Roostah

Or so it seems in my life. I have "lost" at least a dozen friends/acquaintances since I quit drinking 2+ years ago.

Oddly enough, every single one of them loves to drink to excess.

I don't go around beating a bible and preaching the evils of drinking. In fact, I don't talk about it at all, I just don't drink.

Does my sobriety freak these people out? Am I a mirror in which they see their own problem? Do they ignore me now out of fear/denial?

As I review who and what these people are, I don't feel like I've lost anything, it just occurred to me this morning what is going on.

Bamboozle

They won't do any sober activities with you? If so, then you're probably right.

Good on the sober time.

Roostah

Exactly Bamboozle. I think the only time these people don't drink is at work. Even there, who really knows?

I have seen the hesitation in their eyes when they reach for a drink in front of me. One couple even went so far as pretending to drink a diet coke ... I could smell the Cap'n Morgan.

Ahhh, well. What did I expect to happen if I made a major change in my life and everyone else stayed the same. Time to find new people to hang out with!

NYCDoglvr

I don't think heavy drinkers/alcoholics want to be around people in recovery ... it's a reminder they have a problem. Resentment that you got sober and perhaps they can't. Guilt because you did it so why shouldn't they?

I think it's very, very common.

goldengirl3

I've had a similar reaction by a few "friends." My assumption is that some of them decided I'm not "fun" anymore or all they wanted was a drinking buddy and now that I'm not...they aren't interested in hanging out.

sailorjohn

Exactly.

Roostah

For a while there, I really thought I was no longer fun to hang out with since I wasn't all happybuzzedup. I am realizing the truth now.

sailorjohn

I love racing-sailboats-and most of the crew drank, maybe half of them drank waaay too much, and I can remember a fair number of occasions being stuck in their 'company' after a regatta when the real drinking started and thinking 'Gawd get me outta here'.

Listening to jokes that weren't funny, watching boorish drunken behavior.

Turns out they weren't much fun to hang out with, unless you were drinking with them.

Roostah

Isn't it funny how people think they are so hilarious when they are all buzzedup? I do kinda get a kick out of watching friend get drunk and progressively dumber, but only to the point where I am actually embarrassed for them. I too get the "get me the hell out of here" feeling.

Shevrard

When I'm drinking, the last person in the world I'd want to be around is a sober person. I want the people around me to imbibe too so I don't feel so bad about myself. "If everyone else is doing it I must not be so bad..."

No2

Yeah, it's a LOT better when nobody remember all the stupid **** that happened. I totally agree.

Dee74

A lot of the guys I used to hang with were great guys - but our main bond was alcohol and drugs.

It seems natural to me that people drift away.

D

Boleo

Me too. However, I don't think of myself as the one that lost;

1. Some are in jail
2. Some are in rehab
3. Some are 6 feet under

myheadhurts

Maybe it something as simple as your relationship was based on a shared interest rather than with each individual's unique qualities, therefore as you no longer have shared interests the bond which you formerly shared has broken.

I stopped playing soccer several years ago, I stopped hanging out with the people who I hung with from the team, same when I left college, I stopped hanging out with classmates. It's the same situation.

The above quote (although in the interrogative) seems to presume quite a bit about other people, teetering on being judgmental, no offense to the OP, that is just how I would perceive it if it were said about me in the same situation.

We can never know with certainty why anyone does or doesn't do something, only they know why for sure. Ascribing reasons can lead to a whole host of problems; I would hazard a guess that some alcoholics/addicts would take umbrage and resent anyone telling them why they drink....

I'm not a subscriber to A/NA steps or beliefs, I believe only the individual has the power to control their actions and at best influence others'.


I really think that people often imbue others' actions with way more meaning than they actually warrant.

That's just my opinion and as such only has the value the reader gives it.


MHH

LexieCat

I agree with MHH. It's awfully presumptive to assume you know why people do what they do.

LOL, I always think it's ALL ABOUT ME. And, truthfully, most people don't spend NEARLY the amount of time thinking about me that I sometimes assume they do.

pennywistle

Roostah, I'm sorry you lost your friends and the sudden change. I went through it myself and when I think of it now, I'm really glad they did go away or it would just be too tempting to still have them around, especially if all they do for fun is drink.
Like others have mentioned; maybe it is just a matter of people drifting apart and not having anything in common anymore, not it being personal or about you specifically.
Maybe try looking at this way; after high school graduation, your buddies all went into the construction business, while you went to Med school. So you just don't have anything in common anymore. So you'll need to start hanging with more med school students like you, and maybe they'll totally understand your predicament as well!
Hang in there!