BadLove

First off, I just want to thank everyone here at SR. Your experiences and advice have helped me so much as I start my recovery. I'm age 25 and a record 25 days sober.

Anyway, to the point: I've been surprised and encouraged by how many people my age or younger have recently posted here looking for guidance and support. Being in my twenties in a college-dominated city, as well as being part of a circle of friends who drink socially, I felt really alone in my struggles with drinking. I was an almost daily drinker since age 21, but there were always excuses that prevented me from quitting: I'm too young to be an alcoholic, I haven't been drinking long enough to be one, I can just moderate, everyone my age drinks a lot, etc. It's taken up until now for me to finally have to guts to say, "You're not fooling yourself anymore; time to move on. There will always be excuses not to quit."

Even though I feel more resilient every day I remain sober, I still feel ambivalent about my identity as a young alcoholic. On my low days when the pity party starts, I feel like I'm grieving for a young adulthood I'm leaving behind, like the parade is going on without me. HOWEVER, more and more, I'm able to take a step back and approach my situation from a more positive perspective. In a way, isn't it a gift that my alcoholism progressed so quickly? What if I had spent 10 or 20 years failing to moderate instead of just 2? What if it wasn't just my life I was harming, but also my (future) partner's and children's?

Even though this sounds obvious, I'm realizing it's more helpful for me to shift my focus from what I think I'm losing to being grateful for the possibilities that are opening up for me. And once I stop romanticizing my alcoholic voice, I see it's not just about the alcohol: it tells me to procrastinate doing chores and paying my bills, to ignore relationships, keep secrets, neglect my health, not pursue other interests, and abandon any sense of self-worth. Honestly, it's scary to think how much my life will have to change for my recovery to be successful. One reason SR has helped me so much is that I've been able to relate to so many of you regardless of age. We're all in the same boat, and if I pretend otherwise, it would just be an excuse for my alcoholic voice to keep things the way they are.

Whew! I promise I didn't try to make that so long. I feel like my brain's actually able to make connections now that it's not constantly fogged up with alcohol! Thanks for listening. And If there are any people out there who are worried about their drinking but think they're too young to have a problem, please keep reading posts here and focus on the experiences you can relate to. I ignored my concerns for way too long, and I lost more than just time.

miyazawa

Thanks for posting this. I'm 29 and it really helps me to know that there are other people my age dealing with this stuff too. As I mentioned in a different post, I've even had a doctor blow off my drinking as just being young and needing to grow up. It's easy to keep lying to yourself when people are enforcing that kind of thinking all around you. And it's painful when you just desperately want to be "normal" like everyone else your age but you realize you're not.

ste

Wonderful post. At more than twice your age, I still need to have more gratitude. Maybe more than twice as much?
Thanks BadLove

MattM316

I turned 30 in October and I've probably had a serious problem since I was about 23. It does kind of make it seem even more difficult if you're fairly young!

CarolD

The more I practice living in gratitude the smoother my life flows.

Glad to see you again...and thanks for sharing...

TwelveSteps

I am 36. I'm so jealous that you got sober at such a young age. If I had quit drinking in my 20s, my life would probably be very different right now. I encourage you to appreciate the gift of not having wasted so many years drinking and becoming self-aware enough to stop at a young age!

GG

NobleCause

I agree that it can seem tougher to latch on to sobriety as a young person. I made my first serious attempt at 25 - I had some fairly compelling reasons fueling my effort at the time, but nonetheless, a half a dozen weeks or so after I got started, staying sober seemed impossible to keep up with since I hadn't changed much about my life otherwise. I felt royally gypped and unable to reconcile who I was without a drink in hand or a party being planned. Suffice it to say, seven years and countless tragedies later, I dearly wish I had done things differently and stuck it out then.

Good work on figuring this out for yourself early, seems a brilliant idea to avoid the wasted time and pain that is otherwise inevitable.

NEOMARXIST

Thank you for your post.

Peace

Inafishbowl

What TwelveSteps said.

AmericanGirl

Hi Bad Love, thanks for your post. Yes, I agree, SR is invaluable in helping us know there are others out there experiencing the same things. I'm 29, soon to be 30, and I am grateful to be entering the next decade as a new person in many ways, finally having accepted my situation and having spent the past 10 months re-learning how to live. My drinking started early. At 25 I knew I had a serious problem -- I only wish I'd quit earlier. Congratulations on your 25 days!

newby1961

7:day28 Congrats 25 Days Yippee

I am a little over twice your age and sometimes I can get into dwelling on my past and wishing I had quit at a younger age.

Gratitude for even having a life after what I had endured with my disease is my focus when I start feeling that way.

for the reminder its just good to be alive clean & free at any age

SereniTee

I quit at 27, never better! Good job!! congrats on 25 days Don't mourn that sh*tty life I wouldn't trade those parties for what I have now- PEACE inside my mind. HAPPINESS inside my heart.

Ainslie

Awesome post.

Take care and keep at it!

BadLove

Thanks, everybody, for the words of support! Reading about your experiences makes me feel like I'm part of a community, which is such a 180 from the loneliness of drinking by myself all the time.

It feels so good to be honest here, especially since no one in my life knows I'm an alcoholic, just that I like to drink at parties. (Almost all of my serious drinking was done alone, in secret.) I've told my friends I'm not drinking for a while because it makes my anxiety worse, which is true. They haven't pressed me on the issue. Newsflash to me: people are deeply invested in their OWN lives, not in monitoring my relationship with alcohol! Funny, when I was drinking, I spent so much time and energy trying to hide it from others.

My next goal is in sight: 30 days! Now if only these drinking dreams would leave me alone...

NewStart11

Im in a similar situ, noone knows about my drinking apart from a few v close friends. I'm 27 and I too felt the grief of leaving behind nights out drinking with friends etc - thats what I thought people do in their twenties. Whilst at times I do envy others who can control their drinking, I know that eventually my life will be so much better being sober than it was when I was drinking.

Congrats on the 25 days!!

Jabbadabutt

From when I first joined SR to now I have noticed a large increase in people here that are pretty young (20s). The fact that the digital age has allowed such a board and involvement from people of all walks of life is truely amazing. I applaude those 'younger' people who have found us here and reached out for help. Like you said, what if you didn't realize the path you were headed down and spend another 10 to 20 years tryiing to 'figure it out' before you made it here. There is NO time like the present.

TotoBidule

I too suffered from those feelings of "that's what you do when you're young", and that's a large part of what got me drinking again after 4 years sober at age 25. I am (was) a big traveller, and had some of the "best" times of my life in bars travelling around the world. 7 years down the track I can barely travel any more - you need to be alert and have lots of energy to travel and enjoy it, and I'm barely able to do my job let alone enjoy visiting a museum or walking a track in a foreign land. I tried to keep it up as much as possible but it was just going through the motions with no joy. I was exhilarated by travel before and now the stress, anxiety, and lack of surety as to when I could get a drink made it a chore I would sooner not endure.
Getting sober at any age is a victory for the spirit but I'm damned if I'm losing another minute. Congrats on your 25 days - I'm far from 25 days yet but people like you are an inspiration. Thanks.

ZZworldontheweb

You seem so articulate and squared away! I bet you'll be successful. Are you the little girl in your avatar? Cute!

BadLove

Thanks, ZZ, I hope to get more squared away by the day! Yes, that's me in the picture. Here's a strange secret for the internet: sometimes when I want to drink now, I think about about 3-year-old me. Would I want to empty a six-pack into her body? I'm able to view my situation with a little more compassion when I think of myself as that child again. What a weirdo I am sometimes, lol.

AprilMay1895

I just posted something regarding this very same topic...ste gave me the link to this thread. I'm 25, had 8 months of sobriety, drank once, tried to get back into the AA groove, didn't work, drank again and then removed myself from my sponsor and my meetings. I'm on my own now, deciding which path I'll take next. My actions will literally decide my future...10 years from now I'll either be upset at myself for not staying sober and have an awful life, or 10 years from now I'll be grateful I got back into sobriety and be living a sane life. Funny how alcoholism makes it such a difficult choice between an obvious comparison.

My "alcoholic voice"(love that term by the way) is currently telling me I'm too young for sobriety, the dedication to AA, and the loneliness that comes from having to avoid heavy drinkers...which I really should be doing since it's such a temptation for me to do what everyone else seems to be doing. So it's great to know there are other young people out there battling this too and feeling the same way.

Thanks so much for the post and congrats on your 25 days!

April