Daisyflower

Hey guys if any of you have read my old posts before, well, here I am again. Same boat. Very depressed and disapointed in myself for being so weak. I need to stop and this time for real! I just dont know how. It has become the only thing that gives me pleasure, so sad to say. I started working out and then after the gym, I STILL GO BUY MY WINE. it is ridiculous and sickening. But I guess no one can stop for me. I have to do it on my own and it actually pisses me off b/c i wish i could take it or leave it but i am way beyond that point now. I love to write and keep thinking that if I could only really take the time to blog (about things not related to drinking) that this would give me some happiness. I think it all boils down to loving myself enough to actually stop because at this point...no one can help me. I am alone. or at least i feel that way.

Dee74

Hi daisyflower
Welcome back

I had a lot of plans too - if I find a job, I'll do better, if I journal, I'll stay sober, if I write songs again I'll have a focus...to be honest, what it took for me to stop...was stopping.

Stop (see a doctor if you've been drinking a while) - that's the main task here - it needs action.

Once you've got that down - then do whatever you have to do to stay that way - whether it's SR or AA or some other programme, or counselling, or something your Dr suggests, or some inpatient or outpatient rehab.

I hope this time can be your time
D

ACT10Npack

You need to start asking yourself, why you want to drink and if you get bored at night then start getting yourself busy so you don't have the urges to drink. You will need to put some willpower for yourself, if you want to stop drink. Don't kick yourself so hard. Your only human and you can learn from your falls but always get up.

Daisyflower

it sounds so simple but true. STOP! Action. you are right. And yes I hope this will be my time...i think i am running out of time to be honest.

Thanks

Veritas1

Maybe what may help is to think of this...alcoholism as an illness of your body and mind.

Looking at it as being weak, for not being able to overcome it....or being disappointed and depressed for being weak...places the blame on your moral failings...being "weak"...

Not strong enough...etc.

I have found it very difficult to overcome my drinking problem, my alcoholism over the years.

Keep at it. Do something different. Do whatever it takes. Get on a different path. Find someone that can help you.

I go to AA. It's been helping me. You may want to check it out. Best wishes.

I was just reminded of this section of the Big Book of AA...

"If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the power needed for change wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly.

Lack of power: That was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live - and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves.

cabledude

Would be so great if at sometime during the last 5k years of recorded experience with alcoholism for about 10% of humanity who make themselves and everyone around them miserable until they expire pitifully, someone had discovered along the way that going the the gym will take care of it.

Maybe you're like everyone else who suffers from this thing and you need more to overcome this problem.

Find the sober people near you and do everything they do. What is working for them can work for you too the rest of your life.

Or, you could have another drinkie.

ZZworldontheweb

Daisyflower, it appears that you are trying to quit cold turkey on your own. With the amount of alcohol you are taking in, that is one of the hardest ways to do it. I think most people would agree the chances are lower than average when doing it this way.

This is not your fault. The problem is that the withdrawal symptoms can be so frightening that they're impossible to just ignore or overcome. Our bodies are telling us we "need" alcohol, but all we're doing is drinking to suppress the withdrawal symptoms.

You may need medical detox, or perhaps some temporary outpatient therapy to help you understand what you're going through and give you support. Many programs are available at hospitals and other organizations. Insurance will cover them and it's totally confidential. It's not all hopeless cases in there, either. There are many soccer moms and professional people who just need a little assist. They will give you tools to help from starting again. AA may or may not be one of these. I think we'll all agree that, once you stop drinking, many, many other problems in your life get MUCH easier to handle. It's almost like a miracle, really. Talk to your doctor about this.

Also read this, maintained by our able forum leaders:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Sound reasonable?

CarolD

Welcome back...

Have you considered your local AA?
It's been an awesome adventre in how to live sober
and enjoy it for me...

You don't have to do sobriety alone

DudeLester

dont make so many plans.

one day at a time...

Misssy2

You've taken action....at least you are not sitting in the boat alone.
You came to a HEALTHY place to ask for help...or to vent your emotions.
Its always good to let the emotion out...rather than keep it inside.
Your thinking about stopping drinking....its a start....You now need to get to a place where you take action against your insanity....

tsmba

The word "weak" rarely applies to alcoholics....you have a disease that can, and will kill you, if left untreated.

I recall something Clancy I. often says: imagine if a doctor went to a hospice and told the patients they could live normal lives by doing a few simple (yet difficult) things. Most would give anything they owned for the opportunity. Imagine that same individual doing the same to a group of alcoholics, and being hit with excuses and denial. Any of us can have that gift....if we so choose.

Choose well!

Daisyflower

I GUESS I HAVE TO WANT TO BE SOBER MORE THAN ANYTHING. I have to make this a Priority. Tomorrow is day 1 for me again. Will keep you all posted and Glad to be Back!

CarolD

My recovery required action and change
What are your plans?

Good to see you here again...

AmericanGirl

Looking at your first post:

I think part of this is true and part is not. The part that isn't true: that you are alone, that no one can help you. All of us here want to listen and help, and we will.

Loving yourself enough to quit . . . that part makes more sense to me. I know my biggest obstacle was myself. I was so wrapped up in shame, I couldn't move forward. I had to accept that alcoholism wasn't a moral failing, wasn't "my fault," that it was bigger than me, to move forward. And, I also needed a glimpse of how to stop criticizing myself enough to do this. A counselor helped me see this. It's very important for me to continue to work on this in my recovery . . . for some of us, it is difficult to be gentle with ourselves.

And looking at your post from today:

Glad you're back here. You can do this.

cabledude

Would be so great if at sometime during the last 5k years of recorded experience with alcoholism for about 10% of humanity who make themselves and everyone around them miserable until they expire pitifully, someone had discovered along the way that going the the gym or loving yourself will take care of it.

Maybe you're like everyone else who suffers from this thing and you need more to overcome this problem.

Find the sober people near you and do everything they do. What is working for them can work for you too the rest of your life.

Or, you could have another drinkie.

loveon2legs

I completely agree AG!! I believe that sobriety starts with acceptance...acceptance of ourselves and loving ourselves enough to know we deserve happiness, happiness we will never find in a bottle.. our true happiness and peace starts from within....
I found meditating helps so much, and having a gratitude journal..

artsoul

It's a lonely disease and as a single mom, I really related to your very first post. When I was drinking it was hard to do much besides get through the day and I thought alcohol helped me do that. Like you said, it was the only thing that gave me any relief or pleasure.
It was impossible to imagine giving that up - I figured I'd go crazy if I was left with only my reality.

Somehow, I managed to have enough mornings of hell to "want to want to" stop the pain and get sober, but even then I would promise to stop and break that promise over and over again. Swore I'd be stronger and wiser tomorrow...... if I could just get through today.

After reading for months on this forum and having a few really bad mornings in a row, I got honest and posted (boy was that hard). For the next several days, I lived here...... it was the only thing that kept me from going out a buying a bottle of wine.

What I found out was that the anxiety, irritability, nervousness, financial worry and inability to cope with surprises (since you have kids, you KNOW what that means, lol!)......... that was all a direct result of drinking. So what had been my "reward" for getting through the day was actually the reason I was having a hard time getting through it...... if that makes sense.

The truth was I didn't have any energy to love myself. I didn't begin to do that until after I got sober..... I couldn't even truly want to stay sober until I got sober........ and it took much longer than a few days. But it happened.

You can do it - if you have to camp out with us all day or go to rehab, so be it. If you have to tell a doctor, do it. You would live with untreated diabetes or cancer, so don't think you deserve to suffer with addiction.

You're not alone - we care.......... Hugs and prayers..........

JohnBarleycorn

Daisy,

Please do not get into the trap of thinking that you will stop drinking "when something happens" first, whatever that something may be. As Dee pointed out, it does not work that way.

Many have waited years for that something, and it either never comes, or it comes and has no effect on the drinking.

Dee74

welcome back Daisy

like I said...action - actually doing real tangible work to get sober and stay that way is the key.

It would be great, as someone else said, if keeping active or keeping fit was enough - but it wasn't for me, and it looks like it's not enough for you either?.

I guess I got to the point where I needed to do something different...I knew it would be scary and maybe even a little painful...but nothing could be as scary and painful as the life I was leading.

I think support is vital. It made all the difference for me.

Posting here regularly is great but if you've been trying for a while with no success I recommend you look around for some real life support too

You can do this. Just don't be afraid to try some new approaches
D

Anna

Daisy,

Welcome back!

I couldn't stop drinking until I was ready to make some big changes in my life. I thought if I just tried hard enough, I would be able to stop drinking, but it never worked.

I hope that you have a plan to make sobriety work for you.