philly71

I was a pretty heavy drinker since college but took it to a new level after 35 (40 now). I had a two year stint during 2007-2008 where I was drinking about a pint day+. A 5th on weekends. At the end 2008 I noticed really uncomfortable liver, kidney, abdomen pain. It scared the crap out of me so I quit for a few weeks. After if felt better I would drink one day and it would hurt again for a week. Repeat this cycle for about a year. Mercurial has dutifully detailed this alcoholic phenomenon for us all in detail. I would say that I drank about 50 times since the first time I felt abdominal pain, but never more than two days in a row and usually 1-2 weeks apart. At the end of 09’ it became even less frequent, months apart until I had my last drink on May 31st 2010. Each time however, my body would still be in pain.

The real story is how I was terrified to go to the doctor, coupled with a ‘volume to 11’ case of PAWS and my brain convinced me I had Cirrhosis. I would check my eyes, all that stuff. I kept wondering, “ I really toned down the drinking”, I must have serious damage if after not having a drink for 6 weeks and then drinking once, my liver would instantly hurt again. Now in June or July the pain went away again completely, only to flare up every other month without having done any drinking. The paws and the fear set in and I would replay in my head over and over how much I drank over the years reliving the shame over and over. This while being over 6 months sober. The paws wanted to live off that fear, and the rational side said it will just go away, I am not drinking.

My wife I had a son in June 2010 and while I was sober, she could see that I would get detached and wallow in my past haze wondering what was to become of me. She was like, will you go to the damn dr. already, I need you to be a father all the time. Also, Mercurials’ posts were a huge inspiration because no matter what predicament he put himself in, he always owned up to it and went to the dr, even knowing bad news was coming.
I finally realized that I had to own up to it to break from my drinking past and start looking forward to my wonderful sober future, bad news or not. I was 7months sober and miserable. This while having the most beautiful healthy baby boy and a great job.

I finally went last week, and had blood tests and an ultrasound. About two days after I noticed that a weight had been lifted. Long story short, my blood work was normal and the ultrasound showed enlarged liver with no damage. Also, pancreas, gall bladder, spleen, kidneys are fine. Also two small stones in left kidney. Urine showed a little bile, which he said meant that the gall bladder, while fine, is a little pissed off. I asked the doctor why my liver was still enlarged after 8 months and he said it may never go back to normal size, but should go down some more. He himself could not tell from feeling it. But he emphasized, This is good news. If you don’t drink again, your liver cannot get worse. So I said, If I feel it every now and then, and it still means everything is OK, and he said yes. He said you should get another ultrasound in 6 months and probably do one every year after that.

So, I am now looking forward to a sober life. I don’t have urges to drink and in fact makes me shudder to think how it’s just poison. I am sure there will be a point in the future where I think about it, but I have a support group at hand. Also, the reason I don’t think I will have an issue managing that is that it feels like I played a 20 year game of Russian roulette and I came out of it with a hang nail, and I don’t ever have to play again. (knocking on wood on all that)
While I have not posted in a long time, this site has been a huge place for support.

Thanks, sorry for long post

CarolD

Glad you are now being sober and taking better care of yourself..
Thanks for posting your good news.

blessings to you and your family

Dee74

Welcome back - glad to hear all is well for you

D

Bamboozle

Welcome back and congrats on the sober time.

Glad to hear the good news.

SSIL75

Thank you for sharing!! I'm happy you got good results. congratulations on your little boy.

kiki5711

I have to make an appointment I've been trying to avoid to have my liver biopsied.

I'm falling apart. Like an old Chevy.

philly71

kiki5711..the avoidance works for a while...but it makes it worse mentally..

After 24 hours of hearing this great news..its not totally the relief I expected. I am still angry and resentful and overreact to mundane things. I realize to need to manage my recovery better. I am not going to drink for sure, but I do want to live sober more effectively.

Any active AA members feel that the 12 steps are inadvertently aimed at tackling symptoms of PAWS?

thanks

kiki5711

my biopsy is for a different reason. After having gone through 2 different cancer treatments in the past two years, about a month ago (just when I thought I was finally going to move forwrd with my life) he tells me he found Hep C in my blood.

It was like being hit with a brick.