Length of sobriety: does it matter?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Well i didn't get sober so that people would listen to me lol
IMO the goal of sobriety is to be happy, joyous and free...if one is all three then length of sobriety is totally irrelevant...if they are not all three then length of sobriety becomes extremely significant and also need to be heard, need to be told, need for respect etc all are part of the package...
As far as i am concerned i couldn't care less if people think i am on day 1 and have the worst sobriety on this planet and i couldn't care less if they know my sobriety date and think i have the best sobriety or anywhere in between...it is not important to me:-)
IMO the goal of sobriety is to be happy, joyous and free...if one is all three then length of sobriety is totally irrelevant...if they are not all three then length of sobriety becomes extremely significant and also need to be heard, need to be told, need for respect etc all are part of the package...
As far as i am concerned i couldn't care less if people think i am on day 1 and have the worst sobriety on this planet and i couldn't care less if they know my sobriety date and think i have the best sobriety or anywhere in between...it is not important to me:-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: The Great White North, eh? Beauty.
Posts: 159
Personally, I'll be glad when I can stop counting days (day 4!). I think that it helps some people because it gives them a definite goal to work towards. The drawback is that if you're sober for 100 days and you get sloshed on day 101, you might really beat yourself up because you have to start all over again from 0. That doesn't make sense to me, because it's not like you haven't done a whole lot of work on yourself during that period, you know?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
The only thing that is important to me is that I am sober today. I think being sober 3 years is significant. Someone isn't a better person just because they put together more sober days than another person. Again, being sober today is all that matters to me.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
My first husband (who got sober at 21 and now has 31 years) could, realistically, celebrate 75 years or more sober. I, who have two and a half years, won't live that long. 
I certainly expect and plan to stay sober the rest of my life. I'm not so complacent as to discount the possibility of a relapse, but I intend to do whatever I need to do so that never happens.
Every day sober is a gift. That's how I see it.
I certainly expect and plan to stay sober the rest of my life. I'm not so complacent as to discount the possibility of a relapse, but I intend to do whatever I need to do so that never happens.
Every day sober is a gift. That's how I see it.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
My sober time is important to me. It helps keep me sober. I have to stay sober, without sobriety, I will lose everything. My drinking has proven that over and over again. If I choose to drink, I lose my sober time and start again. I may have worked hard over that time, but not hard enough if I drank. It is a continuous cycle. Each sober day, you work to maintain it, no matter how many days you have. There are no guarantees and it is the same for every one be it 1 day or 1001 days.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hey man. Good to hear from you.
Inevitably then length of sobriety matters as it's more experience behind you at the very least and more to chuck away too. The thing about sobriety and recovery though is it's all very difficult to quantify. Much of it is state of mind and concepts that are hard to define, conceptualise or even prove exist; the only indicator that positive, dramatic behaviour/attitude shifts occur which are directly noticeable. For me then it's ultimately just today that ultimately is the most crucial part as that's where you are currently at and where and what you will be remembered/or not remembered for.
For example you could have had 5 years sobriety and recovery but then suddenly find that for what ever reason you pick up again. You then wake from a blackout in a police cell and that counts for nothing and explaining it to the copper ain't gonna mean nothing. Ultimately you're are only as good as your current/present behaviour in many respects. That being said then it certainly ain't a linear progression and you could have 6 months in bliss and then a few days in a mental rut. Then those 6 months seem a million miles away and you're in that rut. I guess that's a long way of saying yes, of course time matters as a hell of a lot of learning, healing, rebuilidng is done in that time but today with the wrong choices/decisions would mean it would effectively count for very little. This is my own experience for this alcoholic, other alcoholics/non alcoholics experiences are liable to be different.
Ultimately though time sober is a quantifiable measure of somebody's sobriety/recovery. Despite stuff you hear about being 'dry' and all that then ultimately if your recovery ain't working then you're just gonna pick up again. People who gain decent sober time are ultimately doing something right or else they wouldn't gain that sober time and would just go back drinking again. So from that perspective then length of sobriety matters very much, not to mention the hope that this gives people just starting out to who'm seeing tangible things like length of sobriety cannot be underestimated.
Peace
Inevitably then length of sobriety matters as it's more experience behind you at the very least and more to chuck away too. The thing about sobriety and recovery though is it's all very difficult to quantify. Much of it is state of mind and concepts that are hard to define, conceptualise or even prove exist; the only indicator that positive, dramatic behaviour/attitude shifts occur which are directly noticeable. For me then it's ultimately just today that ultimately is the most crucial part as that's where you are currently at and where and what you will be remembered/or not remembered for.
For example you could have had 5 years sobriety and recovery but then suddenly find that for what ever reason you pick up again. You then wake from a blackout in a police cell and that counts for nothing and explaining it to the copper ain't gonna mean nothing. Ultimately you're are only as good as your current/present behaviour in many respects. That being said then it certainly ain't a linear progression and you could have 6 months in bliss and then a few days in a mental rut. Then those 6 months seem a million miles away and you're in that rut. I guess that's a long way of saying yes, of course time matters as a hell of a lot of learning, healing, rebuilidng is done in that time but today with the wrong choices/decisions would mean it would effectively count for very little. This is my own experience for this alcoholic, other alcoholics/non alcoholics experiences are liable to be different.
Ultimately though time sober is a quantifiable measure of somebody's sobriety/recovery. Despite stuff you hear about being 'dry' and all that then ultimately if your recovery ain't working then you're just gonna pick up again. People who gain decent sober time are ultimately doing something right or else they wouldn't gain that sober time and would just go back drinking again. So from that perspective then length of sobriety matters very much, not to mention the hope that this gives people just starting out to who'm seeing tangible things like length of sobriety cannot be underestimated.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I've been sober 19+ years and say yes, to a degree. As we stay sober we build up experiences and have "sober reference". I've been through deaths, money problems, IRS, dental, relationship issues and when they happen again -- hey, it's life -- I'm better equipped to deal with these things. I can also tell others about the actions I took. I have lots of experience with drink signals, people places and things, HALT. I know what my stress points are.
However, I've encountered too many people who once had a lot of time and went out. Even after two decades. You get lazy, complacent. You forget what it was like. You forget that it's a cunning, baffling and powerful disease.
It's important to always remember that I am an alcoholic, that I'm powerless over alcohol. And, that a drink is ONLY an arm's length away.
However, I've encountered too many people who once had a lot of time and went out. Even after two decades. You get lazy, complacent. You forget what it was like. You forget that it's a cunning, baffling and powerful disease.
It's important to always remember that I am an alcoholic, that I'm powerless over alcohol. And, that a drink is ONLY an arm's length away.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
Through the process of recovery, I have realized my thoughts and opinions have changed over the years. I used to believe that AA was the only way to get and stay sober. I no longer attend AA, but do believe in the process and maintain it in my daily life. One thing that will never change is I can never drink again. I remind myself of that each and every day. That is one thing that helps me stay sober.
AA the only way, no. I no longer believe that. However, if you are in a state of desperation like I was, it works if you work it as initially intended. It worked for me and I truly believed that there was no hope for me.
If you really want to quit and keep trying, eventually you will be lead to something that works. However, it takes diligence to find and work a program to its fullest. There isn't an easy out. I had to learn that the hard way.
With that...length of sobriety effects you in many different ways. There are many bumps in the road of life, and if you can get over/around them sober, you must be doing something right.
AA the only way, no. I no longer believe that. However, if you are in a state of desperation like I was, it works if you work it as initially intended. It worked for me and I truly believed that there was no hope for me.
If you really want to quit and keep trying, eventually you will be lead to something that works. However, it takes diligence to find and work a program to its fullest. There isn't an easy out. I had to learn that the hard way.
With that...length of sobriety effects you in many different ways. There are many bumps in the road of life, and if you can get over/around them sober, you must be doing something right.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Even though I've stayed sober with AA for 19 years, I don't think it's the only way to get and stay sober. And it doesn't work for all people. It works for me because meetings "take the edge off", it's the fellowship that keeps me sober. Talking to another alcoholic. Somethings are helped by the steps (especially in the beginning). I'm an agnostic, always have been, and my sponsor is an atheist. "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking". That's it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 150
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr 
I'm an agnostic, always have been, and my sponsor is an atheist. "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking". That's it.
I'd be interested to hear how an atheist works the steps. I have heard of people who use nature as a higher power, I could see how that would work.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: central n00bistan
Posts: 121
Well, yes and no for me.
On the one hand, my bottom line is to be sober today. If I can do that, I'm golden.
On the other hand, I'm working on 17 years now, and that kind of gives me perspective...
I know people in AA that have 30+ years and are total jackholes. I know people that have less than a year and totally get it.
For me it isn't how much dry time you have, but how much personal clarity you have that really moves you forward.
Good topic, worth thinking about. Thanks, OP
On the one hand, my bottom line is to be sober today. If I can do that, I'm golden.
On the other hand, I'm working on 17 years now, and that kind of gives me perspective...
I know people in AA that have 30+ years and are total jackholes. I know people that have less than a year and totally get it.
For me it isn't how much dry time you have, but how much personal clarity you have that really moves you forward.
Good topic, worth thinking about. Thanks, OP
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 270
Some people say getting to 5 marks the end of early sobriety.
And yes, I think the sober time we have is important. I see progress made from earlier points in my sober life and lessons learned along the way. Your experience may of course be different.
Seems we have the chance to keep learning and experiencing new things as our lives continue to get better. Falling back into the tar pit at any point can destroy all that, but it's not required.
And yes, I think the sober time we have is important. I see progress made from earlier points in my sober life and lessons learned along the way. Your experience may of course be different.
Seems we have the chance to keep learning and experiencing new things as our lives continue to get better. Falling back into the tar pit at any point can destroy all that, but it's not required.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Sydney
Posts: 168
I think sober time is important. I am wanting to take advice from older sober members in my AA groups because they have managed to face life's challenges without picking up a drink and can give me tips on doing that.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
I was recently at a meeting where a man celebrated 32 years sober. His friends were there and they had all been 30+ years sober.
While listening to this man speak, it struck me how this man went through so many incredibly tough experiences yet still maintained his sobriety in large part through working his program.
So yes. Continuous sobriety is important. It demonstrates that with a program, an alcoholic can get through anything without picking up a drink. It means that I can do this too.
I hit three years last December. It's easy to stay sober when everything is going well. However, I also made it through a marital separation, death of my aunt, suicide of my cousin, and other serious challenges without drinking.
This doesn't mean that falling off the wagon is the end of the world. Learn from it, pick up the pieces and get back on track. I've seen too many people who are so down on themselves after a slip that it turns into months or years of drinking. It doesn't have to be this way.
While listening to this man speak, it struck me how this man went through so many incredibly tough experiences yet still maintained his sobriety in large part through working his program.
So yes. Continuous sobriety is important. It demonstrates that with a program, an alcoholic can get through anything without picking up a drink. It means that I can do this too.
I hit three years last December. It's easy to stay sober when everything is going well. However, I also made it through a marital separation, death of my aunt, suicide of my cousin, and other serious challenges without drinking.
This doesn't mean that falling off the wagon is the end of the world. Learn from it, pick up the pieces and get back on track. I've seen too many people who are so down on themselves after a slip that it turns into months or years of drinking. It doesn't have to be this way.
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