Reconnecting with friend who rejected me during my drinking
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 323
Reconnecting with friend who rejected me during my drinking
I had this friend in high school. He was my best friend. He was like a brother to me. I loved this person like a brother.
College came and we both went to the same college for a time. He ended up getting kicked out. I think I made him feel ashamed at the opportunity he had wasted. I also know that he had seen me drunk at a few parties and started to limit his contact with me after that. We began to run in different circles. What I do know is there was a moment where I let him know that I missed him and it was killing me not having him be part of my daily life, and he rejected me. I remember vividly leaving the computer lab and going into a stall in the bathroom and sobbing.
I called him today. My original reason for calling was a couple of weeks ago. I heard that he was not doing so well. I was worried he might be on drugs and alcohol or maybe even suicidal. I didn't know if his life was unmanageable or what. I had someone OD on me a few years ago and since then I will often check on anyone I think might kill themselves. Thats another story but anyway.
I call him today and we get to talking and it sounds like he really really misses me. The conversation is warm and we relive some great memories. I even share about a business idea I have to get his input.
I get off the phone and reflect and realize that even though I have tried really hard to move on, I am still harboring some resentments. I think anyone would in my position. I'm afraid that he is genuine in his interest in being part of my life, and that my resentment could get in the way of us moving forward. When I told him I was serious about my business idea, it was an idea we had talked about as teens. I worry that if I am harboring any bad feelings it could get in the way of a successful joint business venture as well. I am not decided to include him in my business ideas yet but the possibility is there. I dunno I'm just wondering if anyone has been here.
College came and we both went to the same college for a time. He ended up getting kicked out. I think I made him feel ashamed at the opportunity he had wasted. I also know that he had seen me drunk at a few parties and started to limit his contact with me after that. We began to run in different circles. What I do know is there was a moment where I let him know that I missed him and it was killing me not having him be part of my daily life, and he rejected me. I remember vividly leaving the computer lab and going into a stall in the bathroom and sobbing.
I called him today. My original reason for calling was a couple of weeks ago. I heard that he was not doing so well. I was worried he might be on drugs and alcohol or maybe even suicidal. I didn't know if his life was unmanageable or what. I had someone OD on me a few years ago and since then I will often check on anyone I think might kill themselves. Thats another story but anyway.
I call him today and we get to talking and it sounds like he really really misses me. The conversation is warm and we relive some great memories. I even share about a business idea I have to get his input.
I get off the phone and reflect and realize that even though I have tried really hard to move on, I am still harboring some resentments. I think anyone would in my position. I'm afraid that he is genuine in his interest in being part of my life, and that my resentment could get in the way of us moving forward. When I told him I was serious about my business idea, it was an idea we had talked about as teens. I worry that if I am harboring any bad feelings it could get in the way of a successful joint business venture as well. I am not decided to include him in my business ideas yet but the possibility is there. I dunno I'm just wondering if anyone has been here.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
Well, I couldn't be partners with anyone I resented, UNY.
And it's unclear to me from your post exactly what the situation is, but I wouldn't be partners with anyone who had a drink or drug problem either.
Only you have all the facts here, only you can make you the call I think.
D
And it's unclear to me from your post exactly what the situation is, but I wouldn't be partners with anyone who had a drink or drug problem either.
Only you have all the facts here, only you can make you the call I think.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 323
I thought about my friend all day today. All day. I could not decide if I want to rekindle our friendship. I am so torn. I will pray over this issue. If anyone has been here before please let me know how things went.
I'm torn and this is why. I'm sober and i've got people in my life that would take a bullet for me. When I was friends with this guy as a teen, he was really my only close friend. So today I don't need him. In the past as our friendship degraded, he showed that I meant little to him and that other people around him were more important. I would call him up and ask to hang out, only to come to his house and he would have two friends there smoking weed with him. It was very awkward. I went from being his best friend to being an afterthought. I just don't know what to do here.
I'm torn and this is why. I'm sober and i've got people in my life that would take a bullet for me. When I was friends with this guy as a teen, he was really my only close friend. So today I don't need him. In the past as our friendship degraded, he showed that I meant little to him and that other people around him were more important. I would call him up and ask to hang out, only to come to his house and he would have two friends there smoking weed with him. It was very awkward. I went from being his best friend to being an afterthought. I just don't know what to do here.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 411
We alcoholics love to create drama! If this was my own behavior, I would question why I want to "stir things up" by deepening my involvement with someone about whom I have so many conflicting feelings. If it were me, I would keep things light -- old friends who keep in touch from time to time -- until I felt able and ready to let go of some of the emotional baggage regarding the relationship.
GG
GG
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