Lost my best friend
 

Hey guys, been a while. I've somewhat been around, been reading but not posting much. Anyway...

Monday my best friend (only 58 yrs old) died suddenly of a massive heart attack. He's been by buddy/best friend for the past 10-11 yrs.

I've been sober for about 1 1/2 now....but the past 2-3 days I honestly have had thoughts about drinking again. I'm not stupid, I know it won't bring my buddy Bob back, but just being honest with you all.

Just kind'a in a fog the past few days. Could use a bit of help please.

Steve

Steve>>>>:hug:

I'm sorry to know this happened and glad you know in your heart
Bob would not want his death to drive you back to the bottle

Prayers of comfort going out to you and to all who loved Bob..

I'm so sorry for your loss Steve. Losing a best mate, and suddenly, must be heartbreaking.

But, and you know all this - pain is hard to bear, especially this kind of pain - but drinking doesn't make it go away... it just puts it in stasis and we have to relive it over and over again until we finally decide to put the bottle down and just deal with it.

Honour your bud, and deal with it now Steve - you have a lot of friends here to help you through.

D

Thanks Carol. It's just been such a rough few days. Got the funeral service tomorrow, not looking fwd to that at all.

It's just been such a rough week is all. I know what's right and wrong. But just the past 2 days have been so hard.

Been hard since I got away from my support group (AA) about 6 -8 months ago. And haven't been active here on SR much lately...so kind'a feel all alone right now I guess.

Steve

Was typin while you posted Dee. Thanks though man. Appreciate your advice.

Steve

well you know what to do when you feel alone Steve - don't be alone - reach out to someone in your recovery network...here, there, wherever, no matter how long it's been...

I know it's the last thing you feel like doing... but sometimes, that's why you have to do it.
D

Dee...Pm coming if ya don't mind bud.

Steve

Steve,

i am so sorry about your Buddy. as someone already said, honor him by staying strong and not giving in. you have what it takes. make his memory another cornerstone in your recovery. he is now in a better place and i'm sure is pulling for you.

i haven't talked to you before since i'm fairly new in SR, but wanted to extend my condolences.

my prayers are with you. stay strong.

Very much appreciate bud. Thank you.

Steve

Steve,

Just wanted to wish you peace and strength for getting thru tomorrow... I am really sorry for your loss, and know you must be hurting pretty badly right now. Hang in there.

Well...I'm just gonna post this here, just because I could use the help/advice...and to let everyone know how I feel.


I got sober "this time" Feb 2 2010..so about 1.5 yrs ago. I'm not married, no kids, and just somewhat kind'a "alone" in life. My buddy Bob has been my best friend for about 10 yrs. When I got sober he kind'a took over my dad's place. Because my dad died of cancer on 1996 and I'm only 39...Bob was 59, so he was somewhat my "2nd dad" and not just my friend ya know.

SO...now that he is gone, I feel very alone. He was my fishing buddy, my friend, and my "buddy" I could tell anything to and expect great advice from. Sorry I haven't been around much lately, hate to seem like I just come back when I need something here. But been rough this week so didn't know where else to turn. It's just been a tough week...one min I'm up, the next I'm crying....been really tough this week for sure!

Just feeling very alone now the past few days is all..

Steve

Steve - You have my heartfelt sorrow for the loss of one of your best friends.
It must feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath you.

Allow yourself all the time for grief that you need. I can understand that
the natural thought would be to pick up a drink to fix it. Please don't.
The very best thing to honor your friend would be to stay sober through
this difficult time.

Know you aren't alone tomorrow. There will be some of us members here from SR right there with you in spirit. Reach out here as much as you need to.

The past 2 days I've had a lot of tears in my eyes (Hard to admit as a man lol, but true). But the above quote...gives me tears in a good way. Thanks mtnmagic, I appreciate that. Nice to know I'm not completely alone.

Steve

(((Steve))) - I'm so sorry for your loss of ((Bob)).

I agree with the above. Though we can't be there in person, just imagine all of us surrounding you with hugs and prayers.

I know the first instinct is "hit the bottle...get numb". However, having done that in the past, I found it made things twice as bad. Not only did I have to start over, but I had to deal with the shame, remorse, feeling bad that I felt like I let my friend down".

I have a feeling ((Bob)) is looking down on you, saying "I'm sorry I'm not there for you, in person, any more, but I am always with you. You've done damned good in your recovery, so keep it up...if not for you, then do it for me".

Yes, we have to do recovery for ourselves, but the thought of causing someone pain, if I were to go back out, is something I want no part of.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Steve - In both of our above posts, we were writing at the same time.
Your post came before mine, but I had no idea of it while I was writing.

I'm glad it helped and I meant every word, but I honestly don't believe it came from me after reading your post. There really are no coincidences.
I hope this post makes sense to you. Blessings to you!

It does man, it helps more than I can say. I'm the type of person that I enjoy being alone...but when it boils down to it, I need companionship/people. Because as much as I like being alone, I still need "people" in my life.

So losing my friend, I kind'a feel a bit alone now. I have my neice and nephew (13&16) in my life and I love them and they love me....but still, kids that age don't want an old dude like me in their life all that much ya know lol. So I have felt pretty lonely the past week now.

So it wasn't all that easy for me to come back here and post again. Not because I have drank or anything, but just because I haven't stayed here and showed support for others since I have been sober. And I feel bad about that.

So having people like yourself and others tell me I'm not "alone"...it means a lot man. I appreciate it more than I can say right now.

Steve

Steve,

i agree w/ mtnmagic in saying that you are not alone and you never will be. it just feels like it right now. i am so sorry. i only wish that i had such a good friend in my life. the family i found here at SR has been the closest i got to having any friends in my life in years.

don't feel bad about posting now and not all the time. someone once told me that "that's what friends are for - to help you in the time of need". b/c to be honest anyone can be alone when the things are fine and they are on top of the world. i used to feel bad too, b/c i have trouble maintaining close friendships.

just to come back now instead of simply resorting to the same ol, same ol, shows how sincere and brave you are. it takes a lot to admit to your faults and to be prepared to be judged.

as you can tell you're not the only one that cannot sleep. please use us as your tool to get through your grief. that's what we are here for. and i am sure sooner or later we will be thanking you for your advice as well.

stay strong and don't give up on your successes and more importantly do not give up on Bob, cause i'm sure he believes in you.

so sorry for your loss. God bless you.:Flower:

Why don't you connect back into face to face support Steve? Why are you trying to do this alone still? Times like these you need contact with people, as in human physical contact:-)

lol...yep....almost 5am and I'm still up. That's been the "norm" the past 2 days. Havin trouble sleeping now. Such is life though I guess, I'll get over it hopefully.

Steve

i'm gonna try to go to bed (again).

someone told me once (an old man that saw me crying at the park), "after every cloud there is bound to be sunshine".

dear DayWalker, this too shall pass. As you grieve, remember the good times, and the memory will keep them alive.

i am praying for you through these sad times. stay strong, like i know that you are.

hugs and prayers.