my mother
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 139
my mother
I could have posted in friends and family but I'll really rather post it here.
Today was my mother's birthday. I did something special for her, but I didn't know what to expect. I never do, it changes from day to day, hour to hour.
In the past year, she has suffered dementia. A few years ago when she wound up in the neurological unit and they said she will never go back to what she was before she started drinking. She told me she quit. I moved back closer and she is drinking again or still and acts crazy as ever. I get angry, I get frustrtated and I still love her. and in the past year I had a drinking problem myself, so I understand. I hope that never, ever is me. But if for some reason I go crazy and start drinking again, I hope I never find myself completely alone. Its hard not be there for her when I now have been there myself. It was easy to judge when I never binged or had a problem. Now, its not so easy.
They say and we say this is a self inflicted disease. I don't think anyone in their right mind would choose it or keep going back to it when we see the damage it does.
Today was my mother's birthday. I did something special for her, but I didn't know what to expect. I never do, it changes from day to day, hour to hour.
In the past year, she has suffered dementia. A few years ago when she wound up in the neurological unit and they said she will never go back to what she was before she started drinking. She told me she quit. I moved back closer and she is drinking again or still and acts crazy as ever. I get angry, I get frustrtated and I still love her. and in the past year I had a drinking problem myself, so I understand. I hope that never, ever is me. But if for some reason I go crazy and start drinking again, I hope I never find myself completely alone. Its hard not be there for her when I now have been there myself. It was easy to judge when I never binged or had a problem. Now, its not so easy.
They say and we say this is a self inflicted disease. I don't think anyone in their right mind would choose it or keep going back to it when we see the damage it does.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Your mom is lucky she has you bubblehead! Drinking again will make everything harder to deal with. Glad you are working on sobriety. Is there anyone that can check in on her or stay with her? It is hard if you don't have any siblings that can help.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 139
Nope I have a brother but he doesn't talk to her. Can't say I blame him, she repeatedly asks what his son's name is. she did the the same thing with my younger daughter, remembered mhy older daughter's name but calls my younger one "that other one". I think I am pretty much the only one left dealing with her now. which might be a blessing. she has 5 sisters and they are mean all on their own without alcohol. I don't know if she will ever recover from the alcohol. I hope I never give up, frustrating as it is. It couod just as easily have been me.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I don't know where you live bubblehead or if you and your mom would like the idea, but do you know of any community care organisations?
I have home helpers come and help me out - they're great and really inexpensive.
Maybe you could see if there's anything like that in your area - just to share the load a little?
D
I have home helpers come and help me out - they're great and really inexpensive.
Maybe you could see if there's anything like that in your area - just to share the load a little?
D
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 323
My mother is paranoid schizophrenic with a blend of some other problems. It is not so unlike having an alcoholic for a parent. Lots of intense moments and much ado about nothing. I have had to accept that she is not normal. Doesn't mean I have to put up with any abusive behavior.. but it does mean that I don't need to retaliate beyond standing up for myself. I don't need to "get even" or "show her what a piece of dog **** she is" sometimes. She is not playing with a full deck. Hell I don't know if any of us are. I don't know how your mother is.. I know mine she just is one of those people that runs the spectrum, from the nicest person you'll ever meet to someone nasty and causing a fuss over nothing. I dunno shes just nutty. Used to cry a lot. I've really put my foot down. When I was a child she would get right in my face yelling and letting me know I was gonna get hit and all this crap. Now I am the one who draws the lines. I am the one who will get 4 inches from her face and tell her whats going to happen or else. But I don't like to become that person. Only when its necessary to stand up for myself or defend myself. Anyway I'm here if you ever want to talk. I don't want to leave you with the impression that I have this relationship problem whipped. She pushes my buttons sometimes. But its definitely gotten better. I remember one time I didn't clean my toilet (I have literally thousands of stories that play out along these lines with some emotional act result and a nothing stimuli). Ok so the toilet has some black stuff in it. She sees that I haven't been cleaning it and she starts crying. I mean like her dog just died type crying. Now the old me would have just put up with it, would have owned it, felt bad about it, let it ruin my day. No. No more. I get right in her face "SHUT THE F- UP SHUT THE F UP AND GET THE F OUT OF MY APARTMENT YOU DUMB S-". I think that was like.. 2 years ago. Can't remember seeing her cry since then. You know maybe if she was nice all the time I would feel guilty reacting this way but again shes a full spectrum player and I'm just done with a lot of the bs. Once I've had my fill thats it. As long as I'm not drinking I don't subject people around me to a bunch of unpleasantness and I expect the same. I'm sorry if this comes off wrong; unless you have dealt with a lifetime of it day in and day out you'll never understand. But you know to me its all about the nice times. I don't want to subject people around me to the not nice stuff and I expect the same courtesy. You know my mom she has this problem this mental illness that takes a lot of control away from her, but she still has some control. She has enough control to know when she is bothering people. She still is able to make conscious choices to behave or not behave and when I was a "yes mother" person I had to take a lot more than I do today. Today its more of a "I've told you a million times I don't want that and if you keep trying to give it to me I'll drop my pants **** all over it and light it on fire" attitude. But you know every situation is going to be different and every person is going to have a different level of tolerance. My dad is much more mature and lets her walk all over him and I say Dad thats fine but you need to draw the line somewhere. You can't be made to feel like nothing or hit you have to draw the line. And at times he does draw the line just not as often as I think he should.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Sorry for what you are going through. I will say, as a precaution- please stop drinking as soon as you can and pursue activities more conducive to mental stability and emotional health. Dementia has been studied to be hereditary and drinking has also proven to contribute to the disease. There is quite a bit you can do to proactively encourage your own health. Do not succumb. Be strong. As you may know, drinking can run in families as well. It may seem daunting to take all of that on- but with some self determination and focus on how you want to live, I believe most anyone can overcome these obstacles.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 139
Yeah sleepie,I quit. Last time was 3 drinks in November to "test" myself which I passed. Or I guess I didn't because after last summer's binges I really dont want to fail and if I needed anything to prove I'd fail eventually, the memory of the binges are it. (who says an alcoholic shouldn't think? LOL)
, nor do I see any good reason to dump poison in my body.
, nor do I see any good reason to dump poison in my body.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Good job Bubble. Now, as far as stress- that's not good either and long term stress can really have detrimental effects on one's physical and emotional well being. So you might consider meditation of some kind and a little exercise to combat the onslaught of stresses. Just remember, you have to live your life, nobody else- how do you want to do it? I wish you the best in your endeavors.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Wappingers Falls, NY
Posts: 618
Thanks for posting.
I’m glad to hear you did something special for your mom’s birthday,this year, hoping that will ease her pain. You are obviously in a very precarious position, right now, and under extreme duress because of her drinking. So I hope you stay close to this forum for support as we continue to pray for a miracle on your behalf.
My mother became involved, early on, in my recovery and spent numerous hours of her time driving me to and from meetings. She supported all my decisions and kept a keen watch over all my endeavors, as she continued to pray for my deliverance from the grips of this deadly disease.
My mother was frustrated with my many failed attempts at sobriety and for good reason. Even though she was angry she never blamed me directly -She just let go and let God instead. By doing this she allowed the painstaking process of sobering up become the agent for change. Thank God she did or I would not have matured through the process of sobering up –one day at a time.
She saw the damage alcohol had done and the after effects of this disease. She knew that I could enjoy a comfortable sobriety; What I needed to experience, all along, was some sort of spiritual or psychic change to complete the process –which I did. Her prayers and persistence paid off and our relationship has blossomed ever since. She never gave up on me and I know you will never give up on your mother as well. Keep praying, keep hoping, and keep believing in miracles until she becomes one herself.
~God Bless~
My mother became involved, early on, in my recovery and spent numerous hours of her time driving me to and from meetings. She supported all my decisions and kept a keen watch over all my endeavors, as she continued to pray for my deliverance from the grips of this deadly disease.
My mother was frustrated with my many failed attempts at sobriety and for good reason. Even though she was angry she never blamed me directly -She just let go and let God instead. By doing this she allowed the painstaking process of sobering up become the agent for change. Thank God she did or I would not have matured through the process of sobering up –one day at a time.
She saw the damage alcohol had done and the after effects of this disease. She knew that I could enjoy a comfortable sobriety; What I needed to experience, all along, was some sort of spiritual or psychic change to complete the process –which I did. Her prayers and persistence paid off and our relationship has blossomed ever since. She never gave up on me and I know you will never give up on your mother as well. Keep praying, keep hoping, and keep believing in miracles until she becomes one herself.
~God Bless~
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I don't know where you live bubblehead or if you and your mom would like the idea, but do you know of any community care organisations?
I have home helpers come and help me out - they're great and really inexpensive.
Maybe you could see if there's anything like that in your area - just to share the load a little?
D
I have home helpers come and help me out - they're great and really inexpensive.
Maybe you could see if there's anything like that in your area - just to share the load a little?
D
Ironically....I worked for an home care agency in Fl.
mostly with dementia. clients It's a sad progresive disease.
60 hours a week was all we were allowed to do....
because it was a draiing job ..physically and mentally.
I ceertainly hope you are not doing 24/7 care for your Mom.
Prayers going out to both of you...
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
I quit drinking 14 months ago after a short but brilliant drinking career. I'm so glad I quit because now I don't have to worry about that happening to me. My own mother has dementia (not from alcohol) and it's very hard to deal with her/it.
There is no logic, no rhyme or reason to it, and as a very logical person I have to just put my logic aside and remember that she has no logic ability left.
I too would suggest looking into home care assistance for your mom.
There is no logic, no rhyme or reason to it, and as a very logical person I have to just put my logic aside and remember that she has no logic ability left.I too would suggest looking into home care assistance for your mom.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I'm so sorry to hear about your mother - it must be terribly hard to deal with. Is her dementia due to alcohol abuse?
I imagine looking after her would take an enormous amount of energy and patience, and if she continues to drink her situation will only get worse. I hope you don't take it all on yourself and can find assistance of some kind. I'm guessing she may not be that bad yet, though, if she's able to get alcohol.....?
You are so kind to be there for her - just don't forget to take care of you. Prayers for you and your family.....
I imagine looking after her would take an enormous amount of energy and patience, and if she continues to drink her situation will only get worse. I hope you don't take it all on yourself and can find assistance of some kind. I'm guessing she may not be that bad yet, though, if she's able to get alcohol.....?
You are so kind to be there for her - just don't forget to take care of you. Prayers for you and your family.....
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