bodychek

I had an amazing wife and 2 incredible children at home, I maintained a successful business, had lots of friends, and on the outside everything looked great. However, every night I would come home from work, have dinner with the family, and put the kids to bed. Then it would start, the alcoholic inside me wanted to feed. I had no defense, I needed to go out and drink. I would say things like "i'm going to go watch the game" or "i'm going to have a beer or 2 then i'll be home" or a slew of other delusions that would only serve to feed the beast inside me.

I never saw it, but my ex wife told me after I had been sober nearly a year how she would watch me try to fight the disease every night, how I would pace around the house, making justifications or picking a fight with her to justify me leaving the house. She told me how it killed her to watch me in that state, not knowing when or if I would come home. I realized only after I got sober and stopped only thinking about myself the horror and pain I put her through. I understand why she needed to leave me, how could anyone expect a person to stand by and watch while I destroyed myself. She needed to get out, to ultimately detach. On the advice of her long time recovered acoholic father, she told me not to hold back on my drinking. She told me to not fight the disease and to drink all I wanted and hopefully I would find my bottom before it killed me. Then she left.

I had to hit my bottom, I had to get to that point where I wanted help. I had to stop fighting the disease. My surrender came after yet another failed attempt to stop drinking on my own I made a decision that I wasn't going to try to stop drinking. I was going to be the best alcoholic that the world has ever seen, I prayed that my end would come quickly and painlessly because I hated myself for not being able to control it. It was at that moment I stopped fighting and something changed.

My point for your situation is unfortunately no matter how much I loved my wife and family, I could not stop. It had to be something that changed in me. Unfortunately most of us have to find our own bottom, hopefully your husband can find his before he loses a loving and caring wife like you. We want to get sober for the ones we love, but mast of us can only find sobriety on our own terms, the irony that we have to be selfish to find our bottom before we can be selfless in recovery.

I wish you the best and hope all works out for you.

Reset

Reading through this thread again made me remember there were times I wished my wife would have told me flat out told me I had a problem. A couple of times I told her I needed help and she downplayed the problem (not saying my problem was her fault, mind you) and for a really long time the problem was just the elephant in the room.

Not sure what's been said already but maybe the guy wants help but doesn't know how to ask for it. And maybe what he needs is a firm push in the right direction.