Am I in denial?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 5
Am I in denial?
Hi, I am currently wondering how I would know if I truly have a current problem with alcohol or if I am over-dramatizing things. In the past, from my teens to mid 20s, I definitely had a drinking problem. I drank to excess almost every time, had many blackouts, drove drunk, showed up hungover to work, etc. I got a wakeup call when I lost my job in part because I was always late from drinking. I was able to stop drinking for a few months. Then I began drinking again, first at parties, I was usually able to have just one or two and then call it a night.
I met my husband during the time when I wasn't drinking very much so he has no idea what I was like back then. We married and I became pregnant with our first child in 2008. I didn't touch a drop of alcohol for that 9 months or for 3 months after his birth. I became pregnant with our second child in 2009 and had him this past summer. Again I didn't have a single drink until he was 3 months old. I stay at home with the kids and always crave a drink toward the end of the day, something to help ease the stress/boredom. Over the last 2 months I've been drinking earlier than I was when I first began. I can have "just one" but when I decide to do that I make it as strong as I can stand to make sure I have enough. I think about it all day until "cocktail hour" arrives somewhere between 3 & 4. I'm not getting drunk, blacking out, or having hangovers and I'm still able to take care of the house and family - make dinner, clean up, give baths, etc. I'm just buzzed while I'm doing it all. I tell myself that I was able to quit drinking both times I got pregnant so there's no way I can have a problem - after all, a "real" alcoholic couldn't have done that!
I guess I just need to hear some opinions from people who will be truthful.
I met my husband during the time when I wasn't drinking very much so he has no idea what I was like back then. We married and I became pregnant with our first child in 2008. I didn't touch a drop of alcohol for that 9 months or for 3 months after his birth. I became pregnant with our second child in 2009 and had him this past summer. Again I didn't have a single drink until he was 3 months old. I stay at home with the kids and always crave a drink toward the end of the day, something to help ease the stress/boredom. Over the last 2 months I've been drinking earlier than I was when I first began. I can have "just one" but when I decide to do that I make it as strong as I can stand to make sure I have enough. I think about it all day until "cocktail hour" arrives somewhere between 3 & 4. I'm not getting drunk, blacking out, or having hangovers and I'm still able to take care of the house and family - make dinner, clean up, give baths, etc. I'm just buzzed while I'm doing it all. I tell myself that I was able to quit drinking both times I got pregnant so there's no way I can have a problem - after all, a "real" alcoholic couldn't have done that!
I guess I just need to hear some opinions from people who will be truthful.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi Jorona and welcome to SR!
You will probably get a lot of responses that tell you that we can't really make a diagnosis. But here is what I think. I think at the bare minimum you have a problem. I know a lot of stay at home Mom's (both in real life and here) who describe themselves pretty much like you do...Have a couple kids, take good care of the house and family but really need that cocktail at the end of the day. That was how my own Mom raised us...and as we got older her drinking got worse and I was a pretty observant kid and I saw it and it upset me...and over time I learned that alcohol was a good way to deal with life. And I became an alcoholic.
My mom still drinks to excess, but she can't get too out of control because she is crippled and so my Dad can control her access to alcohol as well as enable her. It's not a legacy I would like to leave my children with.
You will probably get a lot of responses that tell you that we can't really make a diagnosis. But here is what I think. I think at the bare minimum you have a problem. I know a lot of stay at home Mom's (both in real life and here) who describe themselves pretty much like you do...Have a couple kids, take good care of the house and family but really need that cocktail at the end of the day. That was how my own Mom raised us...and as we got older her drinking got worse and I was a pretty observant kid and I saw it and it upset me...and over time I learned that alcohol was a good way to deal with life. And I became an alcoholic.
My mom still drinks to excess, but she can't get too out of control because she is crippled and so my Dad can control her access to alcohol as well as enable her. It's not a legacy I would like to leave my children with.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
If it's causing you problems then it is a problem. How bad a problem doesn't matter, it's what you do about it. Try giving it up for a few months and see how you feel. If you think about it a lot, or can't stay sober, you may need some help in getting and staying sober.
I gave it up over a year ago and can't believe how much better my life is in all respects.
Welcome to the family!
I gave it up over a year ago and can't believe how much better my life is in all respects.
Welcome to the family!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
When I read that you think about cocktail hour, it brought back a memory from maybe 10 years ago. I caught myself thinking about cocktail hour and wondered if it was a warning signal.
10 years later, here I am trying to quit because things got progressively worse.
The other thing is that I used to think that being buzzed around little kids wasn't a big deal, and it probably wasn't. But it's hard to stop. And after a certain age it can begin to affect how you interact with your kids, how they perceive you, and the overall vibe in your house. I have lots of regrets in that area and some of it cannot be reversed.
I hope that helps.
10 years later, here I am trying to quit because things got progressively worse.
The other thing is that I used to think that being buzzed around little kids wasn't a big deal, and it probably wasn't. But it's hard to stop. And after a certain age it can begin to affect how you interact with your kids, how they perceive you, and the overall vibe in your house. I have lots of regrets in that area and some of it cannot be reversed.
I hope that helps.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Ok. You asked for opinions and here's mine. Yeah, you have a serious problem with alcohol and I'll even go further to state that you display all the characteristics of being an alcoholic. Remember, this is a progressive disease. Sure, you didn't drink during your pregnancies, but a real alcoholic can remain abstinent for a few years. I didn't have a drink for over ten years. But, as you said, the craving didn't go away and at the first opportunity we both had that drink again.
Now look what's happening. You're starting to drink earlier. If you only have one, it's a beauty. You obsess about "cocktail hour". You function well as a wife/mother but you're buzzed while you're doing it.
Can you see what's going on here? Alcohol is starting to manage your life and it seems that you're powerless to stop that from happening. You're rationalizing your drinking as not being consistent with that of a "real" alcoholic, but indeed it is. You certainly haven't reached the point that I did in my drinking (1.75 ltrs of vodka a day) but if you keep up at your current pace you will one day. You need to stop this foolishness before you get there.
Please get some help. I've been in AA for years, but there are other programs available for you to consider. And please talk to your doctor about stopping drinking. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous regardless of your daily consumption. You have a family with two children that need their mother. Don't deny them the opportunity to have the best Mom in the world.
Now look what's happening. You're starting to drink earlier. If you only have one, it's a beauty. You obsess about "cocktail hour". You function well as a wife/mother but you're buzzed while you're doing it.
Can you see what's going on here? Alcohol is starting to manage your life and it seems that you're powerless to stop that from happening. You're rationalizing your drinking as not being consistent with that of a "real" alcoholic, but indeed it is. You certainly haven't reached the point that I did in my drinking (1.75 ltrs of vodka a day) but if you keep up at your current pace you will one day. You need to stop this foolishness before you get there.
Please get some help. I've been in AA for years, but there are other programs available for you to consider. And please talk to your doctor about stopping drinking. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous regardless of your daily consumption. You have a family with two children that need their mother. Don't deny them the opportunity to have the best Mom in the world.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
It's really up to you if you think you have a problem with alcohol. Just by addressing the issues you have is something to think about. What's the reason why you want to get buzz? Are you trying to cope with the stress of everyday life as a mom or something else?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 123
Hi Jorona
I can really relate to your story
Although I dont have any children yet
I was a heavy drinker in my late teens and early 20's - knew I had a problem (although never lost jobs or created too much carnage from it) stopped when I was 24 for a year and a half
met my husband (so he never saw me as a drinker) started drinking socially but very sporadically - (like every 4-6 months at a wedding or party away from home because those closest to me other than my husband didnt know I'd picked up again)
Then it got more frequent
What you have to remember is that alcoholism is a disease centred in the mind for which many of us (me included) believe that requires a spiritual solution.
For me, even though on the outside i wasnt drinking the 1.75 L of vodka or being a terrible wife/mother (YET!) I HAVE THE SAME MENTAL OBSESSION that those who are at the advanced stages of the disease and do do all that crap as a result of the drinking do.
And it looks like you do too
NORMAL drinkers dont think about alcohol all day long..
THe sooner you accept your powerlessness over alcohol and do something about it the better
As someone else pointed out - what kind of legacy do you want to leave for your children?
That was a big part of me wanting to sort myself out - before we start a family because my parents were heavy drinkers and taught me the way to have fun and copy with stress and make life exciting was to DRINK!
The cylce stops with me
Hope this has been helpful
Much love
Although I dont have any children yet
I was a heavy drinker in my late teens and early 20's - knew I had a problem (although never lost jobs or created too much carnage from it) stopped when I was 24 for a year and a half
met my husband (so he never saw me as a drinker) started drinking socially but very sporadically - (like every 4-6 months at a wedding or party away from home because those closest to me other than my husband didnt know I'd picked up again)
Then it got more frequent
What you have to remember is that alcoholism is a disease centred in the mind for which many of us (me included) believe that requires a spiritual solution.
For me, even though on the outside i wasnt drinking the 1.75 L of vodka or being a terrible wife/mother (YET!) I HAVE THE SAME MENTAL OBSESSION that those who are at the advanced stages of the disease and do do all that crap as a result of the drinking do.
And it looks like you do too
NORMAL drinkers dont think about alcohol all day long..
THe sooner you accept your powerlessness over alcohol and do something about it the better
As someone else pointed out - what kind of legacy do you want to leave for your children?
That was a big part of me wanting to sort myself out - before we start a family because my parents were heavy drinkers and taught me the way to have fun and copy with stress and make life exciting was to DRINK!
The cylce stops with me
Hope this has been helpful
Much love
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I think Peta has a really good point - if you're thinking about and looking forward to that drink, it very well could be that it's becoming a problem. I found that the longer I drank, the more I wanted that drink and the more I thought about it.
I could go without (easily) if I had to, but when I was free to drink, I had a hard time turning it down or stopping after 1 or 2. The only way I found to get rid of the craving was to stop altogether and not act on it.
Glad you're here!
I could go without (easily) if I had to, but when I was free to drink, I had a hard time turning it down or stopping after 1 or 2. The only way I found to get rid of the craving was to stop altogether and not act on it.
Glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Scientists say that drinking problem plus obsession equals alcoholism. I calll myself an alcoholic because I can't have one drink. I can't stop. But I certainly think there's a problem.........
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
You used the words for your daily habit, as craving it, obsessed, and then you said you will pour your one drink as strong as you can take. Normal drinkers don't normally think like that. You are obviously the one who needs to decide if you have a problem. I have always poured "stiffys" for myself to where no sane person could enjoy it, but once I got to the point of obsession and craving that's when I knew I had a big problem.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community....
Think about this please...you have 2 small people to protect
guide and be a role model for.
I've never met an adult who said they were proud and pleased
that their parents drank...
IPlease take a moment to read this article....
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/ar...640436,00.html
Blessings to you and your family
Think about this please...you have 2 small people to protect
guide and be a role model for.
I've never met an adult who said they were proud and pleased
that their parents drank...
IPlease take a moment to read this article....
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/ar...640436,00.html
Blessings to you and your family
Last edited by CarolD; 01-18-2011 at 04:41 PM. Reason: added link
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Lots of good info here for you to consider. I'm a lot like you. I overdrank in college and went a bit nuts. After college I settled down, and when my boyfriend (first husband) got sober a year before we got married, I seldom drank until the marriage was going downhill. Drinking became my new "freedom"--but it wound up taking over my live. A little more than ten years after I started drinking again, I was drinking every day, most days to excess, and ALL DAY on the weekends. I tried for four and a half years to "moderate" my drinking with the help of a support group but the disease progressed anyway.
I'm now happily sober for almost two and a half years. I wish I had quit drinking a lot sooner.
I'm now happily sober for almost two and a half years. I wish I had quit drinking a lot sooner.
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
I had no problem not drinking while I was pregnant and for a while after. But this is progressive, and over time I looked forward to my evening glass of wine more and more. And then 2...and it got worse. I could moderate at times, but it took more and more effort. I finally admitted I had a growing problem. I find that not drinking is much easier/better for me than trying to moderate. I can let go of the obsession. Just my own experience.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 5
Thank you all for the responses. Last night was an improvement, it was my hubby's birthday so I only had half a drink before he got home from work. 
It wasn't that bad but I spent the rest of the night debating on whether I should have another. Sad that doing that feels like an improvement. There were 2 days last week when I wasn't able to drink (ran out of vodka and had too many other things to do those days) and I was so anxious at night that it was ridiculous. I really didn't put 2+2 together on why I was feeling that way until after the fact.
Even now, when it's more clear to me that I need to stop, I don't feel like I want to! I want to drink. I just don't want to feel bad about the fact that I've done it, or spend my days thinking about how much "better" I'd feel if I could just have a drink. But it doesn't really work that way I suppose, I can't keep drinking and have those things go away so it's probably better if I just stop.
I attended a few AA meetings back in the day and I'm thinking about going back. The only problem is explaining to my husband where I'm going and why he needs to watch the kids so I can go. I brought up the possibility last week and he doesn't think I have a problem. He's noticed and brought it up that I'm drinking a lot, but in his eyes I'm not stumbling around drunk so I can't possibly need help/meetings. He doesn't believe that it could ever get that bad. He's not all that supportive of anything that means he needs to take care of the kids alone after he's worked all day, either. I guess I'll see how this goes over.
Again, thanks for the welcoming responses and I will probably be sticking around here more and more.
It wasn't that bad but I spent the rest of the night debating on whether I should have another. Sad that doing that feels like an improvement. There were 2 days last week when I wasn't able to drink (ran out of vodka and had too many other things to do those days) and I was so anxious at night that it was ridiculous. I really didn't put 2+2 together on why I was feeling that way until after the fact.Even now, when it's more clear to me that I need to stop, I don't feel like I want to! I want to drink. I just don't want to feel bad about the fact that I've done it, or spend my days thinking about how much "better" I'd feel if I could just have a drink. But it doesn't really work that way I suppose, I can't keep drinking and have those things go away so it's probably better if I just stop.
I attended a few AA meetings back in the day and I'm thinking about going back. The only problem is explaining to my husband where I'm going and why he needs to watch the kids so I can go. I brought up the possibility last week and he doesn't think I have a problem. He's noticed and brought it up that I'm drinking a lot, but in his eyes I'm not stumbling around drunk so I can't possibly need help/meetings. He doesn't believe that it could ever get that bad. He's not all that supportive of anything that means he needs to take care of the kids alone after he's worked all day, either. I guess I'll see how this goes over.
Again, thanks for the welcoming responses and I will probably be sticking around here more and more.
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