Going out tonight....
 

Hi everyone...

It's a rare night out for me, I'm going out for dinner with a bunch of ladies to celebrate a girlfriends birthday....afterwards they want to go to a bar to go dancing, thankfully I have to work.... Even after 13 months I still feel "on guard" about social drinking situations.....I guess that's a good thing, I just wonder if I will ever truly be able to relax in these situations.........
One good thing is I celebrate 13 months today..so dinner will be sooo nice!!!

Anybody else feel this way??

Congrats on the 13 months!

I am at 14 months now and I too have this struggle, in a way I think it is kind of natural. I just got to keep the faith and know I can not pick up. I have been kind of avoiding the social scene for just that reason. Last time I went out was with a divorce-seperation meet-up group of people I never met. Of course they met at a bar and then went to another bar. Most people there were meeting each other for the first time so there was minimal awarkwardness. I just kept myself busy talking. I always had a coke in my hand while at it. It just gave me comfort having something. When it got to be too much I just said good-night. When I left I talked to my sponsor on the way home. I made it, I survived and I was pretty dang proud of myself for doing it and making it. You will do great :-)

Thanks Scott for your encouraging words!! :) I will only know the birthday girl, and two other ladies there..so it will be abit awkward at first..I'm kinda shy in a large group with people I dont know..although people would never know it!!

Glad to hear things went well for you! I'll keep that in mind tonight!! :)

I've only had minimal exposure since I got sober (about 14 months) and I understand your fear. I think it's normal and I have it too.

I know in AA, we say once we are recovered (having gone through and honestly worked all 12 steps), we can go anywhere provided there is a reason for us being there.

Even if you're not an AA'er, I hope you can get something out of that.

Good luck tonight...and...enjoy yourself :)

Kjell

Hi LO2L's and congrats on 13 months:)

I had to deal with this stuff pretty early on. I have found that it gets easier the more you do it. There is though, always that moment when first confronted with alcohol that is like the pause on an inhale, I don't know if that will ever fully leave me.

Good luck, you will do fine:)

My situation and profession forces me to be at a lot of "happy hours" or places where drinks were being served.

At first I feared it, but then I found that every time I said, "no thanks, I don't drink," it strengthened my identity as a sober person. Hearing myself say it out loud and sometimes answer the "why?" question helped ingrain it into my head that I am just someone who doesn't drink.

I compare it to not eating meat. I have been a vegetarian since I was 15. If I see someone eating a hamburger (I like hamburgers) I might think, that smells good, or that probably tastes good, but the thought never enters my mind that "I might eat one of those... no one would find out" (as it does with alcohol). Being a vegetarian is a strongly integrated part of who I am. Eating meat is just outside the realm of things I might do.

I'm hoping that being a sober person eventually occupies a similar position in my thoughts and self-conception. Being around people who are drinking, and telling them that I don't drink, helps reinforce that.

That being said -- I think it's entirely normal to feel uncomfortable when everyone is drinking. It sounds like you are doing the right thing by only putting yourself in those situations when necessary.

GG

Not at all...i have done a lot of work and changed a lot...why would i be bothered about taking a drink of alcohol...if i had just stopped drinking then i would definitely have to avoid all situations with alcohol...i've just moved the alcoholic drinks out of the mini bar in the hotel i am staying in onto the shelf to make room for my water and diet coke, i do not how you feel but it would suck to be sober and be worried about stuff like that...have you done much work on yourself since quitting?

My first 'situation' was pretty early on, I was surprised at the time that people weren't drinking as much as I thought they would, but it was advertised as a 'family' Christmas Party.

I hung out at a few 'drinking events' and I was pretty miserable, I really didn't fit in and had no business being there.

After that, I pretty much eliminated my exposure on that end, as much as I could.

We'd do weekend regattas, so when the real drinking started, I excused myself.

Still my policy today.

I always order a diet Coke with a lime. When people start getting stupid or sloppy, or I get a painful twinge for the shot of rum that the lime used to swim in, I know it's time to smile, make my goodnights, and drive home.

Over time, I find that two things have happened: One, none of the real friends in my life are heavy drinkers (those that were/are simply faded out), and because of it, my socializing takes place at bars far less frequently, and Two, my urge to drink when in a bar environment or with friends who are having alcohol has dropped down to nil.

If the cravings are still really nasty for you, my advice is to cut down on the amount of time you spend in temptation situations, and go to more AA meetings. I found that nothing kicks the urge for a drink faster than hearing someone else's sad story. :)

I have been sober for a bit over 3 years. I did not go to a bar until I was almost 2 years sober. In the past year, I've been in bars maybe 25 times. I will only go to a bar if I have a reason - eg. hooking up with friends, a good band.

For me, it depends on a couple of things. First, who I'm with. If there is a non-drinker or moderade drinker (eg. one or two drinks) in the bunch, I feel totally relaxed. Last week I was with a group of people who were all binge drinking and it was not fun. Really felt uneasy, like an outsider (I suppose I was in a way).

Second, my state of mind or as they say in AA, my spiritual fitness. If I'm tired, stressed, cranky etc. probably not a good time for me to be around people who are drinking. If I feel strong, confident, happy, no problem.

I guess it kinda makes sense though. As a non-drinker, why would I want to hang around people getting drunk or go out when I'm feeling crappy?

A "night out" means something quite different now that I don't drink or "need" alcohol to have fun. Concerts, sporting events, dinner, movies, coffee...even stuff with my kids. :) I have a much more vibrant social life in sobriety than alcohol could ever give me.

Last night went okay...The restaurant I went to was really really loud...so I couldn't hear anybody talk....and had to practically scream to say something....food was cold..and we didn't eat until 9:00...I forgot that drinkers don't eat while drinking!! when I suggested appies..one lady said...The wine is the appetizer!! so myself and pregnant lady where the only ones not drinking....and things were getting abit much...I left when the round of shooters came around...I said I would happily donate mine to the birthday girl!! I just kept in mind why I was there..for my friend who I love dearly......but I gotta say I won't be doing it again anytime soon!!! lovely bunch of ladies but I'm just "not there" anymore... I feel kinda bummed today....and can't quite figure out why....I don't feel like I'm missing anything....but just feel kinda blah......

Re: Going out tonight....
 

I suggest bringing a sober friend with you just in case. If you don't want too, then at least make room for a quick getaway if needed.

Have a good time though...

That certainly sounds unpleasant! Congrats on making it through. :)

GG

Great Job! There is no Reason for being bummed. You should be happy-you are still sober! You took care of yourself and did what you needed to do!

I totally understand that........I've been there. For me, it's almost resentment because I can't partake in the festivities.....odd really. But then I realize that I made it through sober and the good feelings come. But in the end, being sober is well worth it...isn't it!

Hi Shantra, You bet being sober is well worth it! I went out and did some "retail therapy" helped lift my mood!! :) and I wouldn't have had the money if I was drinking!! :) no hangovers or ill will from shopping!! :)

I feel that way all of the time!!!

Love,
That is why I don't go out to situations like this anymore. People drinking act differently than people who are not drinking. They are louder, don't care if they eat right away. I have a little over 6 months, and I just don't want to expose myself to drinking. I am not afraid that I will drink, as drinking is not an option for me ever again, but why do that to myself? I would rather go out to lunch with a good friend, or paint or quilt at night than do that.
Peace,
nancy

Page 100-101 of my Big Book says Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything!

...and I believe everything my Big Book says!

Being ABLE to do it (hanging around drinkers while they are drinking) and ENJOYING it are two different things.

I am perfectly capable of being around it without feeling I'm putting myself at risk, but I find it boring in the extreme.

Heck, I gave up trying to like football a LONG time ago. I don't feel the need at this point to go out of my way to enjoy being around drinking.