Deckard

What do you think you will post on SR if you log in another 10 years in the future?

JustODAAT

Hi ninthchance. [I got very confused by this thread! Had to reread a couple of times to figure out the time jump. But it's nice to see that people have been saying wise things on this board for many many years.]

If I figured it out, in the now you said you are about to get married! Congratulations! I just wanted to offer a thought connected to that based on my experience. I'm also connecting to the comment about fun people who don't have issues.

Ok, first of all. Everyone has issues, right? We're not alone in the fact that we have issues. But if you mean people who don't have drinking issues, I understand what you are saying. I can connect to not wanting to be the downer...When I first started thinking about doing something about my drinking that was a thought I had too: Is this going to be a downer for my husband, who doesn't have issues with alcohol?

Here's what I have learned: First, people without issues with alcohol don't think as much about whether other people drink or not. My not drinking has not affected my husband in a negative way.

In fact: What he would say is that I am a much more "present" person sober. He would describe our marriage since I've stopped drinking not as losing something, but as gaining me back.

The truth is I wasn't present in my marriage when I was drinking. In early sobriety I really hung onto the idea of the person I was trying to be, a more "present" person. I'm wondering if you could frame this for yourself as a gift you are giving your spouse: a marriage where you are present.

jazzfish

This sounds so much like me. Recognized my problem in my 20s and had a few brief attempts at sobriety. I drank through my 30s and found great success with my profession. I got married and started a family. But then the progressive part of alcoholism began to catch up with me.

By my 40s, I had gone from being the cool young regular at the bar to being the creepy old guy at the end. My health started to fail. My brain became seriously impaired and my job started to slip. My family life became dysfunctional. Everything started to fall apart because of my continued drinking.

One thing I now realize is that all those things around me didn't insulate from the effects of alcoholism. Having a job, a family and a house are not "symptoms" of being a normal drinker. I was still miserable all the way from my 20s until mid 40s.

The fact is that if you drink alcoholically, then eventually the consequences will catch up with you. If you quit, then you can avoid or mitigate them.

RandyBH

On august 30 i will have 11 years of freedom from alcohol. I use AA for my program and support. I never imagined how recovery would work. I just hoped that it would. And it has one day at a time.

Dee74

welcome Randy - and congrats on your 11 years

Feel free to start your own thread to introduce yourself

D

RandyBH

I really appreciate your story and perspective. I too hadn't lost "stuff" yet but I was in my way and my demoralization and spiritual bankruptsy were immense

JustODAAT

Jazzfish, you put it well. I also thought it was all manageable in my 30s. By the time I admitted to myself it was unmanageable in my 40's, it was full blown.