Resentment for My Job
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 198
Resentment for My Job
Trying to work through my newer resentments due to my recent drinking...
I am a graphic designer, graduated college in May of 2009 got an internship with a company and have worked for the same company since then. I've never received a pay raise, no insurance benefits, no paid vacation, no paid sick days...I work 40 hours a week and do a salaried person's job for approximately $12,000 a year less than the average entry-level designer.
I know I should be grateful to just have a job but I am just angry at this point. How can a company do this to an employee? It's like being in one of my old emotionally abusive relationships...but this time it's with an employer. I'm lucky to have what I have...but what I have is taking advantage of me. I help do designs for their million dollar customers...but they won't even pay me for holidays?
Everyday I look on job boards for a different job...but I get nowhere. This has been going on for 1 year and 3 months. My job says they're trying to get my position approved so I can get compensated appropriately...but that has been going on for 7 months...and there is great doubt that they're even being truthful with me. The more time goes by, the more spiteful I get about this all. I worked my butt off to graduate college with the thought that one day it would be worthwhile...but it just doesn't seem that way. In fact, I'd be better off financially if I took a non-degree required job with benefits...but then my career would be halted.
Other than just saying, "be happy you get paid at all" because that really doesn't do it for me...Does anyone have any advice for working through this resentment?
Thanks,
April
I am a graphic designer, graduated college in May of 2009 got an internship with a company and have worked for the same company since then. I've never received a pay raise, no insurance benefits, no paid vacation, no paid sick days...I work 40 hours a week and do a salaried person's job for approximately $12,000 a year less than the average entry-level designer.
I know I should be grateful to just have a job but I am just angry at this point. How can a company do this to an employee? It's like being in one of my old emotionally abusive relationships...but this time it's with an employer. I'm lucky to have what I have...but what I have is taking advantage of me. I help do designs for their million dollar customers...but they won't even pay me for holidays?
Everyday I look on job boards for a different job...but I get nowhere. This has been going on for 1 year and 3 months. My job says they're trying to get my position approved so I can get compensated appropriately...but that has been going on for 7 months...and there is great doubt that they're even being truthful with me. The more time goes by, the more spiteful I get about this all. I worked my butt off to graduate college with the thought that one day it would be worthwhile...but it just doesn't seem that way. In fact, I'd be better off financially if I took a non-degree required job with benefits...but then my career would be halted.
Other than just saying, "be happy you get paid at all" because that really doesn't do it for me...Does anyone have any advice for working through this resentment?
Thanks,
April
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Sorry---no answers here, just sympathy!
I have felt the same way about my job. Currently I'm feeling better about it, but can't point to what has changed. I think I've come to some internal equilibrium over it, but don't have the word-power to explain. Maybe because I've started planning out a 5-year plan? May not ever happen, but makes me feel less trapped.
I think one thing that helped me was taking it less personally. They weren't doing this to me, they would be doing it to any one of a number of people, but I happen to be in the position at the moment.
All I do know is how draining it is to feel angry and resentful about the job! Been there done that and sorry you are going through it.
D
I have felt the same way about my job. Currently I'm feeling better about it, but can't point to what has changed. I think I've come to some internal equilibrium over it, but don't have the word-power to explain. Maybe because I've started planning out a 5-year plan? May not ever happen, but makes me feel less trapped.
I think one thing that helped me was taking it less personally. They weren't doing this to me, they would be doing it to any one of a number of people, but I happen to be in the position at the moment.
All I do know is how draining it is to feel angry and resentful about the job! Been there done that and sorry you are going through it.
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Searching job boards isn't going to get it done. Create a portfolio of your work along with an eye catching resume/line card about yourself and your capabilities. Send them to your company's competition, or to other companies that can use your services.
If this does not work with in the next month try it in another city that you wouldn't mind relocating to. One other option which I would recommend is to start your own business, then contact the clients you are currently working with at your present company. Maybe if you had a relationship with someone at the million dollar customer you would be able to show them how much money they could save by using you directly, or by hiring you for their own staff. Being that you are basically just interning I am sure you don't have any non-compete clause in your contract if you even have a contract.
If you are currently unhappy what do you really have to lose?
If this does not work with in the next month try it in another city that you wouldn't mind relocating to. One other option which I would recommend is to start your own business, then contact the clients you are currently working with at your present company. Maybe if you had a relationship with someone at the million dollar customer you would be able to show them how much money they could save by using you directly, or by hiring you for their own staff. Being that you are basically just interning I am sure you don't have any non-compete clause in your contract if you even have a contract.
If you are currently unhappy what do you really have to lose?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Whistler, British Columbia
Posts: 222
Hey April
Not much hurts worse than spending most of your time in a place you resent.
I am guessing you are still young? If so then like Danae said to try not to take it to personally and "let it go" In the end it will make you a much stronger person.
Good graphics designers are are a rare bread and are worth their weight in gold. If you have not already I would start creating freelance work for yourself by creating your own person website with all the work that you do. The best resumes I have seen when looking for graphics design people are the ones who have personal blog type websites with a rich portfolio and "howto" articles for people looking to learn tricks in Photoshop etc etc.
Do this and the work will come and you could easily start your own graphic design consulting company.
As well keep looking for work like you have been. If your employer knows you do good work and gets wind of you jumping ship they will offer you what your asking for.
Not much hurts worse than spending most of your time in a place you resent.
I am guessing you are still young? If so then like Danae said to try not to take it to personally and "let it go" In the end it will make you a much stronger person.
Good graphics designers are are a rare bread and are worth their weight in gold. If you have not already I would start creating freelance work for yourself by creating your own person website with all the work that you do. The best resumes I have seen when looking for graphics design people are the ones who have personal blog type websites with a rich portfolio and "howto" articles for people looking to learn tricks in Photoshop etc etc.
Do this and the work will come and you could easily start your own graphic design consulting company.
As well keep looking for work like you have been. If your employer knows you do good work and gets wind of you jumping ship they will offer you what your asking for.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Times are tough for a lot of companies, even if it appears that money is rolling in with million dollar clients, there could be financial issues below the surface that they don't want to share with the rank and file.
If you like the company, you have to be patient but persistent in making your case for the promotion. By persistent I mean asking every couple of weeks and by making your case laying out the facts as to why you deserve the promotion. Maybe you're already doing that, I don't know.
But if they value you and the work you're doing, they'll give you the promotion eventually - or at least they'll give a better explanation of why not right now. You may even want to establish a timetable and share it with them (in a professional and rational way, of course).
Otherwise, it's not a fun thing to face but you need to seriously ramp up your efforts to move on. Even if you find something in a field not related to your degree, a year or two outside the field isn't going to set you back that much- just remember to stay focused on getting back into the field you really want to be in.
If you like the company, you have to be patient but persistent in making your case for the promotion. By persistent I mean asking every couple of weeks and by making your case laying out the facts as to why you deserve the promotion. Maybe you're already doing that, I don't know.
But if they value you and the work you're doing, they'll give you the promotion eventually - or at least they'll give a better explanation of why not right now. You may even want to establish a timetable and share it with them (in a professional and rational way, of course).
Otherwise, it's not a fun thing to face but you need to seriously ramp up your efforts to move on. Even if you find something in a field not related to your degree, a year or two outside the field isn't going to set you back that much- just remember to stay focused on getting back into the field you really want to be in.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Feeling sorry for yourself? Better knock that off, and quick. Really that is the entire solution to self pity and anyone who notices that they have a tendency to feel sorry for themselves had better watch out in recovery. It is as destructive as resentments and a whole lot easier to justify, so you need to have a hyper-awareness when it comes to self pity and have a zero tolerance policy for it. Do not allow yourself the indulgence, ever again. Time to make progress and move forward in your life, rather than dwell on how the world has done you wrong. Self pity leads only to relapse…..
Patrick Meninga
Patrick Meninga
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
AprilMay, I can only suggest patience and steering clear of rash decisions and any other kind of emotion that, on your calmest day, you would classify as a non-productive emotion. Easier said than done. You don't have to pretend you're a saint, but just look at the feelings like a bit of a scientist and go from there. Find other ways to feel like you are deriving some kind of fulfillment. I'm not trying to be judgmental of the anger and resentment (vent as you need to), but don't pound and poke holes in the raft you're sailing on.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
I have found that self-pity and resentment when warranted leads to re-evaluation of the situation which then leads to change.
I am sure some people feel the need to drink to overcome feelings of resentment, but if you are in a bad situation resentment is a natural feeling to have, and could be used to move you in a positive direction just as easily as it could move you to pick up the bottle.
I am sure some people feel the need to drink to overcome feelings of resentment, but if you are in a bad situation resentment is a natural feeling to have, and could be used to move you in a positive direction just as easily as it could move you to pick up the bottle.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hey April!
1. - Jobs in the arts were hurt worst in this down turn, they always are. I know you don't want to hear that, but I am in the arts and have a lot of friends in the same boat as you. That said...the corner has turned and opportunities are again coming on the market.
2. - Supercrew is right, people don't hire often through job boards. Call your college career help desk, network with fellow alums, get out there and hustle if you don't like your job. A friend placed an ad on FB that her company was hiring in their art department...people no longer find employees the old way.
3. - Do freelance...it might open opportunities.
4. - Consider relocation...jobs are coming back big time in places like NYC (but competition is fierce) but other markets will lag behind.
I'm not doing what I want with my life right now, but I've got a plan in place and am implementing it towards eventually being a full time artist again, one that doesn't destroy opportunities with drinking. Being proactive about your life is the best way to feel better about it.
Good luck!
1. - Jobs in the arts were hurt worst in this down turn, they always are. I know you don't want to hear that, but I am in the arts and have a lot of friends in the same boat as you. That said...the corner has turned and opportunities are again coming on the market.
2. - Supercrew is right, people don't hire often through job boards. Call your college career help desk, network with fellow alums, get out there and hustle if you don't like your job. A friend placed an ad on FB that her company was hiring in their art department...people no longer find employees the old way.
3. - Do freelance...it might open opportunities.
4. - Consider relocation...jobs are coming back big time in places like NYC (but competition is fierce) but other markets will lag behind.
I'm not doing what I want with my life right now, but I've got a plan in place and am implementing it towards eventually being a full time artist again, one that doesn't destroy opportunities with drinking. Being proactive about your life is the best way to feel better about it.
Good luck!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
It's not the company's fault you're willing to work for less, is it?
Look, times are tough. Everyone's scaling back so yeah, you ARE lucky to have a job.
Not that it's YOU vs THEM but it's in their best interest to pay people as little as they can. It's in your best interest to get paid as much as you can.... So ask for a meeting. Discuss your concerns with them. Perhaps the full-timers are overpaid but the company is afraid to cut any more of their benefits for fear of losing important people. The possibilities could go on.....but one thing's for sure - and SailorJohn pointed it out.
We alcoholics can ill afford resentments. They're the #1 reason we go back out and drink again - and that includes the ones we feel are "justified."
Then, there's that bugger of a line, "our troubles, we think, are of our own making." In this instance, maybe you're allowing the status quo to continue unchecked......and rather than doing something about it (like requesting a meeting) you're sitting in a pool of self-pity. God knows I've done that on nuuuuumerous occasions. Maybe you should be looking elsewhere. Maybe the "deals" you think the others are getting aren't quite so - maybe they're getting cuts too but just not broadcasting it. Maybe as an "entry-level" person 40hr weeks are presumptious (I know in my industry, new hires are "told" by HR it's a 40hr week but out in the field, if you're here less than 60 you might as well start getting a resume ready...).
And don't get me wrong, I'm not accusing you of anything here..... I'm just looking at the reality that there's something that's bothering you, maybe it's justified / maybe it's not. What I do know though is that resentments are what knock us out of sobriety - we let them get worse and worse until BAM, that next drink doesn't seem quite so bad. And any resentment can do it but ESPECIALLY one's over family, love or money - those are THE biggies of the group.
Whatever or wherever the problem is, get some sort of game-plan and get into action......or it's bound to get to you and PUT you back into the bottle.
Look, times are tough. Everyone's scaling back so yeah, you ARE lucky to have a job.
Not that it's YOU vs THEM but it's in their best interest to pay people as little as they can. It's in your best interest to get paid as much as you can.... So ask for a meeting. Discuss your concerns with them. Perhaps the full-timers are overpaid but the company is afraid to cut any more of their benefits for fear of losing important people. The possibilities could go on.....but one thing's for sure - and SailorJohn pointed it out.
We alcoholics can ill afford resentments. They're the #1 reason we go back out and drink again - and that includes the ones we feel are "justified."
Then, there's that bugger of a line, "our troubles, we think, are of our own making." In this instance, maybe you're allowing the status quo to continue unchecked......and rather than doing something about it (like requesting a meeting) you're sitting in a pool of self-pity. God knows I've done that on nuuuuumerous occasions. Maybe you should be looking elsewhere. Maybe the "deals" you think the others are getting aren't quite so - maybe they're getting cuts too but just not broadcasting it. Maybe as an "entry-level" person 40hr weeks are presumptious (I know in my industry, new hires are "told" by HR it's a 40hr week but out in the field, if you're here less than 60 you might as well start getting a resume ready...).
And don't get me wrong, I'm not accusing you of anything here..... I'm just looking at the reality that there's something that's bothering you, maybe it's justified / maybe it's not. What I do know though is that resentments are what knock us out of sobriety - we let them get worse and worse until BAM, that next drink doesn't seem quite so bad. And any resentment can do it but ESPECIALLY one's over family, love or money - those are THE biggies of the group.
Whatever or wherever the problem is, get some sort of game-plan and get into action......or it's bound to get to you and PUT you back into the bottle.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 198
The people that make the decisions about my "intern vs. salaried" status are in Canada...and the company I work for is actually making really good profit...it's private label products, the recession actually made us MORE money. About every other week I ask my boss if he's heard anything from our CEO in Canada regarding my status and he tells me he hasn't. My coworkers have all campaigned for me but nothing seems to help.
I'd like to thank Supercrew for the input. I agree that self-pity and resentment are very natural feelings. And when people advise others to just stop feeling sorry for themselves...I really think it's empty advice. The emphasis should be on motivating those negative feelings into positive actions...rather than just saying "don't feel that way".
But anyway, I think I'll rev up my aggressiveness with the company. I now have Plan A...tell my boss I'm taking a day off for an interview and hope it motivates some action from them...and if that doesn't work, Plan B...do like was suggested and get more aggressive with my job search...start sending my resume and portfolio to competitors, networking, etc.
Thanks for everyone's input!
April
I'd like to thank Supercrew for the input. I agree that self-pity and resentment are very natural feelings. And when people advise others to just stop feeling sorry for themselves...I really think it's empty advice. The emphasis should be on motivating those negative feelings into positive actions...rather than just saying "don't feel that way".
But anyway, I think I'll rev up my aggressiveness with the company. I now have Plan A...tell my boss I'm taking a day off for an interview and hope it motivates some action from them...and if that doesn't work, Plan B...do like was suggested and get more aggressive with my job search...start sending my resume and portfolio to competitors, networking, etc.
Thanks for everyone's input!
April
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Sounds like you're "paying your dues" to get a career going and that is AWESOME!
We're all in this crummy economy together. I currently make 1/2 of what I used to make and there isn't a "light at the end of the tunnel" yet...
Life isn't fair, but it sounds like they're trying to get job approved. You're one of many trying to get ahead in this world.
I've learned that usually, life moves at it's own pace and not at mine. That's where the problem lies - in my expectations and acceptance of life.
Kjell
We're all in this crummy economy together. I currently make 1/2 of what I used to make and there isn't a "light at the end of the tunnel" yet...
Life isn't fair, but it sounds like they're trying to get job approved. You're one of many trying to get ahead in this world.
I've learned that usually, life moves at it's own pace and not at mine. That's where the problem lies - in my expectations and acceptance of life.
Kjell
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm about to retire from my legal job, and I'm planning to start my own freelance copywriting business--I need to hook up with someone like you!
Seriously, I've been researching it a LOT and because of the bad economy, a lot of companies are outsourcing their writing needs. And, a lot of the projects also require graphic artists. I'm actually planning to shop around for someone like you, or someone still in school who wants to build a portfolio.
It's worth checking into.
I wouldn't bail without a plan, but sometimes a little faith and perseverance can open a lot of doors!
Seriously, I've been researching it a LOT and because of the bad economy, a lot of companies are outsourcing their writing needs. And, a lot of the projects also require graphic artists. I'm actually planning to shop around for someone like you, or someone still in school who wants to build a portfolio.
It's worth checking into.
I wouldn't bail without a plan, but sometimes a little faith and perseverance can open a lot of doors!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
I feel you. I have had to take a job cause I couldnt find anything else. I cant complain though, I am just lucky to have income. I learned to be humble and grateful for it, but I have those days where I get totally disgusted. Just keep your head up.... Hope things get better
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Merritt Island, Fl
Posts: 1,164
April, I am in the exact same position as you. I am the only mechanic at a car dealership. I have over 130 cars to maintain at any one time. I have to supply ALL the shop equiptment, deal with the customers, order all supplies, and schedule all the work. I get very frustrated at times, I bring my work home with me(in my head that is) I am constantly stressing. And I too feel I am underpaid. But you know what? All those things I just mentioned is how I perceive them. Sometimes I just need to take a step back and realise just a few years ago where I was amd where I am now. Just sayin...
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Okay so I read some of the posts and although I get where you are at I bet after you read this you might be a tad more happy about your employment. First off I have almost 7 years but I had a whole lot of wreckage that came with me when I got sober/clean. My first few years I was uncapable of working so I got on SSI, well after being in recovery and what not I want to work so I went back to school. Well I have been looking for well over a year and I can't get a job
. I would love to feel underpaid try living on less than $700.00 bucks a month. I have been to 3 different places that say they help people but where I live they have a thing against felons and people who have stolen even if its been since 2003. Not to be sexist but men who have criminal backgrounds have much more jobs to pick from. So next time you feel icky about your job do some service work and say a prayer for me I know God has a plan but man its taking a little to long!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by AprilMay1895 
I'm lucky to have what I have...but what I have is taking advantage of me.
hmm
They will continue to take advantage of you as long as you let them.... simple as that... so you do, in fact, have a part in this. But if this is a needed job, for whatever reason.... money, economy, career plans... then you are getting something out of the relationship.... and they know that, hmm? You are still working there.
I don't recommend playing any games... leave or stay... Your plan A, well, it sux and will weaken whatever strength you have in this relationship... plan B... OK... want to be treated better?... go to where you will be!...
Just knowing that I am working to resolve a situation, whatever it may be, will often make enduring the situation a bit easier.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Alicante, Spain
Posts: 11
It sounds like this is the best of 2 options, even though it might look tough right now. The Serenity Prayer is a handy little tool here too. God, Grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference. You could always use the abridged version 'God Grant me the Serenity not to effing kill someone" :-)
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