I relapsed
 

I suck. I hate myself so hard right now. :(

I am sorry but you don't suck. Pick yourself up and get back to it.

I certainly hope you will quickly quit again
and begin a new start....:hug:

I do suck. Because I lied to my addiction counseler. I didn't want to go in there hungover this morning so I called her and said my daughter was sick. I lied and I used my own child to cover up my mess. I feel worthless and stupid.

When I started treatment my best friend got really angry because I was not "there" for her all the time. I told her she was being selfish because I need this time for me right now and to stop being childish. Now she is telling people I am not really an alcoholic and I just made it up for attention so for all my friends to stop supporting me in my sobriety. Nobody really believes her but still. I am so angry at her I let it get under my skin and used it as an excuse to get drunk. I am so mad at myself. I feel really stupid and idiotic and childish myself right now.

I dont think coming down on yourself is going to do any good try to put it behind you and start again.
I wish you well.

It happens, and it sucks.
The self hating is the worst part, and it doesn't help.
Get back on track as fast as you can. Remember what triggered you, and be aware of it the next time it happens.
I've been there. I'm sorry you are feeling like sh*t.

Trial and error Shev. You will begin to know what works.
Good luck, and dont beat yourself up too much!
:-)

The worst part is I lied to my counseler who is a perfectly wonderful person. I hate being a liar. I really really feel low about this.

Maybe I'll call her and tell her the truth. I'll probably just start crying though and she won't be able to understand a single word I say. I hate this. I hate it so bad.

Just chill, and give yourself a minute to collect your thoughts.

I know how you feel. I get really angry too. I also use it as an excuse, not to drink anymore, but to smoke. I also get really mad at myself. And I often feel stupid, idiotic and childish. A therapist taught me that when I am angry, look at who I am angry at, and look beneath the anger for the expectation. Usually, underneath the anger is an expectation that someone did not meet. Then, lower the expectation.

That doesn't mean lower your standards or goals. It just means give yourself a break. Because being angry at yourself and feeling stupid and idiotic, etc just keeps you in it. Expect that there are going to be stressful times and learn from what happened.

Get back up in the saddle and try again. This time just a little bit wiser.

You're human; we all are. Learn something from this and move on. Punishing yourself will only make it worse.....

The great thing about calling her, would be that she understands anheard it poss' a million times already. Guilt is part of the challenge we all have, and is what makes recovery so delicious overcoming it :-)

Thanks for the kind words.

I don't know but her (the ex-friend) telling everyone that I am "faking" my alcoholism somehow made it ok to get drunk. I mean, it's NOT ok, but in my warped mind at the moment it was. Now I wonder if people will doubt me. Think I am just trying to get attention. But also, most people did not even know I was a recovering alcoholic but now thanks to her they all do. Or they think I'm faking being a recovering alcoholic for attention. Or whatever. I don't know. It's so bizarre. I hate being associated with drama and I am afraid people are going to associate me with it now.

Hey stop with worrying about what people think about you, And if you really do have an alcohol prob' (u must or u wouldnt post) and getting things back on track, then that! How much did or do you drink and of what kind?

Glad you are here
 

I agree with what Julez stated. We are humans and do make mistakes. You are being honest now and seem to have the desire to make things right by going to a therapist, sharing here, and not drinking one day at a time.

I drank 1-2 bottles of wine a day for years, that was my typical usage. This relapse was hidden though, vodka, drank it in the bathroom with the shower running. I feel so juvenile.

Welcome Back...
 

Are you done? Beating yourself up that is. You're back and that's what matters most.

Keep close to the rooms and this forum and never give up on yourself. There is still hope for any alcoholic who first admits his devastating weakness and all its consequences. You have...and for that you’re given a reprieve one day at a time.

~God Bless~

Before getting this far down the posts I was going to suggest this very thing. I relapse a week ago after 30 days. I felt so guilty after all that my family has done for me. And the commitment I had made to them.... I called them feeling so guilty and so afraid of the reaction.....

But you know what ? They understood. They were hurt and concerned , but they didn't condemn me and they thanked me for coming clean. They understood I wasn't perfect and my commitment to be honest meant alot to them.

Your addiction counselor see's addicts all the time. She will understand and appreciate your honesty I think.