pinkfirefly

I feel like the worst wife, worst mother ever. i just hate my life. i hate every thing. and i'm sure you will all yell at me. and say. " oh, poor pink. feeling sorry for herself. pity party on her. whatever" yea. i get it ok. its not like that ok. i just really don't know what to do. i need some one to tell me what to do. I am feeling like the most horrible person who ever lived. I have this horrible addiction to alcohol. and my husband resents me for it. and doesn't trust me. and my son. i will never ever forgive myself if some is wrong with him. if some thing turns out to be wrong with his vision. i will never ever forgive myself, for having a drink when I was pregnant. i'm a scum of the earth mother. i can't take back what i did in the past. i would if i could. but i can't. and now i'm just so miserable. my husband hates me. and my life feels like its in shambles and falling apart all around me. I just feel like dying, ending this misery, this pain. no one is on my side. every one hates me. I don't know where to turn to any more. I need some one any one. but know one wants to help me. i don't know what to do any more. i'm sinking to my lowest.

Dee74

Hi again pink

If you look through any one of your old threads you'll find many many suggestions on what to do.

You have to follow up on those suggestions tho.

We can't do the work for you.

Did you try AA?
Tried any other recovery groups?
Have you looked a rehab?
Have you spoken with your Dr?
seen an addictions counsellor?

I really hope you do something Pink.

D

pinkfirefly

I'm trying a drug and alcohol abuse counselor. i'm ashamed to admit i havn't went to an AA meeting yet. i'm just so nervous to go. I am planning on going .i Really am.

pacificsunrise

dear pinkfirefly,

you did a courageous thing to post on this forum. we all here have different problems, but we all are trying to get better.

no matter what happened in the past, you are in charge of your future. just sharing here w/ complete strangers is a start. stay strong. join a local AA group, i'm sure there is one around. and believe me, you will be surprised how many people understand what you are going through.

do not give up. many of us have been close to giving up at one point or another. i remember one saying, "when things cannot get any worse, they can only get better". and they do get better. maybe not exactly when we want them to, but they do in due time.

do not give up. you have what it takes to beat this thing.

my prayers are with you.

Dee74

Intentions are great Pink - I had a lot of them too - but they just didn't get me sober. Action did.

If being sober is important to you (and I believe it is) you may have to do some pretty uncomfortable things - sitting through some cravings, and dealing with all kinds of problems sober, and walking through those AA doors.

I'm sorry - but there's no short cuts.

This is your life - and there's your kids to consider too - it's just too important for short cuts, Pink.

D

TwelveSteps

To piggyback on Dee's response:
How you feel doesn't matter.
What you intend to do doesn't matter.
What you think doesn't matter.
What matters is WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO DO.

If you won't help yourself by following the many suggestions that have been offered, then none of us can help you.

You can do it. You're not any weaker or more guilty or more depressed than the thousands of other people who took the actions they needed to get sober. They did it and you can too.

GG

OklaBH

You need to quit drinking babe PERIOD END OF STORY. I wanted help and sobriety too. I wanted someone to wave a magic wand and it be so. I couldn't do it alone. None of us can. Get to an AA meeting. The women there will help you if you let them. There is a freedom you can't even imagine right now just WAITING FOR YOU. Go get it! You don't want the alternatives

Squizz

JUST GO. It's not nearly as bad as you might think. I was skeptical at first as well, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. I actually enjoy it.

Fandy

At the risk of sounding cliche, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

posting here is good, but doing something about your problem IRL is the best thing you can do to improve your life.

You mention that your son's vision is in question....and that you had "a drink" during pregnancy....you might want to admit the real truth to yourself.

i hope you decide that you love your kids and family more than booze.

LexieCat

Pink,

You said you were "trying" a drug and alcohol abuse counselor. How many sessions have you been to, so far? What is your counselor suggesting you do? Have you done what he or she has suggested?

I felt like dying when I quit drinking, too. What is it you are afraid of about going to an AA meeting? If you want help, if you REALLY want help, you will find a whole room full of people ready and willing to do that.

Dee's right, though. We can tell you, the counselor can tell you, the people in AA can tell you. But it requires ACTION on your part. It's not a matter of somebody telling you a secret and suddenly the problem goes away. It doesn't work like that. Nobody can carry you.

I'd still consider rehab, if I were you. It might make it easier for you if you literally had someone telling you each day (at first) exactly what to do. And no other distractions or reasons why you couldn't do it.

ReadyAndAble

Glad you're back, Pink. So you have advice from dozens of people on your various threads. Which piece of advice are you going to act on today? How about you go to an AA meeting? Today? Just an hour of your time, and you'll have something you can actually be proud of doing. It's a step. You will not go anywhere if you don't make a move. Hoping and wanting has not helped you one bit. Do it. You're the only person in the world who can make this happen.

Lenetrk

You can hear from your post how much your hurting. I hope you will take to heart what everyone has been telling you. We have all been there and no it's not easy. If it was we wouldn't been on here. But only you can take responsibility for your own sobriety. Yes, it's takes a lot of fortitude to do what's necessay to overcome this. But you can do this. You just have to believe that.I was petrified to go to AA but when I took that first step everything else seemed to fall into place. You deserve to live life to its fullest. But you have to come to grips with your fears. There are people out there to help you.Just ask. Your in my thoughts and prayers. You CAN do this.Please keep posting. There's a lot of support here!

luckedog

I can’t add one thing to what has been said! The whole point is that YOU must be the one to take ACTION-not words or emotion- ACTION- Don’t just talk about it DO IT. I laid around drunk for years in remorse and self- pity. Wishing things were different, ashamed, afraid, remorseful,. Hoping SOMEONE would come along and change the way I was! No one ever came! I had to get up and take the first step for me it was AA meetings then God stepped in and began to help me do the rest. I no longer attend AA. I am working the SMART program and using Rational recovery. It works because I am willing to MAKE it work. Please do something TODAY toward getting sober!

Inafishbowl

The ladies and gentlemen in AA are on your side. They care and will love you. Run, don't walk.

Toronto68

I don't know what you have read here, Pink, besides the replies that you receive. I also don't know what the outcome was to your decision to visit AA last week or so. But you can take a look at lots of stories here on what you can do. My personal solution, which I managed to do somehow, was to finish the last 3 bottles of beer in the fridge and go to bed ("screwed," no more alcohol left, can only sleep now and face tomorrow without having been plastered) and not buy anymore. All I did was focus on my work and stay away from the alcohol store every day and told myself to repeat that over and over - amazed at each day that went by with no drinking. Before I knew it, I was at 2 weeks (unheard of for years) and then a month - etc, etc. I knew before I decided to stop drinking that it needed to be Quit Entirely; there was no such thing as Once In A While for me, because I had proven long ago that wasn't going to work. I don't know how to drink properly, that's way in the past. Now I am at a year and 4 months.

How anybody else should go about it? I don't recommend one thing over another as THE way, because whatever the person chooses to do has to work for them, for that individual. So far it has worked for me.

Take your feelings of uselessness and whatever else is making you feel awful and turn it around. To some degree, that's how every person gets started on quitting. Realize you can't drink like the other people do without being a mess. Affirm it to yourself. Get rid of the alcohol. Stay away from alcohol. Incorporate a community of people like you into your time, such as this site, or AA, or through some outlet that is available in your community. Be honest, face the music, and keep going. That's about as clearly as I can put it to anybody with this problem I have faced and that you are going to have to face too.

ANEWAUGUST

Pink...
People on SR are here for you, however, it sounds like you need some face to face support. AA would be an easy place to start. Call the hotline, talk to someone, tell them what you just posted.

Don't wallow in the self-pity, we have all been there, got the tee shirt, mug and hat
That guilt is your disease talking, holding you as its hostage.

As long as we are breathing...we have the chance, the God given opportunity once more to get this sober living thing.

Take that opportunity..

Raindance

I am going to a recovery centre for 3 weeks starting tomorrow. I will be without my husband and 3 kids, and will deal with all the things that I have done to them in the past with my drinking.

Hopefully when I come back I will be able to have hope for a much better future and be able to forgive and forget the past.

The past is unchanging, the future is like a choose your own adventure.

What would you like your future to look like? Visualizing yourself in success can be very helpful in starting yourself to work toward that success.

I wish you all the best.

yeahgr8

Enough yet to go to AA and do the work required?

suki44883

You want someone to tell you what to do? Okay, here's what you do...

Tell your husband that you need and want help. Find a rehab facility and make arrangements to go. Then GO! Afterward, hook up with AA meetings and GO! While attending meetings, find a sponsor and begin work on the steps of AA.

I honestly believe that you need inpatient rehab. You have proven over and over that you cannot do this alone. Your husband has already taken the kids and left once. Now, your son may have vision problems, possibly because you drank while you were pregnant. You cannot do this on your own. That much is obvious.

Stop saying no one will help you. We have and continue to do everything we can, but we cannot do it FOR you. You HAVE to do it yourself.

SSIL75

I hope it's not too presumptuous to suggest by the timestamp that you were drunk writing the OP. And that might explain why you're asking the same question again.

I don't understand why you keep writing new posts repeating the same questions. Read your last posts where people put their valuable time and energy into giving you advice.

The advice is unchanged. Advice for alcoholics doesn't change very much. The solution isn't rocket science and it lies in your hands.