elfgirl

Cindi74- I can totally relate, except for me it's not just women, it's whoever is handy. Family, friends, strangers. No one is safe. And on the rare occasion that I remember any of it, my thought process is never sexual. I just want to kiss someone and feel 'connected' and then I get offended if they "take it wrong." Yep. It's a really miserable feeling.

Twenty- I had my last blackout last weekend and decided it was enough; it's only been a week and it is hard. I hope you were able to ignore all those texts from your friends!

Cindi74

I know...I was not kissing to be sexual I was just so lonely inside of myself when I drank-I needed that human connection too, and most likely I kissed girls b/c I was w/ my boyfriend while out and if it had been a guy-there would have been HUGE problems..so when a guy would hit on me I actually had enough wits about me to know someone would get hurt (if not killed). But I knew he didn't mind if I kissed girls-you know how Men are.....

Rift

Man this stuff is scary to say the least. I'm really sorry you guys have had these things happen, seriously. I blackout too, but luckily nothing too bad has happened. I totally understand though. I totally know what it's like to drink and have all these demons come out of you. It is truly scary stuff.

luckedog

"you know how Men are....." Hay, I resemble that remark! (lol)

Nirvana1

Just go. I've just started going to meetings at it is not bad or what you may think. There will be Jewish, atheist, and other religious people but that is not the issue.

I'm still trying to figure out the higher power part but it is better to deal with that sober in AA, than out there slipping up drinking and getting back into the cycle.

Chris2011

Spawn, guess I should be thankful that never happened. But as least you are here to tell about it!

I think another ro k bottom has been Xmas eve...have it at my house and tell myself every year I wont get drink... Past two I don't remember everyone leaving. Sooooo depressing and awful...such a special holiday and spend lots of money time decorating and cooking. For what....to nots remember it.

justdave

On more than one occasion, back when we would actually have guests, I'd wake up the next morning and wonder when everyone had left. 9 times out of 10 they cleared out because of my drinking.

cabledude

Thanks for the reminder of the bad old days.

I said many times 'That's it, I'm stopping drinking' after a tough night, and later I was heading out to do it again. It's not like something bad will impress us and make us stop. From what I've observed there's nothing bad enough.

So, stay as safe as is possible.

Personally, I'm glad I blacked out on some of those nights. I wouldn't want those memories. I wish some of the others had been blackouts.

Chris2011

No, an incident won't make us stop, but enough of them AND having the resolve to do it works. I do not go to bars but rather enjoy bbqs, etc. My next test will be Easter. I have chosen not to host it, but will go to my sisters. No drinking for me. I have had enough of being the drunk.

constable80

This.

LifeBlows

I got drunk with co-workers and hit on a co-worker. I do not remember this at all. Everyone else thought it was extremely funny as I am normally very reserved. This was when I realized that I had become a blackout drunk. When you drink alone you don't realize this. And no I didn't try to stop drinking until months afterwards

PaleMale

Blackouts scared me sober! Only towards the end did I begin blacking out.

It's a terrible feeling knowing that even if you don't remember anything, you're still responsible for your actions drunk out of your socks... My solution to blackouts now is not to have the first drink. It's the only thing that always works and keeps my reputation intact (and other people alive!)

It's sadly all to common to not remember killing people with your car, but going to jail anyway. We are responsible for taking the first drink...and everything that happens after that.

onlythetruth

If you are not religious, you may prefer a program that has no religious overtones. SMART Recovery is a secular program and has many meetings in the greater DC area. Here are links to the regional SMART Recovery website, as well as the national website:

SMART Recovery - Washington, D.C./Maryland/Virginia - Information about Recovery from Alcohol and Drug Abuse, Addiction, Alcoholism

SMART Recovery® | Self Help for Addiction & Alcohol Abuse

OceanSize

my blackout 5 days ago is what brought me here. i am terrified. i am scared of myself. i cry just about every hour. I have some hours where i feel ok. but mostly i am ashamed.