The boss is a jerk
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The boss is a jerk
My boss's boss asked for help with an assignment. I told him I already committed to help a coworker. He didn't protest I helped her, it took the last two hours of my workday and saved her from having to stay til 7 pm on an 8-5 type job. She really appreciated it. I come in today and ask him if he still needs help and he basically says he needed the help yesterday and its too little too late. Even though I'm not at risk of losing my job really, for some reason it brings me down the entire day. I call a friend and ask her how I should have played the game. She says I should have told the coworker I couldn't help her and blown her off, then done whatever the boss's boss asked.
Now I feel bad. The usual feeling I get from doing a kickass job at work is being replaced by those negative why I am even trying type feelings and I'm trying to fight them.
I think the answer is to start asking him once a day if I can help with something. This should get me back in his good graces but I have no idea if it will to be honest. How do you guys deal with these complicated political situations?
Now I feel bad. The usual feeling I get from doing a kickass job at work is being replaced by those negative why I am even trying type feelings and I'm trying to fight them.
I think the answer is to start asking him once a day if I can help with something. This should get me back in his good graces but I have no idea if it will to be honest. How do you guys deal with these complicated political situations?
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Honesty
I am def. no pro when it comes to work...but my first thought was did you explain the details of your committment (which I think is very admirable and a good trait) and that is why you were not able to help at that particular moment? And, wanting to help your bosses boss as you mentioned is a good team player asset. It shows in both areas that you are willing.
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Well, I don't see how he can be called a jerk just because of what he "basically" said. I mean, he DID need the help yesterday. While what you did for your co-worker was very nice, your co-worker isn't the one who pays your salary. I'm not trying to be mean, but, just from what you've told us, I think you're being a little unfair.
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I think maybe I am overreacting some, but I tried to do a good thing and now Ive had to feel bad all day for it. If I had gone the other route, I feel theres a decent chance my coworker would have been at work very late and brought to tears. So it was a no win situation and some people are saying I made the wrong choice. I'm just trying to get some other perspectives.
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You told the boss you were committed to a co-worker. What you should've done is told him you were committed to a co-worker, explained what the project was with the co-worker, and flat out asked him what your priorities are. Then, you should've done what the boss said.
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Originally Posted by dgillz 
You told the boss you were committed to a co-worker. What you should've done is told him you were committed to a co-worker, explained what the project was with the co-worker, and flat out asked him what your priorities are. Then, you should've done what the boss said.
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Sounds like you made the wrong decision. Your friend should have understood after you explained it to him/ her that whatever the boss says it what goes. It's an unfortunate game that some are forced to play, I suppose. Anyway, feeling bad about it won't change it- it's in the past, you said you won't lose your job- so move on and just keep doing good work. Also, employers do expect one to be able to prioritize for themselves. And the boss (I've always disliked that term) is always first. Maybe someday, you will rise to a position where you can call the shots.
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I would actually side with you on this one and agree that the boss is a jerk. Obviously, only you know exactly what happened, but it sounds to me that you were being honorable in the sense that you had indeed committed yourself to your colleague already.
Now, it IS reasonable to conclude that your boss could have thought you should have prioritized helping him rather than her (even though she asked for your help first). But even then, I don't consider it very commendable at all for a boss to slight you with what sounds like a manipulative comment designed to make you feel guilty and vulnerable. A good boss wouldn't and shouldn't do that, in my opinion. Of course, we don't live in a world where the majority of bosses are ideal, LOL.
Anyway, roll with the punches. Just know that I'm on your side on this one!
Now, it IS reasonable to conclude that your boss could have thought you should have prioritized helping him rather than her (even though she asked for your help first). But even then, I don't consider it very commendable at all for a boss to slight you with what sounds like a manipulative comment designed to make you feel guilty and vulnerable. A good boss wouldn't and shouldn't do that, in my opinion. Of course, we don't live in a world where the majority of bosses are ideal, LOL.
Anyway, roll with the punches. Just know that I'm on your side on this one!
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I've learned I'm a lousy mind-reader. I've had clerical staff get upset with me because I didn't "know" they were already busy with something when I asked them to do something else.
We had a chat, and I told them if I ask them to do something when they are already swamped, they should TELL me, and I'll either find someone else to do it or talk to whomever they are doing work for so they don't have to make the call about which is more urgent.
Some people are lousy communicators. I find it helpful to ask questions to make sure we are both understanding what the request is and what the problem is.
So, I don't think your boss was necessarily a jerk, but he may be a poor communicator. In which case YOU are the one who will have to ask the necessary questions, as dgillz suggested. It will stave off misunderstandings in the future if you do it that way.
The other deal is you can't always make everyone happy. I always have a tendency to WANT to, but sometimes you are gonna have to choose which person you make happy(er).
We had a chat, and I told them if I ask them to do something when they are already swamped, they should TELL me, and I'll either find someone else to do it or talk to whomever they are doing work for so they don't have to make the call about which is more urgent.
Some people are lousy communicators. I find it helpful to ask questions to make sure we are both understanding what the request is and what the problem is.
So, I don't think your boss was necessarily a jerk, but he may be a poor communicator. In which case YOU are the one who will have to ask the necessary questions, as dgillz suggested. It will stave off misunderstandings in the future if you do it that way.
The other deal is you can't always make everyone happy. I always have a tendency to WANT to, but sometimes you are gonna have to choose which person you make happy(er).
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Your boss made a mistake by giving you the option to help. It shouldn't have been an option, it should have been an order if he really needed it.
That being said, you should have helped the boss first, because he is the one who might control your destiny, and he is the one you should be striving to impress. Then once his task was complete and there was time you could have helped the co-worker.
I know you feel you were doing the right thing as a caring person, but in reality you were doing what you wanted to do. To be successful in work and in life you have to learn to prioritize. And you know the old saying about assuming never assume because when you do you make an ass/u/me.
That being said, you should have helped the boss first, because he is the one who might control your destiny, and he is the one you should be striving to impress. Then once his task was complete and there was time you could have helped the co-worker.
I know you feel you were doing the right thing as a caring person, but in reality you were doing what you wanted to do. To be successful in work and in life you have to learn to prioritize. And you know the old saying about assuming never assume because when you do you make an ass/u/me.
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Sincere inquiry without an agenda will almost always yield positive results in any facet of our lives.
It has been my experience as an employee and a boss that when there is a "situation" like this, an open conversation with each other will most often clear the air. Somehow we can tell everyone else how we feel, except the party (the boss) who is the direct cause of our confusion and concern.
Set up an appointment at his convenience and express your concerns about his reaction and why you did what you did. You obviously are a diligent worker and a good person. It is usually the "unsaid" that causes the biggest problem. If you choose ask the boss's advice on how best to address this type of an issue in the future and let him know that you appreciate his position and if there is a need for clarification in the future you sincerely hope that he knows you are interested in being an asset to both the company and those with whom you work and interact and would welcome any input that he cares to share in order to be of value to the organization.
Jon
It has been my experience as an employee and a boss that when there is a "situation" like this, an open conversation with each other will most often clear the air. Somehow we can tell everyone else how we feel, except the party (the boss) who is the direct cause of our confusion and concern.
Set up an appointment at his convenience and express your concerns about his reaction and why you did what you did. You obviously are a diligent worker and a good person. It is usually the "unsaid" that causes the biggest problem. If you choose ask the boss's advice on how best to address this type of an issue in the future and let him know that you appreciate his position and if there is a need for clarification in the future you sincerely hope that he knows you are interested in being an asset to both the company and those with whom you work and interact and would welcome any input that he cares to share in order to be of value to the organization.
Jon
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Coming from the point of view (possibly slanted) of a small business owner, bosses are in a position to know more of what is going on. I want my company to be like a team. Workers aren't slaves, not in the Army and no, its not a family.
IMHO you told your team captain, or coach, or maybe even owner "but I'm busy already". Helping a teammate is good, but you might have to do it on the sidelines. When the coach asks you to get in the game, GO!
Everyone here who stated communication is the key, I agree with, and even you can initiate it. I was fortunate enough to have a boss tell me that the only stupid question is the one you don't ask.
I don't however, think the answer is to ask your boss every day is there something you can help with. You are already there to help, hopefully every day, and it helps to know the game plan. Sometimes the game is so fervent, there is not enough time to explain the plan just changed.
IMHO you told your team captain, or coach, or maybe even owner "but I'm busy already". Helping a teammate is good, but you might have to do it on the sidelines. When the coach asks you to get in the game, GO!
Everyone here who stated communication is the key, I agree with, and even you can initiate it. I was fortunate enough to have a boss tell me that the only stupid question is the one you don't ask.
I don't however, think the answer is to ask your boss every day is there something you can help with. You are already there to help, hopefully every day, and it helps to know the game plan. Sometimes the game is so fervent, there is not enough time to explain the plan just changed.
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I agree with the others that- communication is the key, and many times miscommunication is a big problem in the work place.
From the bosses prospective He may be one of those people who would rather ask for something he needed done than “ordering you” to do it. It seems to me some sort of compromise could have been reached even if it meant a little overtime on your part. I do commend you that you kept your word to the coworker- but you got to keep the boss happy also! I personally wouldn’t ask him every day if he needed your help as it would only aggravate him and remind him of the time you didn’t come through
From the bosses prospective He may be one of those people who would rather ask for something he needed done than “ordering you” to do it. It seems to me some sort of compromise could have been reached even if it meant a little overtime on your part. I do commend you that you kept your word to the coworker- but you got to keep the boss happy also! I personally wouldn’t ask him every day if he needed your help as it would only aggravate him and remind him of the time you didn’t come through
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Originally Posted by Sugah
Are you going to drink over it?
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Peace & Love,
Sugah
No i'm not going to drink over it thanks though. Also thanks for all the great advice. Seems like communication is key..
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I tend to view this fairly simply. My boss is my boss, and I get paid to do what he says, no matter where I think it goes in my priorities. Helping my co-worker is admirable, and doing things like that make me a more valuable employee, but that is a SECOND priority to pleasing my boss.
Ultimately, I think the best answer is that I do BOTH. I stay as late as needed to meet my commitment to both people.
If that's impossible (kid's soccer game or something), then I politely explain to my co-worker that the boss has tasked me with something and that I have to regretfully withdraw my offer of assistance, but promise to make it up later.
It's office politics, yes, but another phrase for "office politics" is "treating others the way I would want to be treated". It's the same kind of politics you need in a marriage or a family. It's a skill you just have to develop as you get older and get more responsibility.
Ultimately, I think the best answer is that I do BOTH. I stay as late as needed to meet my commitment to both people.
If that's impossible (kid's soccer game or something), then I politely explain to my co-worker that the boss has tasked me with something and that I have to regretfully withdraw my offer of assistance, but promise to make it up later.
It's office politics, yes, but another phrase for "office politics" is "treating others the way I would want to be treated". It's the same kind of politics you need in a marriage or a family. It's a skill you just have to develop as you get older and get more responsibility.
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Originally Posted by ste
I think Sugah might be wondering, how is this related to alcohlism?
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Originally Posted by ste
I think Sugah might be wondering, how is this related to alcohlism?
Peace & Love,
Sugah
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