missourigal

An old friend of my husbands that he doesn't get to see often is going to be in town tonight and wants us to go bowling with him. For anyone who missed my intro post, my husband is a drunk too. We both only have maybe 4 or 5 days sober now, so I asked him lastnight if he thought his friend would be drinking and he was like "Oh well I'm sure we'll have a few". So I was all "What do you mean 'we'?" and I guess he had planned for us all to drink- like really?!?! So we got into a huge fight because we had BOTH AGREED on doing this together. Finally he has agreed but I am so nervous because I know there will be lots of beer, and actually I hate bowling, when I hear "go bowling" it means "Sit on my ass, drink beer, smoke and watch everyone else bowl". So I'm very nervous about going and I'm worried if he gives in, I will be more tempted to, or he'll talk me into having one so he can. Then I'm questioning what really is so wrong with a few beers while bowling with friends- am I ****** up or something? SO I'm letting everyone here know just because it makes me feel like I'll have to update later and let everyone know how it went.

Dee74

do you really need to go missourigal?

D

Reset

Yeah that's what I was thinking. If it were me I'd bow out.

bellakeller

Too bad you can't make it.

missourigal

Well the guy is supposed to be here at 7 so we can "try some homemade wine" and then we're all supposed to go. No one knows we're not drinking so I don't even know what to say. We had all talked about homemade wine before and he has been telling us for a long time he wants us to try it so I don't know what excuse to make when we've been like "oh we'd love to try it sometime" and now we're like "No, we're drunks" (I still can't say "alcoholic" if that is what we are). THEN we're all supposed to go bowling and had told him we would before we even quit. It just sucks all of a sudden becoming "party-poopers". I think I should go- I mean, we have tickets for the 19th to go see an MMA fight AT A BAR (also bought before we quit) and tickets to a 3dg concert on the 2nd and I know we will be tempted at those places. I don't like the idea of putting everything on hold because I'm a drunk- how long would I have to do that? Just avoid life and normal things?

bellakeller

Don't think so far ahead. Just don't go to this one. Nobody will crack open and die if you don't show up. That's not the matter of life and death. Alcohol IS for some a matter between life and death.

smacked

As nice as it is to have the support of your spouse, there really is no 'we' in recovery. Recovery has to be one of the most selfish journeys of your life. Your recovery cannot and should not be contingent on the participation or support of another person, spouse or not. His recovery or lack thereof has absolutely nothing to do with you. Your recovery or lack thereof has absolutely nothing to do with him. That's just the way it has to be.

That being said.. don't go.. your recovery really is life or death, and should be handled with the seriousness of such.

Or, if you're simply not done, not ready.. thats your reality too.

I know I couldn't get sober and stay that way for long until I was absolutely 100 % committed to changing my entire life to support my sobriety.

Anna

I agree with Smacked. The first thing I think of reading your posts, is the 'we'. I could never have managed recovery while I worrying about someone else's recovery.

If you have decided to live a sober life, you will need to make big changes in your life. There are lots of things to do for fun and with friends besides drinking.

ReadyAndAble

Looks pretty unanimous. Skip the bowling. What's more important—one night with a friend of your husband...or the rest of your life?

suki44883

I agree that you should not go. You cannot control what your husband does, but that doesn't mean you have to put your own sobriety in danger. Either you are serious about sobriety or you aren't. If you are, then don't put yourself in positions where you will be tempted to drink.

missourigal

You guys are right- I am not 100% committed, I'm more dabbling with the idea of wanting to get sober, to be honest I don't know if I want to so it probably won't work for me at this point. I am struggling with questions like "Am I an alcholic?", "Is alcoholism a disease?" "Do I want to quit or cut back/control it?" "Would I even be able to control it if I tried?" "Do I really need to quit drinking just because others make me feel like I should but I don't really have any urge to other than I'm trying to lose weight?" Maybe I should figure out the answers to those questions before I try to commit to anything. Maybe I don't belong here. I think I need to do a little soul-searching before I decide that. Anyway thank you all for your support- I may be back

suki44883

You're always welcome here. Good luck.

Dee74

I think the best place for anyone struggling is somewhere like SR Missourigal - I hope you decide to stay with us

D

LaFemme

Fyi...I've had home made wine...its nasty...and I thought that even back in the day when I liked wine

Whatever you decide...we are always here for you

AA4life

Glad you are making yourself accountable. That is good. I couldn't go around places like that at first. I would have screwed up, big time. Be careful, you will be on thin ice!

There is a saying in recovery that goes like this, "if you hang out in barber shops you end up getting a lot of hair cuts." So, if we hang out in places that specialize in getting people drunk, then we better think hard on if we need to be there.

In sobriety you have to discard some people, that has been my experience. But, it is so worth it in the long run. Either that, or find a different way to spend time with them. Like at a bookstore while drinking coffee. Or while eating at IHOP.

Each person has their own, custom recovery. It is our job to find it and implement it continuously.

Obviously, my program involves AA. Best of luck to you. :-)

(And AA is always something you can try too. I know, it is unnerving to think about going to AA but it really can help so many people.)