The Little Alcoholic Devil on My Shoulder
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 198
The Little Alcoholic Devil on My Shoulder
Before I go into my problem, I'd like to say how grateful I am to have these forums to discuss things with other people. I'm sponsor-less for a while so it's such a great thing to be able to reach out to other alcoholics and get their thoughts. So thank you to all the members and people responsible for this site and.
On to my issue at hand...
One part of my mind is saying "stay sober no matter what, go to AA meetings, get a new sponsor and live a healthy life" and the other part of my mind is say "cute boy and beer on the weekend is better than a life of loneliness". lol
I know I could stay sober for a while if I didn't involve boys that drink...but I don't know how to handle this recent predicament I put myself in. I think it might be a little rude to just start ignoring his phone calls and texts. If you ask me he has quite a bit of an alcohol problem himself and if I keep hanging out with him, my own drinking will progress back to the point maybe in a few months that it's even daily again. I really don't want to go there. But I am missing the part of me that does the right thing when it comes to drinking lately...maybe it's the never ending winter here that's making me think negative, maybe it's just my alcoholism that's saying, "you're only 25 and working at a lame internship...drink and live life, you can always get sober later." Ugh, I feel like a child that won't behave unless someone reprimands me. lol
If anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it. The real issue I always seem to be facing is loneliness. I hate that I'm 25 and have the social life of an 80 year old...but at the same time I don't trust people and have a hard time letting anyone in. I know that in WI, for every 30 guys out there that drink, there's 1 that doesn't...and guys are the easiest gender for me to let in. Which is why I have a "drunk date" with a heavy drinker tonight. I'm just sick of spending every weekend alone in my apartment...wishing I had the life of my peers who by now are married and don't have to face this issue. I don't know...just venting...just don't know what to do with myself.
On to my issue at hand...
One part of my mind is saying "stay sober no matter what, go to AA meetings, get a new sponsor and live a healthy life" and the other part of my mind is say "cute boy and beer on the weekend is better than a life of loneliness". lol
I know I could stay sober for a while if I didn't involve boys that drink...but I don't know how to handle this recent predicament I put myself in. I think it might be a little rude to just start ignoring his phone calls and texts. If you ask me he has quite a bit of an alcohol problem himself and if I keep hanging out with him, my own drinking will progress back to the point maybe in a few months that it's even daily again. I really don't want to go there. But I am missing the part of me that does the right thing when it comes to drinking lately...maybe it's the never ending winter here that's making me think negative, maybe it's just my alcoholism that's saying, "you're only 25 and working at a lame internship...drink and live life, you can always get sober later." Ugh, I feel like a child that won't behave unless someone reprimands me. lol
If anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it. The real issue I always seem to be facing is loneliness. I hate that I'm 25 and have the social life of an 80 year old...but at the same time I don't trust people and have a hard time letting anyone in. I know that in WI, for every 30 guys out there that drink, there's 1 that doesn't...and guys are the easiest gender for me to let in. Which is why I have a "drunk date" with a heavy drinker tonight. I'm just sick of spending every weekend alone in my apartment...wishing I had the life of my peers who by now are married and don't have to face this issue. I don't know...just venting...just don't know what to do with myself.
unlearning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: russia
Posts: 343
What's wrong with the social life of an eighty year old? Just kidding, I'm not there yet so don't know, but I think nothing. I see some here walking back and forth in the snow, talking about whatever, just to get out and enjoy themselves.
IMHO you know which part of your mind to listen to, but it takes conviction and work.
To give in to the other part of your mind is all too easy, and harder to quiet, every time you give in and listen to it.
IMHO you know which part of your mind to listen to, but it takes conviction and work.
To give in to the other part of your mind is all too easy, and harder to quiet, every time you give in and listen to it.
unlearning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: russia
Posts: 343
Oh! this post might help.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-vs-grief.html
Wish I got sober younger!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-vs-grief.html
Wish I got sober younger!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi AprilMay - That alcohol voice kept talking to me after I got sober, too. It took a while for my sane mind to regain its rightful place......
Early sobriety is actually the best time to be without a romantic relationship (for lots of reasons). It doesn't mean you're going to be alone forever. If you feel your sobriety will be compromised, is it really worth it?
I think we're used to having that immediate gratification and sobriety requires that we put that off and not pick up the drink, so that we can have a better life in the long term. Maybe you're using this relationship as a substitute "fix" and thinking about immediate gratification, as opposed to thinking about your happiness in the future.....(?)
Seems to me this might just be a double whammy: relapse and having a relationship with an alcoholic. You might just end up in a worse place than you were initially.
That's just my 2 cents, but everything in me says don't go there.
Early sobriety is actually the best time to be without a romantic relationship (for lots of reasons). It doesn't mean you're going to be alone forever. If you feel your sobriety will be compromised, is it really worth it?
I think we're used to having that immediate gratification and sobriety requires that we put that off and not pick up the drink, so that we can have a better life in the long term. Maybe you're using this relationship as a substitute "fix" and thinking about immediate gratification, as opposed to thinking about your happiness in the future.....(?)
Seems to me this might just be a double whammy: relapse and having a relationship with an alcoholic. You might just end up in a worse place than you were initially.
That's just my 2 cents, but everything in me says don't go there.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 150
I was so worried about having no social life once I quit drinking, and now I can't keep up with the one I have. Turns out there's actually lots of people who don't drink alcoholically- they just don't spend a lot of time at the parties and bars. Plus now I tend to meet more interesting people. Not just sober alcoholics either, but people who are interested in the things I do now that I'm not drunk at a bar. It'll be good. It's scary but you won't have the social life of an 80 year old and you may end up meeting interesting men!!
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi April-
I had to change my people, places, and things before I even had a shot at staying sober.
I'm 34 and had I gotten sober at 25 I'm sure I'd be even more worried than I already am about being able to be social and happy sober.
Something (meaning faith and what I've seen so far in my 14 months of sobriety) tells me there is a whole sober world out there for us to discover and there is much fun to be had.
Kjell
I had to change my people, places, and things before I even had a shot at staying sober.
I'm 34 and had I gotten sober at 25 I'm sure I'd be even more worried than I already am about being able to be social and happy sober.
Something (meaning faith and what I've seen so far in my 14 months of sobriety) tells me there is a whole sober world out there for us to discover and there is much fun to be had.
Kjell
Recovering Alchie
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK - Wigan
Posts: 63
Hi April, im so glad you posted this, its me exactly! im 27 and in the same situation and I always hear that little thought of quit when your older. But In all reality I probably wouldnt make it to 40-50.
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