Fizzgig

Hi everyone,

I'm a newbie here...just ran across this site today while I was searching for answers and support regarding my situation.

Last night I got my first DWI. I was absolutely mortified. I've never been arrested for anything in my life. I probably should have, because I've driven under the influence before...but last night I was speeding & got pulled over about 1/2 mile from my apartment. I KNOW I had too much to drink before I got into the car to go home...I KNOW I did, & that's what's killing me right now. I just feel so stupid, so guilty, so idiotic. I'm just so embarrassed.

As far as my drinking habits, I tended to go a little overboard in college about 10 years ago, & that was probably the worst of it. I still drink socially, & I don't even do it that often - but the thing is, when I DO drink, I almost always have too much. At this moment I have no desire to touch the stuff again in my life, & I hope that lasts. I think this DWI scared me straight.

I'm fortunate in that I work from home - all of my work is computer-based (I'm a copy editor). So I don't have the job nightmare that often goes along with a DWI. But I do have two little girls, 4 & 5 years old. I'm divorced & get along well with my ex. The only issue I see with a license suspension, if it happens, is that I need to drive them to & from school. That's practically the only driving I do nowadays, but I gotta be able to do it. If my ex found out about this I would be even more mortified than I am now...I can't stop worrying about that, even though I know worrying doesn't help anything.

I'm supposed to be getting a notice in the mail sometime over the next week or two informing me of my first court appearance, etc. So I need to just chill until I know more. But it's so hard!! I can't get rid of this lump in my throat. I feel SO alone right now even though I know DWIs happen to SO many people. I just feel like the dumbest person on earth. I am hating myself.

This forum looks so supportive - something just drew me here. I have to reach out or I'll go crazy. Two of my three sisters know about this, but no one else (family or friends) will if I can help it. One of my sisters for sure is not judging me & is incredibly supportive. The other I'm not so sure about...hard to read her...so I have that weighing on my mind too. I called her in desperation last night from the police station, hoping she could pick me up, but she wasn't able to call me back till this morning. So I spent the night in a cell. Also extremely humiliating.

I feel like such a bad mom, even though hell would freeze over before I'd ever have the girls anywhere near a car with me when I'm drinking (but remember, I'm never drinking again!!!!!). Yet I still feel like such a failure as a mother & a person!!

Thanks for letting me vent. It feels good to just get it out. I don't even know what I'm looking for in response...I guess just knowing that I'm talking to people who understand, & many who have "been there," makes me feel not quite so alone in this.

tooling

I've been there. One time. It's a moment in my life that happened near the end of my drinking career. I'd say it helped me quit.

It would have worked quicker if they didn't allow me to drink on probation. Yea.. In PA, first time offenders with no criminal record can apply for A.R.D. - Accelerated Rehabilitative Disposition Program. Which means you have to do the dance and take classes with your pocket book open for their hands to come in it. And i was all ready to not drink for six months on probation when the last get together with my PO broke the news that they just changed it, the law that is. Drinking while on probations during ARD is allowed. I was like, what???

So my drinking went on needlessly for another year and some change.

if you want to know anything feel free to ask.

p.s. You might have to do a short jail stay. Check your laws.

grateful101010

Welcome to SR. It's the best. I'm sober 5 months with the help of this site, it's my bedtime story and keeps me scared straight.

I'm a mom, too. Do you want a future conversation with your girls to be: "I got a DWI but decided that I would keep drinking, but I couldn't control it and got another one, and that's why I can't drive you anywhere?"

There is only one way to avoid this conversation in the future - stop drinking. Sobriety is awesome, you'll love it.

UniqueNewYork

Hi Fizzgig. I have 2 dui's. It doesn't sound like you've made your mind up if you have a problem or if you think this was just an accident that never should have happened. I remember when I got my first dui, I heard a lot of the same things over and over. "Everybody knows someone with one", "you were almost home" "its ok to drink just don't drive". I found all these statements to be BS to be honest. Yes a lot of people have dui's. It really should never happen though. It doesn't really matter if you were almost home or not because like me i'm sure you had drank and drove before. And the problem with drinking and driving is that the alcohol obscures your view of whats going on; its much harder to make a judgement if you are ok to drive or not once you have started drinking. Even if you decide you will never have even one to drink and drive, often times life will happen and people get caught doing it. I personally did not make up my mind I had a problem after my first dui. My grocery list is very long with a lot of horrible things on it. If I could go back in time and change everything I would. I can't do that. What I can tell you is that when I had that first dui school I was told half of us would be back for a 2nd time or more. I was one of them. I never would have seen that coming. In retrospect, the way I drank, which was almost always to excess, nothing short of pure abstinence would have prevented that 2nd dui. I never had just "one or two". That is what it takes most people to stay under the limit and not be a danger to themselves or others on the road - one or two. Now if you are like me, and you typically do not want just one or two at the most when you drink, whatever the circumstances social solitary home out etc, I would strongly consider adopting the AA way of life now while you still have so many good things going on. I wish you all the best and I am here for you.

farmer

You are so lucky. Seriously. Some people have went decades without arrest and the disease juse keeps growing. Consider yourself blessed and get help, please.

Squizz

I got my first one about a month and a half ago. It was completely uncalled for, because I had been to AA and had stayed sober before. I got off lucky though, and only got a 3 day suspension. Basically, I've decided, I can either quit drinking or quit driving. And it's not a hard choice to make. Hope you pull through this.

CarolD

sure...I hope this will be a lesson learned but that part is yet
to be proven by you.

The best thing I can think of is that you did not
injure or kill yourself or others during the times you drove drunk.

I'm an alcoholic with no DUI arrests ...no experience to share
on them....only because I lived in a city with no car.
I did do many other dangerous destrctive things as a drinker.

Welcome to SR....

Jayner

I hope this isn't out of line....I don't mean to offend anyone. This is just my experience:

There is a saying that when someone gets a tattoo - they don't get a tattoo - they get their "first" tattoo. Hardly anyone stops at one. When I hear someone say they got their "first" dui - that's what I think of. And yes, I've had one. It was about 20 years ago. The arrest didn't scare me. The night in jail didn't scare me. I was ordered by a judge to serve a few days in jail as my punishment - not probation for me. That didn't scare me. Losing my driver's license for a year didn't scare me.

What scared me was the fact that I hit another car. I ran a red light and smashed into a truck. I could have hurt or even killed someone. That scared me - and stopped me for good. And believe me, it wasn't the first time I'd ever driven drunk - but it was the last.

I hope you don't have to learn the way I did. It was bad, but it could have been so much worse.

OklaBH

Not to be morbid but when I got my first DUI that was the beginning to my end. Please dont make the mistakes I did. My children were about the ages of your kids. Even after a car wreck and DUI I continued to drink. A year later I got another DUI. No more DUI's (just a public intox) but I continued to drink. The disease is cruel, cunning and very progressive. You are reaching out for help so you are WAY ahead of me when I got my 1st DUI. Stop it right now, dead in its tracks. The inconvenience the courts will put on you is NOTHING compared to what your life will be like if you continue to drink. Take it from someone who knows! Good luck and God bless you and your children.

Fizzgig

Thank you ALL!! UniqueNewYork, your post was very eye-opening & made me think a lot. Made me really put things into perspective. I think God is giving me a major kick in the a$$ as far as waking up & looking at this issue. It never should have happened, not even once, not even if I tell myself it was a fluke or whatever & I don't really have a problem. Because if it happened, then yes, I have a problem. farmer, thank you too - I will consider myself blessed - that's exactly the way to think about this - be grateful that that cop pulled me over & caused me to literally stop my life & look at things.

Jayner, thanks for sharing your experience - I can only imagine how terrifying it would be to hit someone or something. I'm lucky that I didn't, this time or previous times, but still, I truly think this experience is enough to straighten me out. That is my intention & I'm putting every last bit of myself into it. P.S. I have one solitary tattoo & no plans to get more...

Fizzgig

I was just re-reading my post - does it make sense to say it shouldn't have happened, but yet be grateful that it did? If this is what it takes to straighten me out, then maybe things happened just as they were supposed to?... who knows. Right now I'm just happy to be turning things around.

BP44

To me, the most important line in your entire post is..." when I do drink, I almost always drink too much". If you focus on that, you may find that you need a solution. All of the other stuff, quite frankly, is the high drama that almost all of us have going on when we seek out answers. It may be a DUI, or loss of a job, or a spouse threatening to leave or has already left. It may be a host of dramatic things going on. But if you focus on what happens when I drink alcohol, you'll either decide that your making a big deal out of a little mistake, or that you need help because you can't control your drinking. The high drama in our lives as drinkers tells us very little about what's going on, particularly a single incident. See, it would be easy to say, " well, it's just one DUI, it was a mistake, I didn't plan very well, and the bartender, made my drinks a little stronger than I am used to, and the cops were waiting for me". It was just a fluke!!!

loveon2legs

I got a dui over a year ago, my first AND LAST.....I have been sober ever since....I was scared to death...I realized how far I had fallen.....I'm awaiting my court date....it will 18 months since the dui when I go to court, the waiting has been torture.....I feel like my life is on hold, but I am surviving..I feel like this dui has been a life saver for me....without getting this HUGE wake up call, I probably wouldn't be here....I pray for some peace for you during this....Hoping this is your wake up call too....

Blessings,
xoox

Anna

I do hope you can use this experience in a positive way, and that you make the decision to live a sober life.

I'm glad you didn't hurt anyone else or yourself.

MsCooterBrown

I too am happy that no one was hurt. I will not point my finger tho...While actively drinking there were many times I walked. BUT there were also times where I drove. It is one of the reasons on my list to stop drinking. Before I hurt others or myself. I wish you the best on this outcome. I think I would be mortified as well. Learn from it...keep moving forward.

DayTrader

Fizzgig...... if anyone ever asks me how my DUI(s) felt, I could pretty much copy/paste your post to them. I can personally identify with EVERY point you made - especially the "hating myself / I knew better" parts.

One thing I didn't really do was take a good honest and slow look at my drinking. I was so worried about courts, judges, fines, money, not driving, etc etc etc.......that all I focused on was how to "move forward by getting out of trouble as best I could." I thought that was being proactive and what I was supposed to do. Truthfully, we HAVE to look at that stuff.....obviously, but I URGE you to take some time to really take an honest look at your drinking, drinking and driving, and your life.

You may "just" have an alcohol problem now.....you might still be able to control it. After my first DUI, I still had some workable will-power and might have still been able to set my mind to "not drinking" and made it work. 5 yrs later though, it was too late. DUI #2 was a foregone conclusion at the rate I was drinking and driving and the pain was FAR worse than #1 (emotionally AND from the courts). By then though, I'd lost the power to stop......only I couldn't/didn't see it at the time. #3 made the first 2 seem like child's play...... yet even after that one, I continued to drink. Obviously, by my actions, it was quite apparent alcohol was running my life not the other way around.

Given that you got a DUI......and given that you knew better than to be driving that night......and given that you've done it before and just happened to get caught this time......and given that your friends have done it and NOT gotten caught....... tough to say it, but you've now got at least some sort of alcohol problem. I have NO clue if you're an alcoholic or not.....or whether you're suffering from alcoholism or not (heh.....you don't have to even be drinking to suffer from alcoholism.....it's far more than just a drinking problem) but I can tell you for sure.....it's worth taking some time to honestly figure out if you are/are not.

I didn't drink for 6 months +/- after DUI #1......and probably could have gone on like that, happily, forever. However...... I figured I could start up again and "drink more wisely" than before - like I'd be able to NOT drink and drive again. Needless to say, DUI 2 and 3 proved that hypothesis completely wrong.

Sudz No More

One thing you can be almost sure of is the fact that you will lose your license for six months. I am pretty sure that is mandatory anywhere in the country but I guess it could vary depending on where you are. Still, I would plan on having to find a way to take the kids back and forth during these six months. They might allow a restricted license where you are only allowed to pick them up and no other driving but you would need a special permit for this.

Hold your head up, no sense in getting down over it. It has happened to many of us and it will be over before you know it. The question now is, what will you do when you get your license back? Just try to remember how much you hated the way you feel right now and use that anger the next time you feel the impulse to drink.

Jayner

That was kind of my point....some people stop drinking with a traffic stop, some stop with an arrest, and some are able to stop without any of those types of consequences. We all react to "getting caught" differently. I hope this was enough for you.

Oh, and congrats on the one tattoo!

tallcactus

Thanks Jayner for sharing your story.
It took me to get arrested twice for DUI to get it and I never, ever drove drunk again, even tough it wasn't till a few years later that I got sober.
I'm so grateful that I never hurt anyone, because I could very well B in prison 2day.

Kmber2010

Glad you are with us Fizz and good to see that you are taking positive steps now. I assure you that you are not a bad mom but like many of us once we hit the bottle we no longer are in control of ourselves or our actions. You see this and know this and the best thing you can do is take control of your life and removing alcohol seems like the best decision.

Most of us are really great people.....but once we drink something takes over. I know that since removing alcohol from my life and getting help with face to face support that I am a far better person then I ever was during the years I drank.

If quitting is enough then great but if you find a pull towards alcohol regardless of the negative consequences then I urge you to seek a program of support.

You have our support. All the best.