplished made me more confident and the whole thing started snowballing. Today my life is manageable...yes I still have things to work on but I see them as challenges not obstacles.
You can do this...I have faith in you!
LaFemme
Glad to have you back...you are always welcome here
Your frame of mind sounds kind of negative which I completely get. 8 months ago I was very like you with the exception that 5 days was the longest I had managed. When I got sober I expected everything to change RIGHT NOW! It didn't...I had made such a mess of my life the idea of fixing it was insurmountable. Ratherthan using that as an excuse to crawl back into the bottle I got a life coach and started to repair my life. That required patience and tackling things one at a time. I started out small...throwing our bottles, brushing my hair. Each little thing I accomplished made me more confident and the whole thing started snowballing. Today my life is manageable...yes I still have things to work on but I see them as challenges not obstacles.
You can do this...I have faith in you!
LaFemme
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Forwards - I really feel for you, knowing how alcohol takes over so much of our thinking. There really is a wonderful, sane, capable person underneath that alcoholic voice...... but we have to have a good period of sobriety before it's in charge again. The only way to do that (at least for me) was to put sobriety #1 before anything else, because I knew I wouldn't have anything else if I didn't.
You deserve a better life. Sending prayers/hugs.........
You deserve a better life. Sending prayers/hugs.........
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Thank you Reset, Artsoul and LaFemme. It's really good to see you all still around here. I'd forgotten what a great place this is.
Unfortunately I can't rearrange the visit as the family are staying to go to their own (different) event. I just have to do this.
So today I will keep myself too busy to drink. The 'to-do' list is getting longer by the minute... Tomorrow I'll run a structured day plan that I use specifically to avoid opportunities to drink, using AVRT at full strength. I'll get myself to an AA meeting in the evening and get some more numbers.
Beyond that, I'll be clinging to SR all the way... Thanks so much for your support so far.
Unfortunately I can't rearrange the visit as the family are staying to go to their own (different) event. I just have to do this.
So today I will keep myself too busy to drink. The 'to-do' list is getting longer by the minute... Tomorrow I'll run a structured day plan that I use specifically to avoid opportunities to drink, using AVRT at full strength. I'll get myself to an AA meeting in the evening and get some more numbers.
Beyond that, I'll be clinging to SR all the way... Thanks so much for your support so far.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Well, mixed news from here. The good news is I have some valuable support numbers now and have SR access set up on my phone. Not so good news, I drank last night and the obsession is back in full force.
Time to take a deep breath and remind myself of everything I've learnt. I need to be working today.
Time to take a deep breath and remind myself of everything I've learnt. I need to be working today.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I'm just glad to see you posting again and continuing to try...... Glad too that you're lining up some support.
One of our members, least, has been inspiring to me - she didn't give up even though she had a lot of relapses. I know lots of others here went through the same thing.
I probably spend more time here than I "should" (whatever that means), but for me it's hard to keep the consequences of drinking in the front of my mind and I really need a daily reminder.
Whenever I imagined my life in the future, it never included living and dying an alcoholic, yet that's where I was headed. Try thinking about where you want to be in a year or two or ten........ and make it happen!:ghug3
One of our members, least, has been inspiring to me - she didn't give up even though she had a lot of relapses. I know lots of others here went through the same thing.
I probably spend more time here than I "should" (whatever that means), but for me it's hard to keep the consequences of drinking in the front of my mind and I really need a daily reminder.
Whenever I imagined my life in the future, it never included living and dying an alcoholic, yet that's where I was headed. Try thinking about where you want to be in a year or two or ten........ and make it happen!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
You lost me at "I have a week"... My alcoholic mind immediately said, "I could drink for at least 5 more days before quitting". If I'm thinking that way even after four months of sobriety, I'm sure this is hell for you. When we negotiate terms with our disease we lose everytime.
Living a double life is not easy to do. Like the BB says, eventually our drinking life seems to be the only normal one. It sounds like that is where you are.
I wish you the best!
Living a double life is not easy to do. Like the BB says, eventually our drinking life seems to be the only normal one. It sounds like that is where you are.
I wish you the best!
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