celticgirl1971

I have been a 'social drinker' for as long as I can remember.

Never thought about drinking- just drank on occassion.

Never had a drop during 2 pregnancies.

Again- could go a month-- could drink one. Could drink many. Take it or leave it.

Why I'm here.
Recently I've found that I'm not drinking 'well'. I get really drunk, really fast. I've had two grey-outs. (not totally black out) but fuzzy recall until someone informs me and then I remember the conversation. This has happend 2x's of recent.

I got scared and thought, "i need to not drink for a while". I've gone 8 days once, and 12 days the next try. (this is all the past month). However, now that I've said "I'm not going to drink for a while" it's always on my mind.

Why now?
Does this mean I have a problem?
I never thought anything of drinking or NOT drinking before.... and now that I've had a couple bad expereiences and decided to not drink-- it's a bit difficult.
(i must admitt).
It's not that im craving it....
it's more thoughts of, "well all my friends are going for beers and football"
or
"well I'd like a glass of wine with dinner".

I feel like I'm pouting.... and I don't understand why.

Is this typical?
Does this sound familar?
any suggestions or comments would be greatly appreciated.

~Irish~

Supercrew

I think you might be a little mentally obsessed just because you said you couldn't have it, but you still obviously enjoy it.

As far as your issue to beging with, as we age and as we damage our liver we do not always keep up with our usual tolerance, and that's where the grey outs might be coming in. I'm not sure, but it happen to a friend of mine who used to have a very high tolerance, then he would be loopy after a few drinks that in the past wouldn't have got him buzzed. I would see a Dr. and get some tests done on your liver.

If alcohol hasn't caused you any other issues, and you have always been able to stop at a set amount, and forgo alcohol for days and months at a time, the obsession to drink now might just be your mind playing with you because you decided to quit doing something you enjoy, but it could also be the onset of alcoholism because it is progressive. Only you will really be able to make that judgement.

MsCooterBrown

hi Celtic..that comment on how you are not drinking well...that was my red alert. BUT see..I drank to get drunk. It was a social drunk..I hung out with others that were on the same mission I was on. We seem to find each other. BUT towards the end..I started getting black outs (no gray outs...BLACK) quite frequently. I think once they start no matter how much or little you have had to drink..it is a major red flag. Same goes with getting drunk really fast. I don't know why..but this is what I refer to as the defining moment when alcohol turns on you!! And the mental obsession is another flag. Both these situations started happening and it NEVER got any better. I finally tossed in the towel..knew it was time to surrender!! Why not..before something bad happens in one of your gray outs..

Supercrew

You should probably listen to Ms Brown, as I never had an issue with my tolerance dropping, in fact mine got so high it became a bigger problem, and my friend is an alcoholic who had the liver issues and lost his tolerance.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community.....

I too drank socially with no problems for years
and I never knew what drink on which day slid me into alcoholism.

Plese do see your doctor and have an honest talk so proper
blood screening tests can be done.
Far too many drinkers die from various alcohol related problems
often treatable if caught early.

I can identify with mental obcessions....that is part of my history too.
The good news is....with recovery...that has vanished...

I too watch football ..and do it sober.
Not only do I know who won..but how...

All my best to you and your family

jamdls

Hi Celtic, welcome to SR. I was mostly a social drinker for about 20 yrs, drank when I went out on the weekends but rarely drank during the week quit drinking a yr before getting pregnant and didn't drink for about 2 yrs then at another time I got on a health kick (while living in So Cal) and didn't drink for about another 2 yrs. When I drank I regularly had 'gray outs' (never heard that term before I like it, it fits), then in my 40s I started drinking more often and the gray-outs got blacker and blacker. I don't think I was drinking that much more just more often, eventually I was blacking out with just a 2-3 glasses of wine. I've come to believe that the grey outs/black outs were a warning from my brain trying to tell me to stop. As a result of the grey outs/blackouts there are about 15 yrs of my life (5 in my 20s and all of my 40s) that I have very very little memory of even though I wasn't drinking every day, the worst is that I don't remember my daughters young childhood nor her teen years and I can't get that back. I do not consider myself an alcoholic, and according to the "professionals" I'm not alcoholic - I was a 'problem/heavy drinker" but I had a problem with alcohol it caused very bad reactions. It has been suggested to me by 'the professionals' that I could drink moderately with discipline but I am not willing to risk losing another second of my life to a possible 'grey out' or blackout,Alcohol is not worth it.

MsCooterBrown

I have to tell you..the tolerance was sky high for a long time..I could drink all night..then finish up at home. But then towards the end..it didn't seem to matter how much or how little I drank..black outs and fast drunks would happen frequently. I had stopped..then started again. Don't know if that had anything to do with it or not..all I know is I am feeling great sober. Will not try it again.

celticgirl1971

Hi everyone, and thank you for all the responses.

I did speak to my doctor a couple weeks ago. He didn't seem the least bit concerned. (I saw him for a nasty cold that wasn't letting up). While I was there, I mentioned how irritated I was that I even got sick (i never get sick) and told him that I had started a new whole foods diet and quit smoking. Later in the conversation I discussed what happened w/ the grey outs- he simply said "I wouldn't be concerned-- you've dramatically changed your diet and excercize AND quit smoking- your body is making good changes. Just slow it down, and watch for any further issues-- EAT if you are going to drink."

Anyhow.
That is that part of it. I still tend to lean towards alcohol making bad decisions causing this. Meaning: If i typically was out 'drinking' I was also eating big plates of nacho's, or going to dinner-- (and I'm not shy about eating)! I would smoke constantly....

Somwhere along the way I started looking at my life. I felt that the only "fun" thing I do is eat and drink, and smoke ciggarettes. (yep. I know that probably sounds sad to everyone here- that I found these things most 'fun'). I then looked at my body- I used to be sooo in shape, great skin etc. Although I'm still in great shape (what other people see- and think), I knew different. I knew under my jeans- although my legs are thin-- my muscles were not the same. I started to get a little belly that I never had before. I was out of breath running up the stairs. I finally said ENOUGH.

I decided to go back to the gym, eat a 'clean whole foods' vegetarian diet (NO sugar, no flour, bread, pasta, butter, etc). Quit smoking 5 weeks today!!! I want my life back. I was sick of sitting in pubs w/ friends- doing the same old things... watching a game, with a big plate of food, running outside to have a ciggarette (in the freezing cold weather), back inside w/ a heck of a bar tab-- and my favorite jeans a bit too tight.

Obviously when I made these changes I was only going to do alcohol 1x a week- and I did also change what i was drinking. In order to avoid excess sugar, I decided to drink martinis or tequila on the rocks. A couple drinks and BAM. I was just gone.

So I guess It does make sense what my doctor thinks is going on.

What I didn't discuss with him is what I'm 'feeling' now..... which is something I never felt before. It's a feeling like because of my new lifestlye I shouldn't be drinking at all-- and now I feel a lot of things. (If Im going to be honest). I feel like I won't have any 'fun' anymore. I feel like I'll be boreing to my friends. I feel like my anxiety will spiral out of control (it always quieted the panic attacks that I'm prone to). I feel like alchohol was one thing I could 'look forward to' that was just for ME. In other words- my kids are in college now. I'm alone a lot. If on a friday night everyone was going to happy hour-- I couldn't wait to go- this is a big social thing for me. What bothers me more is to think of going w/o drinking. I wouldn't want to (just being honest again). I would feel akward, and I wouldn't want to be around 'drunk people' if I wern't.

Does any of this make sense to anyone. Do these thoughts mean I do have a problem?
Again. If anyone can provide any insight-- I would really appreciate it.

Thank you.
~Irish~

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

Michigan Alcohol Screening Test

flutter

Even when I drank much more often than you're describing, I went years thinking I couldn't possibly be addicted to alcohol, as I 'could' go a week, a month without drinking. But you're right, the thoughts of it, the anticipation of drinking again still lurked in my mind.

Other than my drinking, I also lived a very healthy lifestyle. Ate right, exercised, meditated, had a lot of outside hobbies and interests. I found when I wouldn't drink for a week or two, I felt fabulous.. and then my sick mind would tell me I've been 'so good', it's time to drink!

That obsession, or thoughts of drinking never left me, because I never thought about quitting for good. There was always going to be a next time, and it was really sad now that I think of it, that drinking was a reward, and something I thought about often.

Fast forward a few years.. My weekly binges turned into several times a week binges. I gained 30 pounds, I didn't make the time to exercise anymore (I was always hungover! or wanting to go party!). I dropped most of my outside interests, and completely lost my identity as a well rounded, healthy, active person. That depressed me. I drank more, and more. I felt worse, I started having anxiety. I medicated it with drinking.

That's a really long way to tell you, yes.. we do understand. The frequency of drinking, the amount of alcohol drunk, are not sole indicators of whether or not we have a problem. You clearly think that alcohol is causing some problems for you. Greying out/blacking out is NOT a good thing, not matter how infrequent it happens. It's dangerous.

Until I stopped dangling the drinking thing in front of me (I'll take a week off.. a month off..), and just stopped for good, I did obsess about it. I haven't drank in a couple of years, and it's been the healthiest change I've made in my life, for both my body and my spirit.

Oh, and I no longer go to happy hours, or hang out with my drinking buddies. They have no interest in me outside of drinking, which is really telling when it comes to who you keep in your life. I have fun ALL the time.. it's freeing, really.. I used to think I could only celebrate or have fun, in a social setting with a few drinks in me. The freedom to experience how happy life can be, and how excited I can feel without any chemicals or false 'planned' fun is really cool.

Welcome to SR!

CarolD

I'm glad you are taking action to improve your health...
but I fail to see where drinking a toxic liquid is beneficial.

Please see if this article gives you insight

How We Get Addicted - TIME

Please keep reading and posting...glad you are here.

artsoul

Welcome, cg - sounds like you're really trying to get honest about your drinking, which is a good thing....

From a health standpoint, the experts say it's fine to have a glass of wine 4 or 5 nights a week (for non-alcoholics, anyway). I get the impression, though, that when you talk about the "fun" part of it, you mean getting a good buzz and not just having one..... Is that usually the case when you drink?

It was surprising to me that I actually have a better sense of humor while sober than I did drinking. And what's even more enlightening is to be sober around people who are getting drunk... it's really boring. And you find out it's not the sober person who is the boring one - it's the drunks laughing about nothing at all.......

I don't know how much you look forward to a drink or how often you think about it, but I can tell you that in my case, it's nice to not have the obsession anymore.

Glad you're here!

celticgirl1971

Hi art, and thank you for the comments/questions.

I am at the point of vacilating right now-- my inner dialogue is as follows:

Why are you questioning yourself? People get 'drunk' once in a while. Just stop drinking so much (or eat when you plan on drinking). You would know it if you had a problem.

Then I say:
If you are questioning yourself-- you have issues. If it's not an issue, why are you getting upset about the prospect of not drinking? Why don't you have 'fun' without alcohol?

I almost think I'm teetering on the line right now.... where as I may not have a problem right now, but it's not the way it used to be either. Perhaps I should just stop before it's unstoppable. THen I think I'm overreacting. I don't know.

When you asked about the 'fun' part. Well tonight I went to dinner, I ordered soda water w/ a splash of cran. Had a nice healthy meal.... and felt 'empty'. I feel like I've done so much improving on my life-- why am I taking away something enjoyabe to me-- like a glass of wine with my meal? And yes-- one or two glasses is enough for me to 'feel' the affects of drinking- it relaxes me. I smile easier.

Furthermore-- although I started a huge lifestyle change (dieatary wise)- absolutly no flour, sugar, processed foods, etc. and now not drinking-- i"m noticing i'm CRAVING sugar. I NEVER craved sugar before. I wonder if it's the diet or not drinking. It's been 3 days without a drink today.

(I don't think that's a big deal-- but the weekends are typically my 'play time') so -to- speak.

Last. I really, really am concerned about 'what to do with myself' if I try quitting. I know it sounds stupid- but EVERYTHING I DO involves alcohol. Examples:
Go out w/ friends to watch a game at a pub.
Out to dinner w/ a bottle of red.
Happy hour w/ friends.
Sunday dinner (italian family- red wine)
A movie -- then a snifter of sambuca and a coffee after.
Friends over to hang-- wine.
skiing- the lodge, before, during, after.
The beach-- yep. Cooler alongside.

Mind you- none of this was with 'getting smashed' kind of drinking-- but nonetheless it included it.

I've been wondering what to do with my time if I keep trying to abstain.

If anyone has advice on this-- I'd appreciate.

Is this normal? (To think it would suck to give up drinking)?
Thank you,
~Irish~

celticgirl1971

Thank you for this link. I took the test. Funny- the result was a 4. As Just enough to be over the "no apparent problem" and low enough to be labled "early or middle development of problem drinking"

I appreciate the welcome as well.

~Irish~

julez

Hi CG and welcome!
You sound a lot like me.
I thought the same way about drinking.... whats my life gonna be without it??
I'm a mom, and I don't go out often, even when I do go out, I don't drink much...
BUT, I like to stay home, watch movies with my husband and drink.
And I like to get together with our couple friends and drink.
And go up north and drink.
On vacation..
On the patio in the summer.
We take St Pattys day off and drink.
I go away for 1 weekend a year with my girlfriends and drink..
So, I get it...
Today I have 98 days sober. I went through all the holidays, my birthday, 2 weddings, and all kinds of other occasions. And I did it. And I made my own fun. I haven't lost any of my friends. They accept that I don't drink anymore. They don't know that I have a problem or that I go to AA. Its something I chose for myself, that I'm doing for myself.
The sugar craving is from the diet and the no drinking. I used to compete in figure competitions, and the diet made me crave Froot Loops cereal. EW!!! And when i stopped drinking, I wanted chocolate, which isn't my thing at all. That will pass.
Just live your life one day at a time, and cross each path as you come to it.. THAT BEING SAID, its also important to have some responses ready for when people question why you arent drinking. I've used "I'm on antibiotics" "I have heartburn" "I haven't eaten" or simply "I'm taking a break from drinking for a while"
Have a plan...
Good luck!

julez

BTW, I also scored a 4 on the test.
Other tests I've taken have shown that I was at a higher risk for having a problem.

pattenat

First welcome to SR. I'm a newbie myself and just wanted share a thought...

If you're feeling like this right now. It might be better to check yourself and take break for a bit (months) to be sure you don't have a problem. To make sure there's not that overwhelming obsession of not having one. Don't think of it as depriving yourself of something fun you want to do think of it as cleaning out your system with your new diet/health plan. If you still feel angry toward "not being able to drink" you may have a problem.

Because once it does become a problem (and it will) and the grey outs turn to black outs. You'll look back at this time and regret not taking action to be positively sure that alcohol consumption is not really an issue.

celticgirl1971

Wow. Thank you everyone for all the advice and replies. Congrats to each and everyone of you who are doing it-- and doing it well! It gives me hope. I'm grateful that you are willing to share your experiences with me and everyone else here (I hope that it's not exhausting to do so).

I am amazed at how many people are 'just like me'; and Juelz-- when you wrote, "we take off St. Patricks day and drink"... I almost fell off my chair. This is one of my major issues (crazy as it sounds). I don't ever- and I mean ever recall a St. Patty's day where I've worked. It's parades- pubs, Irish dance, and dinner w/ my Irish Dad *drinker*.
I thought about this a lot the past few days. Someone said to look at it daily by saying, "just for today I won't drink". I think this is what I'll do-- so as not to continue to catastrophise not being able to 'celebrate' my favorite days etc.

Does anyone have any advice about my 'free time' now? Healthy fun things to do?
Again, thank you ALL so very much.
~Irish~

Danae

Hi Celticgirl,

Good for you to be thinking about this.

My experience is that my drinking was getting worse---and I was obsessing about it a lot. My behavior had changed for the worse and it was having a negative impact on various facets of my life.

When I spoke with 3 doctors about my concerns in the course of other appointments (neurologist, general practitioner, psychiatrist) none of them said "you're an alcoholic". They told me to try moderating. It didn't work and I decided to try quitting.

Given that none of them seemed all that concerned about my intake, I was surprised that I had nasty withdrawal symptoms.

My point is....I wonder if many doctors see so many late stage alcoholics that when they see early to mid stage they don't want to overreact? Or that it is difficult to tell early alcoholism from situational problem drinking? Not sure what their thinking was, but I'm glad I didn't wait for them to diagnose me as an alcoholic.

Several months later I'm finding that I have more free time on my hands but also that things like reading, exercising are more fun than they were while I was drinking. I'd give yourself some sober time before deciding that sobriety is boring. Listen to the people at SR who tell you it can be good!



D

ZZworldontheweb

Sis, there are tons of people who live happy fulfilling lives without touching a drop of alcohol. You can still go to nice restaurants, just have seltzer water or sparkling apple juice. You can still go to plays, concerts, to outdoor stuff, travel, Rotary club, church, etc etc.

It really concerns me that you consider adding alcohol to these things as a necessary step to make them fun. This seems to suggest that you want to make yourself feel different. This was true for many of us. We leaned to trust alcohol to make us feel different, to make us fit in, to make us forget whatever was bugging us. AND IT WORKED. Temporarily. But the duration of the effect got shorter and shorter, and it took more and more to make us get to that place, and then our bodies start rebelling, then it really goes downhill. If you feel like this substance is a key component to your enjoyment of life, that is simply not normal nor healthy.