Tobyc1972

Ive been lurking around here since Dec. And I figured it was time to post.

A little background, in late Oct. I relapsed after 3.5 years of sobriety, went almost immediately back to being a blackout isolationist drunk. Went to the hospital several times to detox. Went to a rehab facility for 10 days was released due to lack of funding and couldn't for the life of me maintain any time at all. I lost the girlfriend(this were rocky before I relapsed so Im neither surprised nor terribly heartbroken). Lost the job, in debt, people angry and disappointed. Had some horrible withdrawal periods, one of which had me running around my neighborhood looking for a friend that I swore was coming to visit me (I never actually talked to him). Hearing things, full conversations of people talking about me, music, movies that dont exist.....and so on...

As of today, I have 17 days clean and sober. I have established a support group of family, AA meetings (I dont go as often as I should since I dont drive and seems its snow and 19 degree weather every other day.) Bible Study groups, reading forums here. Although I still pay rent at my apt, I have been staying with my mom who is holding my money (I didnt trust myself whatsoever when I first got here). I have a appointment with a GP at the end of next week and I plan to lay it all out there for him.

I feel more "steady" this time than I had since I relapsed and have some HOPE that things will improve and Ill return to being the happy sober guy I once was. I continue to pray and just focus on the next right thing.


thats it in a nutshell. Thank you for being here, this site has been an immense help and I am on here...pretty much all day long hee hee


-T

least

Welcome to the family. YOu'll find a lot of support and useful info here. Glad you're back to recovery.

joedris

Looks like you made some good decisions here, Toby. Keep it up, especially the meetings. Your not being able to drive shouldn't be a real problem getting there - just ask around at a meeting. There are usually plenty of people willing to play chauffeur. My measure of the weather is that if it's bad enough to keep me from going to the liquor store, it's bad enough to miss a meeting. Haven't missed a meeting since 1988. Keep doing what you're doing. And good luck.

Tobyc1972

Yea, I will admit, I found it much easier trying to talk someone into a ride to the bar or liquor store than I do to an AA meeting. Im generally a talkative extroverted guy.....UNTIL you get me in an AA meeting. So I have been purposely showing up early and volunteering to read (and they ALWAYS hand me 'How it works' haha). Just so that they know my name/that I am there. A friend recommended talking to the chair person after the meeting since they are usually a focal point and people are generally milling around there. Im gonna try that. Cold feet I guess, but I do keep going.....eventually I come out of my shell.

nandm

Welcome to SR

CarolD

I'm so glad you are being pro active with your recovery
and thanks for sharing part of your story with us....

I too depend on my fellow AA members for rides....I keep a phone
list and keep calling until someone answers.....

welcome to the posting part of our Alcoholism Forum

newby1961

Welcome to SR and AA works for some and not others. My ESH is that it works for me when I get out of the way.It helps to meet with people whom share a common goal, and that is to stay clean and sober a day at a time. Anything else I get along the way is really icing on the cake. Keep the faith

bananagrrrl

Congratulations on your sobriety!

I, too read the Bible as well as the BB and AA literature. However, I have found a Bible that I really connect with: It is called the New Life Recovery Bible and it is in the New Life Translation.

It has really helped me in addition to the 24 hours a day and daily reflections.

Just wanted to put that out there.

LaFemme

Hi and welcome to SR!

Sending positive thoughts your way.

Curious...if you don't mind sharing...do you know why you slipped?

T

Tobyc1972

I cant point to one thing and say that it was the reason I fell off, It was more a series of smaller things. As I said my relationship was failing and horribly complicated, I had recently been promoted and had new pressures, I wasnt attending ANY meetings (I was always sortof a fringe 12 stepper, but I had some people and some support and I was gone long enough that I didnt call them), I stopped going to the gym and therefore stopped hanging out with my best friend and support/gym buddy. I had recently moved and was living alone for the first time in a looong time..... being a big time isolationist, this may have been the final straw.

One particularly stressful Friday at work, a co-worker unaware of my problem asked me what I was doing for the weekend and I announced "Im going to get ****** drunk" and so, I did. And off I went.......

Dee74

Welcome to SR Toby

D

Tobyc1972

I would also like to add: The mindset and behaviors of active drinking returned BEFORE I picked up a drink. I even recognized this during an argument with my ex-gf, and commented on it...saying something along the lines of "Im sorry I dont understand, I sound like I did when I was drinking" I met her sober, so she didnt quite know what I was saying.

artsoul

Glad you decided to join, Toby and congratulations on your 17 days. I relapsed after about 3-4 years of sobriety, too, and my story was very similar: I had just gone through lots of changes (including divorce, new career, new friends....who happened to drink of course).

It took me longer than you to get sober again, though. This forum gave me the courage to finally get honest and reach out for help.

Keep hanging in there - you can do it!

Tobyc1972

Art - I know something that a few people in Recovery have said to me recently that has helped me from beating myself up. "You lost the time, but not the experience" I have found that to be very comforting. I had time! I know HOW to stay sober.....hopefully I have learned how NOT to relapse!

artsoul

I agree!! Those years do count for something..... and it's certainly made me respect the nature of alcoholism even more after relapsing. Thanks for sharing that!!

Tobyc1972

I am happy and grateful to announce that today is day 30...... I resist the urge to say to myself "Bigg whoop, thats nothing you had three-plus years, this is nothing" But instead remember that those years started with 1day which became 30, and so on...... I have gotten a lot of strength and wisdom from this site, and want to say Thanks! I still lurk more than post, but recently at a AA meeting an old-timer of 41yrs shared that he got there by "shutting up" haha..... so Im practicing that a little and sharing more one on one

Zube

Welcome Toby

Keep coming back!
Zube