hollybear

I hear people say this in a lot of posts... and it sounds wonderful, but it's a bit confusing to me...
What does it mean? How can one stop just abstaining from alcohol and move on to living sober? I desperately want to get to that point where I don't feel like I'm giving up the love of my life (aka alcohol) anymore. I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship with alcohol it destroys me physically and emotionally, but I can't leave because I "love" it so much.
Thank you in advance

Dee74

I think it's 'simply abstaining' versus 'being in recovery'.

I had to do a lot more work on myself - besides just 'not drinking' - so I could be happy and comfortable in myself and my life.

I think that's the key to getting sober and staying that way

D

Sugah

Living a sober life for me involves waking up in the morning wanting to be sober, doing things that enhance my life without alcohol, not acting on those impulses and thoughts that lead me back to a drink, working on changing myself at the heart level so that the impulses and thoughts become fewer until one day, alcohol has no place in my life.

"One day" came somewhere around a few months sober for me and has continued to grow. I got there by taking the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's not the only way to get there, but it's the only way that worked for me.

What are you doing to live a sober life, hollybear?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

ImReadyToQuit

I felt like you for a long time.. Thought I was losing a "friend".. Trust me, it's booze lying to you.. Give sobriety a real chance.. The longer you let go, the easier it is to forget and realize it was all lies.

joedris

Abstinence is refraining from drinking. Sobriety is a change in yourself, your personality, your character or as we say in AA, a spiritual awakening. It's an emotional sobriety, not a physical.

In AA we arrive at that point by working through the 12 steps of the program. We seek that sobriety, or change in self, as we realize that the problem isn't alcohol. It's us.
You'll find that in sobriety alcohol isn't the love of your life. It's your worst enemy.

If you want to find out more about how this program works, try a few AA meetings. Call the aa number in the phone book. It's manned 24/7 and someone will be glad to direct you to the closest meeting.

TwelveSteps

I think of abstaining as simply not drinking, and recovery as working to address the issues/personality traits that led me to drink in the first place.

GG

SSIL75

I have things in my life now that I couldn't have when I was drinking. I enjoy exercising, I embrace relationships with non-drinkers (you know, all those lame people ), I see things in my children that I never saw before, I sleep well, I am calmer, more focused and patient. That's just the start of it.

I love all those things a lot. I can't have them AND drink because I can't drink 'just a few' and feel content.

So I don't drink at all. But I HAD to get to the point where I fully accepted that I can never drink in moderation and be happy about it. See I sometimes COULD drink in moderation. And that kind of gave me 'hope' that I could pull it off. But it never made me happy to drink like that. I never felt the big "ahhhh" relief and relaxation after 2 drinks as I do (now) after a cup of tea. Instead it was more like....

"2 drinks. That's not too bad. I can barely feel it. That's a normal amount. How long did it take to drink it....1.5 hours? What size were the glasses? What's an OK number to have in a week again? If I had 2 drinks in 1.5 hours and I can metabolize a drink an hour then my liver is fine, right? And I had them with food. Normal people would have it with food AND a drink after dinner right? Like at a restaurant? A nightcap!". BLAH BLAH BLAH. A freaking 20 minute mental dissertation. Around and around until I'd pour the next glass.. and the next. OR if I managed to not pour another then I'd wake up the next morning and think "wohoo! cured! I don't have a problem after all!" :rotfxko

So for me, recovery has been realizing that all that ^ is insanity. Alcoholic obsession.

I guess to use your analogy.. recovery for me is finally realizing that the guy is an *******. And moving on.

UniqueNewYork

Recovery can mean different things depending on where you are at with life and your drinking. For me it meant finding reasons to live. I couldn't stop drinking because when it came right down to it I did not want to live but I also didn't want to kill myself.

Zencat

Drinking through a big part of my life did not help me to develop any skills that would make my life manageable. So when I sobered up, I knew that I needed to relearn how to live. I chose to follow a plan that would help me have a far more peaceful life than the crazy life I was living in active addiction.

My new living plan has changed my reaction to the world around me. I can now bring my life into greater balance, be responsible, manage my emotions, being able to handle life's stressors and the list goes on.

In short, I put down the drink and picked-up a new better life...It was my effort to change for the better and I did.

Supercrew

Abstaining = not drinking

Sobriety = not drinking

In this forum though the difference is:

Abstaining = Forcing yourself not to drink but really wanting to.

Sobriety = Not wanting to drink and being happy about it.

artsoul

Well, I think abstaining is a good start....... it's probably all I could do in the beginning. As the obsession started to fade and I began to have more room in my head, it was easier to give more attention to positive life changes.

I agree that it's all about "sober living" but you have to have the sober part first.

CarolD

This is what happened to me......a process and my solution

first came abstaining....which lead me into
then being sober but unsure if I would drink again

By beginning my AA Steps...I got a base for recovery.

By living them....I am now a grateful AA recovered alcoholic....
No I won't be drinking again.

cabledude

Holly, see if you can obtain abstinence and maintain that, and then if you're satisfied with it. If so, then worry no further. If not then persue the options for recovery further.

No one to please but yourself.

least

In early sobriety I was just 'not drinking' and was still unhappy with myself and my life. But when I started being grateful, counting my blessings, I found joy in living and no longer wanted to drink.

lilac0721

Really useful thread with a lot of great discussion. Thanks, all!

Kadybug

I decided that the difference between "abstaining" and "being sober" was a matter of sanity. Sober thinking. Not getting the crazies. Telling the "committee" in my head to go away, and keeping them away. Insanity, as we all know, is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So, thanks to a spiritual awakening, I got some sanity, and abstaining doesn't seem like such a loss.

By definition, "abstaining" is "doing without". I am not "doing without" anymore - I'm DOING. BEING. LIVING. FEELING. Sometimes bad, but mostly good - and always better without drinking, for me!