viavai

I've been off the boards for awhile. I wasn't drinking that whole time, just distancing myself from any sort of "program" in general.

I am sick. I am not "yet" addicted to the alcohol, but have been consuming enough to be worried about my health and peace of mind (I have none).

How do I get back on track? I don't want to live this way. I miss sobriety but, honestly, I love the "high" and escape and forgetfulness that alcohol affords me.

ZZworldontheweb

Not sure I understand your position. Reading through some earlier posts, you describe yourself as newly sober at some points, which seems to imply you were drinking then quit. But now you say you drink but don't think you're "addicted yet".

Ultimately you've got to get to a place in your life where the "high" and escape and forgetfulness aren't necessary (obviously).

CarolD

For me to stop and stay stopped....I had to want sobriety
more than I wanted to drink...

Outwardly I appeared to be okay...mentally I was a depressed mess.
When I got to that point of desperation ..I then actually quit.

I certainly hope you will find your way into recovery
It's a great way to live ..healthier and joy filled.


Welcome back...

doggonecarl

A contradiction that will hamper your recovery. I guess you could wait until alcohol doesn't "work" anymore, when blackouts replace forgetfulness. But by then you might be addicted and quitting will be that much more difficult.

How do you get on track? Decide if you are ready, really ready, then quit. If your not ready yet, SR will be here when you are.

loveon2legs

Hi and Welcome back! The high you get and the escaping only lasts for so long then it comes back to bite you in the butt! best way to deal with life...is on lifes terms....head on...that way you have no regrets, and your emotions don't buried, to then re surface later in a non productive way! I spent YEARS doing this..and it certainly didn't help at all...
I wish you peace in your heart...and strength to find your way.....

Stevie1

Hi via...I think everyone here loved the high and the forgetfulness and all of that, at some level. You're not alone.

You simply have to want sobriety more. It's both as easy, and as difficult, as that. If you think you will have a hard time quitting or are worried about your health, talking to your doctor might be a good starting point.

least

I drank to escape my life, my 'prison', but then the escape became the prison. I have over a year now and don't ever want to go back to that hell.

viavai

Thank you. everyone, for your supportive posts. I feel like I'm "done," but am afraid to stop. Does that make sense? My biggest difficultly (and this has always been the case) is living life on life's terms.

TwelveSteps

Welcome to the club. You just described every alcoholic.

GG

Supercrew

I used to mistake "afraid to stop" for "not for sure I wanted quit forever" for about 2 years. Until you can make the decision that you want to quit drinking you will never quit drinking, then once you make the decision you have to take some action.

omegasupreme

I couldn't choose to stop on my own. In 2009 the state of Texas gave me a daily reprieve. During that window of grace I was given the opportunity to pick up the spiritual tools that the fine folks of AA had been placing at my feet. See, in the past I had been to AA and was not very willing to do what the program asked. After being beaten into a reasonable state of submission by my disease I had a moment of clarity--only two options left for a drinker like me...live spiritually or die an alcoholic death. God could and would if he were sought.