Supercrew

Honestly the "drink responsibly" campaign is just a tool to limit the alcohol manufacturers and suppliers liability when bad stuff happens. It's so they can wash their hands of anyones alcohol issues, because they warned us. It's like the label they put on smokes and the pregnancy warning they put on the bottles. It's nothing more than than a way to CYA.

NobleCause

In the early, angsty period of my drinking career (not a good look), I carried closely the Dylan Thomas quote, "An alcoholic is someone you don't like, who drinks as much as you do." Because it was first nature to me, I truly believed everyone else had the same outrageous impulses and fixations with booze that I did and that they were just more practiced and capable of covering their tracks. Turns out that wasn't the case.

These days, aside from a couple of toddlers to whom I am related, I don't think I know anyone who does not drink. Whether their drinking is "normal" or "responsible" or not would be a matter of subjective judgement, but I can't say that any of them seem to run into the problems that I did/do, even when they indulge in the occasional wild night of excess.

TwelveSteps

Some of my best friends in AA didn't even meet the first tradition requirement when they came in -- they didn't necessarily have a desire to STOP drinking permanently, they just wanted to get things "under control" and get their lives back on track. They are now great AA mentors with many years of sobriety.

I agree with Kjell that getting into the rooms is the hard part and we should be as welcoming as possible, regardless of a person's reason for being there. Once they start going to meetings and listen to others' shares, they may see the benefit of working the steps and "get" what AA is all about. They definitely won't get there if they never come into the rooms at all because hey don't think they are "qualified."

GG

ste

Saw a thread in a forum here in Russia about drinking at "occasions", and how to weather it. Must preface by saying the drinking usually starts with toasts, and some people will still consider another rude if they don't participate in at least the first three. After that you can "propaskayu" or "let it slip", then some will just wonder whats wrong with you.

Eat a lot of fatty stuff before you go, eat the "zakuskis" (appetizers) with every drink, don't drink water etc. Basically all to slow the metabolizing of alcohol, to make it through the night (you'll be still drunk the next day!).

More than one post declared the thread absurd. Why drink if you don't want to get drunk? Do all that $h*t so you can drink more, and not get drunk? What's the point?

So much for responsible drinking...

I haven't been to an "occasion" since last October. My own surprise birthday party, yopt tvayu mat (MFer).

Stevie1

LOL @ "drunk people are annoying."

Maybe it's a function of getting older...everyone in my IRL social circle are the have a beer or a cocktail occasionally type drinkers. For quite a few years I've been aware that I can't control drinking once I start (or just having one or two is much too frustrating) so when I go out with friends I didn't drink.

I marvelled at people just having one, maybe two drinks, at a party or during dinner and being completely normal with that.

Bubblehead, it won't hurt to try a meeting. I'm fairly new to AA but I've heard people share about not being totally out of control with alcohol, but being smart enough to realise it would get that way...it's never occured to me to think they weren't "qualified." I thought they were smart.

If you find that isn't your thing, maybe look into volunteering somewhere, getting involved in a sport, something where you'd maybe be more likely to make a circle of non-heavy-drinking friends.

keithj

Any mention of Tradition 3 must also necessarily consider Tradition 1.

AA is not about 'different paths' and finding your own way. Everyone is certainly free to take or leave the program, but anything that goes against our common solution and disrupts our unity need not be tolerated. In AA, we do AA. You don't have to do it, but that's what we do here.

It's like me walking into the Catholic church and espousing Jewish beliefs. I'd be shown the door right quick.

That common solution is often unable to be heard in meetings filled with the
opinions of unrecovered alcoholics, because we neglected Tradition 1 in favor of the short (weak) form of Tradition 3.

Kjell

Again, with all due respect, I don't think a newcomer is going to come into AA and start studying tradition 1. Maybe I'm wrong.

...and everyone DOES sort of work the steps a bit different. That's what I meant about "different paths" and finding your own way.

I totally understand what you and Omega are saying, but let's keep this simple for the person considering going to an AA meeting.

Was this your experience when you 1st went into AA? I know for me, I was so confused about myself and life I wouldn't have been able to understand tradition 1 vs tradition 3 and what that means. I didn't care about the traditions until after I got sober, until after I started working the steps. I cared about me at first.

I needed help. I was told to keep coming back, not keep coming back but to only share if I really wanted to quit and also not to keep coming back if I was coming for mainly social reasons and if that was the case to go do Denny's or Waffle House instead.

There's a reason we don't get to pick who comes in to AA and who doesn't. We all deserve to be welcome in as long as we have a desire to stop drinking.

Kjell

SingerChic78

Uhm, wow.. There is nothing wrong with a person with some sobriety under their belt wanting to socialize and meet with other sober people. (Obviously this isn't going to happen at Denny's!)There is always one of you in the bunch! Go to a meeting Bubblehead..Join activities, make new friends! I plan on doing the same and I DO NOT plan on trying to do it any other way.. No matter what anyone else says! We are responsible for our own recovery.. we help others but are ultimately responsible for our own!

keithj

That's not what I'm saying, my friend. The newcomer is not expected to, nor should they be concerned with, knowing much about the Traditions. That's why the folks that have been there for a while need to uphold them instead of deferring that responsibility to the newcomer.

I learned about the Traditions by being sponsored into a solid group who took the welfare of AA seriously. I learned them because they were practiced around me. That's just the way these guys conducted their business, and it couldn't help but rub off on me.

This is way off topic, but a little history helps to put the Traditions in context. T3 came out of questions like, what do we do with women, drug addicts, gays, blacks, or basically anyone that wasn't fairly WASPy in those days. It didn't come out of 'let's include everyone's opinion and everyone's method of recovery into our program.' It just said, if you're an alkie who wants to recover, it doesn't matter what else you've got going on. The program of recovery is available to you.

If I, as a member, am not responsible for the unity of AA, then who is?

yeahgr8

I've met lots of "normal" drinkers...they can take it or leave it and don't need to be told to drink responsibly...they only put that in because alcoholism is becoming more well known and they want to cover their ass...fair enough as there are disclaimers on most things nowadays.

Before i stopped drinking i had never met any "normies" either, how would i have? I went to AA and met some real sober people, did some work and then started to meet "normies" in my everyday life and now i am a "normie" that chooses not to drink, cool huh:-)

bubblehead

Thanks everyone for your replies. I myself have never met anyone that only drank one. They drink to get drunk.
Nor I am judgemental of people who choose to drink. Drink up! Its just annoying to go to a concert etc, and hangout with people and then they are falling on, you, acting stupid, etc. Not like I would have never done it if drunk but it would be fun just to go enjoy the music or something without all of that.
On the whole AA thing sorry to have started a debate. I really did not expect to. My own drinking patterns, I drank maybe 2-3 at most occasionally for years. I became involved in the second absuive relationship in my life, moved in with him then startd drinking 5 or 6 a day secretly for several months. Tried to quit, did off and on but binged 12-18 drink 4-5 times over the course of last summer. had to leave, and when I did I was able t quit except for 3 drinks on my birthday. Other than that, fine. No need for AA but before the binges I did attend AA for several weeks and found a group I liked. They had parties etc like mentioned in another post. I could care less about the steps, etc. I'd just like the chance to socialize with other non drinkers. If I am going to upset someone simply by showing up and taking part in whatever activities their groups offer, maybe I'll just read a book instead. The whole religious sounding structure or strict adherence to rules, is what put me off AA before I went out of desperation as my first marriage was centered around religious abuse. The group I found and liked was not like that, but I moved and lost contact. Perhaps I'll just check out different groups and if someone gets all bunged up at my reasons for being there, I'll just leave. I never talked in the meetings I went to anyway.

omegasupreme

I agree with this 100%. I am all for meeting new people and socializing. I do it before the meetings and after the meetings...at Denny's and Starbuck's...and wherever else. In the meeting though you better believe my primary purpose will be recovery. All I'm saying is be careful what your listening to at the meetings if you are a newcomer, because if your listening to someone that is only there to socialize then you may miss the message of hope.

AA4life

AA would be a good place to start. I prefer hanging out with people who don't drink. Even more, I enjoy being around people who used to drink and wanted to make their lives better so the stopped.

AA4life

And that was my 100th post. :-)