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How do you accept it?

Old 01-24-2011, 05:55 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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The same way I accept that I can't see a dang thing without my glasses. It is what it is.

I'd like to look like Jennifer Connelly. THAT ain't happening, either. Oh, WELL...
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Old 01-24-2011, 06:58 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Well, I don't like to say this very often - because I don't want to say something that will harm some people - but I think that some people need to keep going until they are ready to "get it" and stop. I was the type who didn't have people around to exercise any influence or bring on a desire to quit of any kind. I had thought about the need to quit for close to 10 years, and of course thought about the desire to control it in the earlier days. I heard and felt stuff going on in my insides and wondered for a few years whether I would be in for real trouble. (One of the things I would think about routinely was how long I might live, like on my way into the shower.) And the pleasure was hardly there anymore (the buzz).

So I guess if you are the type of person who needs to go until you are ready (but without dying or getting locked up somewhere if you are lucky), and if that time is in the works now, then it would do some good to say out loud that you can't drink; that you might be dead soon; etc. I told myself I was not going to debate or ignore it anymore, like I was supposed to be some unique individual who was dealt the wrong cards; I was going with "I'm an alcoholic," and that I had this situation for life. That made it easy enough to grab the decision to quit and then not go back. I don't expect it would "easy" for anyone, but the quitting part was not anywhere near as difficult as I expected. Temptation to go back was no where near as difficult either. What I didn't expect was to feel so much depression afterward. That's the tough part. But there is a lot of good too, and I place the onus on me to be in charge of dealing with it.
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Old 01-24-2011, 07:10 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Ramblin4hope View Post

I really think if I remove myself from the environment I am in it would help. .
Hi Ramblin. I think this is a good idea if it will help.

As for your question about acceptance, to me it's two-fold. One part is that I had to understand alcoholism better to understand why some people need to quit entirely (including me). The second part is that I got to a place where alcohol affected my life so much that to "not accept" it was the same thing as flat out denying it. So, I stopped denying, and acceptance followed that. It wasn't easy, but it did come.
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Old 01-24-2011, 07:44 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Alcoholism is a disease. Think of it along the lines of that. Something out of your ability to control. Imagine if you had Congestive heart failure, left sided even. This would cause fluid to build up around your lungs. No matter how much you wanted to have just that one bowl of campbells soup with 700mg of salt. The fluid you retain would build up around your lungs and cause you serious respiratory problems.

In alcoholics, just having that one drink always leads to another, and often many many more. Its a disease, a physiological one. There have been studies that indicate it isnt at all a will power issue, but one of physiology. If you're interested in them let me know and I can point you in the right direction.

Alcoholics can't drink in the same way someone with Congestive heart failure can't have salty soup. Its an unfortunate fact that we have to deal with as alcoholics. The only solution is acceptance and abstinence.

In my case, being in and out of AA for a little while. I thought maybe I could just have two drinks today. I would be able to do it, just for that day. The next day, however, I'd have two drinks, maybe three, and the next day four or five until I was right back to where I was. You have to make the commitment to today. Today, I won't drink. Nothing at all today. Don't worry about tomorrow. Of course, you want to wake up the next day and not drink. Just take it...one day at a time.

Good Luck, I'll be praying for you!
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Old 01-24-2011, 08:17 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Ramblin4hope View Post
How do you accept it? That you can NOT drink?
Simply put, I don't drink. I can't even remember the last time I did "drink"...it was probably in high school.

Drinking is such an understatement and not a honest way to look at my alcoholism. What I did was pour booze down my throat in disgusting amounts of quantities knowing that negative consequences will ensue, which included an early alcoholic grave and a journey to that grave filled with self-inflicted pain and misery.

I got sick and tired of eating those s*!t sandwiches, which resulted from my "drinking". Alcoholics cannot drink with impunity (maybe early on we could, but we come to a point where successful drinking becomes unsuccessful). If you are an alcoholic and continue to drink, then sooner or later you are going to be eating a s*!t sandwiches of your own making.

There came a time when I couldn't swallow any more s*!t sandwiches of my own making. It was time to accept the fact where my drinking took me, stop swallowing those nasty sandwiches, put the plug in the jug, and get help.
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Old 01-24-2011, 10:25 PM
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I know this might sound kind of silly, but our brains work in strange ways. Saying "I can't" puts a negative connotation on what you are trying to accomplish. It's a self defeating term. Normally if someone tells me you "can't" do this or that, my first reaction is to show them I can accomplish it.

I know it is symantics, but instead of facing your alcohol issue with the statement "I can't drink ever again", replaced it with the thought that I don't want to drink ever again", Or "I will stay sober today". If you want to drink you will, but instead of focusing on it like it's a negative thing in your life, focus on the positive. When you are able to change the words "can't", to "won't or "don't want to", all of the sudden its not a limitation that is being put on you, it is a decision you are making for yourself. This attitude has helped to empower me. Although these are just words, your brain will react differently and it will helped to change your thought process.

Anytime the phrase "you can't......." my first reaction, (being the hard headed person I am) No one is going to tell me I can't do it! Most of us are here at SR because we don't want to continue drinking our lives away. I wish someone would have challenged me along time ago and said "You can't stay sober", then all of the sudden my mind would switch gears and lifelong sobriety would be the challenge.

Lastly once you realize you aren't missing anything by not drinking beside hangovers and a bunch of other problems by not drinking it seems kind of funny how much we romantacize drinking. If I were to tell you, "You can't eat the rat poison", would it really be that big of a deal? In fact I will go a step further and say "You can't eat the rat poison for the rest of your life, because if you do you most likely will end up in the hospital and eventually die", would you start craving it all of the sudden and be upset about it? No, you would say "I know, rat poison could kill me and doesn't make my life better". My example might be a little far fetched, but I'm sure you get the point.

Stay strong, and remember it's just your alcoholic brain playing tricks on you. If I said you can never shoot heroin again, must people who aren't heroin addicts wouldn't have a problem with that, but tell that to a heroin addict and his head might explode. It all has to do with your outlook.
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Old 01-24-2011, 11:03 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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When you are able to change the words "can't", to "won't or "don't want to", all of the sudden its not a limitation that is being put on you, it is a decision you are making for yourself.
Absolutely! I give myself the option to drink or use every day, and every day (so far, in the last four months) I decide I'd rather not. As long as I am giving myself the choice, I have nothing to prove.
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Old 01-24-2011, 11:36 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Supercrew View Post
Lastly once you realize you aren't missing anything by not drinking beside hangovers and a bunch of other problems by not drinking it seems kind of funny how much we romantacize drinking.
Exactly! We are only depriving ourselves pain and misery, all self-inflicted. We are not missing out on anything fun or worthwhile.
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Old 01-25-2011, 12:11 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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I would print out what supercrew wrote and tape it to your mirror and read it every morning...well said!!!
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Old 01-25-2011, 07:00 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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I loved Supercrew's post!

I now see that quitting drinking has been a huge positive for me, not a negative or a deprivation. I didn't see that right away, but maybe that is something you can take on faith and listen to some old-timers?

Last night I was cooking dinner (not my favorite task, or one I have much patience with) and listening to music and singing along. I realized I was smiling, just beaming, in a way I haven't for several years. Just enjoying being there and bopping around the kitchen. Happy at a whole new level just being alive.

Not to seem like a total idiot (re-reading my post I realize it sounds dorky)---but there was my positive. I would not have been happy that way while I was drinking, since it was acting as a long-term depressant. If I'd really known that was waiting for me, maybe I'd have quit a few years sooner. Don't romanticize how great drinking feels. It is your alcoholic brain whispering to you, and it doesn't have your best interests at heart.



D
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Old 01-25-2011, 01:20 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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i'm struggling with exactly this right now.. not sure how to grasp the concept of "never drinking again".. it's a step i know i've needed to take for a long time and i have tried a couple of times, but i hope to stick to it this go round..
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