My Rant On Alcohol And Quitting
Hooligan
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Join Date: Sep 2010
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My Rant On Alcohol And Quitting
I imagine i am going to take some heat for this, some people are going to be upset. And some may even call me a "dry drunk" which i do not think i am. I do a lot more reading here than i do posting and have become increasingly frustrated with some things i have read. Feel free to disagree or discuss with me, I am more than open to it and i encourage it. Here we go...
To people trying to quit drinking I almost feel like people are building mountains out of mole hills with this one. Unless you are physically addicted and removing alcohol from your schedule could cause serious harm or death. i do not see the big deal. It is as easy as not picking up a first drink, that's all it is. Your brain is tricking you into thinking you need the dopamine rush, that is what a craving is. When a craving arises you have to choices fight or give in. And if truly do not want to drink anymore than you will not give in. I see many people on here saying things like "i think i am ready", you either are or are not ready to quit. There is no middle ground on this topic, if you are not ready to quit. You will continue to drink until either something bad/traumatic happens or you are just finally sick of it. I think people tend to obsess about not drinking and it soon becomes all they think about leading to another relapse and another failed try.
Drinking because of underlying issues When i was in chat the other day i got very upset with a member over this topic. They claimed that i drank because of some issue and that i actually did not like drinking. I told them this was false and i drank because i liked to drink and an argument ensued. I drink for one reason and that is because i like to. I started drinking with friends back in the day, we would do it because it is something we enjoyed. Well after a while the brain gets used to it and it becomes a method of pleasure. I am not sure why people have such a hard time understanding that someone drinks only because they like it. But we have to remember to not assume anything about anyone. I think it is more of the people who use it to run from problems cannot understand how someone could just like to use it.
Powerless over alcohol This is one more thing that i really do not understand. Once i start drinking i am powerless over alcohol and i can not control it. But when sober i have complete power over it, i can look at it, imagine drinking it etc. Its not like i see a bottle and lose all control and just start swallowing mouthfuls of it. I am in full power over whether or not i take that first drink.
To people trying to quit drinking I almost feel like people are building mountains out of mole hills with this one. Unless you are physically addicted and removing alcohol from your schedule could cause serious harm or death. i do not see the big deal. It is as easy as not picking up a first drink, that's all it is. Your brain is tricking you into thinking you need the dopamine rush, that is what a craving is. When a craving arises you have to choices fight or give in. And if truly do not want to drink anymore than you will not give in. I see many people on here saying things like "i think i am ready", you either are or are not ready to quit. There is no middle ground on this topic, if you are not ready to quit. You will continue to drink until either something bad/traumatic happens or you are just finally sick of it. I think people tend to obsess about not drinking and it soon becomes all they think about leading to another relapse and another failed try.
Drinking because of underlying issues When i was in chat the other day i got very upset with a member over this topic. They claimed that i drank because of some issue and that i actually did not like drinking. I told them this was false and i drank because i liked to drink and an argument ensued. I drink for one reason and that is because i like to. I started drinking with friends back in the day, we would do it because it is something we enjoyed. Well after a while the brain gets used to it and it becomes a method of pleasure. I am not sure why people have such a hard time understanding that someone drinks only because they like it. But we have to remember to not assume anything about anyone. I think it is more of the people who use it to run from problems cannot understand how someone could just like to use it.
Powerless over alcohol This is one more thing that i really do not understand. Once i start drinking i am powerless over alcohol and i can not control it. But when sober i have complete power over it, i can look at it, imagine drinking it etc. Its not like i see a bottle and lose all control and just start swallowing mouthfuls of it. I am in full power over whether or not i take that first drink.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
It's just different for everyone. Maybe some can just stop drinking and that's it, for others it's a very real struggle. People drink for different reasons. Maybe try to see things from another perspective. Ans as it's often said- take what you can and leave the rest. Other than that, I would just ignore the bait of someone tries to tel you how to feel. It's best to remain calm in those situations- arguing has never changed anything in my experience and I find it boring as well.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: NJ
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I agree with most of your post. I think the obsessing over quitting is not wanting to feel uncomfortable and dreading quitting. That is partly why we drink-to get rid of uncomfortable feelings. I also agree with you that we drink because we like the way it feels. I liked how it stripped my anxiety and gave me a temporary energy boost, it made me feel better-it worked. Everyone has issues in their lives but not everyone escapes with alcohol or drugs.
People who swear by a 12 step program probably won't agree about your powerless statements. I agree with you. I don't buy it either. I chose to drink and I can make the decision not to.
People who swear by a 12 step program probably won't agree about your powerless statements. I agree with you. I don't buy it either. I chose to drink and I can make the decision not to.
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As you say, you presented a one-sided view...your view. Your view is just as legitimate as someone elses view; however, just like you don't like being told how you should feel, others don't like it either. While it may be a simple matter of just not picking up that first drink, for you, it isn't necessarily that simple of a matter for another person.
I don't believe SR is a place where we should tell each other how they should be feeling or what they should do. It's a place where we support each other in whatever struggle they are having regarding drinking or drugging. While it's not perfect, because SR is comprised of different people in different stages and with different personalities and outlooks, I believe that overall, SR is very helpful. If you just adamantly disagree with another person, it's best to just put them on ignore. Getting angry doesn't help either them or yourself.
I, too, have been called a "dry drunk" simply because I don't use AA as a method of staying sober. Well, if they believe that, what's it to me? That person isn't important in my life, so they are welcome to their opinions, just as I am welcome to mine. Don't sweat the small stuff, and to me, the opinion of someone who doesn't really know me, is small stuff.
I don't believe SR is a place where we should tell each other how they should be feeling or what they should do. It's a place where we support each other in whatever struggle they are having regarding drinking or drugging. While it's not perfect, because SR is comprised of different people in different stages and with different personalities and outlooks, I believe that overall, SR is very helpful. If you just adamantly disagree with another person, it's best to just put them on ignore. Getting angry doesn't help either them or yourself.
I, too, have been called a "dry drunk" simply because I don't use AA as a method of staying sober. Well, if they believe that, what's it to me? That person isn't important in my life, so they are welcome to their opinions, just as I am welcome to mine. Don't sweat the small stuff, and to me, the opinion of someone who doesn't really know me, is small stuff.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
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Sounds like maybe you're a problem drinker, not an alcoholic. That doesn't mean you don't require or deserve help--but it explains why you don't understand alcoholism.
Oh, and the only underlying "issue" that caused me to drink was me. Stuff happens to most people, and some folks seem to glide by it. The "issue" of me is how I see things, think about things, react to things--not the things themselves.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Oh, and the only underlying "issue" that caused me to drink was me. Stuff happens to most people, and some folks seem to glide by it. The "issue" of me is how I see things, think about things, react to things--not the things themselves.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Re: My Rant On Alcohol And Quitting
Okay...I get your point. There are some people, like myself, who have a real problem and getting over that hurdle by admitting were powerless can be the key to our recovery.
I have an addictive compulsive disorder caused by "beta-endorphins in my brain" that can compel me to become more obsessed and/or physically addicted than most people. When I start anything, including drinking, I become obsessed over it -period. This is why I cannot drink responsibly as others can. Setting out to have "A Drink" isn't the problem but knowing when to stop is.
If you can drink responsibly than go ahead. Everyone has the right to choose what direction to take. I am an alcoholic though, and there no other alternatives or avenues for this alcoholic to choose other than sober ones -bottom line.
Good Luck on your journey no matter where that takes you………..God Bless as always.
I am an alcoholic....In recovery....Thank God.
I have an addictive compulsive disorder caused by "beta-endorphins in my brain" that can compel me to become more obsessed and/or physically addicted than most people. When I start anything, including drinking, I become obsessed over it -period. This is why I cannot drink responsibly as others can. Setting out to have "A Drink" isn't the problem but knowing when to stop is.
If you can drink responsibly than go ahead. Everyone has the right to choose what direction to take. I am an alcoholic though, and there no other alternatives or avenues for this alcoholic to choose other than sober ones -bottom line.
Good Luck on your journey no matter where that takes you………..God Bless as always.
I am an alcoholic....In recovery....Thank God.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Itsme23 no reason to rant, but you summed up your rant with the true point that should make you feel better to understand.
Being powerless equates to having no power, or being weak. It is a nice way to pass the responsibilty from the person to the bottle. I have had many times periods of great weakness when I was trying to quit, but I knew I had it in me somewhere. Sure I would relapse, until finally I found reasons and exercises for my brain so it did not want to drink any longer. I made myself believe consciously and subconciously that I no longer wanted to drink.
The powerless concept puts a positive spin on being weak and not having self control. Once you accept being powerless then it is not your fault, because there is nothing in your mind that you can do to prevent it. Basically they are saying I can't not make my brain believe there is anything greater than drinking. Then the programs that use this concept try to better your life and change you as a person so eventually you will be able to make your mind believe through fellowship, becoming a better person, and helping others that these things give you better feelings than drinking. The only downfall can be if you move away from the program your brain quits producing the "feel good" chemicals that fellowship, self confidence, and charity create in the brain. Then some will get depressed and lose their purpose and go back to drinking because their brain still thinks they like and need it. Others in the program can gain a better life outside the program and eventually realize that they lost those mental feelings for alcohol, and they no longer want to drink even without the program.
So be happy you don't see yourself as powerless, no matter whether you are an alcoholic, a problem drinker or a normie. All the methods are just ways of either changing our subconscious feelings about our DOC, or replacing the euphoric feelings that we got from our DOC. And when any program works perfectly we get both, which equates to happiness in sobriety....and that is a good thing no matter how you look at it.
Being powerless equates to having no power, or being weak. It is a nice way to pass the responsibilty from the person to the bottle. I have had many times periods of great weakness when I was trying to quit, but I knew I had it in me somewhere. Sure I would relapse, until finally I found reasons and exercises for my brain so it did not want to drink any longer. I made myself believe consciously and subconciously that I no longer wanted to drink.
The powerless concept puts a positive spin on being weak and not having self control. Once you accept being powerless then it is not your fault, because there is nothing in your mind that you can do to prevent it. Basically they are saying I can't not make my brain believe there is anything greater than drinking. Then the programs that use this concept try to better your life and change you as a person so eventually you will be able to make your mind believe through fellowship, becoming a better person, and helping others that these things give you better feelings than drinking. The only downfall can be if you move away from the program your brain quits producing the "feel good" chemicals that fellowship, self confidence, and charity create in the brain. Then some will get depressed and lose their purpose and go back to drinking because their brain still thinks they like and need it. Others in the program can gain a better life outside the program and eventually realize that they lost those mental feelings for alcohol, and they no longer want to drink even without the program.
So be happy you don't see yourself as powerless, no matter whether you are an alcoholic, a problem drinker or a normie. All the methods are just ways of either changing our subconscious feelings about our DOC, or replacing the euphoric feelings that we got from our DOC. And when any program works perfectly we get both, which equates to happiness in sobriety....and that is a good thing no matter how you look at it.
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For me, "trying to quit" was about being afraid to let go of the crutch, not believing I was strong enough to lead a rich satisfying life on my own. Fear is a huge factor for every alcoholic, whether they are conscious of it or not.
As for "enjoying" drinking, what I enjoyed was the feelings of control it gave me. A good buzz made me feel charming, sociable, and attractive; it made me believe I was competent, able to handle anything. Being buzzed gave me a warm feeling of security and belonging, of safety and strength. I could do anything when I was buzzed, I felt. Handle anything, anyone that came my way.
After I was clean for a while, I realized what alcohol gave me were illusions of control, illusions of strength and ability. And I must have known, somewhere in my subconscious, that they were only illusions, which is why I was so afraid to let them go.
Because once the illusions are gone, what is the guarantee that the me underneath has any real control, any real ability, any real strength?
Hiding from truth was easier until it became too hard to live with.
As for "enjoying" drinking, what I enjoyed was the feelings of control it gave me. A good buzz made me feel charming, sociable, and attractive; it made me believe I was competent, able to handle anything. Being buzzed gave me a warm feeling of security and belonging, of safety and strength. I could do anything when I was buzzed, I felt. Handle anything, anyone that came my way.
After I was clean for a while, I realized what alcohol gave me were illusions of control, illusions of strength and ability. And I must have known, somewhere in my subconscious, that they were only illusions, which is why I was so afraid to let them go.
Because once the illusions are gone, what is the guarantee that the me underneath has any real control, any real ability, any real strength?
Hiding from truth was easier until it became too hard to live with.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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I guess I always assumed that the "powerless over alcohol" thing did primarily apply to people who were physically addicted. Since I didn't even attempt to stop until I was already drinking a large quantity every day, I just don't know what somebody might go through who isn't physically addicted but tries to stop anyway.
I bet it is still pretty hard though. If somebody is drinking to deal with everyday life issues, I have to think that's harder to stop than somebody who drinks to party. Unless partying ITSELF is a way to deal with things.
I also think it's technically true that someone can choose not to pick up that first drink, but if somebody is accustomed to using alcohol to regulate their mood and doesn't know how to do it otherwise, the amount of willpower required might be way beyond what we normally need in normal circumstances.
I bet it is still pretty hard though. If somebody is drinking to deal with everyday life issues, I have to think that's harder to stop than somebody who drinks to party. Unless partying ITSELF is a way to deal with things.
I also think it's technically true that someone can choose not to pick up that first drink, but if somebody is accustomed to using alcohol to regulate their mood and doesn't know how to do it otherwise, the amount of willpower required might be way beyond what we normally need in normal circumstances.
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Sober Recovery is shutting down. Alcohol addiction is not a problem. Not sure about drugs.
ItsMe23 has figured it out.
He can take a few questions but will be moving on to solve the Middle East problem in a few minutes. So hurry.
ItsMe23 has figured it out.
He can take a few questions but will be moving on to solve the Middle East problem in a few minutes. So hurry.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Originally Posted by Hollyanne 
Sober Recovery is shutting down. Alcohol addiction is not a problem. Not sure about drugs.
ItsMe23 has figured it out.
He can take a few questions but will be moving on to solve the Middle East problem in a few minutes. So hurry.
ItsMe23 has figured it out.
He can take a few questions but will be moving on to solve the Middle East problem in a few minutes. So hurry.
But just because the problems can be described simply and the solutions can be very simple as well, doesn't mean they are easy to accomplish. If the solutions were easy easy to accomplish we'd all be sober.
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In my experience, I can only relate my experience.
And that is - to choose or not to choose isn't the question. Of course I can choose. I am responsible for my actions. That's fundamental. But let's say I have the desire to drink and I'm white knuckling. So I choose not to drink right now, and then five minutes later, and then ten minutes later... I'll lose the fight every time out of sheer exhaustion. It's not until I have absolutely no desire to drink that I'm secure in my sobriety.
But that's just my experience.
And that is - to choose or not to choose isn't the question. Of course I can choose. I am responsible for my actions. That's fundamental. But let's say I have the desire to drink and I'm white knuckling. So I choose not to drink right now, and then five minutes later, and then ten minutes later... I'll lose the fight every time out of sheer exhaustion. It's not until I have absolutely no desire to drink that I'm secure in my sobriety.
But that's just my experience.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
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Feeling frustrated is absolutely normal - well, as "normal" as we get, anyway. I used to be very frustrated about a long list of things, not the least of which was "why can't I drink like normal people?"
Obsessing over that first drink - there's the rub. I knew I was powerless over drinking/alcohol when I realized I couldn't drink "just one" - and that continued obsession over "needing" that first drink just wouldn't go away. I could do something else; I could try to think about something else; but my mind kept returning to that First Drink thing. So I had to realize that I was powerless over alcohol once I started drinking, and powerless over obsessing over drinking if I didn't start drinking. Sheesh.
However, as others have stated, I agree that you're entitled to your opinion, and I admire you for stating it so well!
Obsessing over that first drink - there's the rub. I knew I was powerless over drinking/alcohol when I realized I couldn't drink "just one" - and that continued obsession over "needing" that first drink just wouldn't go away. I could do something else; I could try to think about something else; but my mind kept returning to that First Drink thing. So I had to realize that I was powerless over alcohol once I started drinking, and powerless over obsessing over drinking if I didn't start drinking. Sheesh.
However, as others have stated, I agree that you're entitled to your opinion, and I admire you for stating it so well!
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Just as there is more than one way to recover from alcoholism. I believe everybody is entitled to view their problem as they see fit, as long if its helpful to their recovery that is.
One problem arises for me is when someone (or a group of people) shares their opinion(s) about something as controversial recovery methods as a universal truth. That's when I get turned off and my mind slams shut. When I see someone share their opinion and use the the word "you", that my first indicator of...oh no here we go. That's why I do my best to use "I" statements and just share my experience with recovery.
One problem arises for me is when someone (or a group of people) shares their opinion(s) about something as controversial recovery methods as a universal truth. That's when I get turned off and my mind slams shut. When I see someone share their opinion and use the the word "you", that my first indicator of...oh no here we go. That's why I do my best to use "I" statements and just share my experience with recovery.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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I agree with you on many levels. For me personally it was a decision to better my life. I did not thrive on alcohol everyday. It made me powerless because I let it. The more I "thought" of quitting, the harder it became, just as you said. I did need to make alterations in my life just as one would when changing any hobbie. People, places and things and I think the reason why that's so hard is only because it's all around us. It's such a popular hobbie and so easy to gain possession of. People debate constantly over whether alcoholism is a disease or psychological. I think its psychological. Our minds can play amazing tricks on us. It can make us believe something so much that our bodies and hearts react to that. Although people can have underlying issues that can lead them to drinking, again... its psychological... as you said its a craving. It only becomes an addiction when you make that choice everyday and your body becomes use to the substance and desires it, like a medication. Just as people would consume extacy or cocaine, alcohol has a physical effect that people enjoy, which is why they do it. That's there substance of choice. When someone says "I don't like to drink, but I do", I think that should translate into "I don't like to drown away my problems, but I do", unless they have hit a psychical addiction, recovery is only a choice away.
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ItsMe....as long as you realise this is only your peception based on your experience, then that is great. But I get that you're implying that alcoholics and addicts on this site are over-dramatizing the issue.
I don't think I am - in fact, like many here, I bet I under-dramatized it for years. Many here have had some serious, seriously bad **** happen as a result of drinking (like death....which happened to my father) despite knowing for years that we were putting our lives, others' lives, our relationships, our souls, our jobs, our futtures, etc, at risk.
Analogy (and I have said the same as you regarding this, mea culpa):
Like many, this country has an obsession with weight. Every single womens magazine, without exception, has at least one feature article per issue about losing weight, low fat diets, etc. Many men's articles too (usually couched in terms of exercising for ripped abs or whatever.) The wieght loss industry is freaking huge. Government bodies at all levels address it, people die trying to get thin, this nation in general is obsessed with size, groccery stores are filled with "low fat" this and "lite" that and "low carb everything else; hell almost everyone I know IRL has ongoing issues with their weight and is on diets or in weight-loss groups or complains about being overweight to some degree.
To me, it's a no-brainer and I am baffled by how difficult it appears to be for others. Eat less, eat better food, go for walks or something to use up more calories. If I gain a few pounds (and at 53, it happens easily) I simply eat a bit less overall until my pants aren't tight around the waist.
I like the way I look at the weight I am, and apparently I don't have a complicated relationship with food because for the most part I can control it very easily.
Now...don't you think that if being at one's desired weight was simply a matter of eating less and better, and moving a bit more, everyone would be there and it would be a non-issue in this society?
I seriously don't think that everyone who is over (or under) weight and not happy about it is making it too complex, and I don't think that of everyone who has a hard time quitting drinking, either.
Now...there may be levels (certainly stages) of addiction: quitting smoking is absolutely huge for me, but I know people who have quit without a whole lot of trauma. Perhaps you are simply a 3 on a 1-10 scale of alcohol obsession; in which case good for you. But I wouldn't belittle people who have a tough time with it. And finally, it's pretty well a recognised phenom that many alcoholics/addicts have a comorbid mental illness, so yeah, maybe you don't but many do and that plays a big, big part in alcohol or drug use for many.
I don't think I am - in fact, like many here, I bet I under-dramatized it for years. Many here have had some serious, seriously bad **** happen as a result of drinking (like death....which happened to my father) despite knowing for years that we were putting our lives, others' lives, our relationships, our souls, our jobs, our futtures, etc, at risk.
Analogy (and I have said the same as you regarding this, mea culpa):
Like many, this country has an obsession with weight. Every single womens magazine, without exception, has at least one feature article per issue about losing weight, low fat diets, etc. Many men's articles too (usually couched in terms of exercising for ripped abs or whatever.) The wieght loss industry is freaking huge. Government bodies at all levels address it, people die trying to get thin, this nation in general is obsessed with size, groccery stores are filled with "low fat" this and "lite" that and "low carb everything else; hell almost everyone I know IRL has ongoing issues with their weight and is on diets or in weight-loss groups or complains about being overweight to some degree.
To me, it's a no-brainer and I am baffled by how difficult it appears to be for others. Eat less, eat better food, go for walks or something to use up more calories. If I gain a few pounds (and at 53, it happens easily) I simply eat a bit less overall until my pants aren't tight around the waist.
I like the way I look at the weight I am, and apparently I don't have a complicated relationship with food because for the most part I can control it very easily.Now...don't you think that if being at one's desired weight was simply a matter of eating less and better, and moving a bit more, everyone would be there and it would be a non-issue in this society?
I seriously don't think that everyone who is over (or under) weight and not happy about it is making it too complex, and I don't think that of everyone who has a hard time quitting drinking, either.
Now...there may be levels (certainly stages) of addiction: quitting smoking is absolutely huge for me, but I know people who have quit without a whole lot of trauma. Perhaps you are simply a 3 on a 1-10 scale of alcohol obsession; in which case good for you. But I wouldn't belittle people who have a tough time with it. And finally, it's pretty well a recognised phenom that many alcoholics/addicts have a comorbid mental illness, so yeah, maybe you don't but many do and that plays a big, big part in alcohol or drug use for many.
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