sleepie

Well how about your thoughts on the interim between dropping old acquaintances and making new ones? I've realized I have to cut out yet another person in my life, so now I have like 2 friends. And that's it. And that makes it so easy to drink. I'm in my late 30's so at this point most people have families, or spouses or mates or whatever that take up their time. Not I. I am really solitary, not by choice really. I met some really flaky people at AA so I am not going there to make friends, I'll go for the program but not so much to socialize.

BullDog777

i don't have alot of true friends. i have alot of aquaintences, people i know and once in awhile hang out with, but i have only 2 really great friends. i can't manage many more than that.

Sleepie, if you're so concerned about getting a family or a mate or whatever, have you ever though about some place like match.com or something like that?

it might work out. one of my best friends...Bryan was a trainwreck before he met his girlfriend. drugs, booze, divorced twice by 35! i told him to try the safe online way if he was serious and blam....now he has the girl he's always wanted and that made him a better man in every other part of his life that needed work.

geez, i'd never wanna try to hook up with any of the places i go for help. grief therapy and NA and AA are breeding grounds for some really F'd up people....even though i met my wife there. hahaha

anyway...there are tons of ways to meet new people.

sleepie

I have tried the online thing- nothing but chumps! As for being a "fixer upper" like your pal... guys don't want that. They want to be taken care of, not be caretakers.

SASA

I just turned 40, have not many friends I can hang out with and still do not want to drink. Friends come and go, as for my family, I rather stay alone then with them. Life is change and if you choose to get yourself out there you will find people who like you and can keep you company.

Dee74

I have 3 really good 'real life' friends - and one of them is my partner....so go figure sleepie

D

rws177

I had to cut a lot of people out of my life however I still have a good solid group of friends who have stuck by me through all of this. Just two weeks ago they came to my house to watch the UFC fights and did not drink and brought food.

Also I have a strong network of friends from my hobbie of jiujitsu. I will train with these guys and then they call me outside of school and we hang out. Were like a family and I absolutly love it! There are even a few girls on the team, one I consider to be like my sister and we speak every day and she knows of struggles with drinking, depression and anxiety.

I'm still trying to find that companion in life too and it sucks sometimes. Something tells me I will be back to online dating soon and the thought of it makes me sick. But I don't hang out at bars or that kind of thing so yeah it's a way to see if people are into or not into drinking prior to meeting. You seem like a good person sleepie who deserves to be loved and treated with the upmost respect. I hope you find him someday

sleepie

That's nice of you rws... Maybe sometime down the road I will have more friends. Decent ones!

Kadybug

I went through a period like that, when my "friends" were the ones I needed to get rid of, and I didn't have anyone to replace them with, so I was lonely and depressed, and ... well, you get the idea.
So, somewhere along the line, I read or heard someplace that I needed to be a friend to myself (since I'm going to spend more time with myself than with anyone else in this lifetime, or something like that ...), so I started doing things that I enjoy, occasionally running into other people, and eventually got just as happy being alone as I thought I'd be with a group of friends.
And then a weird thing happened ... people started wanting to be friends with ME. This was so surprising, I got too close to some strangely dysfunctional people (like I used to be, ironically ...) - and I had to learn how to get rid of them.

Keep the faith! The right people will come into your life when your HP knows you're ready.

MsCooterBrown

Bad tune coming up from Polly Wolly Doodle ...in...three...two...one...HIT IT!

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
Guess I'll go eat worms,
Long, thin, slimy ones; Short, fat, juicy ones,
Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms.

Down goes the first one, down goes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.
Up comes the first one, up comes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.

sleepie

MsCooter? That was just mean. I don't even want to know why you thought that was helpful. And frankly, it's an immature response. I don't appreciate or deserve mocking- nobody does, really.

ZZworldontheweb

Yeah, that wasn't particularly necessary.

sleepie

I found it a bit scary actually. Just... the insensitivity. I'm afraid someone is looking for a fight, or wants to hurt me. That kind of thing makes me really nervous.

Shevrard

I have no friends to cut out as I totally isolate myself when I am drinking. I cut out everyone, unless they are long distance and don't bug me by calling too often. Now I am trying to get sober and have no friends at all. I have burned all my bridges in this town.

MsCooterBrown

Insensitivity was not intended. It is just something that always pops into my head when I feel like I have no friends. And I surely am not one to want to scare anyone..that has never been part of any intention in my life. I am sorry for the way you took it.

SoberNVa

As someone who has felt exactly as you do Sleepie I agree her response was mean=spitited and cruel. I know exactly the lonlieness you feel as I have felt it many times.and it is not something to be belittled.Sleepie I can tell you that when I am feeling lonely and sad I can either stay home and isolate or I can go out among people,like to a meeting or something and reach out. Easier said than done sometimes I know,and takes willingness and effort,but i promise you it pays off beautifully. I hope you will give it a try,and leave the worms in the ground where they belong LOL
Becky

ChangeIsGood123

I see where you are coming from Sleepie. I lost a lot of what I thought were friends when I quit drinking. Pretty much down to family and my SO. And of course my dogs! ha ha. I feel someday maybe some new friends will come into my life. Its even harder not working really in a job that does not surround me with others much. Have you checked out Meetup.com. Its an online site where you become a member and they have all kinds of different groups that meetup and do different things or just go to dinner etc. I have been looking into it. You can even tailor it to your interests, etc.

sleepie

I have looked at Meetup.com. I am afraid I will just attract the same kind of people though. I will probably go to one that someone I know started, for vegans even though I am not vegan. Should be a safe bunch.