UniqueNewYork

I have lived in some of the most exciting cities in America. (I never get too specific as I like to be a little anonymous here). Recently Ive had to move to an area I have lived in before. This is a podunk area. Its one of the poorest parts of the US. It is a mix of country rural and urban culture. Beatup pickup trucks and purple 1990 caprices painted purple on $3,000 rims are commonplace.

I feel nothing in common with these people. I do not want to be here. I am here because of a job. Most of the people are from this area and will die here, never knowing what else was out there or believing they could get to it. I've warmed up to the idea I may have to live here as many as 5 years to clean up my resume. I absolutely can't stand this area.

I have made three attempts to get to AA meetings here. The first was defunct and no longer meets. The second was a church that has since changed names; I went to every door they do not meet anymore. The third I could not find after a couple swings around the block. It was in the dangerous ghetto part of town anyway so I could care less.

I find overwhelmingly I feel negative today. Intensely negative. I feel I have no outlet but to call a friend or go lift weights or watch a movie. These help but they feel like a band aid at times.

Soberween

Man, I've been there. In the last 14 years I've lived in four different time zones in the U.S. due to my husband's employer constantly transferring us. Some were big exciting places, but I lived in Arkansas for four years and it was rough. You don't realize how difficult it is until you experience it. People say "well it's what you make of it," but it is still hard. I also had to find a job and daycare for my daughters in each place while my husband's job was all set up and ready to go. Once I would finally get situated in my career and the kid's were happy it was time to move again and start all over. I think this is where my initial descent into wino-ism began. I would feel so lost and disoriented that I would just reach for that bottle of wine to help me cope.

It's okay UniqueNY to feel negative about it every now and then. It sounds like you are using outlets such as exercise to get you through it. I wish I would have gone that route.

ZZworldontheweb

Hey man, that's why they have the interwebs. And you can always go on a cheap vacay to some of your favorite areas.

GodsHolyWill

Hi! As a suggestion, there are A.A. meetings online and there are also A.A. groups that have email or chat meetings. Just Google around. Hope that helps!

Stevie1

Heh. Your first graf sounds like me, and where I live now.
Except there's lots of meetings around here.

I did figure out pretty quickly that the website for my county (I'm assuming you're talking about AA) was not current. I got more reliable information by calling the local/county number, then networking with folks I met in meetings.

I've taken a "bloom where you're planted" approach to where I'm living now, try to get involved and it's not that bad.

LaFemme

I'm really affected by where I live so I understand your dilemma. Maybe it won't be 5 years...maybe ylou will b meet some like minded people.

Even when I lived in a place I disliked I met a clouple people I liked

sleepie

At least you don't live in the ghetto part of town. I do due to lack of proper employment. It's very dangerous. As for the broken down cars with 3,000 rims- we have that here too and it's one of my small pleasures to ponder what brings one to make such a choice... If it weren't for my ability to see humor in things I would probably not survive. The rims make me laugh, and the laughter keeps the crazies away.

sailorjohn

Time to suck it up.

For recovering alcoholics resentments are extremely dangerous, I can state the last time I relapsed it was preceded by a very large resentment. Anyone that claims resentments aren't dangerous is full of s**t.

If you think you have it tough, consider the number of people on the planet that sleep in the streets every night. Consider the number of struggling alcoholics/addicts that will never get clean/sober.

Try to cultivate an attitude of gratitude, I'm sure if you consider it you can think of many things you have to be grateful for.

dbearw

Do you live anywhere near a metropolitan area? I live outside of one, but in the outskirts. I have to make the 45 min trip i at least once a week to stay sane. Actually I go in to volunteer- so I have a reason to go. Then I hit a meeting downtown. Most of my friends live in the city. It's a cost with the gas- but I need it!

AmericanGirl

Hi Unique. I've lived lots of places and find it really affects me too when I'm in a particularly provincial places. And I relate also because I may need to move to a smaller place for the purposes of career too.

One thing is to try to find others who are like you there . . . even if 9 out of 10 people have no interest in the world outside of the town, and thus have never left, I'm sure there are a few people like you wandering around who out of circumstances are there. Find them.

Also, see what you can do in terms of budgeting for travel. I know for me that the psychology of feeling like I can "Access" a different area is more important than actually regularly accessing it. So, maybe if you have a trip to look forward to, that can be a comfort.

I think people give really good advice about trying to accept it and work on what you have control over. Also, I think it would be good to try to have a five-year plan for leaving. A temporary situation is much easier to handle, at least for me. Instead of focusing on just the five years being over, have a sense of what you want to accomplish over those five years to make it less likely you will have to live in podunk again That could be building new skills, getting an advanced degree if there's a university there, building equity, etc. At least, that's how I'm approaching the idea. You aren't trapped. I've heard it said that you are only trapped by the limits of your imagination.

Veritas1

If I were you, I would create the fellowship I seek.

I would look up the area AA website, and establish a new meeting led by you.

Find a place willing to let you hold meetings, a church perhaps.

Start a new meeting, and get it added to the area schedules, online and in print.

Go to area hospitals, treatment centers, doctors, counselors, and let them know there is a new meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, your meeting.

Imagine what could happen!

Imagine the people you could help!

If we don't like something, we change it. If it is bad, we get to make it better.

You get to, because you are sober, and have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

You are sober.

Help others.

Love and service.

We get to take our minds out of "the problem" and into "the solution".

How creative can you be?

Some quotes for your to consider from the 12 and 12:

"In it, each member becomes an active guardian of our Fellowship."

"Realization dawns that he is but a small part of a great whole; that no personal sacrifice is too great for preservation of the Fellowship."

"Throughout the world, immense and favorable publicity of every description has been the principal means of bringing alcoholics into our Fellowship."

and from our book:

"To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends -- this is an experience you must not miss."

Bill's Story

"We meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowship they seek."

Veritas1

"A Vision For You"

"These men had found something brand new in life. Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves for others. They shared their homes, their slender resources, and gladly devoted their spare hours to fellow-sufferers. They were willing, by day or night, to place a new man in the hospital and visit him afterward. They grew in numbers. They experienced a few distressing failures, but in those cases they made an effort to bring the man’s family into a spiritual way of living, thus relieving much worry and suffering.

A year and six months later these three had succeeded with seven more. Seeing much of each other, scarce an evening passed that someone’s home did not shelter a little gathering of men and women, happy in their release, and constantly thinking how they might present their discovery to some newcomer. In addition to these casual get-togethers, it became customary to set apart one night a week for a meeting to be attended by anyone or everyone interested in a spiritual way of life. Aside from fellowship and sociability, the prime object was to provide a time and place where new people might bring their problems.

Outsiders became interested. One man and his wife placed their large home at the disposal of this strangely assorted crowd. This couple has since become so fascinated that they have dedicated their home to the word. Many a distracted wife has visited this house to find loving and understanding companionship among women who knew her problem, to hear from the lips of their husbands what had happened to them, to be advised how her own wayward mate might be hospitalized and approached when next he stumbled.

Many a man, yet dazed from his hospital experience, has stepped over the threshold of that home into freedom. Many an alcoholic who entered there came away with an answer. He succumbed to that gay crowd inside, who laughed at their own misfortunes and understood his. Impressed by those who visited him at the hospital, he capitulated entirely when, later, in an upper room of this house, he heard the story of some man whose experience closely tallied with his own. The expression on the faces of the women, that indefinable something in the eyes of the men, the stimulating and electric atmosphere of the place, conspired to let him know that here was haven at last.

The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible. He and his wife would leave elated by the thought of what they could now do for some stricken acquaintance and his family. They knew they had a host of new friends; it seemed they had known these strangers always. They had seen miracles, and one was to come to them. They had visioned the Great Reality—their loving and All Powerful Creator.

Now, this house will hardly accommodate its weekly visitors, for they number sixty or eighty as a rule. Alcoholics are being attracted from far and near. From surrounding towns, families drive long distances to be present. A community thirty miles away has fifteen fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. Being a large place, we think that some day its Fellowship will number many hundreds."

~

" Some day we hope that every alcoholic who journeys will find a Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous at his destination."

~

"Thus we grow. And so can you, though you be but one man with this book in your hand. We believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin.

We know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself: “I’m jittery and alone. I couldn’t do that.” But you can. You forget that you have just now tapped a source of power much greater than yourself. To duplicate, with such backing, what we have accomplished is only a matter of willingness, patience and labor.

We know of an A.A. member who was living in a large community. He had lived there but a few weeks when he found that the place probably contained more alcoholics per square mile than any city in the country. This was only a few days ago at this writing. (1939) The authorities were much concerned. He got in touch with a prominent psychiatrist who had undertaken certain responsibilities for the mental health of the community. The doctor proved to be able and exceedingly anxious to adopt any workable method of handling the situation. So he inquired, what did our friend have on the ball?

Our friend proceeded to tell him. And with such good effect that the doctor agreed to a test among his patients and certain other alcoholics from a clinic which he attends. Arrangements were also made with the chief psychiatrist of a large public hospital to select still others from the stream of misery which flows through that institution.

So our fellow worker will soon have friends galore. Some of them may sink and perhaps never get up, but if our experience is a criterion, more than half of those approached will become fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. When a few men in this city have found themselves, and have discovered the joy of helping others to face life again, there will be no stopping until everyone in that town has had his opportunity to recover—if he can and will.

Still you may say: “But I will not have the benefit of contact with you who wrote this book.” We cannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave. Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and keep you—until then."