90 days !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 7
90 days !
Today is my 90th day of sobriety ! I'll tell you guy's a bit about me since, I haven't shared here yet...
My alcoholism began with boredom, anxiety & insomnia... 6 1/2 years ago I had just given birth to my third child and I soon realized that I needed to do something with my life, I spent all of my married life sitting at home taking care of the kids and feeling isolated. So, I decided to go to take night classes at the local community college and each class that I would walk into I would feel overwhelmed with anxiety. I was only 23 but, I felt old and like I stuck out like a sore thumb.
A few nights a week I would go into panic mode while sitting in class and I would just dash out, hop into my car and drive straight home to bawl my eyes out. One night on the way home I stopped at a liquor store for cigarettes and I spotted a bottle of Martini & Rossi champagne and thought "that's what I need, a little treat for myself to calm my nerves". I sipped that cheap champagne from my cheap little champagne flute and I felt like I was FANCY !
That was the beginning of many nights of telling myself that I "deserved" something for the pain and anxiety that I was putting myself through. I quit school after a few months and graduated to red wine....
I took a cue from movies and t.v. shows that romanticized the idea of the bored housewife tucking the kids in at night and running off to a bubble bath and a glass of wine. Except mine looked more like tucking the kids in and running off to a bottle of wine and the computer. I've always had problems with insomnia so, the wine doubled as my sleeping aid .
It only took me about a year to graduate to two magnums of wine a night ! Then after 2 1/2 years of my nightly drinking I got pregnant again. I quit cold turkey and I thought "clearly I never had a problem, I was just bored"... 3 months after giving birth to our 4th child I started having about a bottle of wine a week.
9 months later, after having a life threatening illness that led to losing part of one lung and a long hospital stay, I came home angry and bitter. I was pi**ed that something like this could have happened to me and I sunk into a deep depression. I started drinking every night again and in no time I graduated up to a half a box of wine a night. I continued on with a half a box of wine a night for 3 years.
November 28, 2010 I let my oldest daughter play a game on my computer in the bedroom and I walked in while she was sitting in front of the computer and I saw at least 20 empty wine boxes throughout my room ! Some stacked and some just laying on the floor surrounding the computer chair. That was my bottom... watching my daughter sit amongst my dirty secret and not even acting like anything was odd.
She had grown used to this sight that I had grown blind to and as much as I prided (a false sense of pride) myself on only drinking after the kids were asleep, I realized at that moment that they knew all along that they were living with an alcoholic mother.
My mind was racing and I thought back to all of the appointments and activities that I worked around my 2-4 hour hangover in the mornings or how I would stop to catch my breath at the door before walking into a parent teacher conference so, that I wouldn't be red-faced and sweating. I carried that nightly booze everywhere with me, I could smell it seeping out of my pores wherever I went. I realized that it wasn't just a nightly thing... it was my life and it was affecting my kids lives.
I broke down that day and took a good long look at what I had done to myself, I was the walking dead ! I looked in the mirror at this puffy, red splotchy face and made myself see what I had been refusing to look at for years. "Daytime me" was beginning to look alot like "night-time me".
November 28, 2010 is my sober date and I'm still feeling great but, I will not let my guard down and I'm taking it one day at a time. Reading here everyday has been a huge part of my recovery and now that I've broken the ice, I plan to join in more as well.
Thanks for letting me share !
My alcoholism began with boredom, anxiety & insomnia... 6 1/2 years ago I had just given birth to my third child and I soon realized that I needed to do something with my life, I spent all of my married life sitting at home taking care of the kids and feeling isolated. So, I decided to go to take night classes at the local community college and each class that I would walk into I would feel overwhelmed with anxiety. I was only 23 but, I felt old and like I stuck out like a sore thumb.
A few nights a week I would go into panic mode while sitting in class and I would just dash out, hop into my car and drive straight home to bawl my eyes out. One night on the way home I stopped at a liquor store for cigarettes and I spotted a bottle of Martini & Rossi champagne and thought "that's what I need, a little treat for myself to calm my nerves". I sipped that cheap champagne from my cheap little champagne flute and I felt like I was FANCY !
That was the beginning of many nights of telling myself that I "deserved" something for the pain and anxiety that I was putting myself through. I quit school after a few months and graduated to red wine....
I took a cue from movies and t.v. shows that romanticized the idea of the bored housewife tucking the kids in at night and running off to a bubble bath and a glass of wine. Except mine looked more like tucking the kids in and running off to a bottle of wine and the computer. I've always had problems with insomnia so, the wine doubled as my sleeping aid .
It only took me about a year to graduate to two magnums of wine a night ! Then after 2 1/2 years of my nightly drinking I got pregnant again. I quit cold turkey and I thought "clearly I never had a problem, I was just bored"... 3 months after giving birth to our 4th child I started having about a bottle of wine a week.
9 months later, after having a life threatening illness that led to losing part of one lung and a long hospital stay, I came home angry and bitter. I was pi**ed that something like this could have happened to me and I sunk into a deep depression. I started drinking every night again and in no time I graduated up to a half a box of wine a night. I continued on with a half a box of wine a night for 3 years.
November 28, 2010 I let my oldest daughter play a game on my computer in the bedroom and I walked in while she was sitting in front of the computer and I saw at least 20 empty wine boxes throughout my room ! Some stacked and some just laying on the floor surrounding the computer chair. That was my bottom... watching my daughter sit amongst my dirty secret and not even acting like anything was odd.
She had grown used to this sight that I had grown blind to and as much as I prided (a false sense of pride) myself on only drinking after the kids were asleep, I realized at that moment that they knew all along that they were living with an alcoholic mother.
My mind was racing and I thought back to all of the appointments and activities that I worked around my 2-4 hour hangover in the mornings or how I would stop to catch my breath at the door before walking into a parent teacher conference so, that I wouldn't be red-faced and sweating. I carried that nightly booze everywhere with me, I could smell it seeping out of my pores wherever I went. I realized that it wasn't just a nightly thing... it was my life and it was affecting my kids lives.
I broke down that day and took a good long look at what I had done to myself, I was the walking dead ! I looked in the mirror at this puffy, red splotchy face and made myself see what I had been refusing to look at for years. "Daytime me" was beginning to look alot like "night-time me".
November 28, 2010 is my sober date and I'm still feeling great but, I will not let my guard down and I'm taking it one day at a time. Reading here everyday has been a huge part of my recovery and now that I've broken the ice, I plan to join in more as well.
Thanks for letting me share !
7
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: land of 10,000 lakes
Posts: 261
Congrats,
Do hope that you have found some F to F meetings. Those there would love to hear
your story. If you haven't please let one of the mods know and I know they will help you get connected. (f to f) face to face.
Tis scary as hell at first but you'll find out that you, like them, are alcoholic.
The wierd thing at first is the laughter..it's a been there done that thing. Then the sharing of the tears and the hugs afterwords. It's too good to explain..for me sometimes it took days to understand what had happened.
But as you keep going you will find your..
"Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. Big Book Quote.-1st. Edition
One Day At A Time.
Blessings to You and Yours,
Vinnie
Do hope that you have found some F to F meetings. Those there would love to hear
your story. If you haven't please let one of the mods know and I know they will help you get connected. (f to f) face to face.
Tis scary as hell at first but you'll find out that you, like them, are alcoholic.
The wierd thing at first is the laughter..it's a been there done that thing. Then the sharing of the tears and the hugs afterwords. It's too good to explain..for me sometimes it took days to understand what had happened.
But as you keep going you will find your..
"Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. Big Book Quote.-1st. Edition
One Day At A Time.
Blessings to You and Yours,
Vinnie
Last edited by CarolD; 03-01-2011 at 01:28 AM. Reason: Added source per SR copy right guideline
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by vinnietoo 
Congrats,
Do hope that you have found some F to F meetings. Those there would love to hear
your story. If you haven't please let one of the mods know and I know they will help you get connected. (f to f) face to face.
Tis scary as hell at first but you'll find out that you, like them, are alcoholic.
The wierd thing at first is the laughter..it's a been there done that thing. Then the sharing of the tears and the hugs afterwords. It's too good to explain..for me sometimes it took days to understand what had happened.
But as you keep going you will find your..
"Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. Big Book Quote.
One Day At A Time.
Blessings to You and Yours,
Vinnie
Do hope that you have found some F to F meetings. Those there would love to hear
your story. If you haven't please let one of the mods know and I know they will help you get connected. (f to f) face to face.
Tis scary as hell at first but you'll find out that you, like them, are alcoholic.
The wierd thing at first is the laughter..it's a been there done that thing. Then the sharing of the tears and the hugs afterwords. It's too good to explain..for me sometimes it took days to understand what had happened.
But as you keep going you will find your..
"Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. Big Book Quote.
One Day At A Time.
Blessings to You and Yours,
Vinnie
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community....
Thanks for sharing part of your story with us
Blessings to you and your family
Congratulations on your sober time...
Thanks for sharing part of your story with us
Blessings to you and your family
Congratulations on your sober time...
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