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Health Care Professionals in Recovery

Old 02-05-2011, 07:05 AM
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Health Care Professionals in Recovery

I am a registered nurse and a recovering alcoholic. I still sometimes find myself struggling with the shame and embarrassment of being an alcoholic in this profession, even though I know I'm just as human and imperfect at the next person. I am in a recovery monitoring program, as well.

Just seeing if there are any others here in the same boat. I am a member of a couple of boards that are specific to nurses in recovery, but this board has been a terrific help to me and I have a great deal of respect for so many of you.

Thank You.
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Old 02-05-2011, 07:10 AM
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My wife's best friend is a respiratory therapist and smokes..

We all have jobs, don't feel any different because of your job.. Just focus on recovery you'll be great! Look at as a positive because you know first hand what you need to do.
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Old 02-05-2011, 10:01 AM
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I think regardless of occupation, we all feel ashamed. As humans we often try to attach special meaning and significance to intensify an emotion... We'll think about friends or family and ask ourselves about the irony that we love them and yet we hurt them. You'll grasp onto the idea that you've dedicated your career to helping people and yet why haven't you helped yourself? Are you like a dentist with bad teeth?

The only thing to do is to try and get better. We're equal on those terms.
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Old 02-05-2011, 02:45 PM
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When I began working my AA Steps....they showed me a way
to overcome my past..and that included feeleing guilty.

I had become a CNA after 3 years in AA.
It was my 2nd job change in sobriety.
That did not hinder my progres ..



.
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Old 02-05-2011, 03:12 PM
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I am sure that the stigma that gets attached to those who get addicted is not unique to the health care professions... but I do believe that the path to recovery involves a special and a great deal of shame for nurses, physicians and others... some of that external and some internal...

Yea there are special forums for health care professionals, but SR has much to offer for us all.

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Old 02-05-2011, 07:11 PM
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I can understand that shame. I have something similar. (not a nurse but in health care)

Maybe a thought that I should have known better. And fear of people knowing. I'm not quite sure why it bothers me but it does.
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Old 02-05-2011, 10:54 PM
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(((Anew))) - I was an RN, when I got addicted, got in trouble, and let my license lapse. The GA BON has some major hoops to get through, and I wouldn't be allowed to take medicines I'm required to take.

I've dealt with the shame, regret, etc. since I left nursing in 2004 It's only know that i'm okay with it. I'm back in school to become a registered health information degree

I can think of two Rn's and a Dr., here, who are going through the same thing, and i'm sure there are more.

You're not alone...I promise you. I'm actually working at a McDonald's, right now, as I can't do RN work, and my office skills are 20 years old.

SR is a great place to get support. It hasn't just been the healthcare people that have helped me, it's everyone.

It takes time for us to start feeling better about ourselves, I won't lie about that, but it does happen.

pm me, if you want. I'm about to head to bed but will be back tomorow.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 02-06-2011, 08:44 AM
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Would you feel shame and embarrassment if you had cancer or diabetes? Alcoholism is a disease! It's not a moral imperfection. You didn't get it from unethical behavior or a dirty syringe. What's to be ashamed of? Being an RN doesn't mean you have magic immunity.

There are more than a few MDs and Rns in the AA meetings i go to, and once in a while they'll show up in scrubs. No one gives it a second thought. An alcoholic is an alcoholic. A question, though. You've identified the disease. Now what are you doing treat it?
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Old 02-06-2011, 10:33 AM
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Originally Posted by oak View Post
I can understand that shame. I have something similar. (not a nurse but in health care)

Maybe a thought that I should have known better. And fear of people knowing. I'm not quite sure why it bothers me but it does.
I can relate....I'm a surgical admin. responsible for guiding and grading senior med students through their surgical requirements to graduate med school and help those that are interested prepare for surgical residency...writing CVs, personal statements, mock interviews and support. i want to stress that i am NOT doing clinical OR work and interacting with patients.

I need to do my job effectively and there is no room for screwing up....i inflicted my *disease* on myself....i've gotten over my mistakes, took about 3-4 weeks off between 2009-2010 and moved on to a better place. I'm great at my profession and take pride in my work....but i was not at my best for about 3-5 months...luckily i had a great assistant and lots of time i could take off.
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Old 02-06-2011, 11:06 AM
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My mom was a nurse and she was alcoholic. I would also see a lot of her nursing friends drink with her. Also, I find a large number of nurses I know smoke cig's as well. It's just a job. It's not like we are born into fields.. I look at the "choice" of becoming an alcoholic much like we "choose" what color we are - which is to say we don't...

I wish you the best of luck. You'll find a lot of support here from all types of different fields...
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Old 02-06-2011, 11:08 AM
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Hi anew

Fellow RN addict here. I am in a 3-5 year diversion program with my state licensing board. I have been a CTICU nurse for the bulk of my professional career. In May of this year I self-reported to the BON, got into treatment and lost that job due to gross misconduct (stealing opiates). Because I self-reported I never lost my license - it's currently in an inactive status - I am prohibited from working as an RN. I am due to be reevaluated on the 17th of this month and will probably have my license reactivated and be cleared to limited work (non patient care) with a monitor. I can't say for sure this is what will happen, but my case manager said she is going to recommend this.

Something I want to make clear is that while this does happen, I never deprived any of my patients their pain medication. What I did was blatantly steal from the pixis. I removed drugs from the pixis and put them in my pocket. It took my hospital 2 months to catch up to me. I honestly think I did this because I wanted to get caught. I KNEW I had a problem and didn't know how to get help. WTF? I was the helper, not the helpee.

There's a lot more to my personal story than just how it relates to my profession, but that would be a book (and a 4th step )

We are no different than the general population and I have come to know dozens of health care professionals in recovery who include nurses, doctors, paramedics, social workers, CRNA's, respiratory therapists and I have even met a couple of cops and a firefighter.

Recovery = Good.
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Old 02-06-2011, 01:56 PM
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Hello Anew and Welcome,
I'm a fellow RN and an alcoholic. Sober now after a very brief relaspe for over a year and life is good sober.
Alcohol does not discriminate.
Looking forward to more of your posts.
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Old 02-06-2011, 02:16 PM
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I can think of two Rn's and a Dr., here, who are going through the same thing, and i'm sure there are more.


I really never thought about that before, but now since I've had two surgeries for two different cancers, I'm hoping to god they were not "high" on anything while slicing me open.
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Old 02-06-2011, 03:49 PM
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Most HCPs I know who are in recovery got there for DUI's, pills, etc... While it's possible kiki, there are many people involved in providing health care at any given moment.. and impaired HCPs stick out...

I wouldn't worry too much... But your reaction, which is perfectly understandable and reasonable, is exactly one of the reasons it's so hard for HCPs to seek recovery and come out of the shadows... and why there is so much stigma...

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Old 02-06-2011, 04:12 PM
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(((Kiki))) - I do understand your feelings. When my "baby" stepsister (she was 18) fell asleep while driving, crossed 2 lanes, went through the median, hit another car and her best friend was the only survivor, it was a LONG time before I didn't get in my car and worry that someone was going to fall asleep and hit me head on.

I read about drunk/high drivers..had one make a u-turn in traffic, right in front of the restaurant I work a a few weeks ago. I know someone who is an A in practically every occupation there is. There was just recently a GA cop arrested for DUI. I can worry about it, or turn it over to HP.

My mom, who was 21 when she was told she had a "fatal heart condition" (they found out when I was born) taught me to live every day as it was my last....for 29 years. I am grateful to her, for that, though I didn't truly appreciate it until I became an A then got into recovery.

BTW, I've been hospitalized, a couple of times, since I've been in recovery, and the thought of "what if they're HIGH?!?!" never even crossed my mind. My "other mother" always tells me "God (HP) has you in the palm of His hand" and I believe it.

I'm sorry if I caused you to worry.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 02-06-2011, 04:23 PM
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Hi anew, l'm also a RN who now works in the alcohol unit l was once a patient in!! and l absolutely love it.
l don't think alcoholism discriminates and no-one is above being caught in it's deadly grip including nurses. For me to have been given the wonderful opportunity to work in the field l have "inside" knowledge of has been one of the best things to have happened in my life. All the staff have been fantastic and no-one doubts my dedication to my recovery or worries l will relapse.

Though no-one can go back and make a new start,
anyone can start from today and make a new ending.
Carl Bard.
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Old 02-06-2011, 04:44 PM
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Thank you all for your replies.
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Old 02-06-2011, 07:41 PM
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I was at this meeting one time and this young mother related how her daughter told her she prayed mommy would stop drinking and it came true (through AA). That was the closest I've ever come to openly crying in a meeting. Anyway, my point from the story is its not about what you did yesterday its about what you are willing to do today.
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Old 02-06-2011, 08:20 PM
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Nice to see your post.

I am now a retired LPN/Paramedic after 20 years nursing and 12 as a paramedic.
I got sober right after retiring from being a paramedic due to PTSD. I worked for over 6 years as a nurse in sobriety before the PTSD also forced me into retirement from nursing.

I am an alcoholic. Pills never were something I got into then or now. For some reason my brain told me that alcohol was ok since it was legal but pills were not. A twisted sense of morality I guess since I abused alcohol to an extreme.

Toward the end of my drinking I was drinking until 3 or so in the morning, getting up and being at work by 7:30am. This was a line I swore I would never cross with drinking. But as I am an alcoholic there are several lines I crossed that I swore I would not. Fortunately during the last 6 months of my drinking I was not working at both nursing and EMT but just paramedic. That allowed me time to get to work and hopefully not have any calls for several hours to allow myself to get a bit sobered up. I am not proud of the fact that I know I went to work still drunk from the previous nights intake but it is what it is, I can not change the past. I am just fortunate that I was an over achiever and made a point to know twice as much as I needed to know to deal with any medical situation. If not for my over achieving my alcoholism would have significantly impacted my patient care. I am fortunate, and so are my patients, that I only was drinking to that extreme for about 6 months prior to the PTSD forcing me to retire from that field. When I retired from being an EMT I went back to nursing. Fortunately, I had received a head injury from drinking right before I started back to nursing and that caused me to once again try to regulate or slow down my drinking. It took me 6 months of trial and error but finally found AA and in the meantime did not go to work drunk or recovering from a drunk.

In recovery I have met many professionals in many fields including; nursing, lawyers, doctors, police officers, fire fighters, EMT's, etc.... None of us are immune to this disease. In fact some of these fields are breeding environments for alcoholism and drug addiction. But that is just my opinion.

Thanks for the thread. It is good to know we are not alone.
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Old 02-06-2011, 08:29 PM
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Originally Posted by nandm View Post

In fact some of these fields are breeding environments for alcoholism and drug addiction. But that is just my opinion.
Not just yours!
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