optimistic1

Hello, I am dealing with quite an internal conflict. I am 30 weeks pregnant and having one to two glasses of wine per day in the evening with food. I have had issues with alcohol for years and I always thought if I got pregnant my cravings would magically disappear, well that is not reality. I drank for the first two weeks of my pregnancy and then was 100% sober up until about six months. I maintained being one hundred percent abstinent due to where I was living. I had to serve 120 days for a DUI. It was a blessing in disguise because it did keep me sober for that very important period of my pregnancy. Slowing I am back to drinking lightly but daily with dinner. It is beyond difficult for me to stop and I am concerned that the baby may have developmental delays from the drinking. All ultrasounds are perfect and he's growing perfect. Has anybody drank small amounts during their last trimester and had a healthy baby. It is very hard to come forth and be honest about my behavior so please be understanding and don't judge. I am coming from a place of concern for this child.

LaFemme

Back in the day many people drank small amounts when expecting. However, if you have problems quitting you should address them now. What are you going to do when the baby comes?

Hugs and prayers for you and your child.

Anna

You really should talk to your dr and be honest with him/her about what you're doing.

Prayers for you and your child.

spqr

Is one or two glasses in the evening worth running the risk?

Kmber2010

Welcome Opti-

I have not drank during my pregnancy - I am now almost 41 weeks - eeeekkkk but I can tell you that I got sober not long before. Shortly after beginning recovery, I found out I was pregnant and I understand how difficult it is.

What I can say is getting face to face support helped tremendously. You can't beat yourself up for the drinks you have had but you can stop now and feel good everyday during the rest of your pregnancy. Everything is showing healthy which should motivate you to get help. Your baby is coming to full term now so keep your focus on being the best mom you know yourself to be. Don't look at quitting as in how much damage to the baby but rather how much more you want to give this new life.

When I got into recovery I gave it everything I had. It was my focus and I know you can do it as so many of us have.

We are here to help and support Glad you are with us.

Dee74

I agree you need to speak with your Dr and be honest.

It might also be time to accept you have an alcohol problem, and to look for support for that too - have you thought of a recovery group like AA, SMART or counselling or something?

D

Sugah

I don't think you're going to find anyone on an alcoholism board to validate even small amounts of drinking during pregnancy--not if you've got an admitted problem with alcohol.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was raising three other children. My nerves were shot, and I had some kidney issues. My OB/GYN recommended a glass of wine once a day. So, I tried it--a few times. The problem was, I'm alcoholic. I'm not satisfied with one glass of wine. When I realized that it was only a matter of time before a glass became a bottle, I quit completely. Like you, I was concerned about my baby. As hard as it was a times to not drink at all while I was pregnant, it was harder to stop at one.

I always say I didn't drink during my pregnancies, but after reading your post, I remembered this three days or so when I did-and why I knew I couldn't continue safely.

No one here can tell you that a glass or two a day will or won't hurt your baby. I can tell you that if you're alcoholic, it's such a risk. What do you do the night you can't stop? The guidelines I recall suggest that overdoing it even once can be harmful. Is what you get from this glass or two worth it?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Zebra1275

You need to talk to your Doctor.

I don't think any amount of alcohol consumed during pregnancy is good for the fetus. I'm also skeptical when someone with a drinking problem states that they only drink x amount per day. Usually, it's more than that.

I once made a comment at an AA meeting that I could get by with only 1 drink per month . . . as long as it came in a 55 gallon barrel. People laughed because they realized the alcoholic rationalization of that statement.

Rez572

Please speak with your doctor about this and be 100% open and honest.

Fandy

if you truly have concern for your baby, please don't drink. If you can come clean to your doctor, ask him/her about the risks of Fetal Alcohol syndrome. could you live with the fact that you might cause permanent injury to your child?

i would think that wine during your last trimester would cause terrific heartburn and a sour stomach.

sleepie

Please do whatever it takes, maybe AA- to do what's best for your child.

danielleg

Gosh reading that took me down memory lane. It was the same situation, mostly, as to when I was having my boys. The first didn’t bother me bc I was not a drunk. but there was about 5 years in-between him and my other son. It was totally different bc by then I was a full blown alcoholic. As happy as I was, the drinking issue scared the hell out of me. I couldn’t do it and I knew that. I did well at the beginning but by the time I was about 6months...I started w/ the arbor mist. Once I allowed myself that little bit....it ignited all of my alcoholic behavior, which had been quiet for a few months. it went up to blush wine than red wine.....then a "few" sips of blackberry brandy. I thanked god that I lost it at the end of my pregnancy. Yes he was born ok, by the grace of God, BUT the guilt and shame I had consumed me. He had to go into the Billie Ruben light bc he was jaundice. I beat myself up about that and to this day I feel ashamed about my behavior. After that, I turned into paranoid freak mom bc I convinced myself....a.)that he was sick and the doctors didn’t pick up on it....b.)that every time he cried or slept too much or not enough....or the frequent spit ups...which led to acid reflux.....anything that was a bit abnormal, it was all my fault in my guilty mind. I took total blame for all of it. That led me to post par. depress. which led me to stop nursing (bc I talked myself to think I shouldn’t nurse him bc I was drinking.) all that paved the path for me to start right back where I was about a year before.

I started drinking about 2 months after he was born and it just accelerated with rapid speed and growth............until.......8 yrs later when I had the choice to die or become sober...Needless to say...those few drinks will certainly ,with out a doubt, grow into your own personal guilty hell. I can just about promise you that. It took me a while but my drinking never went away and it took my life over until I entered treatment.

I know its sooooo hard, but believe me when I say....at the end, I realized that it was worth white knuckling it bc I would have been so proud of myself that I got thru it all, without drinking. I knew the guilt I had wouldn’t be there if I hadn’t drank.

Today my Sobriety and my children’s health are my main concern and I have forgiven myself (had to for recovery sake.) I also pray/thank God that my consequences were not my children and I am grateful that somehow they escaped it all and are running round right now....driving me nuts!


good luck

ReadyAndAble

Hi, optimistic1, welcome to SR! Thanks for posting and congratulations on becoming a parent! I hope you spend some more time here; I know it really opened my eyes.

Maybe you have to ask yourself, if you can't stop drinking now, when you can you stop? And what does that say about your relationship with alcohol?

I hope you stop drinking right away, and maybe spend some time thinking about what you want to do after your baby is born. I have a young daughter, and I really regret all the times I rushed through playground outings or bedtime stories so I could go have a drink. Mostly though I just feel grateful to have finally escaped that cycle.

Thanks again for posting.

TwelveSteps

Thanks for posting, I'm with others in encouraging you to talk with your doctor and be honest. Trust me, they've heard everything and will not judge.

I can only relate the story of a friend of mine in AA who did not get sober until her daughter was a few years old. She is constantly racked with guilt every time her daughter displays any problem (she was recently diagnosed with a learning disability), wondering if something she did during her pregnancy was the cause. That one drink each night is not worth a lifetime of that kind of guilt, whether it's warranted or not.

GG

Veritas1

Oh my. Please stop drinking while you are pregnant.

Do whatever you have to do to stop this at once.

Your baby is inside you, and having to consume what you consume. How overwhelming for your baby to have this altered state of consciousness when you put alcohol into the baby's body through "your" body.

Stop!

Sasha4

No - a colleague had under 10 glasses of wine throughout her whole pregnancy.

Her son was born with FAS.

Not walking at two and a half - but all his daycare friends are. Must be hard for him to watch all the other little guys race around.

Delayed speech too and not potty trained.

Also has horrendous temper tantrums that his mother is afraid will turn into something worse when he is older.
She worries that she might have to give up her career as his tantrums at daycare can be unpredictable and they may say they cannot cope with him. He only attends two mornings a week.

His mother is on massive doses of anti-depressants and her marriage is on the skids.

I feel for her, I really do, because 10 glasses of wine in 10 months is not a lot. But as her doctors say, you can never know what will happen as all humans, babies or adults react differently to booze.

Take Care honey

xx

SSIL75

While I don't know that level of alcohol is dangerous for a baby necessarily I KNOW it's a terrible thing for an alcoholic. After 6 mos for DUI (I have to assume, not your first) you're in very dangerous territory if you're drinking. In 10 weeks what's going to stop you? You have to get help, NOW. I am also 30 weeks pregnant. I get it. But it's also not my first baby and I know well how these things escalate after birth.

I'm happy you reached out here and hope you continue to!

LexieCat

Let's all hope and assume that the drinking you've done during your pregnancy didn't cause damage to the baby. Your baby will need a sober mom to care for him or her. Being a new mom is VERY stressful. Think how great it would be to get sober NOW and your child will never have to see mommy drunk. Ever.

You would be giving a great gift to yourself and your child to deal with this now. Talk to your doctor, get yourself to AA. People there will understand and support you.

thisisme

Yes. Heartbreaking. I lost my son to FAS. I cannot stress enough that what you are doing can have paramount consequences.
Optimistic1, stop, trust me, you do not want this to happen to you and yours. Please.

Zebra1275

I know several children with FAS, it's not pretty and it's life long. I can't imagine the guilt a mother would feel.