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It's getting tough

Old 02-21-2011, 01:39 AM
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It's getting tough

being sober is getting tough. when i drank, it allowed me to be around crowds, not that im sober. . i have to take baby steps to be able to be in crowds again. Its a slow prosess, and in this prosess i dont want my girfriend to get bored with the new me. i want to go out and show her a good time, that im able to go out, but i cant without drinking. Ill get to that point where i can go out, it just takes sooooooooooo much more time.
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Old 02-21-2011, 01:49 AM
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Good for you in recognizing what you need to do and putting
your sobriety first. This is tough and changing your patterns
do take time. It is so worth it though! Please be patient with
yourself. Take care.
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Old 02-21-2011, 02:32 AM
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Being sober is so much more than not drinking Tiger. It's also about a change in thinking. However you do this (through a counsellor, AA, religion etc) is irrelevant, but it is an essential part of your recovery, otherwise you're still the same person with the same ways of thinking with no solution. The solution you have been using for a while is booze, so this needs to be changed to something else - something better than booze. So the next thing to do is to find that thing - whatever it is, which will make your life without booze comfortable, enjoyable and fun. That's sobriety. Being an alcoholic and not drinking and enjoying life, not just an alcoholic that doesn't drink. That's called a nutcase.
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Old 02-21-2011, 04:19 AM
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I see this problem over and over again among we alcoholics. I too was terrible about this. I remember early in my drinking career there would be house parties available for me to go to, and I just could not make it work unless I was lit, at which point I felt like I could socialize. Unfortunately I would go beyond that point on many occasions to obnoxious drunk and eventually passed out. Sometimes I got lucky and people would laugh it off the next day. Other times I lost close friends.

Sobriety will cure a lot of this issue for you as well as just natural maturity that comes with age. I am almost 30 and not the same person I was as when I first picked up. You'll see me quite often state this again and again, but I could not be happy and free without working out (lifting weights) and some self help tapes among other things.

I was typically the smallest kid in my class growing up and I think I still have some little-man complex. Not so much a height issue but I was always underweight for a male. I didn't fit in well in school, but I did have a couple of friends, which I felt fortunate for. Anyway fast forward to today. I lift weights and I'm much more attractive for that, and I feel the benefits inside. I don't feel like an ugly duckling anymore so to speak. Even beyond the physical though, alcohol robs us of our true charisma. You know I have met some people who were not physically that attractive but once they started talking their charisma would just bubble over and you would love to be around them. I don't feel like any of us can be that charismatic person with alcohol. Also if you have problems socializing self help tapes are great. I do various things today that I used to do the opposite of. These include looking people in the eye when I talk to them, standing to face them, moving in a little closer to show interest, waiting for my turn to speak, speaking optimistically, removing any barriers like clipboards from between us, starting conversations, etc.
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:13 AM
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It takes time, quite a bit of time, to really feel "normal" in sobriety. It took about two years before I felt like I had my marbles back, and to re-learn how to cope with life sober. I wasn't dying for a drink for those two years, but I did get frustrated a lot, thinking, "I USED to know how to do this." It gets better. Hang in there. Don't expect too much too soon, but you CAN expect much, eventually.
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:56 PM
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Originally Posted by tigerlover View Post
being sober is getting tough. when i drank, it allowed me to be around crowds,
I can relate to that well I never drunk everyday but I did use it at first on weekends to be more comfortable around people and more confident and I guess sociable, when I am not taking my antidepressants (they helped me a lot with not caring so much what other people think) I am very selfconcious and paranoid and that makes me act very withdrawn and standoffish and antisocial and makes every social occasion even with my family a very horrible situation. No one else can see it but me....... you just have to remind yourself that you are not alone everyone wears a mask in crowds you just need to wear yours and pretend that noone can see i.e that way you do not care as much well that is what I practise pretend to be someone else...
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Old 02-21-2011, 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted by tigerlover View Post
i dont want my girfriend to get bored with the new me. i want to go out and show her a good time, that im able to go out, but i cant without drinking.
When you say "go out and show her a good time" it sounds like bars, restaurants, concerts...places with both crowds and available alcohol?

Maybe break the pattern and find other things to do (assuming that's the case) - the zoo, museums, parks, whatever it is that tourists do when they visit where you live, rodeos and other sporting events, outdoorsy type activities, heck poetry readings....something different.
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Old 02-21-2011, 10:34 PM
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The good news is that unless your girlfriend is an alcoholic too, she should appreciate getting to know the real you. I can't speak for all women, but it was more important for me that a guy care about me and be a self-sufficient, clear-headed person than it was about partying or "showing me a good time." Maybe you're underestimating your value as a person......

In any case, I found within a month of being sober that I actually had a better sense of humor and was more "present" with other people when I stopped drinking. If you watch a bunch of drunks out socializing, they only think they're more charming......

It take time for sure, but it gets easier.
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Old 02-22-2011, 04:04 AM
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Originally Posted by tigerlover View Post
being sober is getting tough. when i drank, it allowed me to be around crowds, not that im sober. . i have to take baby steps to be able to be in crowds again. Its a slow prosess, and in this prosess i dont want my girfriend to get bored with the new me. i want to go out and show her a good time, that im able to go out, but i cant without drinking. Ill get to that point where i can go out, it just takes sooooooooooo much more time.
If your girlfriend requires alcohol to have a good time you're in for some issues if you stay sober. Hopefully you aren't but the reality of it is true.
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