TheEnd

I didn't make it, I relapsed before my 6 month anniversary. Not really sure, can't explain why. I relapsed on valium and alcohol, it was a 4 day binge and on the final day my friends had enough and took me to detox. So here I am here once again trying to give this program a shot, but I don't feel as excited about doing this program as I did before.

I feel down, devastated, let everyone down, I was doing so well. I will just have to pick up the pieces and put them back together.

SSIL75

Oh man I am sorry to hear that! But so happy to see you back here, detoxed! You were doing well and you're doing well again now

Veritas1

Welcome back.

I was never happy with myself after a return to drinking as well.

Didn't stop me from doing it however.

I guess that is what is important to realize.

I am powerless over alcohol, but it's not powerless over me.

I will drink again, without another solution.

I will drink again, as long as I want that sense of ease and comfort that comes at once...ah, but it's only a "sense" of ease and comfort...surely not long lasting.

Baffling nature of alcoholism...the inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.

I hope you find what you need to help you overcome this.

AA and SR is working for me.

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

Relapse is not a part of recovery.

It's a part of the cycle of alcoholism/addiction.

Good luck.

bubblehead

I'm sorry You had almost six months, you CAN do it again! Hang in there!

Dee74

sorry to hear that TheEnd but I'm glad you made it back
Many of us fell a time or two - I know I underestimated my problem many many times.

Think about what you can add to whatever you had been doing...make this the last time

D

Kjell

Hi End-

You're not the first to relapse and you won't be the last.

Do you think you're powerless over alcohol?

I had to change who I was or the same me would drink again, and again...and again. Maybe this is true with you too?

We can and do recover. I'm living proof, but I'm not special. You can be too.

Kjell

MrDavid

Don’t feel depressed or devastated about you relapse thinking you let everyone down. Keep the focus on yourself and recovery; not letting anyone or anything come between you and your primary purpose –staying sober one day at a time. Continue to fight the good fight, stay connected by way of AA and this forum and most of all -never give up. Keep us informed on your progress as we keep you in our prayers –wishing you the best, as always, one day at a time.

~God Bless~



Don't leave until the miracle happens.

CarolD

I'm really glad your friends got you some assistance....
that was a deadly combo to mix ..

Forward is the correct direction....

anew

Glad you're back. You can do this!

Justfor1

Relapse is a part of the disease of addiction. It's good you got back so soon.

LexieCat

You didn't let anyone here down, only yourself.

Glad you're back. What will you do differently this time?

UniqueNewYork

I was very lucky. I met someone who was a gym rat in AA. We started working out together daily. I became so fit and muscular people didn't recognize me (One girl particular comes to mind. She actually asked if I had a brother. I had talked to her months before and she didn't recognize me). I got a new girlfriend and made new friends. Not to toot my own horn, but I got many many compliments on my appearance which I could elaborate on but won't bother. My personal favorite is one time a girl came up to me and said "my friend thinks you're the sexiest thing shes ever seen".

About 4 months in I relapsed. Like you I had people around me who cared about me. I lost much of the grand physique, but since then have started coming back. I have a new job and have been going to the gym almost every day for a couple of weeks. I do an awesome job at work everyday and follow it up with some butt kicking in the gym, followed by phone calls to my loved ones.

Anyway the key is no matter how many times you get knocked down, get back up. No one can beat you. You can only do that to yourself.

BullDog777

let me say this before i start..i admire you because of the strength you displayed in the wake of some scary scary circumstances. you're a smart guy and i admire your wisdom.

however....


i'm disappointed that you gave in. I'm more disappointed that you don't know why. this is life and death scary for you like it is me.
you faced losing your freedom and got through that without drinking and you kept going....and now you relapsed and don't know why??

you better do some soul searching, man.

this is just a guess, but i think the reason why you're not as excited as you once were is because this gave you a new beginning...something new you hadn't tried before. a piece of hope, if you will.

now, you know how it feels to fall on your face and if you're not too devastated, then it might hurt less to fall on it again, so be careful.

you might be on your way to a phd, but you didn't make a very intelligent decision. if i were you, i'd high tail my brilliant ass to a shrink and get to the bottom of this self destructive tendency you seem to have or it could be the end of everything for you. your relationship, your education, your freedom... your life.

this disease...this illness... NEVER EVER gets better when the bottle is in our hands....for when the moment it touches our lips, and we deceide to take that first gulp, the romance and obsession has completed it's cycle and we have chosen death over life. that's how it is for us. that's how it is to be an alcoholic....and that's the beginning of our death.

i don't know about you, but i've seen enough tragedy in my family's life to last me the day. my daughter got an alcoholic father, my wife an alcoholic husband. that's bad enough... but to bring that back and open up those gates of insanity and death is an incredibly selfish, narcissistic, infantile, act of self will....and that's what you did to everyone that loves you.

do better next time.

TheEnd

I went to see m threapist, he saw how drunk I was and on huge amounts a Diazepam. He tried to have to committed, held me on the flood until the cops came. but they didn't keep me. Now all my diazepam is gone, because my partner threw it way, I am supposed to go to residential Monday, I'm gonna try and get out of it, I want a drink and my valium back

BullDog777

this is you working.



02-08-2011, 07:48 PM
this is the disease working...




speechless....

artsoul

Sounds like you're not thinking straight right now either, TheEnd.

I sincerely hope someone helps you get to treatment Monday. There's no shame in getting help. You were lucky to get to the hospital the last time, but the next time you may not have such attentive friends.

Please get help. Your post is scary.......

Dee74

I can't say it any better than these guys have TheEnd.
I really hope you make it there on Monday.

D

Kmber2010

End I hope you do get there Monday. Don't give up. Obviously you wouldn't be here if you didn't have the desire and since you do - anything is possible.

Go Monday and give it 100%. This thing only gets worse.....no need to rehash the cycle.

TheEnd

My partner hid all the alcohol, but I found it . I honestly don't care about sobriety anymore, I'm happy I'm going residential, then I can dry out a bit, miss my diazepam. It might even help with the court ****

Bulldog, I'm sorry, you're my best bud I here. I love you and I don't even know you brother, but you're a cool ******* person, don't give up me man...........