The wall
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: san jose,ca
Posts: 17
The wall
Whenever I quit drinking I find the first few weeks very gratifying and easy.It's when I hit the 30 or 60 day marks that I really struggle.I don't know why.All of a sudden my mind starts battling me.I start getting angry over stupid things and bored easily and my mind just takes over.My mind gets into the bargaining mode, but what I call it is the devil's infiltration on me.For some reason no matter how much I don't want to drink and how bad I know the consequences are I always find a way to talk myself into drinking.It is so unbelievably frustrating as I'm sure a lot of you know.It is very hard not to give up.It is so sad for me though because I am truly a good person when I'm sober.I am a great worker, but I will get a job and my bosses will love me and want to move me up the ladder quickly and I will just go off on a binge on my days off and never show up to work again.It is such a devastating feeling coming out of a binge with withdrawals and thinking about my latest self sabotage of myself.I have heard the expression "fear of success" before and it seems like it applies to me only in the fact that anytime i am close to success I seem to blow it.Anyways I am rambling.Thanks for listening or reading.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 387
Exodus,
Are you in any type of program for recovery? What you described sounds like "the wall" stage of addiction recovery...it comes after the "honeymoon" stage. During "the wall" stage it feels like your brain is going haywire when, in fact, your brain is actually healing and "resetting" it's self, so to speak. This is the time when you need lots of support from others who have been there.
That period was tough for me.. I had a death in my family, and had to put my dog to sleep and truly felt like I could lose control at any minute. If I had not had the support of my AA sponsor and my therapist I probably would have not made it through.
You can get through it, but it is extremely tough to do on your own.
Wishing you the best!
Are you in any type of program for recovery? What you described sounds like "the wall" stage of addiction recovery...it comes after the "honeymoon" stage. During "the wall" stage it feels like your brain is going haywire when, in fact, your brain is actually healing and "resetting" it's self, so to speak. This is the time when you need lots of support from others who have been there.
That period was tough for me.. I had a death in my family, and had to put my dog to sleep and truly felt like I could lose control at any minute. If I had not had the support of my AA sponsor and my therapist I probably would have not made it through.
You can get through it, but it is extremely tough to do on your own.
Wishing you the best!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Please read this link....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
The first part explained to me why I often returned to drinking
after I had decided to quit.
Then I used that info...re connected to God and AA
and I finally quit drinking...
I sure hope you can find your way into lasting sobriety
It's given me much joy and a better future ...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
The first part explained to me why I often returned to drinking
after I had decided to quit.
Then I used that info...re connected to God and AA
and I finally quit drinking...
I sure hope you can find your way into lasting sobriety
It's given me much joy and a better future ...
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