Jynx

Im finally coming out of my hangover from last Friday/Saturday and am slowly feeling better.
The Problem I'm having is when I think about what my social circle will look like when I stop drinking completely.
I have a very large circle of friends, and although I can't speak for any of them regarding it affecting their lives etc, a great many of them drink. A lot. Were all still young enough/without children or many responsibilities, and none of them have had alcohol be a big problem that I know of. Admittedly, I am often one of the ones who usually drinks the most.
A friend of mine is visiting from out of city this weekend, and were all going to be going out to the clubs with her, obviously abad idea for me, but if I dint go I won't see her at all.
Thinking ahead to the summer, my bf and our friends always spend a huge part of the summer camping, which always leads to super late drinking till6 or 7am until the sun comes up. I can't see myself having a good time there sober
I know there are always excuses and reasons to not stay sober, but I feel pretty hopeless. If I quit drinking I feel like ihave to stop seeing these people, and my boyfriend. It feels lonely already

WatchTheSky

I'm 20 and have encountered very similar problems in the past 4 months. I'm not going to say it's easy, because it definitely isn't. But it's possible. If they really care about you, they'll stick around. Your relationships will change, and it won't always be easy for anyone involved, but the real ones will stay. The only friend who isn't happy for me is probably an alcoholic himself. So far, it's true for me that life isn't as much fun sober, but it's more productive, fulfilling, and healthy. It all comes down to what you value most. There's no easy answer.

TwelveSteps

Same here. I quickly discovered that because my friends weren't alcoholics like I was, they had no problem spending time with me doing things that didn't involve drinking, or not drinking when we went to dinner, etc. just to be supportive of me -- even though I would never have asked them to. It really made me realize that *I* was the one who previously always had to make sure that whatever activity we did involved drinking either before or during, because *I* had the problem!

I think you might be surprised by your friends' reactions if you give them the benefit of the doubt.

GG

doggonecarl

I know how it is. The binge ends, the hangover fades and so does the committment to be sober. But read again this snippet from your first post:

"alcohol has ruined friendships, caused shame a d guilt almost everyday, and lost me the respect of friends and myself. I dont want this life anymore. It's the life of a sick woman. I want children, I want happiness, I want a future. My name is Jynx and I am an alcoholic."

Has your alcoholic mind already convinced you that partying with your friends is more important than happy, healthy life; a life you respect and one your friends and boy friend (and children if you have them) will respect?

I spent my 20s as a party boy. But the drugs were destroying me. When I quit I had to part ways with my "friends" or at least their lifestyle. It wasn't long before I could count the real "friends" on one hand. And they are still in my life.

Jynx, you are young. Do you want to continue down the road you are going and find, at 50, that you missed any opportunity to have the life you really wanted?

Good luck.

Draciack

Hi Jynx - it's tough, I'm early twenties and everyone I know not in AA drinks. Binge drinking is something of an epidemic these days. But my recovery has to come first. My life and my sanity are at stake.

Through some face to face support groups, I've met people my age that don't drink and it's great too because my relationships aren't built around alcohol, drinking, or the lifestyle anymore.

dairo

I hate to be an ass or w/e, but you definetely don't sound like you have enough consequences to warrant actually taking this seriously, oh well. I've tried to quit probably 50 times until I really wanted to do it for myself, and then I actually did stop and had to live a certain way and just drop many friends, that's just how it was for me. I hope you come to a clear realization soon for your own sake.

Kjell

I had to change my people, places, and things in order to stay sober.

I could get sober all the time, but to keep sober, sacrifices had to be made.

I also had to change myself as the same me will drink again, and again, and again.

Maybe this is true with you too?

Kjell~

dbearw

After I quit drinking I found a lot of friends who may still drink moderately, but who are definitely not alcoholic. I started noticing that MOST people didn't truly drink like me, I just thought everyone at the bar was as drunk as I was. I have a better social life now. Seriously better, both in and out of the rooms. Life is much more interesting too. And I do more stuff, like see movies, music, go to art openings, do athletic events, etc. It's never just about alcohol anymore, even if there happens to be some around. It took a while for me to be comfortable around it, but not too long really. I can now be with the heavy drinkers and not be tempted- it's just really boring. Get support, work a program and the initial change will be easier.

Spawn

I've always strongly thought that " if " you want to stay sober you have to surround yourself with sober people...........
you are the company you keep!

right?

DayTrader

It's tough Jynx, but maybe it's time to consider what your biggest priorities are. If sobriety is the top, which it should be, then I can't believe......and it's not my personal experience.....and it's not the experience of others I've gotten to know in sobriety....that God's going to leave us lonely and bored.

Leaps of faith aren't ever easy.....that's why the payoff can be so good.

Reset

You know, I've found that lots of friends have come and gone over the years regardless of my sobriety status. And maybe I'm getting more cynical as I get older but I've found that friendships are not the best factor, or not even a good factor a lot of times for making big decisions that affect my life.

Like others have said, your real friends will be around down the road and you'll be able to find new friends too as you grow.

Don't let your friendships be a factor in making a decision that could be really good for you in the long run. If you really want to quit, that is.

Krang

I had the same problem. I've been sober for two months now. I found that the friends who stuck around and wanted to hang out even without alcohol were the true friends.

LexieCat

I also think it's pretty much par for the course that as soon as one starts feeling physically better, as you do now, one tends to start finding reasons why sobriety won't work.

It's a shame, because it keeps people in the disease process.

Sugah

If you're certain that you can't maintain these friendships and this lifestyle without drinking, look at it a different way. Would you participate if, at the end of the night, all your friends got together and beat the living **** out of you? If it's taking you a couple of days to recover from this kind of fun, well...it's really not all that different.

If you are sick and tired, find new friends--preferable sober friends. I know where you can find some...

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Jynx

Thanks guys, pretty sure that's exactly what I needed to hear
Gonna stay strong. The last few times I tried to quit, I actually ended up still going out to the bar with friends and drank soda. It was awkward at first and a but annoying at times talking to drunk people while sober, but it was really nice to remember everything that was said /what happened that night, to wake up sober and without any hangover, and without that "omg did I say/do anything stupid last night?!" feeling.
Obviously I won't be hanging out at bars on a regular basis, but once in a while it's nice to remember that I did and can do it and not drink.
I had completely forgotten that this had happened before until I read this post again.

Jynx

Totally don't intend on going to bars, realized that may have sounded bad. Mostly just meant I can still interact and be social while sober

Kjell

Keep posting about your recovery Jynx and we can get and stay sober no-matter-what.

Rickie

Thanks for this post.

sunrise1

Jynx,

I too was in your exact situation. I'm a musician, and my whole life revolves around big functions where alcohol definitely is a part, or playing bars or restaurants. You have to be strong the first few times with your friends... "I'm not drinking" - - etc... but eventually it has ceased to be an issue with me. My mentor has 26 years as a sober working musician; if I hadn't seen him living it, I don't know that I would have even tried.

betterlate

You may find this hard to believe as I did, but parties can still be fun even if you're the only one not drinking. You get to watch everyone else get drunk and act foolish, and you can act foolish too, but without drinking, which is actually a lot more fun than it sounds. The difference is you'll remember the good time you had and they might have somewhat foggier memories of the event. Keep a soft drink in your hand and help the party in other ways that don't require drinking. Good luck.