LifeBlows

I just want to stop by the LCBO on my way home and buy something to drink and then sit infront of the TV and wait for Dateline Mysteries.
I feel afraid. Its like free floating fear, not of anything in particular. I want to be alone. I feel restless/ itchy (not actual itchiness). I know that if I drink I will feel better temporarily. But these days I feel so ashamed to walk into the LCBO because I'm there everyday. Every once in a while I will see someone that I just know is an alcoholic and I wonder if people can look at me and tell.
At the same time I feel so afraid that I will do something that will set me right back to zero, no job, no money, no school.

I miss drinking right now. Not trying to provoke anyone that's just how I feel. I feel upset, like I might cry. I want to rake my skin so that I can feel physical pain but i'm not brave enough to do it.

LexieCat

Restless, irritable, discontented. Check. And a drink or two will make it all go away. For a little while.

Have you tried AA? You could go to a meeting instead of fidgeting, watching the clock, and toying with the idea of drinking.

LifeBlows

I'm actually at work right now and will be for another four hours. I plan on going to the gym after work and actually putting in a good 2 hours to wear myself out.
Hopefully I'll be so tired after that I'll just want to sleep.

doggonecarl

The gym is a great idea.

This is one of those make it or break it parts of the recovery process you HAVE to get through. Where the metal meets the grindstone. Succeed and you carry this victory with you to the next challenge. And there will be more. There alway are when you are seeking to grow as a person. You can do this!

julez

The thing is, if you give in to this now, drink, get drunk, spend tomorrow hungover and hating yourself.....
Then wish to quit again...
You will experience these feelings again, and again, and again.
This anxiety you feel is normal. If you overcome it, you are that much closer to being done with the cycle!!

BullDog777

when you get out of the gym go to your local KFC and get a bucket of greasy fried chicken and wash it down with a giant soda and then a huge bowl of cookie dough ice cream.

that will do far less damage on your body then getting into the disease again.

let it go. you can't ever drink again.

Change4life

Bulldog I dont know about anyone else, but if I ate a bucket of fried chicken, a giant soda and a bowl of cookie dough I would be way sicker than booze could ever make me. Perhaps a salad some griilled chicken and wash it down with a frozen yogurt smoothie!

Veritas1

I remember once telling someone "I want to drink"...

They said, "Don't lie to me"

What?

Don't lie to me. I see you working on recovery, staying sober, don't say you want to drink. Say you have an urge to drink, thoughts to drink, but don't say you want to drink.

The disease wants us to drink. We don't want to drink, or we wouldn't be here on SR, trying to improve our lives through sobriety.

The disease will lie to you, and make you think it's your thought, your desire to drink.

Learning to recognize the disease, and not you responsible for the urge to drink is important.

Another friend of mine use to say, "Knock, knock, alcoholism at your door."

Drinking is not the answer. It seems like the answer, and it's not. It's cunning, baffling, powerful.

Alcohol, avoid it by any means...if you want to be sober!

LifeBlows

Actually it can do lots and lots of damage. Like 80lbs worth of damage. For me fast food is a trigger because on Friday's I would start off with some brandy and Popeye's. Whenever I drink to much I have terrible cravings for fast food. Thanks for the help though

LifeBlows

Thanks for reminding me

MrDavid

I read your tirade and wondered… How many other people felt the same way as you do? How many of those people actually picked up a drink? Quite a few I suppose –or maybe not.

There is a healthy fear in knowing what the possible ramifications of our actions can lead too if our disease remains unchecked. There is an unhealthy fear associated with our desire to –once again- act according to our impulses –by picking up a drink- rather than finding an alternative solution to our dilemmas.

I am not ashamed to admit my alcoholism…By admitting my defeat I can begin the process of reclaiming my life one day at a time. It’s when I falter- which some people do on occasion- and do so by forgetting I have a problem –My alcoholism- then reap the repercussions of my actions, and do so without regret, then I know I’ve wandered into the snares of this disease –once again. If this happens –which it does on occasion, don’t beat yourself up or remove and skin fragments- just admit you have a problem and have gotten off the narrow path towards recovery by toeing the line –once again- towards sorrow and dismay at the hands of this deadly disease. then…“Ask for help” of course

You can reverse course now and return to an environment that promotes health and healing through recovery and spiritual renew – found only in confines of a fellowship known around the world as AA.
~God Bless~
:ghug3
P.S. This forum rocks as well…

LifeBlows

OK so I made it to the gym for an hour after work. Woo hoo! I wanted to stop by the LCBO on the way home but didn't. I parked my car in the garage not in the visitors parking and I've got about 50 minutes to go before the LCBO closes.
I think tonight I'm just going to study. Money is tight as I've said many times before. Its not just money to do stuff its the gas I'm going to have to spend to get there and back.
When I stopped drinking last Friday I was so bloated I could barely touch my toes and my right side was sore. It felt like my liver was rubbing against my ribs. I was really scared about getting cirrhosis and still am.
My weight is something I feel pretty badly about and its my dream to finally lose the weight so I can start dating again. If I drink I'll just sabotage all the hardwork that I just did at the gym. Extremely counterproductive.
I'm sorry to be so repetitive but I'm just trying to talk myself out of drinking. Being sober right now feels good but it feels so strange!
I dont want to hurt my liver anymore, I've only got one.
Things feel too real if that makes sense.
I think I'm just going to study.
I don't have money to drink. I don't have money to spend on anything except bills.
If I drink today I'm going to drink tomorrow and I will drink Sunday. I mean I know I'm going to feel like this come Saturday night so if I can't hang in there now I won't be able to hang in there Saturday night or Sunday night

whatevername

Good job on not drink LB! Believe me when I say this...you think you'll never have problems with your organs and drinking, but when it does happen and the doctor tells you...and your drinking...its a worse feeling than streessing about urges...

Keep adding on to your sober days my friend, accomplish it minute by minute if you have to , fight the good fight!

All the best

LifeBlows

Its 5 minutes after 10pm and the LCBO closed a few mintues ago. Thanks for all your support guys. Just for today I was sober. Thank you, thank you so much.

LifeBlows

I know this sounds odd (but please understand I appreciate everyone’s help yesterday I’m very grateful for that) but I feel very resentful right now that I cannot drink. The weekend was a time when I would just zone out. Basically just be able to retreat into my own head and drift away. When I was driving to work today, I felt sad that I would not be able to sip on a drink while I sat through another Saturday at work.
I don't feel any joy at having made it through Friday sober although I understand how important it was to do so and I fully understand the benefits to be attained by staying sober.

Did this happen to anyone else?

least

I used to resent not being able to drink, but after a while sober I was feeling so damn good the only thing I resented was the time and money I had wasted when I was drinking. And every morning when I wake up feeling good I am grateful that I didn't drink the day before.

24hrsAday

yeah.. i Struggled with it off and on for years. the only way a Alcoholic like me can Win against the Affliction of Alcoholism is to Surrender and Admit that you are truly Powerless over the Drink.

stugotz

I second that. Man, I wanted to body slam every idiot with a beer. Turns out I was the idiot. Took a while to get over it. I can really feel ya. Just sayin...

LillieB

New to this community but your post jumped out at me so I thought I would come out of lurk mode to respond. Everything you are feeling is completely natural..I was angry too..it took quite awhile for those feelings to pass. I think it was when I realized how much power I truly had over alcohol that I stopped being angry. It takes time but eventually the sun does come out again. Congrats on resisting the urge-everytime you do it successfully you get stronger.

shantra32

That's normal.....I was in grieving mode for about two or three weeks......just pissed off and sad. But I must say, I am 43 days sober and those thoughts have dwindled. They will go away. I have also went back on meds for anxiety as a large part of my drinking was to alleviate the anxiousness I always felt which was made worse by drinking.....oh my. It is getting better for me and it will for you too....just hang in there.