But you're so much fun when you drink!
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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But you're so much fun when you drink!
I decided to quit drinking after another blackout last weekend. We'd already made plans for tonight, to meet a group of people at a bar prior to going to a basketball game. Not the best situation to be in IRT sobriety, but I tried to think through all the "oh, just have one" scenarios so I could prepare to just say no. I was successful (yay, I guess... I'm glad I didn't drink but ambivalent about whether it is any kind of "success"), but the one I forgot was:
"Oh, just drink this, okay? You're so much fun when you drink!"
Throughout my life, from the time I was a full-time alcoholic to the more recent years when I've been "moderating" (read: blackout binge drinker), *everyone* tells me how much fun I am when I drink. I mean, even my kids have commented on it (though they're too young to really be aware of alcohol, they have referred to nights I've been drinking and told me how much fun they had with me). HOW do I deal with this? Obviously I need to find a way to be less inhibited and more "fun" when I'm sober- but meanwhile it makes me feel like crap thinking no one has a good time when I'm sober. In the past I used this to further justify drinking- because, if I was really an alcoholic, people wouldn't want to be around me when I drank, and they wouldn't encourage me to drink. Right? Today, though, I just don't know.
Watching the people I was with get hammered tonight was kind of strange. I don't envy them their hangovers tomorrow and I am glad to be sitting here sober right now but I was also a bit jealous because I felt like I was missing out on the fun. There's a bottle of Crown on my fridge and when I saw it there I thought "Wow, I'm home, my husband is f-ing trashed but I finally got him into bed, I could pour myself a nightcap, sit and drink it in the quiet of the house, and go to bed myself." I was surprised at how strong the urge was (is!)- and I know part of it is because I am still craving alcohol. That craving will fade soon and that part of it will be easier, but I'm worried about losing my resolve as I get farther away from last weekend, especially when I'm no fun when I'm sober. (a little sarcasm there)
Almost 1 a.m. and an early morning coming up with the kids- I'm so glad I won't be hung over and wondering what happened last night!!!
"Oh, just drink this, okay? You're so much fun when you drink!"
Throughout my life, from the time I was a full-time alcoholic to the more recent years when I've been "moderating" (read: blackout binge drinker), *everyone* tells me how much fun I am when I drink. I mean, even my kids have commented on it (though they're too young to really be aware of alcohol, they have referred to nights I've been drinking and told me how much fun they had with me). HOW do I deal with this? Obviously I need to find a way to be less inhibited and more "fun" when I'm sober- but meanwhile it makes me feel like crap thinking no one has a good time when I'm sober. In the past I used this to further justify drinking- because, if I was really an alcoholic, people wouldn't want to be around me when I drank, and they wouldn't encourage me to drink. Right? Today, though, I just don't know.
Watching the people I was with get hammered tonight was kind of strange. I don't envy them their hangovers tomorrow and I am glad to be sitting here sober right now but I was also a bit jealous because I felt like I was missing out on the fun. There's a bottle of Crown on my fridge and when I saw it there I thought "Wow, I'm home, my husband is f-ing trashed but I finally got him into bed, I could pour myself a nightcap, sit and drink it in the quiet of the house, and go to bed myself." I was surprised at how strong the urge was (is!)- and I know part of it is because I am still craving alcohol. That craving will fade soon and that part of it will be easier, but I'm worried about losing my resolve as I get farther away from last weekend, especially when I'm no fun when I'm sober. (a little sarcasm there)
Almost 1 a.m. and an early morning coming up with the kids- I'm so glad I won't be hung over and wondering what happened last night!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Alcohol is really hard on a woman's body. Your kiddos need you. They say one drink max is safe amount for a woman. I never enjoyed one drink.
Only you know how you drink. Blackouts don't happen after one drink. Blackouts happen when our brains are so overwhelmed with alcohol that they don't function right.
Take care of you, so your kiddos will have you for a very long happy healthy life together. If you have to get and stay sober for them to start with...
Do it.
Only you know how you drink. Blackouts don't happen after one drink. Blackouts happen when our brains are so overwhelmed with alcohol that they don't function right.
Take care of you, so your kiddos will have you for a very long happy healthy life together. If you have to get and stay sober for them to start with...
Do it.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 48
Hi Elfgirl,
Hopefully you are feeling better about things this morning. The thing I wanted to add about your kids thinking you were fun when you were drunk. In terms of perspective, when you were drunk, you were not in responsible parent mode...and probably acting more like a friend to them. But truth is, at this stage in their lives, they need you to be a mother not a friend. When they are older, you will be their friend and they will find you fun.
Hopefully you are feeling better about things this morning. The thing I wanted to add about your kids thinking you were fun when you were drunk. In terms of perspective, when you were drunk, you were not in responsible parent mode...and probably acting more like a friend to them. But truth is, at this stage in their lives, they need you to be a mother not a friend. When they are older, you will be their friend and they will find you fun.
rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
I agree with Freya. Part of them might feel you are fun but another part may be feeling scared witless. I know I scared my children even when I was being "fun". They were too scared to tell me how scared they actually were.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 72
I think it is difficult to avoid absolutes (fun/no fun) when I'm having to totally shift my thinking to an absolute (drunk/no alcohol). I do understand that absolute thinking isn't always productive- I just think this will be one of my bigger challenges when it comes to staying sober. Who doesn't want to be fun?
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 50
Hi Elf,
Two thoughts on this: I am someone who people always said this to when I drank. I was never an alcoholic (miracle, because everyone else in my family is, though the gene seems to have skipped me), but I was always incredibly shy. Alcohol was the social lubricant that let me get loose and be myself when I was otherwise too shy sober. I realized ultimately it was a lot more fun and rewarding to learn to open up WITHOUT alcohol, and plus I got to form more real, deeper bonds. And remember the fun later. Plus, everyone around me saying that was drunk, too. And what WOULDN'T they find fun? The only thing I can think of is a sober person.
Other thought: as the partner of an active alcoholic, there is nothing I abhor more than the "happy drunk." When he is sober, he is miserable, either because he is going through withdrawls and/or dealing with the rapidly unfolding chaos of his highly dysfunctional life. As unpleasant as this is, I highly prefer this to the silly, happy-go-lucky fool he becomes when he's drinking. Because I know that person is in him somewhere, but buried so deeply by alcohol, and the one that comes out after drinking is like a dark shadow mired by beer. I say this to say that you "not being fun sober" is really just a matter of perspective, and I wonder if, in your case, you are just as fun sober, but carrying around the burden of alcoholism. That is, as your recovery progresses and you begin to heal, the fun you will really shine, and even more so because of your sobriety.
Congrats on making it through a night at a bar.
Two thoughts on this: I am someone who people always said this to when I drank. I was never an alcoholic (miracle, because everyone else in my family is, though the gene seems to have skipped me), but I was always incredibly shy. Alcohol was the social lubricant that let me get loose and be myself when I was otherwise too shy sober. I realized ultimately it was a lot more fun and rewarding to learn to open up WITHOUT alcohol, and plus I got to form more real, deeper bonds. And remember the fun later. Plus, everyone around me saying that was drunk, too. And what WOULDN'T they find fun? The only thing I can think of is a sober person.
Other thought: as the partner of an active alcoholic, there is nothing I abhor more than the "happy drunk." When he is sober, he is miserable, either because he is going through withdrawls and/or dealing with the rapidly unfolding chaos of his highly dysfunctional life. As unpleasant as this is, I highly prefer this to the silly, happy-go-lucky fool he becomes when he's drinking. Because I know that person is in him somewhere, but buried so deeply by alcohol, and the one that comes out after drinking is like a dark shadow mired by beer. I say this to say that you "not being fun sober" is really just a matter of perspective, and I wonder if, in your case, you are just as fun sober, but carrying around the burden of alcoholism. That is, as your recovery progresses and you begin to heal, the fun you will really shine, and even more so because of your sobriety.
Congrats on making it through a night at a bar.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 8
I know EXACTLY how you feel elfgirl. All my friends (husband included) love the "drunk me". Hell...so do I. I feel like if I don't drink that I am booring. I'm a weekend binge drinker. Once I start, I can't seem to stop until I taper off for work on Monday. It's a vicious cycle and I am realizing that it's not worth the FUN. Didn't drink this weekend. SR is helping my realize ALOT!
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Thirty three years ago I was a happy drunk. Over the decades I became a quiet drunk. Then I became a surly drunk. I quit before I became an angry drunk. Alcoholism is a one way downward slope...
Murray
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I felt that way when I drank too, I didn't think I could be "fun" without the booze...I identified myself so much with booze, I didn't or couldn't realize I could be more fun without it...and that's what booze does..creates distorted realities... My idea of being fun was being loud..acting like an a** and drinking until the sun came up....then dreading the day...fun?? I've been enjoying my life sober for the past 14 months....and don't regret a single day without it....
In the early weeks/months it is hard to change the way you once were....because that is who you have been accustomed to being.....trust me when I say this...your real beautiful self is waiting... your true self! the woman who you are meant to be!!
In the early weeks/months it is hard to change the way you once were....because that is who you have been accustomed to being.....trust me when I say this...your real beautiful self is waiting... your true self! the woman who you are meant to be!!
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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Courageouscrane, thank you for your post. You hit very close to home for me and I appreciate your perspective, both on learning to open up without drinking, and on what it's like to be with a "happy drunk." I have such a long way to go with this, and right now I'm equal parts excited to open a new chapter in my life, and terrified that I will fail.
Mostly right now I'm happy that I was out until all hours, spent half the night in a bar, got 4 hours of sleep, and I'm not huddled over my toilet dry-heaving and wondering what the heck happened last night. *This* feeling is good, you know?
Mostly right now I'm happy that I was out until all hours, spent half the night in a bar, got 4 hours of sleep, and I'm not huddled over my toilet dry-heaving and wondering what the heck happened last night. *This* feeling is good, you know?
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I cross-posted, thanks to ALL of you for your support and understanding. I can't tell you how (relieving? comforting? not sure what word I'm looking for) it is to know I'm not alone in this. Really, right now, I'm sitting here trying not to cry because for so long I've felt like the only person in the world who struggled this way. I'm glad I found this forum and hope posting here can be the catalyst I need to finally make these changes for good, and find my way to the kind of living I- and my family- deserve.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
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Just remember... it really is "one day at a time" and for some it's one minute at a time....I don't think in long terms like I'm never going to drink again..ever... I just know that I have this day...and I have the choice...and I choose to be sober today!!! it honestly helps!! Try thinking in those terms....hope it does for you, what it does for me.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Originally Posted by Murray4x5 
Thirty three years ago I was a happy drunk. Over the decades I became a quiet drunk. Then I became a surly drunk. I quit before I became an angry drunk. Alcoholism is a one way downward slope...
It's easier to be alcoholic in the early stages than the later stages.
There are actually some benefits in the early stages. Though they come at a high, high cost. Reminds me of a bargain with the devil. "I'll make you think you're fun and popular. I'll make enabling people tell you you were 'funny', because they are uncomfortable with your progressing illness, and didn't know what else to say. And you can live in this lie for a few years, may a decade, until everyone tires of it. And then it's too late, and your soul is mine."
If you don't feel comfortable drinking, it's best to stop. It's your life, and you live with your choices.
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Originally Posted by courageouscrane
Other thought: as the partner of an active alcoholic, there is nothing I abhor more than the "happy drunk." When he is sober, he is miserable, either because he is going through withdrawls and/or dealing with the rapidly unfolding chaos of his highly dysfunctional life.
Now it describes me and I hate myself.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Fun for who?
It was never fun for me waking up after a bad one and having to hear all about how 'funny' I was. Self loathing would always follow, the pain dulled by copious amounts of alcohol once again.
OMG, I feel so much better now. Not only physically but mentally!
It was never fun for me waking up after a bad one and having to hear all about how 'funny' I was. Self loathing would always follow, the pain dulled by copious amounts of alcohol once again.
OMG, I feel so much better now. Not only physically but mentally!
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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I used to get the "more fun when you're drunk" comment a lot when I was very young. I think I took some pride in it, as tho it were a skill. But then I became a liability on account of the blackout chaos that accompanied me everywhere I drank. For good reason, the same folks who used that line initially to get out me to go out then started to dodge my calls and avoided me like the plague.
Also - take stock of who is saying this to you (aside from your kids). Not sure if it's the same for you, but in my case it tended not to be coming from my most successful, happy and stable friends & acquaintances, but from folks I had bonded with primarily thru partying and with whom I had a hard time reconciling my relationships with when not drunk or high.
I've not got a ton of sober days under my belt just yet, but I can honestly say that the moments of true, genuine contentment I've experienced within them so far already outweighs the total sum of reckless, inane "fun" netted in 17+ years of getting wasted.
Also - take stock of who is saying this to you (aside from your kids). Not sure if it's the same for you, but in my case it tended not to be coming from my most successful, happy and stable friends & acquaintances, but from folks I had bonded with primarily thru partying and with whom I had a hard time reconciling my relationships with when not drunk or high.
I've not got a ton of sober days under my belt just yet, but I can honestly say that the moments of true, genuine contentment I've experienced within them so far already outweighs the total sum of reckless, inane "fun" netted in 17+ years of getting wasted.
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Location: Australia
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I got the 'more fun' comment a lot....and it worked on me for a lot of years...I did tend to be quieter, and more irascible when sober....so I'd go back to drinking.
But I had to look at where these comments were coming from - in the main they all came from people who had some kind of vested interest in me drinking.
I've seen video of me drunk, since. There was nothing fun there.
Eventually I woke up - I knew I was killing myself - and that had to be my first priority.
Now I'm sober - I got through that first period of being snappy and irritable and all the rest that comes with withdrawal.
I'm not the party hardy guy I was, sure.
But I'm a hell of a lot happier, and I like who I am now.
It's no loss - and a great trade off IMO
D
But I had to look at where these comments were coming from - in the main they all came from people who had some kind of vested interest in me drinking.
I've seen video of me drunk, since. There was nothing fun there.
Eventually I woke up - I knew I was killing myself - and that had to be my first priority.
Now I'm sober - I got through that first period of being snappy and irritable and all the rest that comes with withdrawal.
I'm not the party hardy guy I was, sure.
But I'm a hell of a lot happier, and I like who I am now.
It's no loss - and a great trade off IMO
D
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