My new job - Great test, or should I get out?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
My new job - Great test, or should I get out?
Ok, so life is full of impossible choices right? Today I went back to my old job. I have been out of work or working a straight commission job for the past year. My savings were just about gone, my wife and I were on opposite schedules, and something had to change. Today, that happened. I went back to my old company and I have mixed feelings..
I am 10 years older than most everyone there. The other guys are in their 20's and a lot of them are high when working. Another guy walked by me today with a drink that clearly had vodka in it (could smell it from a mile away).
I feel so sad about this. Why do I have to make a living this way? This job took me away from my home group meetings. I am throwing away all my relationships that I made in AA so I can spend 10 hours a day with people dominated my the outside world. All the signs of drug addiction and alcoholism are rampant in this place.
A part of me says this is a good spot where I can lead be example. I can still go to other meetings. Another part wants to have a big effing pitty party for myself. All the memories about working at this company have come back. The chaos that surrounded me (and still does my co-workers) is scary.
My sponsor has a great quote "God didn't take you this far just to dump you on your butt". I have to stay involved in the program, but if I had it my way I'd still be at my noon meetings with my support group and not working where I do.
I can't believe I'm asking for this, but please keep my in your prayers. I need them.
I am 10 years older than most everyone there. The other guys are in their 20's and a lot of them are high when working. Another guy walked by me today with a drink that clearly had vodka in it (could smell it from a mile away).
I feel so sad about this. Why do I have to make a living this way? This job took me away from my home group meetings. I am throwing away all my relationships that I made in AA so I can spend 10 hours a day with people dominated my the outside world. All the signs of drug addiction and alcoholism are rampant in this place.
A part of me says this is a good spot where I can lead be example. I can still go to other meetings. Another part wants to have a big effing pitty party for myself. All the memories about working at this company have come back. The chaos that surrounded me (and still does my co-workers) is scary.
My sponsor has a great quote "God didn't take you this far just to dump you on your butt". I have to stay involved in the program, but if I had it my way I'd still be at my noon meetings with my support group and not working where I do.
I can't believe I'm asking for this, but please keep my in your prayers. I need them.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 323
I had a job like this. I eventually had a meltdown. I couldn't believe I had fallen so far as to be surrounded by the dregs of society. Lately I've had to lie to get jobs, and if I lose this one, I will be looking at gas station type jobs. It sucks I"m not gonna lie.
I don't know your situation.. but.. I threw away a chance at real money.. I'm almost 30. With my credentials I should be making 50 to 80K a year. I went to one of the best colleges in the country and did nothing but **** away my future after graduation.
All I can tell you is I've heard some great inspirational stories from people who have stayed sober for a while. Many of them talk like they got everything they wanted in life through sobriety.
I don't know your situation.. but.. I threw away a chance at real money.. I'm almost 30. With my credentials I should be making 50 to 80K a year. I went to one of the best colleges in the country and did nothing but **** away my future after graduation.
All I can tell you is I've heard some great inspirational stories from people who have stayed sober for a while. Many of them talk like they got everything they wanted in life through sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
You got it Reggie. I want the best for you..but do tell...what kind of job do you work where they walk around with vodka? And for lunch..they go smoke doobies? And here I am ...at a company that does random drug tests (I have already had TWO of them in a six month period)...That has got to be rough to work around. Are you a bartender?
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Hey Reggie. I'm so sorry to hear it was like that today. I want something better for you. I just want you to be careful about trying not to be too black or white in your thinking. If you need to provide right now, is it possible to hold this job until you can find a different solution? I mean not between this job and working only on commission, but a THIRD option that would allow you to find peace?
imo, Money is important only so far as it allows you to be secure and not worry constantly. After that, making a whole bunch of money vs. making a medium amount of money, doesn't seem to have any impact on whether people are happy . . at least from what I've seen. Again, I don't know your situation but I'm hoping that there are options between these two sides (or outside of them).
imo, Money is important only so far as it allows you to be secure and not worry constantly. After that, making a whole bunch of money vs. making a medium amount of money, doesn't seem to have any impact on whether people are happy . . at least from what I've seen. Again, I don't know your situation but I'm hoping that there are options between these two sides (or outside of them).
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Prayers coming your way...... I agree with what AmericanGirl said. Who knows - maybe you'll meet someone where you're at now who will lead you to the best job yet?
I'm sure it's hard not to want to just run away..... that place has lots of reminders and you left your new sober support group. But it was also very stressful in the old job...... and like you said, you can find new meetings.
Maybe give it a week or two and see how you feel. Then start working on new plans if you know it's not going to work out.
Wish you didn't have to go through this......:ghug3 Stay strong!!
I'm sure it's hard not to want to just run away..... that place has lots of reminders and you left your new sober support group. But it was also very stressful in the old job...... and like you said, you can find new meetings.
Maybe give it a week or two and see how you feel. Then start working on new plans if you know it's not going to work out.
Wish you didn't have to go through this......:ghug3 Stay strong!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Man, I live in a housing project where most people are on something - but that doesn't mean I have to be.
It rarely even registers with me. No matter what Joe next door is doing, I know whats good for me...and what's not.
Prayers going out Reggie, but I know you can do this.
I like what AmericanGirl said - does it have to be either/or?
You took this job for the sake of your responsibilities, so they're covered - but there's nothing to stop you now looking for another job with the same pay or better, but in a more suitable environment.
Wishing you the best mate
D
It rarely even registers with me. No matter what Joe next door is doing, I know whats good for me...and what's not.
Prayers going out Reggie, but I know you can do this.
I like what AmericanGirl said - does it have to be either/or?
You took this job for the sake of your responsibilities, so they're covered - but there's nothing to stop you now looking for another job with the same pay or better, but in a more suitable environment.
Wishing you the best mate
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
You guys are so awesome. I really mean that. This job is a sales job. College grads, fraternity humor, macho behavior, "work had and party harder" mentallity, all things I used to want to be a part of and all things that I view so silly and pointless now.
The employees are great guys at heart but just as lost as I was before finding recovery. When I was active we worked 10 hours a day, then went out after work (after having a drink or two before we closed our long work day down). The kind where 9 out of 10 get to work on time and then haze the other guy for being late. The kind where everyone is hungover in the morning, taking asprin, pounding coffee, skipping lunch, blah blah blah...
The best description I can give it is imagine having a sales job in a frat house, that's it...
The problem is it pays pretty well. I'm not going to get rich by any means but it is a steady paycheck and can pay pretty well. I've searched for three years for something different and have found different jobs, but none paid as steady or as gaurenteed as this one.
The bottom line is nobody is going to force me to drink. No one is even going to give me any flack for not drinking. I'm sure they will all actually be very cool when I tell them I no longer drink. I can sense that a few of them might be looking for a way out right now and maybe I can serve as a good example for them.
I just have a lot of fear right now. I try so hard to not be consumed with fear in recovery but it's just hard sometimes. I want so bad to hold on to what I have right now in terms of sobriety. I hated myself when I lived like they are. The chaos, the fear, the shame, the restlessness, etc... all made me (like the BB says) spiratually bankrupt.
I guess all I can do is go to my new meeting's and continue to look for other jobs. I just can't give in to the lifestyle I've tried so hard to stop. I know it offers me nothing. I just wish I could wear a "recovery shield" that protected me from how effed up our society can be. I know that's not realistic but I just want to be safe. I felt so safe in my meetings, with my friends, in my chair, with my AA coffee.... but I'm not able to live that life and provide for my wife and kids.
I have to find a way to balance them all. I know it's possible, I just have to work for it. Who knows, maybe I'll look back on this someday and think "this is when my recovery got so much stronger". I need to stop living in the future. I did not drink today and was not even tempted. It's as if I'm fearful or being fearful...
Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers. You guys (people in recovery) are really the only people that understand this dilema. Society tells me to shut up, go to work, earn a living for my family, and work harder. People in AA tell me "whatever I put in front of recovery, I'll lose. I just need to find a way to make both things happen...
Being an adult is not easy sometimes....
The employees are great guys at heart but just as lost as I was before finding recovery. When I was active we worked 10 hours a day, then went out after work (after having a drink or two before we closed our long work day down). The kind where 9 out of 10 get to work on time and then haze the other guy for being late. The kind where everyone is hungover in the morning, taking asprin, pounding coffee, skipping lunch, blah blah blah...
The best description I can give it is imagine having a sales job in a frat house, that's it...
The problem is it pays pretty well. I'm not going to get rich by any means but it is a steady paycheck and can pay pretty well. I've searched for three years for something different and have found different jobs, but none paid as steady or as gaurenteed as this one.
The bottom line is nobody is going to force me to drink. No one is even going to give me any flack for not drinking. I'm sure they will all actually be very cool when I tell them I no longer drink. I can sense that a few of them might be looking for a way out right now and maybe I can serve as a good example for them.
I just have a lot of fear right now. I try so hard to not be consumed with fear in recovery but it's just hard sometimes. I want so bad to hold on to what I have right now in terms of sobriety. I hated myself when I lived like they are. The chaos, the fear, the shame, the restlessness, etc... all made me (like the BB says) spiratually bankrupt.
I guess all I can do is go to my new meeting's and continue to look for other jobs. I just can't give in to the lifestyle I've tried so hard to stop. I know it offers me nothing. I just wish I could wear a "recovery shield" that protected me from how effed up our society can be. I know that's not realistic but I just want to be safe. I felt so safe in my meetings, with my friends, in my chair, with my AA coffee.... but I'm not able to live that life and provide for my wife and kids.
I have to find a way to balance them all. I know it's possible, I just have to work for it. Who knows, maybe I'll look back on this someday and think "this is when my recovery got so much stronger". I need to stop living in the future. I did not drink today and was not even tempted. It's as if I'm fearful or being fearful...
Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers. You guys (people in recovery) are really the only people that understand this dilema. Society tells me to shut up, go to work, earn a living for my family, and work harder. People in AA tell me "whatever I put in front of recovery, I'll lose. I just need to find a way to make both things happen...
Being an adult is not easy sometimes....
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hmmm........when it's time for lunch...you might find a close meeting to attend.
And ....my 1st home group met before I had to work.
That made my work time go smoother
If these options don't happen...you can still live the AA program at
your job by being the best employee there.
now that you are sober....I'm betting your work performance
will be improved ....perhaps opening another door not yet seen.
Blessings to you and your family...
And ....my 1st home group met before I had to work.
That made my work time go smoother
If these options don't happen...you can still live the AA program at
your job by being the best employee there.
now that you are sober....I'm betting your work performance
will be improved ....perhaps opening another door not yet seen.
Blessings to you and your family...
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sounds like a bit of culture shock. It also sounds like this is a job you feel you are really GOOD at, and that's a good thing.
I understand the anxiety you are experiencing, but I think you may be slipping in your trust in your Higher Power. Nobody there can make you drink. Being around the booze can't make you drink.
You might want to double/triple up on your recovery work for awhile. Call someone several times a day, talk to your sponsor, make extra meetings, take short prayer/meditation breaks during the day.
You're there now for a reason. It might not be clear yet what that reason is. My gut instinct is that you belong there for right now, but of course, you are the only one who can make that decision.
Prayers and hugs,
I understand the anxiety you are experiencing, but I think you may be slipping in your trust in your Higher Power. Nobody there can make you drink. Being around the booze can't make you drink.
You might want to double/triple up on your recovery work for awhile. Call someone several times a day, talk to your sponsor, make extra meetings, take short prayer/meditation breaks during the day.
You're there now for a reason. It might not be clear yet what that reason is. My gut instinct is that you belong there for right now, but of course, you are the only one who can make that decision.
Prayers and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by reggiewayne 
I just wish I could wear a "recovery shield" that protected me from how effed up our society can be. I know that's not realistic but I just want to be safe. I felt so safe in my meetings, with my friends, in my chair, with my AA coffee.... but I'm not able to live that life and provide for my wife and kids.
It may be that it's what stugotz said, you just don't like working there. Well, then, be grateful you have a job in sales, and I am sure you are, just keep reminding yourself of that. My brother is in sales and he has had a very tough couple of years... having to sell his house, etc... He just celebrated his 25th year of continuous sobriety... I have never seen him so active in the program as he is right now... In addition to his regular meetings he is hosting step workshops, sponsoring more people....
You'll be fine... Prayers to you.
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