Closet Drinker
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 375
Closet Drinker
I've had a hard time with my sobriety here and there because I'm a huge closet drinker. I'm a big time introvert in general so I think I tend to hide things without deliberately trying. A couple of certain friends and my ex knew that I drank a LOT. But other people would see me drink 1 or 2 in public and think there was nothing going on.
I've met up with a group from an old job recently and only got a diet coke. Some of them kept asking why - all I said was, "I used to drink a lot and I just don't anymore." (I didn't get drunk with them or around them.) It wasn't too much of an irritation, but it is hard when some people try to tell me that they don't think I have a problem.
One of these people told me that I didn't have a drinking problem a year ago got a DUI just this week. With my drinking I have had alcoholic heptatis, had to hire professional cleaners to clean out my apartment which could have been on a TV show it was so disgusting, possibly got laid off because I think my boss knew I drank at lunch, spent a ton of money out of control and not paid bills, drama, fights, I don't need to keep listing this.... It was just crazy. And my while a lot of my nights would start out with crazy fun, many would end in tears and drama or whatever.
I'm a bit confused by some people's questioning that I didn't really drink that much or have a problem.
Anyone else here a closet drinker or can comment on this experience?
I've met up with a group from an old job recently and only got a diet coke. Some of them kept asking why - all I said was, "I used to drink a lot and I just don't anymore." (I didn't get drunk with them or around them.) It wasn't too much of an irritation, but it is hard when some people try to tell me that they don't think I have a problem.
One of these people told me that I didn't have a drinking problem a year ago got a DUI just this week. With my drinking I have had alcoholic heptatis, had to hire professional cleaners to clean out my apartment which could have been on a TV show it was so disgusting, possibly got laid off because I think my boss knew I drank at lunch, spent a ton of money out of control and not paid bills, drama, fights, I don't need to keep listing this.... It was just crazy. And my while a lot of my nights would start out with crazy fun, many would end in tears and drama or whatever.
I'm a bit confused by some people's questioning that I didn't really drink that much or have a problem.
Anyone else here a closet drinker or can comment on this experience?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 46
Golden, I'm a closet drinker and only a select few know the extent of my drinking. They are all alkies that know the extent I go to at times.
I can relate with others that only see me have 1-2, that is after I had a 6pack or more before I drink the 1-2.
It is a horrible way to live.
Best of luck
I can relate with others that only see me have 1-2, that is after I had a 6pack or more before I drink the 1-2.
It is a horrible way to live.
Best of luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 375
I can relate with others that only see me have 1-2, that is after I had a 6pack or more before I drink the 1-2.
I just find it a little frustrating because I don't want to reveal that to these people or anyone, but my simple answer doesn't seem to satisfy them.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Victoria
Posts: 143
I was a closet drinker also and it was only my immediate family who knew how unmanagable my life had become, drinking daily, hidden away inside my home, not even my best friend of 40 yrs knew how out of control l was.
I didn't need any-one to tell me l needed help and needed to stop drinking, l knew without a doubt.
When l told my mother-in-law l am an alcoholic her reply was
"you can't be you don't get violent" god bless her
I didn't need any-one to tell me l needed help and needed to stop drinking, l knew without a doubt.
When l told my mother-in-law l am an alcoholic her reply was
"you can't be you don't get violent" god bless her
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
They are only going with what they know. If you aren't willing to reveal the extent of your problem, you better get used to their not understanding or you will continue to be confused and frustrated.
Be willing to accept that it isn't important that they understand. You understand you have a problem and are dealing with it. Kudos to you for recognizing that.
Be willing to accept that it isn't important that they understand. You understand you have a problem and are dealing with it. Kudos to you for recognizing that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 81
Hi,
Ive had people tell me I didn't have a problem. I hid it well from my family, and Im still not sure they understand. Now that Im going on 7 months of sobriety, I am telling more and more people that Im an alcoholic. Once I started looking at this as a life or death situation, I stopped caring what people thought of my decision to quit drinking. Im naturally a shy and anxious person, and its hard to tell people, but I feel relieved after I do.
Ive had people tell me I didn't have a problem. I hid it well from my family, and Im still not sure they understand. Now that Im going on 7 months of sobriety, I am telling more and more people that Im an alcoholic. Once I started looking at this as a life or death situation, I stopped caring what people thought of my decision to quit drinking. Im naturally a shy and anxious person, and its hard to tell people, but I feel relieved after I do.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I was a big time closet drinker. In fact I used to keep my booze in the closet when visiting my parents and I would actually drink in the closet...lol
I don't discuss my not drinking with people and very few people ask and no one has pushed really. I just say "I don't drink" end of story. The only people who I might owe an explanation have not broached the subject.
If they are challenging your decision I would try and avoid the topic...if they wont drop it...I would probably think about spending time with them.
I don't discuss my not drinking with people and very few people ask and no one has pushed really. I just say "I don't drink" end of story. The only people who I might owe an explanation have not broached the subject.
If they are challenging your decision I would try and avoid the topic...if they wont drop it...I would probably think about spending time with them.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 638
I was a closet drinker as well so I get that feeling.
Ironically tonight at jiujitsu I told someone that I do not drink at all and he asked if it was because of morals. I explained that I have a problem with it after a very dark time in my life. He knew of this dark time and was trying to tell me that I don't have a problem and would hate to see me deny myself drinking for the rest of my life. Now I regret telling him, I guess that as a non alcoholic he just doesn't get it.....Oh well. I do and that is what really matters when it all comes down to it.
Ironically tonight at jiujitsu I told someone that I do not drink at all and he asked if it was because of morals. I explained that I have a problem with it after a very dark time in my life. He knew of this dark time and was trying to tell me that I don't have a problem and would hate to see me deny myself drinking for the rest of my life. Now I regret telling him, I guess that as a non alcoholic he just doesn't get it.....Oh well. I do and that is what really matters when it all comes down to it.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 65
Yes, yes, yes, Goldengirl! As a huge introvert, I know I keep a lot to myself without intending to do so.
When I made my amends to a coworker for always coming in hungover, she told me that she had absolutely no clue that I a) was always hungover and b) struggled with my drinking. I found that quite funny, because I was hungover A LOT!
I spent the first 6 months of my sobriety trying to convince my husband and family that I was an alcoholic. I much prefered to drink alone because it seemed that anytime I drank with other people, I would do or say something I would regret. So to an extent, they didn't know how bad my drinking had gotten. Except of course for my husband, who lived with me. He, however, accused me of exaggerting my drinking so I could fit in with the alkies.
If they were to accept that I was an alcoholic, then they would have to look at their drinking, which they were unwilling to do. Anyway, I've finally come to realize that I am powerless over what they think I am or am not. I know that I an alcoholic, and that is all that matters.
Those close to me know why I don't drink, but I don't go around telling my past to everyone I meet, so not everyone knows that I'm an alcoholic. Sometimes I get some grief from people about this, and sure, it's annoying. However, it's not worth me stewing over. I can't control what they think about me, so I choose to let it go. Today, my life is good, and I know it is because of my sobriety, so I'm not going to let what some people think about me get in the way of me living a happy, full life.
When I made my amends to a coworker for always coming in hungover, she told me that she had absolutely no clue that I a) was always hungover and b) struggled with my drinking. I found that quite funny, because I was hungover A LOT!
I spent the first 6 months of my sobriety trying to convince my husband and family that I was an alcoholic. I much prefered to drink alone because it seemed that anytime I drank with other people, I would do or say something I would regret. So to an extent, they didn't know how bad my drinking had gotten. Except of course for my husband, who lived with me. He, however, accused me of exaggerting my drinking so I could fit in with the alkies.
If they were to accept that I was an alcoholic, then they would have to look at their drinking, which they were unwilling to do. Anyway, I've finally come to realize that I am powerless over what they think I am or am not. I know that I an alcoholic, and that is all that matters.
Those close to me know why I don't drink, but I don't go around telling my past to everyone I meet, so not everyone knows that I'm an alcoholic. Sometimes I get some grief from people about this, and sure, it's annoying. However, it's not worth me stewing over. I can't control what they think about me, so I choose to let it go. Today, my life is good, and I know it is because of my sobriety, so I'm not going to let what some people think about me get in the way of me living a happy, full life.
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