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Old 03-15-2011, 04:40 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Way to go, Amber! I'm glad you're not having a lot of cravings to drink (I had some real doozies.....). Keep going - you deserve it!

(Just my opinion of course, but if you find it hard to tackle everything at the same time, focus on getting sober first.)

Tomorrow you'll have one week sober - woohoo!
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Old 03-15-2011, 06:56 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Well, congrats on Day 6!
I'm not surprised that your focus is going towards your ED. I did have a pretty long period of sobriety back before I started to recover, and the thought that I might lose weight was a definite factor (though not the only one). I was living in a crazy environment at the time and I would go out for extremely long walks just to get away from it for a while. Those walks had a pretty profound effect on me because they gave me space to think and made me realize that I didn't want to die. Before that I wasn't so sure.
It sounds like you could use some time away from the house if you can get it. Even a 1/2 hour walk would be good.
And if your husband doesn't want to hear about your cravings then screw him - you can some talk to us!
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Old 03-16-2011, 04:00 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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You guys are so amazing and awesome! Everyone has such good advice and is so supportive. It's nice not to feel like you alone in your problem. Thanks
Anyways yesterday I didn't have 1 craving. Last night it felt like a 1000 tons had been lifted off my chest. No more fear of getting pulled over, no more hiding empty alcohol containers no more fear of hurting my kids (physically and mentally), no more obsessing over where I am going to get my next drink and when my husband will leave for work so I can go to my hidden stash, no more embarrassing and stupid drunk dialing, no more horrible cravings that make me want to just jump off a bridge, no more being drunk in college and trying to hide it, and a million more things just all went away at once. I think that was the best feeling in the world. Also yesterday my depression went away for the fist time in years, maybe it had to do with alcohol, who knows?
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Old 03-16-2011, 04:12 AM
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You are doing really well! That is so great, keep reading and posting, we are all here for you! You deserve this so much and to be truly really happy and it is really possible, I know that to be true for me.
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Old 03-16-2011, 05:53 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Wow, good for you, keep it up.
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Old 03-17-2011, 08:20 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Officially one week sober! I did want to drink yesterday and got a little depressed, but it wasn't too bad. Last night though all i could dream about was drinking though, i woke up thinking I had to start all over being sober lol Tonight I have school again and this week i seem to be doing better and retaining more than when i was drinking. Even though i always got A's and an occasional B, I just seem to understand everything better now.
Next Thursday i start therapy with a new person for my PTSD, Depression, ED, Bipolar and Alcoholism (lol I'm all messed up), we will see what happens
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Old 03-17-2011, 06:03 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Congratulations on one week, Amber!! That's awesome!

It just gets better (mentally, physically and emotionally), so hang in there. The obsession/compulsion will fade. Glad you're getting help with the other stuff - you're doing it right!
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Old 03-18-2011, 12:26 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Good for you - that's awesome! Therapy can be great if you find someone you click with. I also went and found a therapist that specializes in alcohol addiction - I figure I need all the help I can get right now.
Stay strong - the depression will get better!
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Old 03-18-2011, 06:07 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Interesting about the depression going away AmberNicole.

In the beginning drinking made me happy, that was one of the main reasons I did it as I suffer with mild depression, although I have never taken meds for it as they scare me but for some reason I have no problem drinking a bottle of wine every night.

I think that is a reason why a lot of us drink, to self medicate. Alcohol is a depressant.
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Old 03-18-2011, 05:04 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Hi Amber, congrats on your new found sobriety! It does seem like weight is pulled right off your chest eh?
I read your first message in this thread and automatically thought about a book called "Drinking, a love story," By Caroline Knapp. Maybe order it off amazon.com? It has been helping me with my sobriety for a few days now. (Today is day 13 for me.)
Happy you found this site, all of these people really do help each other out!
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Old 05-03-2011, 05:48 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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So I started drinking again and almost as bad as i was. Today will be my first day all over again, I won't let myself drink. Today is a fresh day and a fresh start, yesterday is in the past. Bring on the shakes lol
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Old 05-03-2011, 07:14 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Dear Amber, Oh your story sounds like mine. I too also have an eating disorder. At the moment while I try to gain sobriety (and huge congrats on the 5 days) my other 'issue' is spiralling out of control. I do believe that as a result of eating/drinking problems have left my body so depleted that it acts as fuel to the addiction fire. Personally speaking I have been to the treatment centres and done the 12 step programmes. I did gain quite a lot out of it but found that it was not enough for me. I am about to start another programme from home (with the help of a very good friend) which is a heavy course of vitamins and minerals as well as strict diet. The prospect of doing this is giving me huge hope. As it is based upon the physical, rather than the spiritual, I feel I can believe in it. I am sure there are a lot of people who will disagree with me but I am sure a cannot be the only one to feel this way. I wish you all the luck in the world and have huge admiration for you being able to get away from the alcohol. x
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Old 05-03-2011, 09:04 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Did you start the therapy?
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Old 05-03-2011, 09:12 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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I got convicted for drink driving,and luckily enough i didnt kill anyone,but being stuck in a cell waiting to find out what was going to happen to me and realising that i could have killed some innocent person was not a good place to be i can assure you of that.

I hope you never find yourself in this situation,you and ur family deserve better

xx
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Old 05-04-2011, 12:23 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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to SSIL75: No I haven't started yet I am waiting for the package to arrive. But I have stopped drinking and I am eating according to the plan (sort of, I still have to quit the coffee and diet coke). I have been assured by my friend who has done it twice (the first time didn't fail she just thought she wasn't an alcoholic because she found the process of quitting so easy that she could not believe she was actually an alcoholic, this secnd time she has no doubts). I will keep you posted when I start and my journey through it.
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Old 05-04-2011, 12:59 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Welcome back AmberNichole - what are you adding to your programme this time?

good luck with your programme hibou - most of us have found there *is* a mental component tho...your friend who convinced herself she wasn't an alcoholic is a prime example....so please do keep that in mind...

D
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Old 09-29-2013, 07:22 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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I guess here is an update. Not too great. Pretty much have been drinking everyday since. Skipped a few days here and there. I pretty much drink all day. During the day I usually get a couple mikes harder lemonades to keep myself "normal?". Then in the evenings I start in on Vodka, or a couple of the Four Lokos, or an 12/18 pack of platinum bud light. That is a weekday norm. I have 3 kids going to 3 different schools, and I go to school as well still. I justify the mikes lemonades because they probably won't put me over the legal limit to drive. Although, I will sometimes still drink and drive, but no where near the extent of what I was doing before. On a weekend or days that I do not have to drive I can easily drink half of a 1.75 bottle of vodka, sometimes 3/4s of it. Gained a lot more weight even though I only eat about 100 calories in food a day. Guess that 2000 calories in alcohol i drink a day doesn't help lol. Somehow my liver is still great though? Gezz right now I am on my second drink already.

I left my husband about 8 months ago and am now living on my own. I am definitely MUCH happier. I would use him as a reason to drink, because of stress. I wondered if I left if the need to drink would go away, but that did not happen. Now I used the excuse that i have to take care of the kids all on my own, and that i am a grown woman (and if i want to drink in my own home whenever i want i am going to).

I want to stop due to calories, legal implications, to be a better mother, money, and to have that "weight of of my chest" feeling back. Truthfully I LOVE alcohol though. I am so happy and carefree when I drink. I get motivation and it makes everyday tasks half way enjoyable.

I just do not know what to do with myself. uggggg
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Old 09-29-2013, 07:53 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Welcome back!

We are all alcoholics here so we understand the love of alcohol. I had my first sip at 16 and couldn't get enough of the stuff. It just made me feel good. Now that I've gotten sober I realized that I felt bad when I wasn't drinking. Turns out there was a lot of other stuff going on in my head that I was trying to block out with the booze. In other words, I was self-medicating my problems away.

Took me a long time to realize that wasn't the best solution. My program of therapy and sobriety helped me understand there are many better options to help you make yourself feel better than destroying yourself through alcohol.

I've repeated this many times before and it's not necessarily the most popular thing to say, but I believe it to be the truth: you're not a bad person. Alcoholics carry around so much guilt because of the disease. But it is a disease. You're just a sick person who needs help to get better. Your help might be here at SR, through AA, AVRT, counselling, rehab, or whatever you decide. It is however your responsibility to get that help, much the same as a person suffering from any other illness has a responsibility to get treatment.

Thanks for coming back and posting an update. That requires a lot of courage that I personally didn't have. Reaching out here could be your first step on the road to recovery.

All the best, and take care of yourself!
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Old 09-29-2013, 11:14 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Nice to meet you Amber.
Maybe this time you are ready!
I'm only on day 6, but this is a great place to spend time!
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Old 12-14-2018, 10:54 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Another update. Still drinking. Unfortunately it is now affecting my health and the doctors said I wont make it more than 10-15 years if I don't stop. Don't really care about that. Annoyed that it makes me fat though. Maybe I'll give this a go again. idk
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