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First meetings and step one....

Old 02-27-2011, 02:25 PM
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I'm as bad as I want to be...
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First meetings and step one....

I just started realizing I might have a problem with alcohol... the probelm is ..everytime I go to meetings someone tries to push their definition of alcoholism on me. I have heard things like , " You are not a real alcohlic til you almost die" or "until you have gone to jail" or only if you "drink a whole bottle of vodka and can't put it down."

I wish people would stop saying these things to make themselves somehow feel more "real" or "authentic" than someone who can put the bottle down, or who doesn't have DUI's . I wanted to change my life and everytime I go to meetings I hear someone say something ridiculous like this, then I come on this board and read it here too.
An alcoholic is anyone who resorts to alcohol to deal with stress , anxiety, and to manipulate their emotions with a desire to avoid facing the truth about themselves and their lives.
I wish people would really stop saying an alcoholic can't stop at one beer, because they most often can. It is why they reach for the beer that matters.

I realized I was an alcoholic because everytime I had something that caused me stress , like studying or running an errand or going into a social situation, I had an intense desire to bury unwanted emotions, and to numb my anxiety. Yes, sometimes one drink would do that for me and I would be fine, sometimes more.
The problem is when it is your main coping mechanism and your only coping mechanism. Not the amount.
I am fed up with people boasting that they are real alcoholics and if you "think you might have a problem" then you aren't an alcoholic.
When someone is brave enough to walk into a meeting and face the fact they they have no coping skills, the last thing they need to hear is some braggard telling them that if they haven't drunk enough or ****** up their lives enough then they don't belong.
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Old 02-27-2011, 02:34 PM
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What kind of meetings are you going to ? I don't doubt your word for a moment ! But I have never run into this myself. You know you. Don't be deterred from your goal by anybody.

Keep posting, and good luck

Ron
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Old 02-27-2011, 03:11 PM
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Have you read this thread? http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...alcoholic.html

GG
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Old 02-27-2011, 03:40 PM
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Hi Austin, Remember this, you earned that seat just as much as anyone. "The only requirement for membership is a desire to quit drinking".'AA Big Book' In my county we have a lot of recovering drug users in the AA meetings because NA only has one meeting a week at noon. If they didn't categorize themselves as 'I'm an addict' I would think they were alcoholics. We are that much the same! And the programs are practically the same. Anyway, 'real' alcoholics don't judge members for how much they drank or how many arrests they accumulated.lol, j/k
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Old 02-27-2011, 04:04 PM
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Yeah, it just sounds like you've got an unusually militant meeting there. If you feel like alcohol is making your life unmanageable, that's something only you can decide.
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Old 02-27-2011, 04:13 PM
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The definition most likely being pushed on you at meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous is the one we work with out of the book with the same name. The book came before the fellowship did. The foreword talks about the book being about how many of men and women have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. "To show other alcoholics [I]precisely how we have recovered[I] is the main purpose of this book." It is found on page xiii. When people are referring to the "real" alcoholic or "real" addict the definition being used is from page 21. Has nothing to do with quantity or how many DUI's or how many times you peed your pants. It only talks about choice and control. Do you have the phenomena of craving once you ingest alcohol...the physical allergy that William D. Silkworth wrote about back in 1934 or so...that still holds true today? Then the power of choice in drink??? Can you stop and stay stopped on your own power? OR do you have that internal unmanageability, that spiritual malady that sets off that mental obsession that convinces our mind that a little drink will be dandy, then setting off the physical allergy. If you can choose everytime not to drink, then your not alcoholic by definition in AA, and if that be the case then you really don't need to be at those meetings and working those steps. AA is not therapy or process group or anything like that. Your in Austin I take it??? Great group I know of over there that has the message of AA in all it's purity...it's the Carry This Message group. If you are really concerned about being qualified or not or just need some good info that is where I would go or send you rather. 7517 Cameron Rd. Monday's @ 6:00 p.m. Let me know if I can be of any further assistance.
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Old 02-27-2011, 06:08 PM
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I started drinking to appear to be sophisticated
stemed from movies and novels of the day.
My family were all non drinkers.

I drank for many years...danceing thru life...no problems.

The final 5 years...I became a depressed miserable woman
that I detested....no outward reason .

After a diagnoses of situational depression my doctor sggested
I abstain and go to AA.

I was not thrilled at either idea...but I would have tried anything
to move from under that dark cold soul withering depression.

sure...I've heard a lot of things in meetings...on here and even
in the BB that don't apply to me....but a lot do.
The point is...
I know I'm an alcoholic and I go from there....

Early sobriety is a confusing time for most of us...
I so hope everyone settles in to something that
is going to improve their quality of healthy living.


My home group has this part of our opening format..
"Any shares not from the BB are the opinion of the member
and not of AA"

Last edited by CarolD; 02-27-2011 at 06:37 PM.
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Old 02-27-2011, 06:29 PM
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Austinchica -

I never got a DUI, never went to jail, didn't lose my house, my family, my kids or anything like that. I had only been a heavy drinker since 2002.

What I DID lose was myself.

The AA club I belong to has the most warm and welcoming group of people I have ever met in my life. And my home group is just full of the most wonderful women one could hope to meet in a lifetime. I'm grateful I never experienced what you have with AA because it's been a complete Godsend in my life. Actually, I was quite surprised when I read your post.

I really hope you find a better meeting/group to attend. Don't let a few bad opinions or comments drive you away!
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Old 02-27-2011, 06:56 PM
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Well said Austin, you hit the nail on the head with that. You actually made me get off the sidelines here and play ball.

Your viewpoint is partially the same reason that I post less here.
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Old 02-27-2011, 07:06 PM
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Sudz No More ..
How about sharing your recovery experience too
now that you decided to speak up.
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Old 02-27-2011, 08:20 PM
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Sudz - I'm with Carol! How are things going?
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Old 02-27-2011, 10:44 PM
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One of the first things I learned in AA was that no one can determine that you are an alcoholic but yourself.

If booze is causing you problems and know you can't control it on your own, you will come to the conclusion for yourself.

Anyone who is taking your inventory for you isn't paying enough attention to their own recovery.
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Old 02-28-2011, 06:03 AM
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[QUOTE=Austinchica;2880159]
I am fed up with people boasting that they are real alcoholics and if you "think you might have a problem" then you aren't an alcoholic.
When someone is brave enough to walk into a meeting and face the fact they they have no coping skills, the last thing they need to hear is some braggard telling them that if they haven't drunk enough or ****** up their lives enough then they don't belong.[/QUOTE

I think you're right A. You were brave enough, and I will add, courageous enough, to look for help.

Unfortunately in any fellowship you will find all kinds of people. Some of them can be zealots and very narrow minded. If you can't "ignore" those people, and find the ones who can help, then that fellowship cannot effectively help you. If there is too much BS to sift through, there are other fellowships and alternatives.

Platitudes and dogma are easy to find. People who care, not so easy.

IMHO There are people here at SR that care.
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