Just hit 90 days! my thoughts...
Riding Barefoot
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 452
Just hit 90 days! my thoughts...
It is just after midnight and officially now my 90th day without a drink. I have come so far I hardly know where to begin. Just yesterday, my 89th day, was so packed full of lessons and good things that I could fill pages with, and yet I know that more will be revealed.
More will be revealed... this has been my motto lately. I had heard it and was intrigued by it, but didn't exactly know what it meant until just this week. To me it symbolizes faith that things will continue to progress, but that patience is required. We don't get all the answers at one time, but they will come.
I went to a meeting just 5 hours ago. My first one in two months. I thought until a few days ago that I didn't need meetings anymore. . . Much of this has to do with my fear of sharing, but I have faith that I can get past that. I also thought I understood what I needed to do, but that it was time for me to branch off and spread my wings on my own. Create my own program. Not so fast! I was starting to get antsy and lonely. Too many nights at home alone. Weekends mostly alone. Starting to stagnate. I was getting frustrated talking about my problem with nonalcoholics who got it only so far as a nonalcoholic possibly could. I needed to get out, be around people who didn't question my alcoholism simply because beer was my DOC. What about drinking 8 to 24 beers a day seems any less problematic than drinking a pint or fifth of vodka a day? People in AA get it. I felt really good at that meeting tonight. I might not do the full blown AA program, but I should keep going to meetings.
I read Patrick Meninga's 51 things yesterday. He is big on exercise. I hit the gym 6 days a week. I am eating right. I have finally cut down on sugar and I am getting started on reducing caffeine. I weighed myself yesterday, and I am down 4 pounds since 2 weeks ago. 15 pounds since 90 days ago. I am at a healthy weight. I think I actually had tears in my eyes when I stepped off the scale at the gym. It isn't just the weight loss, but how hard I have worked to take care of my body. Thinking about what I was doing before...the alcohol couteracted everything I did at the gym. I am doing it right now and seeing results. I also FEEL incredible.
Meninga says that meditation isn't necessary if you exercise because exercise requires meditation. I agree that is what occurs when exercise is done correctly; you must be focused in order to get the full benefit. Meditation alone works for some. I prefer exercise.
I was more selfish before than I knew. I heard many stories in my first 30 days of people who had burned bridges. I didn't think I had done that. I was lucky in that way, I thought. Burning bridges to me meant that you had lied, stolen, cheated, etc., to the point that the other person gave up on you. That never happened to me. I couldn't keep friends though. I realized just this week why: because I had let THEM go. I hadn't tried hard enough. I wanted to drink. I prepartied before everything and usually to the point of never getting to the "party". I have lost many friends because I didn't make the effort to keep them around. Beer was my friend. My lying, cheating, stealing friend that I clung to until I realized the truth. I burned that bridge, thank God, but I know now that it wasn't the only one. I learned this lesson this week and it is just one event that has taught me that more will be revealed.
If you want different results, change your behavior. I smile at everyone now. I initiate conversation with strangers. I thought I wasn't a people person before. I thought I didn't like people. Now I think that most people are inherently good, and the difference in the way they react to me now is immense. I used to walk with my head down and hoped to not have to look or talk to anyone. Now, head up and smiling, I feel I am having a contagious effect on others. My interactions with people are positive.
Taking care of things is important. Pay the bills. If I can't, I don't avoid the phone calls anymore. I cleared things up with a creditor last week and it was a huge weitght off my shoulders. I owe my dad money and also worked out a payment plan with him. Yes, my own father sends me printed statements in the mail, very official looking with balance, principle, interest, the whole nine, and it drives me crazy, but I am relieved and grateful that he has given me the opportunity to do the right thing. No more lying awake at night.
I believe there is a reason for everything. I found a bottle cap in my gym bag a few days ago. This was just after I had washed said gym bag. Where the heck did that cap come from? I may never know, but it is a sign of how things were and how they could be if I am not careful.
There is more, but it is getting late and I typed all of this on my phone and I am tired. I may add some later. More will be revealed.
More will be revealed... this has been my motto lately. I had heard it and was intrigued by it, but didn't exactly know what it meant until just this week. To me it symbolizes faith that things will continue to progress, but that patience is required. We don't get all the answers at one time, but they will come.
I went to a meeting just 5 hours ago. My first one in two months. I thought until a few days ago that I didn't need meetings anymore. . . Much of this has to do with my fear of sharing, but I have faith that I can get past that. I also thought I understood what I needed to do, but that it was time for me to branch off and spread my wings on my own. Create my own program. Not so fast! I was starting to get antsy and lonely. Too many nights at home alone. Weekends mostly alone. Starting to stagnate. I was getting frustrated talking about my problem with nonalcoholics who got it only so far as a nonalcoholic possibly could. I needed to get out, be around people who didn't question my alcoholism simply because beer was my DOC. What about drinking 8 to 24 beers a day seems any less problematic than drinking a pint or fifth of vodka a day? People in AA get it. I felt really good at that meeting tonight. I might not do the full blown AA program, but I should keep going to meetings.
I read Patrick Meninga's 51 things yesterday. He is big on exercise. I hit the gym 6 days a week. I am eating right. I have finally cut down on sugar and I am getting started on reducing caffeine. I weighed myself yesterday, and I am down 4 pounds since 2 weeks ago. 15 pounds since 90 days ago. I am at a healthy weight. I think I actually had tears in my eyes when I stepped off the scale at the gym. It isn't just the weight loss, but how hard I have worked to take care of my body. Thinking about what I was doing before...the alcohol couteracted everything I did at the gym. I am doing it right now and seeing results. I also FEEL incredible.
Meninga says that meditation isn't necessary if you exercise because exercise requires meditation. I agree that is what occurs when exercise is done correctly; you must be focused in order to get the full benefit. Meditation alone works for some. I prefer exercise.
I was more selfish before than I knew. I heard many stories in my first 30 days of people who had burned bridges. I didn't think I had done that. I was lucky in that way, I thought. Burning bridges to me meant that you had lied, stolen, cheated, etc., to the point that the other person gave up on you. That never happened to me. I couldn't keep friends though. I realized just this week why: because I had let THEM go. I hadn't tried hard enough. I wanted to drink. I prepartied before everything and usually to the point of never getting to the "party". I have lost many friends because I didn't make the effort to keep them around. Beer was my friend. My lying, cheating, stealing friend that I clung to until I realized the truth. I burned that bridge, thank God, but I know now that it wasn't the only one. I learned this lesson this week and it is just one event that has taught me that more will be revealed.
If you want different results, change your behavior. I smile at everyone now. I initiate conversation with strangers. I thought I wasn't a people person before. I thought I didn't like people. Now I think that most people are inherently good, and the difference in the way they react to me now is immense. I used to walk with my head down and hoped to not have to look or talk to anyone. Now, head up and smiling, I feel I am having a contagious effect on others. My interactions with people are positive.
Taking care of things is important. Pay the bills. If I can't, I don't avoid the phone calls anymore. I cleared things up with a creditor last week and it was a huge weitght off my shoulders. I owe my dad money and also worked out a payment plan with him. Yes, my own father sends me printed statements in the mail, very official looking with balance, principle, interest, the whole nine, and it drives me crazy, but I am relieved and grateful that he has given me the opportunity to do the right thing. No more lying awake at night.
I believe there is a reason for everything. I found a bottle cap in my gym bag a few days ago. This was just after I had washed said gym bag. Where the heck did that cap come from? I may never know, but it is a sign of how things were and how they could be if I am not careful.
There is more, but it is getting late and I typed all of this on my phone and I am tired. I may add some later. More will be revealed.
Riding Barefoot
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 452
Thanks, D.
One of the speakers last night tlaked about doing laudry at her moms and going out to "play" when she was in her thirties. Well, I also do my laundry at my mom's. I could do it at a multitude of places, but I chose to do it there because in the basement where the laundry room is is also a fridge stocked with beer. Was I ever vigilant about that laundry, "checking" on it every 20 minutes...slamming another beer or two.
Now I try to do something else-drop off laundry and go to the gym or do errands. Help my mom with things since she had a knee replacement last summer and something still isn't right with it, so she has trouble moving around sometimes. In fact, I did laundry the past two weekends and did not even think about the beer. At one point I opened the fridge on her main floor and it was full of beer because she was getting ready to host Bunco. I looked at it for a second, shut the door and went and did some things to help her set the house up for having company.
Getting outside myself and using my abilities to help others is tremendous.
One of the speakers last night tlaked about doing laudry at her moms and going out to "play" when she was in her thirties. Well, I also do my laundry at my mom's. I could do it at a multitude of places, but I chose to do it there because in the basement where the laundry room is is also a fridge stocked with beer. Was I ever vigilant about that laundry, "checking" on it every 20 minutes...slamming another beer or two.
Now I try to do something else-drop off laundry and go to the gym or do errands. Help my mom with things since she had a knee replacement last summer and something still isn't right with it, so she has trouble moving around sometimes. In fact, I did laundry the past two weekends and did not even think about the beer. At one point I opened the fridge on her main floor and it was full of beer because she was getting ready to host Bunco. I looked at it for a second, shut the door and went and did some things to help her set the house up for having company.
Getting outside myself and using my abilities to help others is tremendous.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
I can relate to so much of your post. Exercise; the difference in how I look at other people now, and how much more engaged I am with my fellow human beings; the newfound sense of responsibility and accountability... I've been experiencing all of that.
This post was a great way to start my day—thanks for staying up late to share that!
This post was a great way to start my day—thanks for staying up late to share that!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
If you want different results, change your behavior. I smile at everyone now. I initiate conversation with strangers. I thought I wasn't a people person before. I thought I didn't like people. Now I think that most people are inherently good, and the difference in the way they react to me now is immense. I used to walk with my head down and hoped to not have to look or talk to anyone. Now, head up and smiling, I feel I am having a contagious effect on others. My interactions with people are positive.
This is one of the keys to a happy life! Thank you for writing it, and congrats on your new life. You are inspiring!
This is one of the keys to a happy life! Thank you for writing it, and congrats on your new life. You are inspiring!
Riding Barefoot
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 452
Thanks everyone! It is an indescribable feeling to be called an inspiration. Don't know what to make of it, but I can say thanks and thanks to everyone who has inspired me...which is everyone on SR.
I have been feeling emotional today...at the gym I was going back and forth from nearly tearful, to smiling, to angry, to scared. Lonely. I might find another meeting to go to tonight. I need to be around people. There is a meeting tomorrow night that I know I like, but not sure if I can wait that long. Apparently there is a walking meeting on Saturday mornings...they meet at the statue of St. Louis and walk around the park. I missed it, but I'd like to try it sometime...anyone experienced anything like it?
I did a little shopping today to reward myself. Just a couple shirts and some jewelry from Old Navy.
Well, that's another thing...I definitely see a difference in my bank account since I'm not spending $300/month on beer!
Also, work has been going much more smoothly. I don't get so irritated that I have to bring work home. I'm doing my job well. I know now that I could even handle working more, so I am going to see if I can increase my hours or get a little part-time job somewhere. A bookstore would be nice.
Thanks again everyone.
I have been feeling emotional today...at the gym I was going back and forth from nearly tearful, to smiling, to angry, to scared. Lonely. I might find another meeting to go to tonight. I need to be around people. There is a meeting tomorrow night that I know I like, but not sure if I can wait that long. Apparently there is a walking meeting on Saturday mornings...they meet at the statue of St. Louis and walk around the park. I missed it, but I'd like to try it sometime...anyone experienced anything like it?
I did a little shopping today to reward myself. Just a couple shirts and some jewelry from Old Navy.
Well, that's another thing...I definitely see a difference in my bank account since I'm not spending $300/month on beer!
Also, work has been going much more smoothly. I don't get so irritated that I have to bring work home. I'm doing my job well. I know now that I could even handle working more, so I am going to see if I can increase my hours or get a little part-time job somewhere. A bookstore would be nice.
Thanks again everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
"I have been feeling emotional today...at the gym I was going back and forth from nearly tearful, to smiling, to angry, to scared. Lonely."
Stay strong and remember what you wrote.
"If you want different results, change your behavior."
Have a great weekend!
Stay strong and remember what you wrote.
"If you want different results, change your behavior."
Have a great weekend!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 323
Drunkenbasement I found your post really inspiring. Congratulations. I was listening to this irish song on youtube at the time and it really went along well:
YouTube - Luke Kelly Raglan Road
YouTube - Luke Kelly Raglan Road
Riding Barefoot
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 452
Thanks some more! UNY, I will check out the song when I get to a real computer. I am curious!
Still can't believe I am being described as inspiring and insightful...thanks.
I went to another meeting tonight. I told myself ahead of time that no matter what, if someone extended an offer to go do something afterward, I would go. I mean group stuff like bowling or getting something to eat. Fellowship I guess it is? Anyway, as soon as I walked in, I felt something...I got there about 15 minutes early, which I never do, and chatted with people. There was a break after the speaker and I got to know more people at the break. I saw lots of familiar faces from the meeting I was at last night, and many new ones. After the meeting I talked with a group of people til we all but got kicked out, and then we went out afterward, about 8 of us. It was great.
I heard lots of great things and was able to get some things off my chest.
First time I did anything with a group of people in over 3 months. I met someone who said it was 8 months before she could even talk to another person. Whoah. Talk about puttng things into perspective! It was a great 90th day.
Still can't believe I am being described as inspiring and insightful...thanks.
I went to another meeting tonight. I told myself ahead of time that no matter what, if someone extended an offer to go do something afterward, I would go. I mean group stuff like bowling or getting something to eat. Fellowship I guess it is? Anyway, as soon as I walked in, I felt something...I got there about 15 minutes early, which I never do, and chatted with people. There was a break after the speaker and I got to know more people at the break. I saw lots of familiar faces from the meeting I was at last night, and many new ones. After the meeting I talked with a group of people til we all but got kicked out, and then we went out afterward, about 8 of us. It was great.
I heard lots of great things and was able to get some things off my chest.
First time I did anything with a group of people in over 3 months. I met someone who said it was 8 months before she could even talk to another person. Whoah. Talk about puttng things into perspective! It was a great 90th day.
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