DayWalker

Haven't posted mush the past few months. Feb 2 2010 is my Sober date so I'm just over a year this time.

I was actually a bit hesitant to make this post and ran it by a friend here at SR but he advised me to share this and I guess he was right, if I can't share how I feel then why do I even come here I guess right?

I'll give the short version. Recently a good friend of mine (somewhat of a girlfriend) lost her mom to Cancer. I've been her solid "rock" as she told me and that made me feel good to be there for her.

Now...(i'm gonna be totally honest here) The past week or so I think I have been using her loss to try to justify going back to my old ways again. I say that because I lost my dad to cancer in 1996. And since she lost her mom to cancer I have been talking to her about cancer/death and I keep bringing up my dad passing and how bad I felt. Which is normal when your counsoling someone about a death, but I really think I'm just doing it so I can relieve my past/hurtful feeling and have a reason to maybe rationalize a day of drinking again.

I'm just trying to be brutally honest with myself/everyone here so it's not that I'm stupid and don't know what I'm doing. I guess I'm just trying to make myself realize what I'm really doing.

Honestly don't know what I'm looking for for advise, but just trying to be honest with what;'s going on and how I feel as well as seeing that I may be trying to rationalize a day of drinking/relapse and I don not want to do that so just looking for some help from some friends I guess.

Thanks

Steve

Dee74

Hey Steve

I think if you're thinking that hard about making it somehow 'ok' to drink (and I've done it myself) you really have to disassemble your thought processes and look at whats going on...that what I did anyway.

is this new girl a factor, do you think? or is it something else?

It's great you're that aware tho, and it's good you've put it out there
I have faith mate - I know you can work through it and sort things out

D

DayWalker

No I don't think so. We've been good friends for the past 3 years and I've always been there for her when she had issues with he husband/work/family so we've talked about all sorts of stuff over the years. So it's not that "she" is anything "new" know what I mean.

Steve

CarolD

Steve...
You are so willing to assist others .what are you doing to
keep yourself on your recovery path?
Yes...I do mean getting back to basics and meetings.

A bit late but......

DayWalker

Carol,

I never really gave much thought to it till you said that, but my honest answer... I know in the past year I've posted about trying to help my buddy's nephew, the guy on that website last month I talked to and tried to help that was dealing with drinking issues, and now my friend here. I guess in all honesty, maybe I try to help my friends so I don't have to focus on myself.

Steve

CarolD

I've found I too can get caught up in a fixing others mode
and yes....neglecting my own recovery.

I gotta remember I am no use to anyone if I drink again
so that requires daily connection to God and AA for me.