Fandy

If the practical information given here saves others from making the same mistake and hurting someone or themselves I think that is a good thing.

sharing knowledge not passing judgement....I never rec'd a DUI but this information makes me aware of the consequences...the expense and the entire poopstorm it can bring down on anyone's life.

and maybe CC is weighing her own options on her involvement.....we don't know.

but the information from others who have experienced it first hand could be a powerful deterrant.

MsCooterBrown

One who has fully blown sobriety.

CarolD

courageouscrane.....
there is no one here who knows exactly what will be done
about his DUI States change their legal requirements often.

I'm glad you are useing our F&f forms for support.
Some relationships are just toxic.....

From this post of yours...I think you are in one...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...necessary.html

Anna

I also wonder why you are continuing in a relationship with this person who is already in big legal trouble and is not interested in quitting drinking?

SixStringZen

Expect a significant enhancement...in Cali, over 1.5 is typically charged as extreme dui...

Also, check out the friends and family's of alcoholics forum...I'm in no way qualified to say if someone is an alcoholic...but, if he was able to walk, talk or drive while pushing a .3
That's screaming danger...screaming it....

Justfor1

My first DUI I generally paid 100 court costs and thats it. I had a public defender and the judge waved the probation costs because I was not employed. However, that was back in 1996 and things have become much harsher. I heard California has strict DUI laws but he is a "first timer". There are people still flying down the highway getting their 5th or 6th DUI's that I know of. He should be okay don't worry.

Chris2011

Growing up, I had a sweet woman as a neighbor... mid 40's who was widowed and had six kids. She had been drinking daily for a while. One night she was in an accident and a man was killed. A motorcycle with twovmen on it, no helmets, and speeding...but she had been drinking. Both at fault. They never pressed charges and she never touched alcohol again. She passed away at age of 79. Whatever the reason you have to quit, nothing is this sad and horrible. It takes work and total dedication. I could have gotten DUIs...thank God I never did. Guess my point is it CAN be done...but it takes complete resolve to quit.

Chris2011

In Louisiana, it can cost a pretty penny as well....upwards of $5K, minimum.

courageouscrane

I was just curious, and wondering if my BF will end up doing time in jail, and actually HOPING that the sentence is STIFF. He needs a lot of help, and although he's seeing an MD/addiction counselor, he is still drinking and unable to stop. I do hope, for his sake and safety, that he and the MD can arrive at a plan soon, but one of his old buddies was in town last night and he went and got trashed, didn't get up until almost 4 in the afternoon. How sad. Considering the fact that his average night is 8 beers, I can't imagine how much he must have had last night, to be in such bad shape.

I am curious about this also because I am, as someone above asked, weighing what level of commitment (if any) I want to have in this relationship. This is simply too much, and he is more and more seeming like a lost cause to me. Which is sad because I do love him so much, and he is a kind and beautiful soul. Who has unfortunately lost himself to the monster of alcohol

I have posted on the F&F forum, and found it greatly helpful. Thanks again to all for your responses.

Justfor1

I'm not sure that you should hope for a jail sentence. Jails typically do not have treatment programs and are very stressful environments due to the overcrowding, violence and other deplorable conditions. Unfortunently, if he doesn't want to really stop the consequences won't really matter.

newby1961

I think it is normal for a person who loves an alky to hope they get a stiff sentence like going to jail because in their mind at least that will stop them from their downward spiral.

I though it was comical though when I read about AA being a cult and I thought the very same thing for years but that was just one of my many excuses not to quit.

Now that I am in AA and have been sober slmost 7 years it may very well be a cult but its a cult of people who are trying to live a sober way of life and I have seen more love in this program than a lot of other places.

I also told someone I thought AA was just going to brain wash me and they said honey your brain could use a washing:rotfxko

Lastly I hope if you do stay maybe you will check out Alanon I know they have helped scores of loved ones of alcoholics

courageouscrane

To clarify, I don't want him thrown in jail, but I am hoping he has to do everything else (AA, classes, etc.) He did spend several hours in jail when he was pulled over, and was pretty traumatized by it. I would also hope that after spending $5k on a lawyer, he could avoid it. He is also working with an MD to get on antabuse (his bloodwork appointment is tomorrow) and seeing a counselor, so I think that will go well in his favor.

That said, he does clearly need so much help. He is, and has been, for the past year, been realizing that. This time does seem to be the most committed and engaged he's been with it, so I am watching from a distance with a guarded optimism. He did say today that he feels he cannot live with drinking anymore, which he had not yet said, so I am hoping for him that he can do it.

Thanks again for all of your input, and congrats to all on their amazing sobriety.

ItsMe23

Yeah that's me right there, I may not totally remember what i do, but i am able to do everything at levels higher than a .3

Either way, this story sounds much like mine. Depending on the judge i doubt probation for the first offense and i really doubt jail too. But he will pay a large sum to the court, and then a few hundred to get a conditional license, then insurance rates hike, he may also have to take a class to get his full license back. And one other thing if he plans on driving he may have to have the breathalyzer installed into his car. It is a straight up nightmare, but it didn't stop me from drinking. I was a weekend binge drinker and after i got the charged with the dwi i hit it harder than ever before.

The only way he will change is if he wants it, not being forced to AA or classes or multiple dwis or even jail. It is something he has to truly want.

But I am sure you will leave him before that just like what happened to me...

VodkaLover

Hi,
I am also in California and recieved a DUI 1998. I can tell you, it was very terrifying. I spent about 8 hours or so in the slammer

This happened on a Friday, by Monday I was alreadying recieving letters in the mail from lawyers offering assistance. Not have been thru this before, I thought I must get an attorny. The lawyer alone cost about 1,500 dollars alone.

When I went to court, it quickly came apparent to me, that the money for the lawyer was a waste. Upon walking into the court room I noticed notices on the wall of the court room explaining exaclty what you can expect.

Unless your BF has had multipal DUI's, and unless there was property damange, or worse, an enjory.......this is pretty much what you/he can expect:

1) attorny fees (again, I would skip on the attorny unless there was an injury, property damage, or multipal DUI's).

2) the court will impose a fine

3) the court will mandate DUI classes (I think mine was about 16 weeks/once a week)

4) possible community service

5) insurance is going to sky-rocket.

6) no driving for 6 months

Again, if it's the first DUI......the punishment is pretty standard. It's a misturminor ...but if he has had more then three, or is someone was injured, it's a felony. Also, it will be on his driving record four ten years.

Hope this helps.

VodkaLover

oh, mine fine was about $3,000 and the DUI classes was about $350.00

stugotz

Why is it that we never put this much thought into consequences before we do stuff. Hmm.....

farmer

You are so blessed. Many of us never get that feeling you had. I hope you continue to do well.

tooling

I had a dui about 3 years ago. It was my first offense so I didn't go to jail. But I was in a program that made me dance all over the place with classes, counseling, community service, and a MADD meeting where mothers talked about the children they lost.

I will be honest here. I got the feeling that although everywhere I turned they wanted money from my pocket I felt it all did me some good. I think people really did care that I didn't drink and drive again. It was a special program called ARD for first time offenders so that might be why.

They said the chances of me coming back with another offense was high. I told myself i will prove them wrong.

I got lucky and got a lawyer for only about 800 dollars. If there is no accident or nothing out of the ordinary and first offense there is nothing a lawyer needs or can do. You just plead guilty and go through the motions to come out the other end without jail. So you can get the cheapest lawyer.l

If you intend on fighting anything or trying to avoid jail or whatever in DUI cases it's still very hard to get out of things if it's a black and white case.

Every state is so different. Just search on the net for hours about the dui laws in your state. I learned so much on the net after studying for probably 25 + hours i knew the outcome better than my lawyer for real.