cabledude

This is so alcoholic, I love it.

I drank badly so I stop, but I want to drink well so I start, but I don't want to start so I stop, but since I stopped I can handle it, so I start...

Welcome to the leper colony, SB.

seeleybooth

LOL no kidding dude.

I don't drink for 30+ days so I feel in control of it.
I buy a 6pk and don't drink it. Again, I feel in control of it.

Problem would be after having a couple. My inhibitions would lower, I'd start to feel good. Would I be able to call it good or would I HAVE to get *********? The point of drinkin' was always to get drunk, after all.

As for what I'd do the days & weeks after, I truly don't know. I'd like to think I'd just go on not drinking, but I wouldn't know unless I actually drank (I'd never tried to "quit" before now).

Thanks for the welcome!

Taking5

Hangovers ARE withdrawals.

I'm glad you dumped it. There is a ton of great advice on this thread. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. We are here for you now, and in the future if you do relapse.

julez

As I was reading this thread with a smile on my face, I wondered something...

Has anyone ever "tested" themselves, and found that they weren't alcoholic????
Doubtful....
Unless they were in denial..
What normal drinker tests themselves in the first place??????

No2

I think some can get away with just a couple in order to fool themselves, then the next day it's 2x as much, and by the weekend it's back in full force.

Toronto68

Seeley, I took a look at your other thread, and I think it was the one on New Year's Day.

I can't tell (like I'm God) that you do have a problem or not. I noticed it seemed like a lot to drink in one week, like you were compressing the drinks into a small number of days. Some people use the word binging differently from the way I do, but to me that is like binging - whereas I was more steady and heavy for the bulk of the 13 years (at least 6 every night as a rule).

What you're saying at the top of this thread could be a sign of a negotiation process that the addicted brain does with itself. And if it tasted like crap, that could even be your brain encouraging you don't have a problem ("See, it tastes like crap; but I'll try some more next week so it doesn't go bad.") Somehow or other alcohol always comes out the winner.

I don't know if all of that is the case with you. If you want to see it put to better use instead of just tossed, you could give it away physically, rather than hang onto it for guests, unless you have people over often enough.

If you've got a problem, the nice-to-have priority to drink at the bar with friends will (some day) be in the distant and innocent past. I used to be antsy about going out and keeping my social life well oiled and having drinks along with it. But down the road, drinking took over and everything else got in the way when I was off work. The phone, invitations, even dinner and basic things to look after around the house all got in the way of my drinking, and drinking was more important. How I managed to function for so long with a double life is beyond me.

Try not to think about how much and how often and think about what you set aside for the sake of drinking the next time that you do, if there is one. Will the choice to drink feel like coming home, like snuggling up into a safe place, and will it like being naked and defenseless if you take that feeling away and have no option to drink? In other words, are you trying to stay normal when you drink? That's how I finally understood why I wanted to stop. I needed to drink in order to feel normal. But I wasn't born with alcohol and didn't drink alcohol when I was thirsty after playing. It became normal for me once I was addicted. It didn't HAVE to be like that, so I changed.

oakleaf82

I'm glad you dumped it. The whole negotiating with yourself, trying to moderate,experimenting with quitting....NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T DO THAT. And drinking 6 beers is not normal either. I can cometely relate to your situation. I struggle with labeling myself an alcoholic, I just want it to not be a factor. I've been having the same internal dialogue. Every time I relapse I feel like crap and completely regret it. It does nothing to improve things.

MsCooterBrown

Make sure you suck your gutter or the company won't want it either..Once you take a sip..just dump it.

Beer tastes like cr@p and it stinks. Walk away from the beer. It ain't nuttin but trouble!!!!!!!!!!

seeleybooth

One thing I see a lot here is the comment that "normal people don't do that." I realize you're all here to support and help with your free time, so I totally don't mean to be argumentative. It's just that this point I'm not sure I'm buying.

Maybe it's just my age, but "normal" people around me will drink a few or more. The bottom line is normal people drink. Even IF they don't question why internally, some of them (but not all) probably do have problems with it. I'm definitely guilty of being self aware. I always question myself, that goes for all aspects of my life. Does that for sure make me an alcoholic?

Sure I love the buzz and I usually love the taste. I'm also an introvert and it helps loosen me up, so why wouldn't I do it? Health and social reasons of course, but I really don't have social reasons. No one IRL has called me out for being a drunk and I've never made a decision that would harm others while intoxicated.

For now I'm still not drinking... My main reason is health, i.e. to drop weight and get in shape. But I gotta say down the line I'm not totally sure I won't test the waters again. I may just be an abuser and not an addict. If I recognize the abuse, maybe I've identified the problem. Sorry if I'm being stubborn, but has any self-confirmed alcoholic not experimented at least once after they vow to quit the first time?

It may not be the most healthy argument for others to participate in on the board, so again, I apologize for that. I wish there was just some magic blood test or something that could confirm / deny this stuff.

ImReadyToQuit

I completely understand where you're coming from.. And I believe what your saying even though some are dismissive.

From what I can tell, you might have just been nipping a problem in the bud.. The thing is, I could have wrote your exact post... 5 years ago...

But I quit then for self-image (weight and health).. Never even considered alcoholism.. Then after a couple bad times in life.. I drank non stop for 3-4 years.. And have been working on recovering from those years for the last 19 months. So it's a process..

If you are being honest.. You should probably just move on with your life..Join a fitness forum.. Drink your 6 pack and hope you don't go through what we have.

Vanilla28

LOLOL your post made me really laugh. i never looked at it like that.

marni

l have been sober for about 20 months and have done this one day at a time without relapse (my first attempt at sobriety) l make sure each day l spend at least 1hr doing something positive for my recovery.

Just want to add if your friends all jumped off the end of a pier would you follow them?
In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired
Author Unknown

Toronto68

Well, I was different from that, when you ask whether anyone has ever gone back to drinking after confirming for themselves they were an alcoholic.

I had the notion in my mind that I was one for some number of years - not even sure how many, but let's say close to 10. During all that time I didn't really try to quit or experiment. I just drank on top of it. The experimenting for me was to keep going. Frequently on my way into the beer store I would ask myself how long this was going to go on. On the way home, I would wonder whether today was the day I was tired of it enough. But then I would also wonder how many beers were in the fridge at home when I had a minute to think at work. And I would count how many beers were in the fridge in the morning or before going to bed, so that I had an idea how soon I had to show my face at one of the stores I would hit in the neighborhood. It was more of a beer fridge than anything else, god.

So I guess the point is that I was not the stop and relapse type, I just kept drinking and tucked away any remorse or dissatisfaction with what was glaring evidence of addiction. The buzz factor was less and less there, so I couldn't even count on saying "At least I had fun with that." There were a couple of times I quit for 2 weeks or something over a 10+ year period and the odd day I was too sick to have any, but that was rare and insignificant next to the ongoing drinking machinery.

I think I was really lucky to have gotten past the argumentative stuff as far as what needed to happen for me. There's no way I am going to be able to make what worked for me work for somebody else, other than just to talk about it and it might ring up some truth for somebody; then it's their active ear that takes the step. In my case, it was mostly a personal journey, but I do remember an AA ad on TV around the time I quit. The little scenario had a black lady say to herself, with kids in the background, "I thought I was only hurting myself." That spoke to me because of the fact that I'm single and my drinking was basically an at-home, private operation. Initially it was a justification for me, that I was fine to do what I was doing, because I really wasn't hurting anyone. And then I remembered how it was like work to have to deal with the robotic drinking, the bottles, the trips to replenish the stuff, the double life, the weird sounds my body was making, blah blah. Then I thought that added up to hurting myself and maybe that was enough.

Then the quitting was the easy part, ironically. I had no clue it would be that easy. But I don't know for how long I could have tried or if the chance would come up later. I just picked the time and it worked. Underneath, maybe I had been working up to it for months, who knows. But I do vaguely remember writing down ideas in a Plus and a Minus column and during that exercise I decided once and for all I was going with the belief I was an alcoholic and I don't give a ____ whether that was true or not. I'm just sticking with what I did.

seeleybooth

Hmm. I had a buddy over tonight to hang and he brought it on himself to bring over beer. I couldn't think of an excuse, and since I was curious, I told myself I'd have 2 over a 3 hour period. That's what I did.

Although I wouldn't mind stopping at the store to buy more now that the buzz came and went, I told myself going in that I wouldn't. So I won't.

I will admit that I want to. I like the feeling of being drunk... a buzz is just a tease that makes my head hurt after an hour. But I won't.

Not sure this means anything. Maybe I *am* just an abuser. Opinions welcome but obviously my plan is to not drink tonight and also to continue not drinking.

heretoday

For me I never really had problems just having a couple beers around people although in my head I'de be arguing with myself to have another drink, and my other side would say not to make a fool of myself, however, I drank alone more often than socially.

Drinking alone is a problem for me. I'm coming out of a pretty bad relapse right now which pretty much stemmed from me figuring that I could control my drinking again, we went out to the bar about a week ago and I only had two beers, which, when I know I have to drive I never get too crazy because I know better than that.

But then that turned into me buying six packs for the past four days or so, and then last night my partner and I went to the bar(He drove this time) again and I blacked out drinking gin. I guess I was flipping off the other apartment buildings and chanting obscenities at them last night. Woke up with a awful bruise on my bicep, pissed all over the floor in the bathroom, and somehow I fell off the bed and broke my end table.

I was never really sure that I was an alcoholic either. I've never had the "Shakes" or anything like that, I always thought you had to drink in the mornings which was something I never took part in.

Today I've finally said it out loud that I'm an alcoholic, and I have a major problem that I have to deal with or I'm going to end up dead because of it.

cabledude

Couldn't help noticing that when you said yesterday that you were still not drinking but that somewhere down the line you might try drinking again, 'down the line' wound up being that same evening of the day you were still not drinking.

Is the line really that short?

I see you've decided to continue not drinking. That statement assumes that you've been not drinking (continuing to do something you are currently doing).

It can be scary to alcoholics is to not have a drink to run to when we feel that certain tightness creeping in after some time in reality. It gets to where we have to drink or dope up to make that go away and straighten ourselves up.

If you're curious about being alcoholic or not, then see if you can stand to go the balance of 2011 without a drink or dope. Since you're a health-concious fellow something important like this is worthwhile knowing one way or another.

Most alcoholics when they set their minds to it can stand reality for several months before drinking again. Those that make the 6 month mark are sure the problem is solved, which is kind of funny.

For your own benefit, why not see how you do, how far you can tough it out after you've decided?

If you do decide to not drink and are drinking that evening, like yesterday, then you have another piece of the puzzle. So often we need many of the identical pieces of the puzzle, because...well, we just do, that's all.

nvrbeentospain

SB, I've gotta say I'm pretty much exactly where you're at right now, and I appreciate you sharing and being honest. I really don't have an answer either. I think there's some truth to the notion that if you think you have a problem you probably do. What that means, I don't know. I'm honestly still not sure that life-long sobriety and AA and all that jazz are entirely necessary for all of us. But maybe I'm still in denial?

Now downing a six-pack by yourself is probably not a great way to test this stuff, though, because that's not healthy drinking no matter how you look at it.

Rez572

Hi seeleybooth

I read through this entire thread and I can completely relate, I went through the exact same thing about 6 or 7 years ago, unfortunately though it did turn that I did have a drinking problem and my life has been a bit of a mess for the past 5years. Now I have a lot of things to fix while I try to recover and get myself better.

I'm not saying the exact same thing will happen for you, but just to be careful. I tossed this same thought/idea around many years ago and obviously made the wrong decision in the long run.

seeleybooth

Thanks everyone. I was just admitting it to be honest. It was 2 (strong) beers but I'm starting my personal count over at day 1. Was it a failure or did I teach me anything? Probably not on both answers.

The self control when drinking them did make me hopeful. But the fact that I wanted to run to the store afterword did not. If he'd left some beer behind, the scenario may well have changed. Instead I ate a meal and the cravings vanished.

Abuser? Absolutely I was for several years, yes. Alcoholic? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't really know what I am. If it's a degenerative disease, I may have caught wise to it early enough. Anyway I'm going to quietly NOT drink (no desire to + weight loss reasons) and probably read more threads to try to understand this disease a bit more.

Dee74

I think that's a good decision Seeley

D