ItsMe23

This does describe what i am feeling as well. I know that me drinking is dangerous, there is no other way to describe it. I just do not want to accept it

Rusty Zipper

23

until you choose to accept it,

this will be a constant battle

Dee74

You sound a lot like me, so I can't tell you not to waste twenty years on refusing to accept it like I did - but I really hope you don't.

Count your blessings, man - look at the good things sobriety's bought you...think about how much you don't want to risk all you've gained for the sake of that one drink....

like Zip says - until you accept it, it's a constant battle...you fighting yourself - and in that scenario you'll always lose - one way or another.

D

ItsMe23

I choose to accept it for a while that's how i got my 150 days or so. But just when you think you have given it a good smack down it starts rearing its head again

Rusty Zipper

yep 23

thats why it'a called,

alcoholism,

not alcoholwasm

Rusty Zipper

i have to get moving on 23

do hope you dont drink tonight,

or ever again.

what i heard that stuck with me till this day

a grateful drunk, will never drink again

ItsMe23

i wont drink tonight that much i know, i feel better after talking it out

Rusty Zipper

good to hear 23,

and it always does.

nights bro

Hooped

I'm glad you're not gonna drink tonight man.

A couple of years ago I had about the same sober time as you and blew it for the same reasons you are thinking about.

Of course, within 2 weeks I was drinking more than ever.

It's took me a year and a half, and much misery to finally shake it and get sober again.

It's not worth it.

ItsMe23

yeah i finally beat the urge back. Defiantly was a fight the same thing happened yesterday. It is like i lose all rational thought and just start fiending like crazy.

But when i think that when i eventually black out i am in no control of what is happening, yet i am still doing things. i could go for a walk or something and end up passed out somewhere or in police custody or even worse who knows.

MsCooterBrown

Wow...ain't that the truth!!! Thanks Rusty..great line!

MsCooterBrown

Hahaha...everyone..at this point we need you all to grab your ziptionarys.
I will remember this one Rusty!!!

MrDavid

You didn’t pick up… Great Job… Always remember to guard against the unguarded moment.

Why You May Ask? Simply Put… Alcohol is never the solution…Ever…That’s why...Even Though our disease might convince us otherwise.

There are times when the thought of a drink crosses my mind but it remains that –a thought- nothing more. Guarding against the unguarded moment isn’t easy- as you already know- but necessary. Let the voice of AA, or this forum, remind you to stay the course despite the circumstances.

We can never confuse a good life with a carefree one. That’s why it’s important to develop a sober routine that helps refocus our attention elsewhere other than the next drink. We also need to safeguard our sobriety by adopting a set of spiritual tools that combats this disease one day at a time.

Let’s take, for example, your situation and the urge to pick up some drinks at the local Store. You didn’t pick up this time but what about Tomorrow or the next day. If there are no measures in place to help prolong your Sobriety, today, then forget about tomorrow. If you don’t have the answers which can help prolong your sobriety, right now, then I suggest you stay close to this forum or another sober outlet -AA or outpatient services that can help you in these matters. Making informed decisions is about what to do next time, when confronted with a similar dilemma. We are a network of recovering alcoholics who are committed to do so, and will help you develop a routine that’s improves your spiritual conditioning and overall well being one day at a time. It has worked for me and I hope it will continue to work for you as well.

~God Bless~




Change a thought by moving a muscle.

SSIL75

Hi 23. One of the things that helps to keep me sober is developing things in my life that don't mix with alcohol and even if I can't spend much time on them.. I definitely think about them. Like I have formed new friendships with non drinkers. I was really enjoying the gym (on a hiatus for physical reasons but I'm anxious to get back). I have kids so I really soak up things with them.

I'm wondering if maybe you've cut out alcohol but not backfilled the void it's left? That was definitely a downfall of mine in the past. This time I'm trying not to leave much of a vacuum. Alcohol used to be my comfort, my joy, my relaxation. I needed to find new comforts, joys, relaxations. Better ones!

dirtbikegirl

23, gosh do I hear you. I so understand about the temptation, the creeping thoughts, the mind playing games trying to justify this or that. I'm glad you know you can't have just one or two. IF YOU do... it'll all start again. I was sober for 13 years, mine started with a glass of wine at a business function... ended three years later with two duiis. I'm proud of you for 150 days. Don't think so far ahead... Don't focus on the 'can'ts' ..... only focus on not drinking for one more day, then the next... Just for today - don't drink. The temptations will gradually go away.... You are just going through what we all do, we over think things and soon start to justify and simplify... It's tough. Kudos for you for making it one more day.

BoozeFree

Hey hang in there. I had thoughts too last night thinking how it would be fun to to drink bc I was at a show with a bunch of people that seemed to be having a really good time drinking but then I had to keep reminding myself that if I joined in on the drinking it wouldn't just be a night of fun for me and that once I had that first drink it wouldn't stop and I would be right back where I was before getting sober. Maybe try to remind yourself of why you got sober in the first place, that seems to help me sometimes when I get a craving to drink.

sunrise1

Itsme23,

I can clearly look back on my relapses and see the cards falling into place; Wanting the buzz plus the feeling that maybe I was on my way to a relapse were just two of the cards; I isolated from my support system and basically made the bad choices to follow through on a really dumb idea.

I am MUCH wiser now... maybe not as cunning, baffling, powerful as alcohol, but I've learned a few things along the way that catch me at that "impending" stage.

ZZworldontheweb

"i know better than anyone why i would drink, and it is strictly for the buzz/to get messed up.

Assuming this is true, assuming everything else in your life is totally fine and you're OK with the world and everything in it, and the only reason you want to drink is just to party a little bit and have some recreation, then this does NOT square with your other statement that "alcohol ruined your life". Nobody obsesses over something to the point that it ruins their lives unless there is something else going on inside.

You really need to figure out where you are on this, and take action. This could mean moving into town to be closer to AA meetings. Or calling the local (long distance if necessary) AA hot line to get somebody to talk to.

How do you get to work? If you're not working, how do you get money to buy booze?

shegirl

You are doing so good. I'm on my 3 or 4th relapse. i cant make it past 90 days. Dont give up. You have supportive friends. Maybe a counselor. I know the feeling of wanting to get buzzed and have fun, but take it from someone who has relapsed, its not fun. Take care!

ReadyAndAble

I used to spend time feeling like I was missing out, wishing I could drink normally. The way I look at it now, the only thing I'm missing out on is physical and emotional pain. Drinking like normal folks is not on the table. I might as well miss flapping my wings and flying around town—because I never drank like normal folks, and I never will.