Planning a new start.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Planning a new start.
I've been around SR for awhile now. I have had periods of totally abstaining from alcohol and then periods of indulging. I started taking an anti depressant about a year ago- and I have put on about 30 pounds. I'm at my all time highest weight, and it isn't very nice at all. Now, I've never really liked my appearance to begin with however this just seems like an extra kick in the teeth. I've even been made fun of and criticized for taking meds by people who called themselves my friends- and those same people teased me about my weight as well. Needless to say, I no longer associate them. One person even tried to imply that because I was on meds, I was "unstable" and unfit for work- then they tried to interfere with a job I hold very dear to my heart. Pretty sleazy in my opinion, especially considering the source is a raging,emotionally and sometimes physically abusive alcoholic. Anyway, I plan to start a diet tomorrow and really try hard to clean up my act. I've been really sad about getting older, being alone and without a family (they are very abusive so I don't associate with them) and without a partner... and the weight gain. I'm just asking for support. I will probably be checking in often. My goal is to be med free and physically healthy, but I know I won't be able to do it on my own and I have turned to drinking in the past when all the trauma I've been through becomes to much to handle alone.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Wappingers Falls, NY
Posts: 618
Hi Sleepie...
It is good to hear from you sleepie… It’s also good to know you’re alright regardless of the circumstances.
I hear you’re cries and feel your pain as well. I would be setting myself up for disappointment if I based my worth solely on what other people’s opinions are of me. I’d rather view it from a divine perspective -as we should- rather than people’s perspectives –which are skewed by the way.
I –too– have been overweight at times in my life, and others –especially my father- had a habit of pointing out my burliness, regardless of how that made me feel. My Mother handled the matter more delicately and offered support not criticism, making the daunting task of losing weight more bearable. It was her outpouring of love and support that made me feel comfortable in my own skin, regardless of what others thought. I experienced –first hand- what was meant by “divine love” when I viewed it from her eyes not others.
My sponsor pointed out a particular principle about emotional sobriety that has benefited me immensely over the course of my sobriety. He said and I quote: “The emotional aggregate of being doesn’t always reflect the narrative of the mind”. Basically…it’s what others are thinking rather than what they are saying that matters. If they say you’re fat, what they are thinking might be far worse and might involve their own short sightedness not others. Basically…They are shifting attention away from the problem and themselves by pointing their finger at others –bottom line. I usually respond with "I'm sorry you feel that way because I certainly do not". Enough said.....
Don’t become entangled in the snares of this world by imagining yourself as nothing less than what almighty God created in you –a beautiful loving person we know as sleepie. I hope these comforting words will help alleviate your suffering, and help draw you closer towards God and his perspective by acknowledging you’re true worth one day at a time.
~God Bless~
I would be setting myself up for disappointment if I based my worth solely on what other people’s opinions are of me.
I hear you’re cries and feel your pain as well. I would be setting myself up for disappointment if I based my worth solely on what other people’s opinions are of me. I’d rather view it from a divine perspective -as we should- rather than people’s perspectives –which are skewed by the way.
I –too– have been overweight at times in my life, and others –especially my father- had a habit of pointing out my burliness, regardless of how that made me feel. My Mother handled the matter more delicately and offered support not criticism, making the daunting task of losing weight more bearable. It was her outpouring of love and support that made me feel comfortable in my own skin, regardless of what others thought. I experienced –first hand- what was meant by “divine love” when I viewed it from her eyes not others.
My sponsor pointed out a particular principle about emotional sobriety that has benefited me immensely over the course of my sobriety. He said and I quote: “The emotional aggregate of being doesn’t always reflect the narrative of the mind”. Basically…it’s what others are thinking rather than what they are saying that matters. If they say you’re fat, what they are thinking might be far worse and might involve their own short sightedness not others. Basically…They are shifting attention away from the problem and themselves by pointing their finger at others –bottom line. I usually respond with "I'm sorry you feel that way because I certainly do not". Enough said.....
Don’t become entangled in the snares of this world by imagining yourself as nothing less than what almighty God created in you –a beautiful loving person we know as sleepie. I hope these comforting words will help alleviate your suffering, and help draw you closer towards God and his perspective by acknowledging you’re true worth one day at a time.
~God Bless~
I would be setting myself up for disappointment if I based my worth solely on what other people’s opinions are of me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 273
I think you keep cutting yourself off from people who are bad for you, and that's good. But now might be a good time to find people who are a positive impact on your life, so that you have something to enjoy in your life.
Are there any activities/hobbies you like that you might be able to find a local club for? Even if it is something quiet like a board game you'd like to get better at, I think this is important for you. You don't sound like the type who likes being alone all the time.
Are there any activities/hobbies you like that you might be able to find a local club for? Even if it is something quiet like a board game you'd like to get better at, I think this is important for you. You don't sound like the type who likes being alone all the time.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Glad to see you making positive plans, sleepie 
I'd think carefully about going off the meds tho - bring your doctor into this - make sure they know that your weight gain is upsetting you...I don't know but there may be other avenues to explore?
Good luck with the new regime!
D
I'd think carefully about going off the meds tho - bring your doctor into this - make sure they know that your weight gain is upsetting you...I don't know but there may be other avenues to explore?
Good luck with the new regime!
D
Last edited by Dee74; 02-25-2011 at 03:44 PM.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I am going off and the doctor knows, although I know she forgets sometimes. Anyway, it boils down to me on my own, as it always has- that's just life. Very, very few of us have someone who's willing to bear a burden with us. We are all alone in the end. I am ready to face it.
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Originally Posted by sleepie 
I am going off and the doctor knows, although I know she forgets sometimes. Anyway, it boils down to me on my own, as it always has- that's just life. Very, very few of us have someone who's willing to bear a burden with us. We are all alone in the end. I am ready to face it.
There are also some anti-depressants not known for causing weight gain, and it might be something to explore with your Dr. I know that when I go off my meds I end up feeling a lot more down and alone, so for me quitting was a poor trade-off in the end.
Good for you for tackling all of this.....
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Sleepie, screw those who criticize you. Just say it once, then throw it over your shoulder, let it lie in its own stinking heap and keep trucking away from the smell.
It's not you their poking at; it's something they can't stand in themselves and something they probably aren't even conscious of.
I forget if you have taken a nip of what AA has to offer? For me, it's the one place I know I'm totally accepted for what I am -- a good person with a disease. A couple of them, in fact. It's a place for a hug, a nod of understanding, a place where strangers want to help because it helps them. That may sound selfish, but the act of lending support is the kindest karma there is; it's just icing on the cake that what you pass forward comes back to you.
Your posts reveal the beauty of an incredible young woman. We all see that.
AA isn't the only way, I know. But every time I go to a meeting, when my body drags this resisting mind filled with self-will there I walk out with one kernel of wisdom from someone else, one insight into myself that keeps me going. I leave with hope after arriving with a sense of helplessness. When I was your age everything AA stood for was like a slap in the face. Especially the God part. I'm just open minded now.
I've gotten this far: I can no longer deny that there is a God. I can't explain what she is, what he isn't. I just know that self got me where I'm at, and self can't get me out of it. I've reached a place of surrender, and realize that isn't a sign of weakness, but strength.
That's why I'm going to meet with a guy I hope will become my sponsor. I got a cold, am depressed as hell, and I don't want to go. But I'm open minded enough -- now -- to see what something else has to offer that I certainly can't provide for myself.
Thinking of you, girl. You're brave, smart, beautiful and tenacious. Size doesn't determine how big the heart is. And size changes; good hearts don't.
About the meds. I'm in the same boat as you. Just finished tapering off a low dose of Seroquel they put me on a few months ago while in the hospital. i still take 50 milligrams of Zoloft. I'm not touching the Zoloft, and only going off the Seroquel with the cooperation of my shrink. He let me taper it even though he said I could just stop. I can't make the decision on whether I need the med or not. I'm giving that up, seeing where the ride takes me, and will defer to someone else or something else to make the decision for me. Again, my self will can't be counted on to do the right thing. I'm now open-minded enough to listen instead of tell.
Your shrink may have forgot you're tapering your meds? Be proactive. Get what you're paying for. Slap her awake!
Please tread carefully here. What we want -- our self will -- may not be what's best for us. I think we both know that or we wouldn't be here!
It's not you their poking at; it's something they can't stand in themselves and something they probably aren't even conscious of.
I forget if you have taken a nip of what AA has to offer? For me, it's the one place I know I'm totally accepted for what I am -- a good person with a disease. A couple of them, in fact. It's a place for a hug, a nod of understanding, a place where strangers want to help because it helps them. That may sound selfish, but the act of lending support is the kindest karma there is; it's just icing on the cake that what you pass forward comes back to you.
Your posts reveal the beauty of an incredible young woman. We all see that.
AA isn't the only way, I know. But every time I go to a meeting, when my body drags this resisting mind filled with self-will there I walk out with one kernel of wisdom from someone else, one insight into myself that keeps me going. I leave with hope after arriving with a sense of helplessness. When I was your age everything AA stood for was like a slap in the face. Especially the God part. I'm just open minded now.
I've gotten this far: I can no longer deny that there is a God. I can't explain what she is, what he isn't. I just know that self got me where I'm at, and self can't get me out of it. I've reached a place of surrender, and realize that isn't a sign of weakness, but strength.
That's why I'm going to meet with a guy I hope will become my sponsor. I got a cold, am depressed as hell, and I don't want to go. But I'm open minded enough -- now -- to see what something else has to offer that I certainly can't provide for myself.
Thinking of you, girl. You're brave, smart, beautiful and tenacious. Size doesn't determine how big the heart is. And size changes; good hearts don't.
About the meds. I'm in the same boat as you. Just finished tapering off a low dose of Seroquel they put me on a few months ago while in the hospital. i still take 50 milligrams of Zoloft. I'm not touching the Zoloft, and only going off the Seroquel with the cooperation of my shrink. He let me taper it even though he said I could just stop. I can't make the decision on whether I need the med or not. I'm giving that up, seeing where the ride takes me, and will defer to someone else or something else to make the decision for me. Again, my self will can't be counted on to do the right thing. I'm now open-minded enough to listen instead of tell.
Your shrink may have forgot you're tapering your meds? Be proactive. Get what you're paying for. Slap her awake!
Please tread carefully here. What we want -- our self will -- may not be what's best for us. I think we both know that or we wouldn't be here!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I did not do well on any of the anti-depressants prescribed for me....including Welbutrin which is supposed to help0 you lose weight. when i was dx'd with a neuro. issue last year, an increasing dose of Topamax didn't help with my weight gain either.
with my doctor's knowledge i tapered off of everthing...i really don't see a difference, except i have much less depression since i quit drinking...regular exercise and a good diet helps, as does SAM-e and St. Johns. wort....(but this is just my body, not yours)...
I ended my LT relationship last year...since stopping drinking, i feel relieved and hopeful that i can be happy with myself...(and i adopted a little rescue dog to keep me and the cats company)..He is fabulous.
with my doctor's knowledge i tapered off of everthing...i really don't see a difference, except i have much less depression since i quit drinking...regular exercise and a good diet helps, as does SAM-e and St. Johns. wort....(but this is just my body, not yours)...
I ended my LT relationship last year...since stopping drinking, i feel relieved and hopeful that i can be happy with myself...(and i adopted a little rescue dog to keep me and the cats company)..He is fabulous.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
What's "LT" ? I read a really interesting article in Oprah Magazine (March issue) about MDMA- the main ingredient in ecstacy- curing years of trauma in a couple of sessions, guided by therapists. It has apparently helped a number of people who remained depressed, anxious and traumatized despite therapy and meds.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I know from experience that the benefits of diet and exercise require much more discipline and dedication than abstaining from drinking. And, exercise and dietary changes in addition to quitting drinking- and for a woman my age- is really a LOT to take on. It's not that simple-it may take most of my time-and so be it- however it is not all that simple for me- so please do not demean my aspirations, thank you.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
I've been sober for over three years, am in the best physical shape in my life, and take a low-dose anti-depressant.
I am a firm believer in getting help when I need to make major changes in my life.
-AA and counselling for my alcoholism.
-Counselling and my doctor for moderate anxiety/depression (it's a chemical imbalance in my mellon - the meds restore the balance).
-Fitness instructor to get me going on my strength training program.
Everything took time and discipline so patience is definitely required. Took about a year to feel comfortable in sobriety, 6 months for any noticable change in my body, and a couple of months for the meds to kick in.
My honest belief is that ANYTHING is possible in sobriety. Even relationships! What's not to like in a sober, confident, fit guy?
I am a firm believer in getting help when I need to make major changes in my life.
-AA and counselling for my alcoholism.
-Counselling and my doctor for moderate anxiety/depression (it's a chemical imbalance in my mellon - the meds restore the balance).
-Fitness instructor to get me going on my strength training program.
Everything took time and discipline so patience is definitely required. Took about a year to feel comfortable in sobriety, 6 months for any noticable change in my body, and a couple of months for the meds to kick in.
My honest belief is that ANYTHING is possible in sobriety. Even relationships! What's not to like in a sober, confident, fit guy?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I'm ready to take it Unique. And I will deal with those who interfere without wasting a single second of my valuable time or thoughts. I'll sweep them under the rug like the sad little particles they are.
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